I feel crazy when people base their understanding of transness on "trans women are the exact same gender as cis women and trans men are the exact same gender as cis men" because that's literally not how transness works. By default.
Trans women ARE women and trans men ARE men (let's not piss on the poor, please), but we are not the exact same gender as our cis counterparts in a parallel way to how black people aren't the exact same gender as their white counterparts. Those identities fundamentally alter the way society in general (and, by extention, the people we interact with in our daily lives) reads, genders and treats us. It alters our very material realities. That's a basic premise of intersectional feminism, the core of the critic black feminism brought to mainstream white feminism. The whole point of oppositional sexism, cissexism, mysoginoir, perisexism and exorcexism is making us believe that there's only Two Correct Ways to exist, which are the patriarchal colonial ones, and we're supposed to be going fully against that, not rewriting it in woke language. Hell, there was a point in gender theory when people would argue that not even two cis perisex white women would share the exact same gender. And I feel like that's definitely more realistic than saying every individual that share a gender label is The Same.
I've also seen more than one post on here claiming that trans people (especially transmascs) who consider their pre-transition experiences or their reproductive organs when talking about their realities are misgendering themselves. And in the train of thought I'm following in this post, denying those parts of ourselves is closer to misgendering than aknowledging them could ever be. And that does not mean saying that trans women grow up as fully patriarchal men who benefit from male privilege. In fact, I'm saying the exact opposite. Because if we aknowledge that there are many ways in which a person can be read (wrongfully or rightfully) as a man, and that patriarchy defends only one of those ways and punishes all the rest, then we aknowledge that if you're not a man, but were put into that box when you were born, you were read as "the wrong kind of men" and punished for it. And then transition to "the wrong kind of women" and also punished for it. Alternatively, trans men are read as "the wrong kind of women" and then "the wrong kind of men" and punished for both as well. We (trans people of all kinds) are always "the wrong kind" of any gender and that's why we have more in common than we think, despite the different ways trasphobia manifests.
And, trust me, I understand how hard that can be to hear when you're very disphoric, but that's actually the path that frees us all. Because we're only going to be free when gendered expectations aren't a thing anymore and we can be genuinely ourselves without feeling pressured (or threatened, really) to go one way or the other only because that's what the patriarchy wants us to do or else.
