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[threadsofmylife]

Deal Killer?

I wanted to get back together with Henry so bad. I missed talking to him and just felt like we had too much chemistry and too much in common to just let it go. Now that we're back together, I worry that it's not right. I enjoy my time with him but anytime we are with other people I feel unsure. He is so antisocial that he just sits there while I do all the talking. I want him to be involved and join in and have fun with me. I haven't told him any of this but he has said it's something he wants to work on. He is also telling me how much he loves me just too often. Which I feel bad about for even feeling.

I still haven't even told me best friend that I am talking to him again. She told me not to get back together with him so now I feel ashamed telling her that I am actually talking to him again. Since Henry and I are just seeing how things go, I think I'll wait and tell her when/if we actually get back together...

[threadsofmylife]

All finished with my quilt! I used HeirloomCreations method for binding (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWh90tXr7g4) and did stitch in the ditch for finishing it up and it worked so well!

So excited to be done and I'm already looking forward to my next project. I have fabric ready for another quilt and I'm about halfway finished with another. I also am interesting in making a quilt with houses on it and trying out an embroidery like the Lace Cottage.

Today I went to Golden with my family for my aunts birthday and it was such a fantastics day. We got breakfast and walked around downtown Golden. We also went into a quilt shop. They had so many quilts for sale that they lost some of their excitement. Such a great day though.

One more week of work and then I have the week off for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to some chill time and I hope to get some good crafting time in as well as some pickleball and some of the to-do's I've been putting off.

[threadsofmylife]

Woke up early and finished the quilting. I am pretty happy with how it turned out. I like the unevenness and the organic quality of the orange peel. I did it all free hand on my average singer patchwork machine.

Now i just need to do the binding and it'll be finished. I've decided on this really soft dark denim looking fabric that I have.

Need to get ready for the Golden Christmas Market though so I'll have to work on it later.

[threadsofmylife]

Awkward in Love

A friend/ customer has serious feelings for me. I've seen him three times a week for about a year and a half. He comes into my show and usually hangs out for a couple of hours. Reading, journaling or chatting.. whatever. We've actually only hung out outside of work one time though. He does frequently text me as well. Recently, he has claimed that he is in love with me. I told him that I don't return his feelings but he says that he doesn't want it to effect our friendship.

How does it not effect our friendship? So far I feel like I've been acting like it hasn't happened but he's also been texting me more than normal too. He also thinks that we are much better friends than I think we are. I just really don't know what to do in this situation.

[threadsofmylife]

Spent my entire day quilting. From about 9am to 5pm. I'm about 3/4 of the way done but unfortunately need to call it quits for the day. Got all the way done in one direction (as shown in the photo) and I started going the other direction and got about half the way done on that one side. So close to finishing. eeekk!! I'm loving this orange peel pattern!

[threadsofmylife]

Crazy

Text Henry last night and told him how much I love and miss him. How is that going to help anything? I am just hurting him more. I do miss him but deep down i think I text him all that because I want the attention from him. What is wrong with me?! I will not reach out to him again. I will not. It's so horrible of me and I want to do better than that.

[threadsofmylife]

Grateful

Grateful for my mom. We've gotten closer than ever lately and I'm so grateful for her helping me through all my shit lately.

So grateful for my brother. Ever since Idaho we've been talking more and I feel like our relationship has gotten better. Hopeful that it continues to grow.

Grateful for the the opportunity to go back to college. School has become the most important thing in my life and I love it so tremendously.

[threadsofmylife]

do I miss and love him?

do I miss and love the attention?

do i miss and love the idea of him?

[threadsofmylife]

Flower Quilt

Progress made on the quilt for my BFF. Found a sheet for the backing at the thrift store. Now I just need to figure out which quilt design to go with. I need something that will hide that my corners don't line up great.

[threadsofmylife]

[threadsofmylife]

Sitting in Misery

I find myself 29 and single again. I wonder if I will ever find the right man for me. It seems like all men just like to ski, mountain bike, rock climb, and play video games.

Where are the men that read books, go to museums, create art, and enjoy going for a walk? The deep men that are emotionally intelligent and can communicate in a healthy way? Men who aren't afraid to be vulnerable and speak their truth?

I thought I found one of those men. So sweet and caring. Who loved me so much I could never doubt it even for a second. Yeah he had some mental health issues, but who doesn't? He was getting professional help and working on it. IDK. Maybe I'm lying to myself. I just have this constant argument with myself about him.

He was all those wonderful things but he also got really angry at his mom sometimes, he had no social skills whatsoever (but he also had a super abnormal life where he never got to experience normal social etiquette on a normal basis), his lack of social skills made me embarrassed when we were around other people or my family, now these are the really bad ones... he had intrusive thought about killing people and would watch horrible videos of people getting killed in horribly grotesque ways, and then the worst one of all... he carried a gun around in his fanny pack without telling me. He carried is around when he was with me without my knowledge, hes legally not allowed to have it and doesn't have a carry permit. How can I get over something like that? I could I feel safe around him or trust him again? How is he stil so sweet and so loving and so understanding even when I have to break up with him? I'm so angry at him for messing this up. I was able to understand and forgive and move past so many of his obsticles. Why did he have to do this unforgivable thing?

And yet.. I miss him. And I love him still. I need to move on. I need to stop texting him. I need to stop wanting to text him.

I need to have hope that the man I seek is really out there. I'd like to have my dream home with my dream guy and maybe even some kiddos running around.

Or maybe it's just not in the cards for me. Maybe I need to be okay with being alone. Somehow alone but not lonely??