the fear of falling apart

[thoughtnott]

greggoylc​:

where: ministry memorial service status: open

He wasn’t exactly sure why he’d come, not to pay his respects, he didn’t know or particularly care about Kingsley Shacklebolt. Still Greg watched the events unfold in a corner at the back of the atrium. People crying, those looking please with themselves, but all and all everyone seemed blurry under his drunken state. Alcohol seemed to be the only thing that kept the images of the dead goblin and Ernie out of his mind. He was bitter about the response from the group who came to ‘rescue’ them. Gregory hadn’t expected a parade but a thank you or something wouldn’t have gone a miss. As he watched the charade unfold around him he untwisted the cap off his flask with a scoff. “Want some?” He asked the person who was now staring at him. 

❐

Theodore had been standing near Greg for quite a few minutes, worrying over his friend silently until he was acknowledged. He didn’t often care to ask after people’s emotions or well beings, preferring to stay in the safe confines of pleasant conversation that didn’t take a tax on his social meter but whatever had occurred during the Gringotts kidnapping had done a number on Greg and that wasn’t something he could very well ignore after years of friendship. With a nod, Theo took the flask and took a long sip. He was wincing immediately, gaze flying back and forth from his friend to the drink. “What is this?” Whatever foul concoction it was, surely Greg had had enough of it. “We don’t have to stay. We can always leave whenever you’re ready to go.”

[thoughtnott]

percyweasley-arc​:

Percy enjoyed doing tasks for his job as it gave him a time to see how well appreciated and trusted he was by those more higher ranking. He barely ever came through this way and he sparred a glance at the rest of the store that seemed an organized mess. “Of course,” he said simply even though he was impatient. He began pacing the small space, glancing at the titles and tapping his finger against his arm. 

“But one?” He echoed in question, his smile faltering. “Well, when would you know? This is for my boss…obviously these are required readings that he needs.” Percy felt like he was grasping at straws and was hoping to return with all the books. “Yes, just-it’s fine, here,” Percy said, giving Theodore money that was handed to him by Kingsley. “And when would that be? How fast is this rush hour?”

❐ “If you gave me a moment to step away from the till, I would be able to give you answer.” All the books had anti-theft charms on them and there was word of the street of more Ministry raids. It may take Theo a better part of an hour to find out if the last item on the list was even available. Still, the day had put him in a foul mood and he had no patient for dealing with frazzled government officials. “Your boss?” He asked, not turning his gaze to Percy as he walked down a far aisle in search of the first item on the list. “I may have to inform mine if it’s for the minister. He’d be delighted.” Surely, only to exploit that possible relationship.  Search halted, Theo gave Percy a nod and headed to the back. After a quick floo call, he returned to the front. Not able to muster up the enthusiasm to smile as he had been encouraged to, and really his boss needed to stop worrying about him, he spoke. “We will have all the books to your office before four pm. Is that acceptable? The last book was rather hard to acquire. It only will be around forty galleons. That would bring the entire total to around one hundred and twenty and four sickles.

[thoughtnott]

viktcrskrum​:

“Even things that end badly have a purpose,” Viktor simply responded. He wasn’t sure if that’s what Theo wanted to hear but it was something Viktor’s own mother liked to tell him every time he sulked about something. “You might not see it now but do not be too hard on yourself. Owl me again if you would like to chat. It was good to see you.”

❐

The phrase brought a bitter laugh out of Theodore. One he would have been able to stifle in he hadn’t drank so much. Instead, he let the sound pass from his lips before bringing the cigarette up to his mouth again. A long drag later, relying on the nicotine to center himself even as it only pushed him towards tipsy dizziness, he spoke. “Yes. I think I will.” In front of both of them were fresh drinks and he had already announced his plans to leave but Theo didn’t budge. “I would ask if I the end of the engagement means I would see you more around their flat but it’s unlikely that I’ll be spending any time there.” Viktor and Astoria. It had been a question on his mind, a problem that didn’t make much sense to him. Not unlike how he and Daphne had fit together without reason. The only constants were the Greengrass sisters then. “Their mother and father are not this strange.” He murmured to himself, still unable to grasp why the sisters had chosen the two of them.

