Entry 21: The One Where We Play an Immortal Game
“Whoa! That changes things. So, Ireland took the pictures of Thang?”
Me: “What? No! That’s not what I’m saying at all.”
Dad: “Well, that’s an amazing stretch of coincidence. The most logical starting point would be that Ireland took those photos.”
Oh, hey, hey – Crowd, over here! That was quite an intermission. I was just about to declare a forfeit.
Crowd: Yes, well, apologies for being late. I was not anticipating having to travel back to – uhh –
Charley: London, 1851. The summer solstice to be exact.
Crowd: Oh, good God, don’t tell me you’ve gone druid.
Charley: Druid?! Never. You know I’d much rather go rogue.
Crowd: Anyway… I hope you don’t mind; I brought Dorothy along. It was the only way I could keep her in one piece. Dorothy <waving> over here!
Charley: Of course. Just so long as she didn’t bring – dammit, Crowd, she brought the dog.
Crowd: Did you really expect otherwise? She is quite attached to Toto.
Charley: I’ll never understand why; it’s rather a nuisance, really. Too bad we couldn’t just drop the little abomination down a rabbit hole. It would almost certainly make all our lives better, Dorothy’s included.
Crowd: But that would be the wrong story, Charley. Now, shall we flip a coin or are you feeling agreeable this afternoon?
Charley: Well, I am delighted to see you bu–
Crowd: Perfect. You know how I love setting the tone. Shall we switch sides of the table or – ?
There is a certain justice in capturing your opponent’s Queen in chess.
She is the most powerful piece in the game, making her capture distinctly satisfying – especially after she’s tactically weaved her way across the board, moving this way and that, wreaking havoc on your carefully (or not-so carefully) thought-out strategy. She’s a bit like Death breathing down your neck, waiting for you to misstep – and she doesn’t even need to be within arm’s reach to catch you, which makes her even more unnerving.
But power and intimidation aside, the Queen is not the most important piece on the board. Sure, the Queen is the figurehead of chess. She represents strength, intelligence, ego, beauty – and, when she sacrifices herself for the endgame, she’s pure drama. Regardless, the title of “Most Important” belongs to her traditionally male counterpart, the King. After all, the King is your do or die in chess. If he’s captured, then it’s game over and whatever sideshow bullshit the Queen had going on in her court was all in vain. But most of us are amused by – even invested in – the Queen’s antics. And we often find ourselves completely distracted by her.
If you follow my blog, then you’ll know I haven’t written anything in – well, what seems to me to be a few weeks but is in reality – six months.
Crowd: Nine. It’s been nine months.
Oh. Well…obviously you’ve forgotten about those gif stories. Surely, they count.
Regardless, this isn’t because I’ve taken my dinghy to shore – if I ever choose to do that, I promise I’ll put up some sort of signage, perhaps one that reads, “It’s a cookbook!”
Rather my silence has been because I’ve had nothing new to say. And having something to say is entirely different than needing to say something.
It’s not that I haven’t been inclined to write during these past several months; it’s simply that most of what has happened in this fandom of late has had me disinterested and – shall I say it? – bored. I mean, truly, how many times can we be expected to rewatch the same episode of He-Said-She-Said-Bullshit before we change the channel? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure why I’ve decided to put my fingers on the keyboard today – except that perhaps I finally have something to say.
However, today's commentary is not directly related to the recent article pushing Nicola's Little Shop of Horrors down our throats, although you can likely weave its significance into today's story. That said, I deliberately chose not to change a single word of this post – except to add this little paragraph acknowledging the article exists and that I've read it.
As you may have already guessed, the central theme of today’s post is chess, which we will be playing in the background – or foreground, depending on how you choose to read it. It’s probably crossed all our minds at some point or another to drop the Lukola-verse into a game of chess, especially since the fandom likes to puff air into Nicola’s ego by declaring she’s a master at 3-D chess (although, personally, I’m not sure she knows the difference between a bishop and a rook). Now, I will not bore you with the minutia of the specific gameplay – at least not beyond providing images and general details for each move as they’re played out.
For ease of following along, I’ve recorded the game from the perspective of White (as White always starts the game), and I’ve opted to name the pieces versus using their algebraic notation. From White’s perspective, the right side of the board is the King’s side; the left side, the Queen’s. For example, the Queen’s Knight is the left-side Knight; the King’s Bishop’s Pawn is the pawn directly in front of the right-side Bishop. And if I move the King’s Knight to King’s Rook 3, that means I’ve moved said Knight to the third square directly in front of the right-side Rook. Got it? Excellent.
Now, there are, of course, rules to today’s entertainment and, if you decide you don’t like the rules, you are welcome to move along to a different table. Or stay. I don’t really care but the story may not make sense to you if you’re not willing to play by these rules.
