uh oh my heart is skipping beats im falling in love all over again
i could talk about him for hours. im laying in bed and kicking my feet. i can hear my heartbeatm my face is burning. all i can think about is him. oh gods.
i've been going on and on about his eyes, but that's not the only thing. of course it isn't.
his hands, covered in callouses, they were bigger than mine but they were always so cold. i loved warming them up in my own. to the best of my ability, of course, i had to use two hands to cover one of his. but it worked so we stay winning.
his hair- even though he always styled it to look more "white passing" because everyone was racist as fuck in the 30s- was so delightfully curly. i loved learning how he took care of it, and helping him when he needed it. hell, even just petting him- aaugh. god. im.
this was what it looked like when he didn't do anything to it. this isn't perfectly accirate, but i'm doing my best. it's 3:50 am and i'm blushing and smiling like an idiot.
he smoked a lot, and nowadays i wouldn't let him- but. still. the smell of smoke still gets to me- i like to imagine he's around the corner on his smoke break, grumblijg about something or other.
his voice- oh, gods his voice- it was so coarse, so rough. it feels like everything about him was, at least at first glance. when he woke up in the morning? oh my god. oh my God. don't even get me started i'll freakin' die
his nose (i know, weird thing to like-) was beautiful. like his side profile could kill me im gonna be honest. it was prominent, and perfect for kissing. just a little peck on the tip of it yk
oh geez i've already typed so much and im not done lmao
oh did you know he'd hum- and simg sometimes, when he was drunk or thought he was alone? there was so much soul in his voice it was beautiful. if u need examples please listen to tom's diner (perfectly named might i add)
you'll know what i mean as soon as u hear it. trust me.
for being such a heavy smoker i'm surprised he could do that. but, honestly, i'm not complaining.
he smelled like oil, grease, smoke and ink. and yknow what? at first it was bad. but then it started to grow on me. thats what my boyf smells like! and i love my boyf!!!
and when all of that was gone, he smelled wonderful. i don't know how to describe it. it was comfortable, it was warm, it was cozy. i can remember it so vividly i wish i could draw this but i cant. cos. yknow. its a smell
his lips were so. oh godddddddddduh i cant. oh mygoodnedss. first of all, awfully good kisser. which was really nice but embarassed the hell out of me cos i had no clue how. i thought it was just pressing lips together and that's it. obviously he corrected that very quickly but still
he didn't show it but man he was a big softie. he just had trouble expressing his emotions because he was a black man in the 20's-50's and was raised to "be a man" or whatever. but everyone was so impatient with him it made me so sad. it still does. he deserved to be understood. and now all my friends (ex coworkers) hate him but whatever. he's mine and they'd just be jealous anyways <3
he was prone to lose his temper but he never laid a hand on me. worst it ever got was punching a hole through the studio walls, but to be fair, joey was a bitch and was really good at pressing every button on that man. i think that was the day joey threatened thomas with my life (wow thanks) if he quit. which sucked. i wish thomas quit. he deserved to move on from that hellhole.
anyways. we picked on eachother a lot, daily banter and such, but some people took that as us fighting all the time. we weren't. that was basically us flirting and it was so awesome
i was a dork-ass, he was college-boy. you can tell which one of us was better at name-calling.
anyways. i've been writing an essay. and im just. my heart keeps fluttering in my chest. he made me feel like the specialest boy in the world. i hope he knew that to me, he was
his family was so nice. he was the youngest of 6, with 5 older brothers. he had a pittie named buster, and he was a sweetheart. later, a beagle named maddie. she was just a doll.
thomas made buster a bandanna. by hand. it was so fucking cute i aaaagh. he acted like it was no big deal and just said "well, i don't want him to be cold." he was adorable. i love this man. i love my boyfriend!!!!!!!
holy shit i've been typing for 30 mins. i could go for longer.
... im gonna go for longer. SORRY I KNOW THIS IS A LOT OF WORDS BUT I NEED IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM IN GONNA EXPLODE INTO CONFETTI. THIS PART IS COLORED FOR BOOKMARKING PURPOSES
anyways. his ears would blush the hardest when he got flustered. it was so so cute i cant. he was perfect. i adored him
one time he came home drunk and he confused a mirror for another man and he woke me up and was so upset like. :( whys there another guy in the house.. and when i went with him cos i was like WHAT DO YOU MEAN (<-thought someone broke in) and giggled when i saw him pointing at our full length mirror. he had to doubke take when he saw my reflection, too, and then got very embarassed. he got extra cuddles that night tho <3
my sweet boy. i want to hold his face in my hands again. i wanna watch him melt and relax into me. i wanna pet him for a bit, watch tv, just.. exist. next to him. i think about him all the time augh
haha its 4:20 am blaze it amirite
tbh i wanna smoke weed with him. i think he'd benifit from it. and. yknow. other stuff but shhhh this is a wholesome post
did you know we had multiple fistfights? the first one was insode the studio, i think i started it, then it escalated into a scuffle. the only thing that stopped us was a pipe breaking, and covering us both in ink.
another time it was after a work party- why did we even have work parties? they were insane. i think joey wanted to woo some more investors with it but like... all the staff was just like hell yeah booze. me included, Once.
i was. way more lightweight than i was aware of. i had a drink or two, and already i couldn't stand up straight. you know what i decided to do??
challenge good ol' tommy to a fistfight. in the parking lot. right now. let's go. you and me. right now
i lost. miserably. he picked me up as soon as i tried taking off my sweater vest. he didn't have time for me, he was gonna take me home, i needed to be taken home.
of course i somehow convinced him to stay with me, at my flat, which was very much falling apart and run-down. i think that's when the whole, uh, romantic tension thing started. i kissed him on the cheek before passing out. he had no fucking clue what to do. he just kinda stared at me, who was very much now asleep, and just decided to go home. he had a dog to feed, and he had to process that.
a few months later, he's overworked, we're both working overtime. we aren't getting paid anyways, so we're slacking off a little. he was exhausted, sleep-ridden, and he just. stops working on his paperwork, calls me over from across the hall, and once i'm in his office, he gets up. im like, uh oh, what the hell is happening. he turns my face, my chin in his hand, and HE kisses MY cheek. he mumbked something about it being "payback," and immedoately tells me to get back to work. i do my best, but man. i couldnt focus the whole time.
i miss my college boy, man. i hope to find him again some day, but. i don't know if i will. also, if i split an alter of him- that'd be just a little bit weird. given that I'm Very Much Not Black and like idk. also the whole roomate (and roomate's system) hates him because they never took the time to understand him but WHATEVERRRRUH
if you read this far, holy shit. good job. that's a lot of reading some guy being gay. uhhh. bye, i guess? have a cookie ๐ซถ๐ช
