aka mekina on ao3/livejournal. My LJ and AO3 will stay around with my fic up, I won't delete any of my writing
I have no immediate plans to delete this blog, I'll probably leave it up too, but guys, don't bother following me. I love y''all but I'm not in the spn fandom anymore. I think about my friends I made here sometimes still, and I had a wonderful time here, but...yeah, I've moved on..
I like "when my soul invites you", but I think your other fic got more hits is not because of the porn but the pairing? Dean/John is not everyone's thing, I guess.
oh haha I didn't mean specifically and only that one fic, I guess I should have been more clear (oh I totally understand dean/john isn't for everyone, it's super fucked up), I was thinking as I wrote that that all the fics I wrote I was most proud of were usually not pwps, I mean sometimes they had smut but the smut wasn't my intention or focus. (another fic I was thinking of was Illusion, which I was very proud of when I wrote it, and remain so, partially because it fulfilled a need in me for that specific thing that I'd wanted to read for a long time but never quite found, so I had to write it myself, and I dunno, I'm sure there are a couple others of my fics that I feel the same way about that didn't get quite as much notice as my porn.) umm because in general people like pwps most of all. not like I haven't gone first for fics with smut in them myself, because I have, as have we all.
so yeah, I absolutely respect people not wanting to read such a fucked up fic with such a messed up pairing involved (although I can assure you I never got explicit or made it seem like it wasn't totally fucked up or wrong). I should have been more clear. but it's half past six in the morning and I have yet to sleep so I'm kinda. dflgjsd'hfkjhj, you know? haha.
also since I'm here right now anyway... (I do occasionally log in here, though less and less as time goes on, I admit)... my final fic in this fandom, when my soul invites you...I think about that fic a lot. I haven't completed a fic in any fandom (including my new one D: ) since that fic, in what...november 2013? but yeah, anyway, I think about it a lot. of all the fics I wrote here, that one remains the one I'm most proud of. it's not one that got the most attention (uhh I'm pretty sure some of my porny ones got the most hits or reads or comments or whatever, and I finally understand what writers always complained about, that smut fics get so much more attention than anything else, most of the fics I was most proud of were not pwps. not to say that pwps are bad, I love them as much as the next girl.)
I'm glad it was the fic I left the fandom on, in a way, it's my favorite of all the ones I've written, and I don't know, it just remains close to my heart. I referred to it for a long time as "the fucked up wincest fic"...and sometimes I think about what happened to that sam and dean after the story finished, and I want to put it into words, but I don't think I could pull it off, it feels like it'd cheapen the impact of the fic if I attempted it and failed. I dunno. I just felt like sharing that I guess.
I keep getting emails notifying me people are following me still...so I finally edited my sidebar letting anyone who views my blog that I'm not active anymore on this blog or in this fandom. I probably should have done that a long time ago, I only ever did on my profile on ao3 (........does anyone even read those tbh)...but there it is now.
please don't delete. i like the archive of sanity in an increasingly terrible fandom. blessings on your journey and thank you for everything.
Sorry it took me so long to get to this, anon. I didn't have plans to delete this blog as such, but I feel like I should perhaps sometimes, because I still get notifications in my email about people following me, in spite of my post that I was moving on...it makes me wonder where people are finding me to follow, haha, if they're not checking my blog long enough to see that.
I check this blog occasionally, but increasingly infrequently. To tell the truth, there's slim to no chance I'll ever return to this fandom. I enjoyed my time here, and made good friends, but I'm so happy where I am now (I confess, the AFI fandom.) My fic will remain up for sure, this blog will probably stay up, but yeah...I'm gone outta here for good.
Well, it's been a few months. And I haven't even bothered logging into this Tumblr for a long time. I didn't really mean to just...vanish, but...
I'd talked about my steadily decreasing interest in SPN last time I was here, I think, so it's probably not that shocking when I say I've not watched SPN since February. More than that, I have just drifted out of the fandom entirely. I'm in a new fandom, to be honest, and, well...I'm loving it.
My experience here was pretty great. I met some lovely people. But I guess I just have to say that my time here has come to an end. I saw things on Tumblr a few days ago about the SPN finale, and realized I had absolutely no idea or feelings about the matter.
So yes...this makes it official, I'm basically out of this fandom. Forever? I don't know, but I can't really see myself coming back. At any rate...I'm not going to delete my blog just in case, I suppose.
The friends I made here in this insanely huge fandom, you're great. Thank you for making it an enjoyable experience. ♥
It's been a long day, I'm exhausted, just posting quickly to say that I did indeed get to TX just fine. Borrowing a computer, won't have one of my own for a few days.
Tomorrow is my birthday. ;) I'll be 18. :P I don't think my family has anything planned. Which makes me sad. But whatever, I guess.
Just a few hours until I'm off to the airport. Flight is at half past one in the afternoon (for reference, it's just gone half past three in the morning now).
