so turns out a fundamental difference between me and my dad is I believe the evil of the world is billionaires, and he believes the evil of the world is queer people
was at a bts festa party with some bffs and a new person and we were talking about our biases and whether there were any patterns or types. The host very emphatically tells the new person my type is "bisexual he/thems".
just lying awake at night thinking about how management dropped news of a major change at 4pm the Friday before a holiday weekend with only one week's notice before it's implemented
my place of employment is seriously offering a lower level management position for $17/hour USD. Like seriously??? I make more than that being in charge of no one! This place is a joke.
no dude it's so cool how attached you are to that character who is singled out and ostracized due to the external monstrousness that clashes with their internal spark of humanity. and i love how drawn you are to themes of horror and love, nature versus nurture, otherness, isolation, and the abject. i bet you have normal feelings about your own personhood
i could use some motivation. a bit of cheering on if you will. but i say things or post things even to my friends and family and i get crickets! it's like I'm fucking invisible in my own life. I'm tired.
it's all been downhill since Heeseung and that started us in hell. I have a house full of empty frames because I had enhypen posters up but I don't even want to look at them anymore.
the bts comeback was underwhelming and the txt comeback was boring. I'm sorry, but i was extremely disappointed on both counts. it's not like i want to dislike any of their music.
now cube cancelled the NA i-dle tour with no apparent statement. regardless of the reason i think just a statement is warranted. these companies are allergic to accountability.
something of a soft launch of an idea that's been rattling around in my head since finishing the mha anime last year. in short i'm selfish and i want a better ending for touya. so i've been slowly working with what i think will end up being a series of vignettes (?) and scenes from different members of the todoroki family's POV (probably not much, if any, of enji) as they navigate life with a former villain in the house.
anyway, the first part
characters: Rei Todoroki, doctor OC, rest of family mentioned
some vague mentions of medical stuff
words: 1,639
Rei Todoroki might not have normally noticed the buzz of fluorescent lights overhead, but as she sits at the metal table across from the hospital director, her ears focus on the sound in an attempt to drown out the silence. He slides a stack of papers towards her and places a pen beside it, next to her hand.
“We just need your signature at the bottom here,” he says.
She’s seen so many doctors and cops lately she’s learning their names and personalities as if they’d been friends. For months it seemed like their lives were an endless police interview. They came to question Enji about Touya, Shouto about Enji, herself and Fuyumi about Touya and Enji, and what felt like everyone else who had ever entered their home for all the dirty details on her family life. Natsuo kept true to his word and hadn’t called. As much as she wanted to talk to him, she respected his decision. She trusted he would reach out when was ready, if that day ever came. Some hearts healed more slowly than others. Sometimes the scars stayed forever.
The man in front of her has a round face and wears a slight smile, but behind his glasses his eyes are cold. The agreement between them isn’t something to take lightly. The weight of his words carry a finality, and she knows this is the culmination of weeks of negotiations, proposals and treatment plans. Still, she wants to hear him say everything out loud.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
The doctor, Nishiyama, leans back in the steel chair, his hands resting on the table in front of him, fingertips together. His skin glows a light blue just for a second until he pulls them apart.
“The procedures are, to be short, extremely experimental. What we’d like to try involves a combination of quirk factors concerning cell regeneration, rapid tissue growth, physical reversals. Some will be performed by the doctors here, others through a series of medications.”
Rei’s eyes narrow. She has heard enough to hear what this good doctor isn’t saying. Garaki may have been a madman, a heinous villain, but ignoring his research would be folly when his work could set the medical field ahead by decades. He’d rebuilt this same body before, after all. She is more surprised at the implication of drugs made from quirks. Hadn’t Shouto’s friend been involved in stopping a villain making drugs like that?
If there was any chance to test morally grey methods, it might as well be on a villain. Nothing lost if things go wrong.
“You mean to use my son as an experiment,” she says. “A test subject.”
“I think we can all agree that leaving him in his current state is nothing short of cruel,” Nishiyama continues. “And I won’t deny that the trial procedures on such an extreme case presents a unique and unmatched opportunity. This may become a beacon of hope for many, many people. But, there is a high chance of failure.”
Failure. That word again. She hears it repeated in Touya’s voice.
He was never the failure. She was. She failed to protect him.
“When we see a way to save a life, no matter what, no matter who, we have to take it. That’s what divides heroes from villains,” Nishiyama says.
She lifts the top page from the pile and skims it over. That strict dichotomy society clings to, villain and hero, good and bad, is no longer a measure for morality as far as she’s concerned. Behind closed doors, the true nature of humans is all muddled, pleasant things growing along with the rotten.
“I think what I mean to say is, why are you asking for my signature? Surely it’s not my permission you need. He’s a-” She pauses with the words “grown man” stuck in her throat. Maybe it’s because she was robbed of seeing him mature through his teenage years, maybe it’s because the things he screamed that day, bathed in fire, were the words of a child.
“He’s of age,” she settles on.
Dr. Nishiyama chuckles. “You are listed as his next of kin, but you are quite right. We need his consent to begin the procedure. What this concerns is what happens afterwards, should we prove successful.”
“After? I would have assumed that should he live, he would be sent to Tartarus.”
