thereās been a lot going on and iāve been kinda quiet on here because of it but i feel that during a rare time when i have some time to myself iām going to take this time to reflect.
So here I am in a new year with a lot of changes happeningĀ
1) Iām about to complete on a new flat with RĀ
This is some hella scurry shit. Iāve basically decided I am spending my Ā life with this person. I just know one day we will be wife and wife and I actually canāt wait for it to happen. The first step is this flat. Weāre in the final stages of the purchase so I feel pretty secure in it right now and Iām super excited to be realising all of my pinterest dreams soon. Itās going to be a lot of work but I think it will also be a lot of fun so fingers crossed it all works out - Iāll be updating soon.Ā
2) I passed my mother fucking probation at my new job which = I am now in my first full time permanent real life job EVER in an industry I actually want to work in
This has been a major win for me. Anyone that knows me well knows that my career has been a serious stressor in my life. I spent 4 years in retail after I finished university and I absolutely hated it. Minimum wage, shitty customers, anti-social hours - honestly, I have serious respect for people that make retail their career because it is by far one of the toughest and least rewarding places to be in especially in certain areas. During this time I worked for free for one year which included moving to the other side of the world and then managed to hook myself up with bits of work and eventually this hella awesome role with hella awesome people that I really fucking love. I feel so lucky to be in this position and I canāt wait to grow in it and for things to get even better.
3) R and I are in an amazing place
Our relationship has been really rocky at times and that is mainly due to me. I have not been the best girlfriend. In fact, Iām sure sometimes I have been the worst.Ā
Last year I was a super dick and I basically got the most serious verbal bitch slap to the face which actually knocked a whole lot of sense into me. I finally appreciate the amazing woman I have by my side. She is literally the definition ofĀ āride or dieā and I am so fucking lucky to be with her. Now that Iāve stopped barricading myself off behind aĀ āprotectiveā but really actually quite destructive wall and really believe someone can love me and not have a hidden agenda (yeah, fuck you abusive shitty fucking ex) itās made a world of difference to us and we have never been happier.Ā
I feel that the years 23/24 - 27 have really been a blur, and I donāt mean that because theyāve gone so fast. I actually feel like they never happened and I think thatās because I was so amazingly depressed. I donāt think Iāve ever really gone into the details here on how depression has affected me over the years but those around me have seen it and have definitely felt it and, itās only now where Iāve probably been in the longest up phase of the cycle in a while, that I can see where I was and where I am now. For 3-4 years I was anxious, scared, angry tired, slow, confused, trapped and really lonely and I finally feel now i can breathe. I finally feel like I can meet new people without being drunk. I finally feel like I can be truly confident. I finally feel like I can love and be loved. I finally feel like I can go out and experience new things. I finally feel like I am myself again, and Iāve really missed me. I have a good feeling about what is to come and Iām so looking forward to all of the fun I have planned. I plan to grab life by the horns whilst I can and really make the most of everything. Iām just really really happy and Iām going to appreciate every moment of this.Ā
There are a few more things but writing this is making me a bit sleepy and I would love to have a lie down and a relax now. Anyway, I thought it would be cool to post a positive update esp. as so much of my blog has been negative. Itās always good to shout about the good things. Iām just so thankful to all of the awesome people both IRL and online who have helped me out over the years and have so much love for them for helping me get to where Iām at now.Ā
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