[thoughtnott]

❂ - Theodore Nott & Draco Malfoy [ @malfoythesnake ]

If they had been in a different place in their lives or had made different decisions, Theo would have had a roadmap for how this night would end. He’d kiss Draco when he grew tired of talking, hoping his friend felt similarly done with speaking his inner turmoil. They’d end up staying on the couch or go to Theo’s bed, removing any memories of other hands with ill intent on their bodies. Not speaking of any bruises or marks they saw, taking ownership of themselves instead. But it wasn’t a different place or a time and they hadn’t done so much as mention how they used to touch at night. “You know the most.”

[thoughtnott]

❂ - Theodore Nott & Daphne Greengrass [ @ofdcphne ]

There were many things he knew about Daphne Greengrass. How she took her tea and coffee, her favorite colors and outfits, what foods she turned her nose up at, and what silly little things she laughed at. He also knew where on her neck she was the most sensitive, what she looked like with a blush on her cheeks, how she sounded whispering to him in the dark of her room, even her favorite parts of him. She had favorite parts of him, favorite things he did, and Theo could say he never dreamed of being this close and intimate with another wix. Who would want him? Who could he be deserving of? Certainly not Daphne Greengrass.

[thoughtnott]

❂ - Theodore Nott & Gabrielle Delacour [ @gabriellexdelacour ]

He corrected, a small smile coming to his face at Gabrielle’s interest. Sebastian had many acquaintances, all varied and different from the next, but this girl’s kindness didn’t seem faked or put on. It appeared to be a real and genuine. He could always do to know more people like that, at least from an arm’s length.

[thoughtnott]

ofdcphne​:

send a ❂ to get a moodboard for our muses.​

@mcorner​ @reflint​ @cmclaggen​

[thoughtnott]

ofdcphne​:

“The Redeemerds!” she gasped, her words stumbling again through her sobs. Theo’s hand on her back was working to calm her down a little. The one thing she’d wished to do in the vault was run into Pansy’s arms but she had forsaken that comfort for survival. Now the contact with another was a reminder that she was okay, she was safe. It was over.

The silence of the apartment was almost too much of a juxtaposition to the chaos and fear of the vault however and she couldn’t find herself completely relaxing. “They came to Gring– and put us in a vault. Pansy and Greg.” Maybe the only time she would use Goyle’s first name. “And curly boy and angel–” She couldn’t think any longer about who was in the vault because it would always lead to the one person who didn’t make it out. She switched again, still not explaining herself and just blurting out “Pregnant.”

Really out of everything that was the least of her worries but it would hopefully get her mind away from where it was going. 

❐

“The Redeemers.” Theo repeated, unsure if he would be able to follow Daphne’s train of thought without doing so. “They came to Gringotts?” The aurors weren’t just being cautious then. There had been an incident. His grip on Daphne tighten, not minding when he started to become suffocated by her hair. She was okay. She wasn’t hurt. Daphne had made it all the way to his apartment unaffected except by emotion. She would tell him if she was hurt, wouldn’t she? “Did they hurt you?” He found himself asking, despite knowing another question was on his lips. Did she have her wand? He wasn’t going to ask her that even as his own thoughts spiraled downwards to the same line of thinking. 

“Pansy and Greg. Curly boy and Angel.” He had no idea who she meant but as soon as he assured that she was alright and somewhat calmer, he needed to check in on Greg. Theo intended to make a mental note of that need, not allow himself to get caught up in the hurricane of the woman who once ran his life. He should move them to his room, to sit down. Find some tissues for her or make some tea.

Instead. he froze in her arms, his hand stalling on her back. “Who’s pregnant?” He asked lowly, his voice going colder as he waited for her reply. Certainly not her. They hadn’t been together in months. Except for the Baby Shower. Where they were both wandless. Unable to manage a conception charm. “Daphne. What are you saying?”