“He...” Nishiyama pauses. “Should they succeed in any capacity, or even if everything goes perfectly, he will be in need of care. Physical rehabilitation, psychological counselling, most likely for the rest of his life, however long that may be. The resources required will likely be more than Tartarus, or any prison for that matter, is prepared to offer.”
Rei lingers on prepared, mulling over the meaning. It couldn’t be that they were incapable. Plenty of horribly injured villains ended up there. Villains without limbs, without their quirks, without hope.
They don’t want to. That’s what it is. That’s what this is all about. Caring for such a damaged man will take more time and money than the government is willing to spend. Why should they use the money of peaceful civilians, people who might even be victims of the League of Villains, to prolong the life of one of its members. She understands fully. Everything was fine when the promise of his remaining time was only months or weeks, but the prospect of years is too much.
“What does that mean then? For us?”
“We’d release him into your care,” Nishiyama says. “Provided you are willing to agree to these terms. He will need to be constantly supervised, and a security system must be installed on your property to ensure he stays there. Psychologist visits to be determined following evaluation. Medical care and security to be provided by yourselves.”
“I see.”
“This is still all pending, of course.” Nishiyama says. “If he survives, first. And secondly, he will have to be approved by the rehabilitation board.”
Rei stiffens and replaces the paper.
“Shouldn’t the order be the other way around? Why bother trying to put him back together if he is denied later on?”
Nishiyama nods in validation of the question. “The rehab board requires an interview, which will be more intense and long than he’s currently able to handle. We do have high hopes for him, though. We wouldn’t even offering this if we didn’t think there was any chance.”
“A chance?”
“Because he has expressed remorse.”
Rei flips through the papers, taking it all in. If only everything were that simple. A small wish and single word can’t fix everything. They can’t fix most things.
“What happens to him if he fails their interview?”
“If he’s well enough to do the interview,” Nishiyama says, “he’ll go to Tartarus and receive minimal care. I can’t promise anything, to be honest with you. He might not even make it to that point. The goal today is to make sure we’ll all in order in the slight possibility we achieve the best case scenario.”
Rei looks down at the prospects in front of her. So many things are out of her hands, and she doesn’t like it. An uneasy knot tightens in her stomach. She’s tired of just hoping for the best, and though she had prayed for a miracle, she should have expected it to come with so many conditions. At the same time, Touya was holding on longer than they thought he would. As long as he was still here, still breathing, she could believe that fate had something more in mind for him.
She signs the document without any grand gesture, sets the pen on top of the stack and slides it back to Dr. Nishiyama.
“This is just in case, then,” she says.
“Correct.” Nishiyama offers a small smile. “Your family has been through a lot, I know. I hate to get your hopes up, so please remember that-”
“The chances of success are slim,” Rei finishes. “I understand. I can’t say my hopes are up, Doctor. I don’t know how to feel, to be frank. I still don’t know if keeping him alive in that machine was the correct choice. I don’t know if all this time it was right, or our own selfishness.”
She stands and collects her purse which had been slung over the back of the chair.
“If there’s nothing else?”
“We should be all set.” Nishiyama also stands. “I’ll walk you out then.”
“Thank you.”
The click of her heels echoes on the tile floor. Everything is white, clean and smooth. Despite herself she envisions cracks forming in the walls, dirt smeared across the floor, deep red gashes like the burns that marred all of their skin. She shakes her head to knock the thought out.
“I notice, doctor,” she says. “We never discussed the possibility that I would not agree to the terms. That I’d refuse to take him back into my house.”
Nishiyama turns to her, and eyebrow raised.
“I didn’t wish to offend you by suggesting it.”
Somehow, that’s a relief. Despite her own mistakes, the doctor still looks at her as a mother whose love is unconditional. Tested, tried and pushed to the brink, but in the end, there was no possibility she’d say no to whatever tiny chance there might have been to bring her child home.
They reach the door and she pushes it open. With one step out into the sunlight, she turns back to Nishiyama.
“One more question, doctor,” she says.
“Yes?”
“Did Touya consent to go through with this?”
“As he is an adult, I’m not able to discuss the details of his medical care.” Nishiyama turns to walk away, but stops. He looks back at her with a smile. “If and when he’s ready for visitors, I’ll call you.”
logged out of all my instagram accounts except for i guess the "professional", tired of seeing kids online fight about dumb shit. same reason i deleted twitter (it was even still twitter then)
now when teenagers are posting it's treated like serious business and everyone is looking at it. when we were posting cringe shit on deviantart it wasn't getting youtube videos dedicated to the drama. no one saw it except other dumb kids.
we keep making children and people who do nothing famous.
i was having a nightmare that belift lab was retconning the todoroki family and i woke up and had to remember mha isn't dark moon and they can't do that
One should always have at least 2 craft projects going. That way, when one of them is messed up and misbehaving, you can switch to another, and let the first one sit there and think about what it's done.
Sometimes (oftentimes), when a creative project is "misbehaving," it's because it is tired, and overstimulated, and just needs a time out to rest -- like toddlers often need.
And sometimes, you should give your creative projects time to talk to each other, as well as to you.
origamiaround
germansingergirl
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
yousharknotpass
kianamaiart
