Ā Ā Ā āget your mind out of the gutter,ā he sighed, in mock resignation. this was old ground, trod over many times. sylvain would say something, he would scold him, and the game would start all over again. there was no room for anything that resembled impropriety between them, between their inheritances and destinies. as much as his thoughts lingered on certain aspects of his friend, nothing could happen. to even consider it was an act of cruelty to them both. despite the official lack of rank as students, he was still the prince. the soon to be king. and despite sylvainās own position as the future third most powerful man in faerghus, possibly even the second considering how things were going with felix- there was too much room to be accused of abusing his position.
Ā Ā so, no matter what, chivalry would have to be obeyed. even if that meant pushing down certain thoughts and desires. even if that meant going through the motions of a half joke, half serious topic at three am. there was never going to be anything except king and vassel between them, but by the goddess he was going to do everything in his power to be the perfect king, the king a knight like sylvain deserved. Ā
Ā Ā but by the goddess and all her saints, it was hard.
Ā Ā he tugged his gauntlet off and laid the cold metal to the side, lining it up neatly in the barely lit room. well cared for, but scratched from use and constant wear. when was the last time he had taken them off in the presence of someone? it was hard to recall. he lived his life in a carefully insulated, isolated bubble. all the times where he had to take any of the armor off, he was carefully alone.
Ā Ā except for now, as he peeled the glove from his hand and was confronted with the sight of his own bare skin for the first time in what seemed like days. it still amazed him how pale his own skin was, almost translucent in the moonlight. if he looked carefully, he could see the range of red and blue lines under his skin despite the callouses, despite being a dead man. his fingers almost appeared delicate, as if to try and make up for the brute strength they inflicted on the world.
Ā Ā the glove joined the gauntlet and he carefully slid from where he sat, armor creaking as he moved but somehow softer now, quieter in the dark night. he wasnāt going to make sylvain come to him, and now that he was resolved- the gap between them closed, until he stood not even an armās reach away. far closer than he was usually comfortable with, but it needed touch, and sadly it had been such a long time since the last time he had existed near another person.
Ā Ā and it was sylvain. possibly the only person asides from dedue that he had any real comfort with, despite the gulf that existed between them for so long. a gulf that disappeared as he reached and gently cupped his friendās cheek, thumb brushing fondly over his cheekbone and fingers digging, just for a moment, into the deep red roots of his hair.
Ā Ā there was never going to be anything less than proper between them. but that didnāt mean he couldnāt express some of his fondness, at least.
Ā Ā ādonāt move,ā he murmured, bright blue eyes closing as he took a deep breath. he still wasnāt perfect at this, but that was the point of practice. he breathed, and remembered his lessons. he had no mind for reason, but faith held no similar difficulty for him. light welled on his fingertips and spread where they touched, and for a moment it was as if sylvainās headache became his own; hardly a noticeable difference, really, but he hoped the magic at least lessened it for his friend. one of them, at the very least, deserved a chance at getting some sleep.
Ā Ā āis that any better?ā he asked as he drew back again, stepping out and back to where his glove and gauntlet lay, pulling the pair on once more. it felt good to be protected once more, but sylvainās warmth still lay on his skin, penetrating in a way entirely unexpected. āiām sorry that i cannot do more. mercedes is a fine teacher, but it can be slow going at times.ā
Ā Ā Ā He shrugged, clueless and with mock { innocence }. This kind of of conversation wasnāt unusual for them. They had known one another for years now. Dimitri was privy to his less than savory thoughts and tendencies. Heās been witness, at least, to the results of his behavior more times than he could count. This wasnāt new. It would never be new. Maybe if he { quit }. Maybe if he dropped all of it, them, this would be a strange topic for them to tread on. But he didnāt plan to. There wasnāt much in this world he could fully control, but his reputation and the way people felt when they heard his name roll off of anotherās lips was something he could control. Something he was always going to be able to control. Heād rather personally drag his name through the mud until it was { bloody } and beaten than have someone else do it for him.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Besides, the alternative had his eyes wandering towards Dimitri, and he had { swallowed } that urge years ago. Or well, had tried to and managed to enough for this 3am visit to his dorm room not to bing anything rushing back to the forefront of his aching mind. Or, at least, that was what he was telling himself as he watched the prince undo hisĀ gauntlets while wondering, exactly, where this was going. but not questioning him behind his earlier remark. Which, frankly, had been more along the lines of { flirting } than it had been wondering what the hell Dimitri wanted to practice in his room at three in the morning that wasnāt, well, you know, because this was Dimitri and, therefore, it was most clearly {Ā not }Ā where his mind instantly wanted to assume.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā But someone tell him how, exactly, he wasnāt supposed to entertain such thoughts when Dimitri stood and and strode over to him, closing the careful distance he had had tried to maintain since childhood for his own stupid and { selfish } reasons - close enough that his throbbing headache was almost entirely forget. Close enough that he could feel the other manās breath upon his bare skin. And more than close enough to make his heart begin to { race } despite his best efforts to stop it from doing just that. And he had to remind himself, once again, that this was Dimitri. Of course it was. Had it been anyone else he wouldnāt have felt the same ache in his chest or the same agony in his heart at this closeness. Had it been anyone else, he would have felt { nothing } at all.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā But the warmth of his hand upon his skin as his calloused thumb brushes over his cheek. The sensation of his stiff fingers digging into his messy hair. The gentleness of that { tender } touch. All of it might as well be a form of a torture to him. Goddess above could the prince be cruel sometimes, but he remained still regardless of the { storm } brewing within the wicked, cluttered confines of his own vile head. Because these thoughts were nothing more than his own personal { fantasy } and, much like with every other aspect of his life, his own thoughts and desires had never mattered much at all. They were dreams of things he could never have. Of a person who could never and would never belong to him.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āWhatever you say, your highness.ā Somehow, his voice doesnāt strain or { crack } as he speaks - years of practice and self-loathing could go a long way, he supposes. When Dimitri closed his eyes, he couldnāt help but stare. Stare at the firm set of his jaw. At the crisp lines of his cheekbones. At his eyelashes. At his lips. And, there, they { linger } a bit too long. But the sensation - the warmth of the magic as it seemed into his scalp pulled his mind away from such thoughts. So this is what he meant. This is what he wanted to practice. He doesnāt have the heart to tell him his headache has been replaced by a { broken } heart.Ā Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā A smile graced his tired features and he felt his muscles relax as Dimitri stepped away from him, but the { longing } remained. And his skin felt { cold } where Dimitriās hand had once been.Ā āY-Yeah, a lot better.ā Heās surprised faith magic is something heās interested in learning, then again, the more he thinks about it the more sense it ends up making.Ā āShe is, but youāre doing well. What made you want to learn how to use faith magic?ā He was more trying to keep the topic away from his own his own head as he straightened himself out, eye Dimitri as he moved about the room to sit down on the edge of his bed.Ā āItās good that you are, but I doubt wanting to practice was your only reason for coming here at this hour.ā His tone of ensured it could be written off as another joke. Just another dumb comment of his, if Dimitri wanted to avoid talking about whatever was on his mind.Ā