[thoughtnott]

viktcrskrum​:

 Maybe that had been a worse decision than talking about Daphne. Theo hardly responded to what news Viktor had told him and the older man wondered if he stepped on a landmine. He knew that Theo and Draco were friends, hell they lived together, but he wasn’t sure about the dynamics of their relationship. Viktor had never cared enough to try and think about how Malfoy acted around people he actually liked. Guess he was cold to them as well. “Sure he just vanted to forget about it. I think we all do. How vere your travels? I ‘ave always wanted to travel but never had the time for it. I am jealous.”

❐

Theodore was stuck. Had he truly ruined all of his relationships but his one with Viktor. Maybe Gabrielle would still talk to him if she hadn’t heard the rumors of how cruel he had been that were bound to be swirling around. “They were fine.” He mumbled, taking his terrible mood out on Viktor. Theo pushed the fresh drink across the table before picking up his new glass. “I’m sorry. I...” He trailed off, pulling his pack of cigarettes out and immediately lighting one. “I think I made the wrong decision getting to know Daphne in the first place. I should go.”

[thoughtnott]

ofdcphne​:

It took Daphne about half a minute after the door opened to debate whether or not launching herself at the boy in front of her was a good idea. When he stepped out of the way to let her in, she knew it was what she wanted and instead of stepping past him into the living room she flung herself at him full on sobbing. 

While she hadn’t seen everything that happened in the vault, she’d heard it all choosing to stay quiet to not draw attention towards herself. Ernie. He was the person on everyone’s mind now and she couldn’t help the guilt that wracked her body for being such a coward. Not like there was much she could have done without a wand but he’d been her friend and now the Redeemers. No.

“It was awful,” Daphne cried. Sniffling so much she wasn’t sure if her words were coming out right. “They took Pan– and Goy– and Angeli–” Sniffle. “Bill– pregnant Redeemers!” Ernie.There came the crying again and she sobbed louder. 

❐

He stared, waiting for Daphne to come in. That must have been so desperately what she wanted if the sounds of her trying to break down his door were indication. He wasn’t prepared for her sobbing again. Theo didn’t know if he could stand to hash out everything that was wrong about the way that he had left without a word. For a moment, a cold panic flashed through him and he paled. She wasn’t crying over what he had told her, was she? Why else would she be hesitating in the door?

Theo stumbled back at the force of her impact, arms coming up to hold her after a moment or two of disbelief. With a wave of his hand, the door was closed and the wards were back up. Daphne’s troubles would not be so easily fixed. He had no idea what she was going on about or why she had come to him with it. Had Pansy upset her or had she momentarily forgotten where they stood? Pregnant Redeemers?

“Slow down.” He murmured, his face nearly completely obstructed by her curls. He couldn’t move them at the moment and he didn’t dare pull away from her, rubbing her back in confusion on what else to do. “Tell me again. What’s the matter?”

[thoughtnott]

ofdcphne​:

When Daphne had finally managed to escape Gringotts she was at a loss of what to do. No one had instructed her on where to go or what to do afterwards. Most of them had just left immediately leaving Daphne and Pansy behind in the Malfoy vault once the Redeemer had let them leave. From there Daphne’s first thought had been to find comfort, and she had run in a daze until appearing at the flat that would maybe give her none. 

She was crying, she’d maybe been crying since she’d left but wasn’t quite sure. Daphne just wanted to see Draco, or maybe Astoria (though Astoria would not be here she was sure of that) and deep down she let herself admit a little bit that she was actually here for a lanky asian man. Someone who might give her the comfort she needed right now or maybe would turn her away at the sight of her in his living room. That is if she could get into the living room. 

The door wasn’t opening, she tugged and tugged at the doorknob willing it to open up just for it to stay budged in place. Draco must have finally replaced the locks after she’d barged in one too many times. This was the worst time for that and she continued through the sound of someone inside saying something. She ignored them, instead banging at the door franticly hoping that maybe they’d just open it up so she didn’t have to stand outside any longer. The events of the day finally playing back in her mind now that she wasn’t moving anymore. She couldn’t do this. 

