Songs and Stuff

My name is Ben Silver and sometimes I make things.

[thisisbensilver]

Hi! Where is Ben Silver?

This account was a decoy from my days working in a high school...

so I don’t use it much these days. I’m mostly on Tiktok and Twitter

You can always keep up with me on https://linktr.ee/thisisbensilver

[thisisbensilver]

Replying to @whaleyyyy191 So glad I could clear this up! #tolerant #intolerant #tolerance #paradoxoftolerance #karlpopper #lgbtqia #protectt

Peace and nonviolence are not a promise.

They are a treaty- part of our social contract.

And if you violate the terms of our treaty, our treaty no longer applies to you or protects you.

That is the “Paradox of Tolerance…” that in order to construct a tolerant society, we necessarily cannot tolerate one thing- Intolerance.

Because, allowed to run amok unchallenged, it will cannibalize and consume the entire system.

If you attack someone for being Gay or Trans or whatever, and that person defends themself against you with incredible violence, those are not the same thing.

One of them is an immune response.

It is the system protecting itself, because the system has a right to preserve itself in the same way that if I discover I have cancer, I'm gonna burn the cancerous cells right the fuck out of my body, even though I'm generally in favor of life, because those cells have decided to attack the system.

Being a fascist or a bigot or a Nazi or whatever- those are acts of violence, in and of themselves.

And so those people need to be burned out of society.

[thisisbensilver]

I just want some thunderstorms.

[thisisbensilver]

1) The first thing I ever burned was a candle and as I sat there pondering the dancing wick, I learned that there is meditation in observing.

2) Next, there were leaves and bits of paper; scraps and boxes. I sat there with a magnifying glass and watched a hole appear with glowing orange edges that became black and gray as it expanded. I learned that there is a power in focussing.

3) I burned chemicals and powders that shined in strange and brilliant colors. From them I learned that there is beauty in hiding and that I can find it. From them I learned that beautiful things can hurt you, too.

4) There were logs to be burned. Stacked in precise arrangements, and partner to food and music. I learned that there is warmth in camaraderie.

5) When a wound was opened in my skin there was loss. By searing it closed, I healed. I learned that healing can be painful.

6) Time and time again I saw a spark that started a fire that consumed everything it touched. I fell in love and I learned that there was a spark in my chest.

7) If a fire has no more fuel, it will burn out.

8) To escape a toxic environment (as much in my head as in reality) I burned a bridge. Again, I learned that healing can be painful.

9) Oh but I had forgotten- Something I learned at the very start with that candle- A fire must be controlled. If you cannot extinguish a fire that fire will extinguish you.

10) I walked on coals. I walked on coals that were hotter than fires. I walked on coals that were hotter than fires and did not get burned. I learned that there is balance.

11) So now I know that a fire has to be stoked, a fire has to be cared for, a fire has to be controlled, a fire has to be extinguished. A fire is bright. A fire is hot. A fire is dangerous but a fire provides safety.

12) I learned all of this and I thought “I am a fire.”

13) I burned out.

14) "I was wrong," I thought. But now I know better.

15) I am a spark.

[johndarnielle]

When your hands start bleeding, why the hell do you keep playing?

The show must go on!

[thisisbensilver]

One time, eiffelart drew this portrait of me and it is awesome. You should check out his illustrations and probably buy some for yourself.

[thisisbensilver]

Yesterday, I kissed a girl who tasted like wine and almonds. We made a fire as an excuse for S'mores, and S'mores as an excuse for a fire. We watched the sky until the night air was much too cold. Today, I road a bicycle much farther than I thought I could ride a bicycle, today. I spent forty dollars on fruit.

[humansofnewyork]

"I’m not bragging or anything, but I’m no ordinary dude. I know I look like an old fart rolling around the neighborhood. But I used to be a model in GQ. And I was on that show, Flipper. And one time, a famous photographer took a portrait of me and hung it in the Brooklyn Museum. He titled it ‘The Old Master." “Master of what?” “Bullshit, I guess.”

[thisisbensilver]

There is a girl I sometimes kiss Who thinks I'll grow to be like this

[thisisbensilver]

The funniest thing in the world is seeing a post where someone says something really dumb and gets called out on it and there are like 150,000 notes and you click on the original dumb person's name and you get a "The URL you requested could not be found."

[thisisbensilver]

This song by cassandragracemusic is really messing with my head right now.

