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July

Oh July, you've surprised me a lot

New changes, new opportunity

I'm going to miss my friends and all the moments I really enjoyed

I am grateful for everything I got, everything I learned and the people I have met

Maybe all of this is for the best but I'm still crying and sad

One part of myself is still in pieces but I will recover soon

I will remember you, July

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Myself

It seems I cannot find myself in things I used to love

My head cannot find peace, everything I do is not enough,

Anything works out for me,

Is it bad luck?

Is it normal to have lots of noise?

I got an idea then, it disappears

I tried many things and anything seems to make me happy,

I tried to be happy and enjoy life,

However, that feeling, that noise came over to my mind again

There is a void in my heart too

And I am afraid to mess things up again because I cannot find myself.

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I wish...

I wish I could tell you how much I like you

I wish I could be brave enough to talk to you

I wish I could be less shy

I wish I could give you the gift I prepared for you

I wish I could make things easier for you

I wish you could fall in love with me

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Rainy days

Rainy days make me feel nostalgic.

During rainy days, I think about the things I've never said. I wanted to be brave enough and talk to you when I could but something stopped me, it might be fear, insecurity or my shyness.

I blame myself sometimes but what if it was not the right time to be close to you?

I know that I had the chance to stay close but I think I lost it and someone else took advantage of it.

I'm missing you, I miss seeing your face a lot, I'm missing those moments when we see each other's eyes.

I miss the days when your eyes told me a lot without you saying nothing.

I'm wishing to see you again, just for a moment, just like the first time when my eyes found yours.

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I wonder, why am I feeling so sad these days?

I thought that you feel the same, but it was just a misunderstanding... I was wrong.

Your eyes were telling me different things, every time that my eyes find yours, I felt so in love. I thought these feelings were reciprocate but it was nothing.

It was nothing to you but for me.

I was wrong when my eyes found yours.

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I'm scared to open my heart to someone and get hurt.

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I thought that something great could happen to me, but I am not sure if that decision was a good idea.

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I get a chance to start again because I am still alive, but I feel stuck and worried about everything, I am worried for tomorrow tbh

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I'm really proud of myself for being strong enough.

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On bad days, just hug yourself.