❐

An incident in Diagon Alley that closed the bookstore and now someone trying to break into his home? Theo knew the wards would hold. The idea of someone getting in was almost laughable now that Draco had strengthened them. That wasn’t what Theodore was scared of. It was the fact that nearly no one knew who lived here. At least, he hoped so.

It was the crying that stopped Theo from returning to his room. It sounded almost familiar in a way he couldn’t place. He walked closer to the door, putting his wand arm down and listening more intently to the sound. He wasn’t certain, lip already between his teeth as he undid the wards and opened the door, but his suspicions were confirmed when he opened the door and Daphne was the one in the hallway. 

He stared, leaning against the door as if Daphne would explain what in the world she was doing here. Theo couldn’t say he was disappointed. After the baby shower, he was certain that was the last time that she would allow them to be alone together. Slowly, he opened the door all the way and stepped back into the living room to allow her in.

[thoughtnott]

malfoythesnake​:

*

As a child, Draco hadn’t been angry. He supposed it was the war and his involvement in it that had given him the rage that he kept locked up inside of him. Every so often, however, it boiled over. This was one of those moments. Thanks to the alcohol and his lack of occlumency, his anger was clear upon his face. Draco took another long swig from the bottle in his hand, knowing despite his anger that he couldn’t snap at Theo. The last thing he wanted to do was remind him of his father again. “I don’t know,” Draco snapped, not wanting to get farther into it. He began to sulk angrily back to his room, pausing at the door when Theo spoke. Draco’s grip on the bottle in his hand tightened and he had to take a deep breath to keep himself from doing something he’d regret. It didn’t help. “It isn’t the same,” Draco snapped coldly, before continuing to his room and slamming the door behind him. 

❐

Theo hadn't lost control of his magic since the war had ended. He could say he hadn't been this upset in a very long time. Had he had a moment of peace in days? He'd heard Draco insult him before, lash out as a way to keep himself protected, but to have him not tell Theo about the end of his betrothal and slam the door in his face had put him at the end of his rope. Something else had to be upsetting him and Theo was too tired to deal with it. Too worn out to indulge Draco’s bad behavior and grovel until he got an answer out of him. He heard the sound of glass shattering from the other side of the door, which he knew had to be the fire whiskey bottle.

 Chalking it up to Draco's anger, Theo stalked into the kitchen intending to start on some dinner. Instead, he grabbed the nearly empty vodka bottle from the other night and poured himself a drink. It was Draco’s bottle but he found he didn’t care. He obviously didn’t value them if he broke bottles whenever he didn’t get his way.

[thoughtnott]

location: draco & theo’s flat

status: @ofdcphne​

Theodore had closed the shop early as the aurors swept through Diagon. Something at Gringotts they said, when they instructed him to close the store. It wasn’t much to go on but he was just thankful it wasn’t a random search. He hadn’t been back in the country long enough to check if Mr. Worme was keeping everything hidden properly. Growing up with a paranoid father had taught Theo some good things like how to hide your dark objects right under an auror’s nose. It was why Draco hadn’t caught on to what he was doing in his room yet. His hobbies. And his hobbies were exactly what he was working on when he felt the wards grab his attention.

Throwing his standard array of disillusionment and stasis charms on his desk, Theodore looked at the clock. Too early to be Draco if he had his friend’s work schedule correct and Draco wouldn’t be unable to open the front door to the flat. Whoever it was really had no patience and that didn’t help Theo narrow down who would be coming to see him. Wand out, Theo left his room and called out once he reached the living room. “Who is it?”

[thoughtnott]

viktcrskrum​:

“The end of the engagement? I believe it vas last month,” Viktor replied. Both he and Daphne had come back from their trips around the same time so it was easy to remember the timeline of things. It was also easy because Viktor didn’t do much day to day besides practice so there were many big events to keep track of. “Daphne vent to France and convinced their mother’s side of the family to speak to their parents. Then they went to the Malfoy’s and broke it off from what I know of. Did Malfoy not tell you?”