Saw a girl at the hospital  She was beautiful, I wondered what was wrong with her.  She said "People say I've hurt them, I think I hurt me too  But the bruises that I left myself are not black or blue  They're inside  Some sort of parasite."  Her eyes were bright but empty, her hair a faded gold  Her embrace must have been warm once  But her hands were freezing cold.  She said, "Please don't tell the doctor,  But I ate nothing today.  I've got no problem with my body, I just want to waste away.  I deserve to waste away.  I deserve to waste away."  I deserve to waste away.  She's fallen in love twice, she said, or maybe more like three  "One was distant, one was sweet, and I think one was just like me  But they all left me stranded for some other girls they saw  ones who didn't come with sadness, ugly problems or the flaws." She said, "They're all beautiful  And that's something I can't be."

[thisisbensilver]

One time I accidentally insulted Frank Turner and Frank Turner heard me and I still feel bad…he’s a really nice dude.

[thisisbensilver]

It was raining. It had been raining for hours.

The air was thick with the fog of water evaporated as it had hit the ground.

I wasn’t looking for it, and I didn’t quite expect to find it, but I did.

It was a small cemetery in a backwoods town on the Connecticut Wine Trail.

As I walked toward it, the monument seemed wholly unremarkable, but as I turned to face it properly, I noticed something strange.

The other markers were erected slightly to it’s side, as if to clear a pathway to this one stone.

I closed the distances and ran my fingers over the chiseled face of granite. 

It was hard to read the words; they were worn and the stone was wet.

What I could make out I read, and it briefly told of a man.

Almost unconsciously, as I traced the letters with a gentle finger, I brushed away some moss at the base of the stone.

In a thick but simple lettering, I could read a phrase.

Standing in the rain, I could not help but to tear up at the thought of this man. This one, single man, who could matter so much to an ever increasing group that would never know the sound of his voice.

-SACRIFICE AND SECRET ZEAL AND TRUTH-

I read it twice more.

And then I left.

[thisisbensilver]

Climb High

Too many years ago, a very special girl gave me something. She might not even remember. It wasn’t a grand gift, but rather, an afterthought.

We were cleaning and packing her room. She was going away to college. She was one year my senior.

In her room, she found a carabiner. She said something like, “Hey, would you want this?” And I said, “I don’t know, sure.” She tossed it to me.

It was one of those “not for climbing,” keychain ones. It was patterned with a teal and black camouflage design. On one side, in deep etching, it read, “CLIMB HIGH.”

I say “was” because over the years, I used it daily. It held my keys, it held my weight (while I was climbing buildings I shouldn’t have been climbing). It was well used. The colors rubbed off in a peculiar pattern where it would brush my hip. It was my constant companion.

It meant a great deal to me, for many reasons. It was a constant reminder of her. We were not in love, as you may have guessed, but I do love her. She was one of my first real friends and is still the longest.

I would run my finger over the letters in an absentminded habit. It inspired me in both a figurative and literal sense.

CLIMB HIGH

I pushed to become a better person.

CLIMB HIGH

I scaled a wall and onto a rooftop

CLIMB HIGH

I tried to make things better whenever I could.

After many years of active use, the spring has given way. It is now just a metal hook, but it has hooked itself into my being. It kept me going.

I should tell that girl how much it has meant to me.

[thisisbensilver]

How interesting it is to see the tension that displays In the faintest flicker of each muscle hiding in your face And how curious to notice just the slightest relaxation To widen eyes and loosen lips for softest exhalation And how almost infinitesimal- the waver on your feet That cascades up to your shoulders through the smallest shift of weight How eagerly encompassing, those motions in your face, That read like so much poetry in the breath before embrace.

[visceral-ity]

BEN SILVER IS HERE AND HIS SONGS ARE SO LOVELY DEAR GOD

[thisisbensilver]

=D

[thisisbensilver]

One time, we went to see the Blue Man Group and our seats were in the front row. We figured that we wouldn’t put our ponchos on, so we could get our t-shirts painted as a cool trophy.

TURNS OUT it was the tour they decided to switch from paint to banana mush

[thisisbensilver]

How may times have heavens promised favours never kept And while I waited wakefully through promise have they slept?

Achelois, Celeste, Selene, I heard your voices take Vows upon the midnight earth, how easily they break.

I've worshipped, now, too long, the goddess of the night time skies I've kept her strictest confidence but no longer she replies

Silent, cold, companion, I will claim the night as mine Since my ears have been so long to hear the whispers of divine

How many wistful words were offered, how often whistled tune? I have no quarrel, now, with waging war upon the Moon.