Thoughts I think

Things I think, that I don't want to tell people in real life.

[thoughts-i-thought]

I'm so tired all the time

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

gods isn't life fun when you don't feel like a real person anymore

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

I still miss you,

I miss being your friend,

I see you in the hallways at school and I wish I was laughing with you at whatever joke you heard.

-Caden(me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

eating anything makes me feel like i want to throw up that's really fun

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

I need to scream

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

I could never live alone. I know this bacause I can't stand silence. Even if I'm listening to music while home alone it's too quiet. Every noise I hear outside I manage to gaslight myself into thinking it's someone trying to get in. I need someone to talk to, I'm constantly asking for my friends to call me so I have someone to talk to.

-Caden(me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

The sun rose again today

As it did any other day,

And as it always will.

Bringing us light,

Something to wake up to,

And sometimes an ethereal view.

Today it just rose,

There were no frills,

No seemingly impossible colours,

Just the slow progression from dark to light.

The dark black of the nights sky

Slowly changing to a blueish-grey.

While the sun will always rise

It will not always be what people yearn for it to be.

It will not always live up to people's high expectations,

But it will always do what needs to be done.

-Caden(me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

I'm still tired, so incredibly tired. I have no reason to be, I'm on my holidays, I have nothing to be stressed about. But there's still things to do. I don't understand my brain.

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

My heartbeat is starting to sound like a ticking time bomb

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

I came here with the purpose of writing something and it just left my mind? Like I'm sorry what??

-Caden(me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

Fellas is it normal to want to die over making a slideshow.

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

I was just sitting on the floor of my garage crying. I felt (still feel) so fucking useless. But then my dog kept bringing me her tennis balls, her favourite toy. She didn't want me to throw them, just to have them. I think she thought they'd make me happier. It wasn't them that made me happier but her. My baby girl bringing me all the tennis balls she could find in hopes it'd make me happier. She's so pure and the worlds so cruel.

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

I've got so much to do and not nearly enough time. Fuck this, absolute bullshit. I'm fucking done with this shit. I signed up for this club on my own free will and now I've never wanted to drop it more.

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

Sometimes I look at my friends and realise that someday someone will love them more than I do now, they'll love them in a different way. They'll gaze at the way he has a dimple when he truly smiles. They'll stare in wonder at her hair. They'll get drunk on his laugh. They'll look lovingly in her eyes. They'll get to know them better than I ever do. I'll be incredibly happy for them when they find their person but for now we're the ones that know each other best.

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

You make me feel a never-ending confusion, you send me videos telling me that you care about me so much and that I'm one of your favourite people, and yet in school you ignore me?

You don't talk to me, you don't even look at me. Are you embarrassed to be friends with me? Are you embarrassed to know me? You come to me when you need a hug, you come to me to rant, to cling to me and yet when I need you, you aren't there?

You won't hold me, you won't listen, you make me feel used. Is that all I am to you? Just something to use as an out? Treat me like a person I'm begging you.

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

A small part of my childhood will follow me around forever, In the passwords I use because they're easy to remember, In the usernames that cost money to change, In my lucky number that I chose when I was 10, In my favourite childhood books that I can't bear to get rid of, In my favourite book series that hasn't changed since I was nine, In my interest in animals that started pretty much as soon as I could think for myself. As much as I want to remove her from my life all together I can't. But hopefully I can learn to look back at her with something other than distaste.

-Caden (me)

[thoughts-i-thought]

If I try hard enough I can do everything by myself. I could crumble in the process but it will be worth it.

-Caden (me)