❐

A month. Theodore had only been back a week but a whole month had gone by and Draco couldn’t even find the time to open his mouth and inform him of the news of his broken betrothal. He knew he had been in a sorry state since returning, barely able to put up with his own problems regarding anyone with the last name Greengrass, but he could have taken a step back for a moment. “He didn’t.” There could be an armful of reasons Draco kept quiet about this, not including his own need to never speak up about what was bothering up. Instead of dwelling, Theo ordered another drink for himself and Viktor as he quickly finished his own.

[thoughtnott]

malfoythesnake​:

*

He wasn’t sure why he was so angry. Perhaps it was the leftover anger that he had from being dragged to a party where he clearly wasn’t welcomed. Draco had done a lot to repent for the things that he had done but 75% of the people at the party still hated him. He didn’t care what Theo did with his time or whom he spent it with. Draco trudged to his bedroom, feeling a lot like his friend who was usually the one who did the escaping. He turned on his heel outside of his room to face Theo once more. “I don’t care to hear it. Nor do I care to hear about what you do with your time.” He took a swig from the open bottle in his hand, wincing slightly at the burn. “Oh? Did she put her lipstick on your collar too or was that Greengrass?”

❐

Theo blinked rapidly, ignoring the urge to shrink back from Draco's anger and just let his flatmate go drink his dinner in peace. "Then why are you asking me about it?" He questioned, focusing more on the words than his rapid heartbeat. The wall he had been successfully keeping up for years had begun crumbling the moment Daphne had followed him into the back of the bookshop, the second Theodore decided to reveal details of his past he did not share.  “I expect this sort of behavior from Greg but not from you. It was Daphne.” He turned on his heel, heading back in the kitchen to make them something to eat. "But I suppose we’re not talking about either Greengrass sister in this house anymore, are we?"

[thoughtnott]

astoriacgreengrass​:

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” It wasn’t her place to get involved in the first place, she didn’t know why she had been so overcome with emotions. She wasn’t usually like this. Maybe because she got closer to her sister recently so she felt the need to be protective over her. Hearing Theo say that he had spoken to her already made her want to go find Daphne and check up on her, see how she had taken it all. “As long as you try not to hurt her again…”

❐

Theodore’s eyes shot up to meet Astoria’s, the pain this whole day had been clear on his face. “I didn’t attempt to hurt her in the first place. I would never intentionally hurt Daphne.” It made perfect sense that this is how Astoria saw him now, just another idiot boy who didn’t consider anyone else’s feelings. He couldn’t say that’s what he wasn’t. He had been an idiot boy who ran away from his emotions the second they became too much.

Not breaking the eye contact between them, Theo pressed on. “I don’t believe your sister and I have any plans to continue with what we were doing before I left so you have no need to warn me of anything.” His voice broke at those words and he swallowed harshly. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to go back to life with Daphne. When he had first gotten back this morning, his mind had been set. Daphne was not an option for him, not a good idea. Now, he wasn’t certain about anything. “Do you need help finding anything or would you like to talk more about all the ways I misstepped?”

[thoughtnott]

gabriellexdelacour​:

Gabi chewed on her lip, trying to find more ways to describe the not-Draco asshole. “Draco eez more quiet, and ‘e doesn’t like standing out. Zis man, he loves standing out. And ‘e is brash and awful. Just awful, Theo.” She complained.

Vodka night was probably like the poetry nights she had with Sebastian, or the girls night she had with Gigi. It was nice that Theo had someone like that too. Everyone deserved a night friend. Someone to spend evenings with, in the non-sex way. “Oh! Zat makes sense. I am glad you two ‘ave each other. Where did you go, on your travels?”

–

❐

Theo’s face was still drawn inward from the touch Gabrielle had directed his way. Everything still steamed too much since his encounter with Daphne. Noises too loud and lights too bright. Even a brush against his forehead felt too heavy and unexpected. 

He opened his mouth a few times, wordlessly as he tried to compose himself. “Brazil. Peru. Manaus and Tarapoto. Gabrielle, I’m sorry. I think I have to go. I can’t be here anymore.” It was a rash few words, his panic rising up as well as his need to run. “It was good to see you. I’m just. I think I should go home.”