AAAAAAAAAAH
In case you can't tell? I'm flipping the fuck out. :C
I just had to watch The Scene in Croatoan (you know the one) for research purposes. And now I'm sad.
Man, I considered leaving my seasons of SPN here in the UK (I have the first 4), but even though I'll have to somehow acquire a NTSC DVD player or whatever in the US, I gotta bring 'em with me. Can't leave those. D:
jaredpadasexme answered to your post “Someone prompt me, pls”
weecest fluff first kiss via weird circumstance sam is 13-17
"I told you there was no monster here." Sam squirms unhappily, but he's tied too firmly to the rickety wooden headboard to get free so easily. "I told you, Dean."
Dean has his eyes closed, but even so he knows Sam is wearing a particularly bitchy face. Ever since he hit fifteen, it's like he transformed into a constantly PMSing woman, making true all of Dean's taunts over the years.
He can barely stand to be in the same room as Sam sometimes. Let alone tied up at the other end of the same bed.
"Just shut up and work on getting loose."
Sam's whining is made even more irritating by the fact that he was completely right. There's no monster in this shitty house, just a bunch of drunk, cracked out partiers.
Partiers that were none too happy to find Sam and Dean snooping around in their home, and so proceeded to tie them both to this bed.
"With the fucking noises that came out of this place, can you really blame me?" he grumps as he continues to struggle. "And this house is a dump, places like this draw monsters like moths to a flame."
"Regular humans, Dean, that's all there is here, I told you so."
"Stop gloating and bitching and just..." Dean ends on a growl before anything he'll regret can slip out. "Let's get out of here before Dad comes home and finds us gone."
Sam rolls his eyes, of course he does, and they keep working on loosening their bonds somehow.
At last, five minutes later, their frustration mounts to the point where they're not so much wriggling as they are straining forwards as hard as they can, just yanking mercilessly at the rope.
The rotting wood on either end of the bed gives way with a nasty crack, and Sam and Dean both hurtle forward across the mattress, propelled into each other. Sam's forehead knocks into Dean's, and wincing and dazed, Dean sprawls half on top of Sam.
"That did the trick," Sam mumbles into Dean's collarbone.
Dean is ticklish there. He snorts and pushes himself up onto his elbows to avoid doing anything embarrassing, like giggling. Sam would never let that go.
Sam props himself up, too. In this position, their faces are really close together. Dean meets Sam's eyes for an instant, then moves his gaze up to Sam's ridiculous hair.
He's got a piece of wood caught in the hair by his ear. Grinning, Dean pulls it out and flicks it away.
He's close enough to hear Sam's breath stutter when Dean's thumb brushes over the curve of his cheek as he brings his hand back downwards.
Dean looks back at Sam's eyes and swallows hard. Sam's looking at him like...
It's not the first time Dean has seen this glint in Sammy's eyes. He's just managed to brush it off as nothing every other time.
Every other time isn't the two of them laying pressed together on a bed, though. Every other time, Sam eventually turned away, or Dean left the room.
Sam never put his hand on the back of Dean's head and pulled him slowly, inexorably downwards, either. He never lifted his own face, eyes fluttering closed, mouth seeking out Dean's.
Dean never responded before. Not like he does now. Now, he cups Sam's face with both hands, wondering why he never before realized how perfectly his palms fit around Sam's face, and kisses him.
Sam kisses like someone that's not completely inexperienced, but hasn't had much practice. He's a little too eager, clumsy with sudden desire to get as much of Dean's mouth as he can.
Huffing out a laugh, Dean stops for long enough to whisper, "Slow down, Sammy. I'm not going anywhere."
Sam lets out this little sigh, pure contentment as Dean guides him back into a sweet, lazy kiss.
Wordlessly, he guides Sam into slowing it down and enjoying it, showing him there's no rush. They do need to get back home, and they will.
Really.
As soon as Dean isn't as enthralled by Sam's little noises, the way his hair feels when Dean winds it around his fingers.
Fuck it. They're probably going to be here for forever if that's what they're waiting for.
I haven't written fic in forever, but I am suddenly in the mood to. Right now. This second. I have WIPs that I intend to complete, but they're doing nothing for me right now. So.
Prompt me. Anything. Absolutely anything, as long as it doesn't have to do with recent episodes (I've not watched any yet since 9.10). Weird shit, fucked up shit, whatever. I'm not promising to write it, but if it inspires me, and I hope at least one will, then I will.
God I fail at everything. I'm sorry. :/ RL has been intruding and I'm due to make yet another international move soon and I'm stressed about my financial situation. It's all a bit daunting and stressful. I want to go lay somewhere and stop participating in the world ugh
Journal of a Man of Letters wishes you a very Happy Valentine’s Day. May someone give you their heart and if no one does, we still have one for you waiting in the fridge. ♥