Rule No. 1: Jake digs dudes. It’s hard to skate around the fact that Jake’s core friend group is made up of almost entirely out and proud men. It’s even harder to ignore, for example, a story featuring Jake with his “What It’s Like for a Girl” castmates that is captioned, “Truly in times like these, we must surround ourselves with out queer family. There’s truly nothing close to the sisterhood I feel with these freaks.” If you missed this – and all the other hints delivered by Jake’s friend group and even Jake himself – I’m guessing you’re either (a) new to the fandom / don’t have access to a private Lukola group chat / don't use social media / part of the general audience / don’t give a shit, or (b) part of the Tifcord. <ba dum tss>
Rule No. 2: The Lutonia is a ghost ship. It’s difficult to overlook Luke’s apparent refusal to, at the very least, protect Antonia from the fandom’s year-long witch-hunt. The only thing preventing Luke from doing so is Luke himself. But not once has Luke slackened the noose snaked around Antonia’s neck without subsequently pulling it tighter. That said, I personally don’t believe Antonia deserves to be hanged. My opinion – which I recognize is an unpopular one – has evolved since I entered this fandom. I believe Antonia has only ever done what she was asked to do and that was to distract. But, if you need a bad guy, you’re welcome to keep using her. I never said I liked her. And if Luke can drop the floor from beneath Antonia’s feet, so can you. <ba dum tss>
Now, where were we? Ah, yes –
Do you like chess? There’s no need to pretend to enjoy it for my sake. To be honest, I’m not necessarily fond of the game. There’s something markedly unappealing about watching two over-inflated Egos battle it out across a decorative wooden board using intricately carved knick-knacks as their weapons of choice.
It’s even less appealing watching these Egos “think.”
However, my father loves chess (possibly more than he loves history) so, when I decided to play a game on the fandom, I knew exactly who to call. We sat one afternoon – on opposite sides of the country – playing out the game you’re about to watch unfold. And, despite my general apathy towards chess, I found myself enjoying his explanations as to why this move was phenomenal while that move was wasted; how each game is subjective to its players’ abilities to outmaneuver the other and, of course, how some players are simply better than others.
And it gave me an idea – “a wonderful, awful idea!”
I suppose to get this story moving along we must start from the beginning, and that, of course, would be the World Tour. But not necessarily the launch of the World Tour – rather the acceptance of the World Tour. The moment Luke and Nicola decided to give up one thing – presumably their privacy – in exchange for another – quite possibly money.
I know some people have romanticized the World Tour into, for example, Shonda using her Cupid Magic to bring Luke and Nicola together; however, I believe it was simply about money. Oddly enough, this viewpoint is supported by – lo and behold – “Mis-Directed.” It’s what gets the ball rolling between Hattie and Anthony. Hattie wants and needs her season’s bonus – the better the season does, the bigger the bonus – so she strikes up a deal with Anthony to make their chemistry believable.
Now, now, I’m not saying Luke and Nicola faked their chemistry during the World Tour. I’m merely suggesting they agreed to do the World Tour, which came with a certain level of exposure, to line their pockets. In my opinion, they – and by “they” I mean Luke, Nicola, and Netflix & Co. (which includes Shondaland and Bridgerton) – chose to exploit Lukola to sell Polin. And it worked. Season 3, namely, the Carriage Scene, was an international phenomenon. In fact, that particular scene was plastered all over billboards and helped launch Netflix’s “Moments” feature. If there was a performance bonus involved, as hinted by “Mis-Directed,” I’m sure it was almost as handsome as Will Poulter.
But the problem with the World Tour was the amount of exposure Luke and Nicola received. It reached a level I don’t believe anyone was expecting. It’s possible someone somewhere decided they needed to tamp out the frenzy surrounding Luke and Nicola, and quite possibly felt the need to separate them publicly after the Part 2 release. If true, that means Papsmear was arguably planned.
This does not mean I believe Luke, or his PR team, intentionally sabotaged the London premiere. I’m only suggesting it’s possible both Luke and Nicola were aware that a PR strategy was being put in place to separate them publicly before it was actually executed.
Think about it with hindsight. Nicola posting The Frames song, “Your Face,” seemingly hinted that she knew there was about to be a major shift in the narrative. In a handful of days, the fandom went from watching Nicola debut her Claddagh in Dublin to that curious meeting between Luke and Nicola’s mother in Galway to all hell breaking loose after the London premiere.
I’ve often wondered what happened behind closed doors immediately after Papsmear. At the very least, we can reasonably conclude that Luke and Nicola were both in New York City in the days following Papsmear (this, by way of Luke’s Fallon appearance and Nicola’s Kate Spade photoshoot). Regardless of what transpired, it seemed apparent then – and it remains so now – that Season 3 was handed off to Lady Whistledown while Luke was sent to pasture.
This suggests to me that – in that moment – it was more important to separate Luke and Nicola publicly than it was to continue using Lukola to sell Polin’s season.
To be fair, if Papsmear was designed to separate Luke and Nicola publicly after the Part 2 release, it worked wonderfully – well, except for that part about Luke coming out the other side smelling like cow manure. Someone somewhere made an egregious error in the planning and/or execution of whatever went down the evening of June 12.
But there’s this interesting thing about errors – most are reparable. Even in chess, for example, an opening-move error can be corrected with strategic game play (although it’s ill-advised to continue making bad moves).
For a moment, let’s set aside Rule No. 2 (Lutonia is a ghost ship) and pretend Papsmear was intentionally shady. Luke was tired of being romantically attached to Nicola because he was dating Antonia. Funny thing is this is what I thought had happened – until Luke showed up a few days later with Cressida in tow. But even if we ignore Cressida (actually, most people did ignore Cressida at the time), Luke’s failure to make any effort to take the target off Antonia’s back was, at the very least, unusual. No one – not Luke, not Luke’s PR team, not even Antonia herself – ever did anything to humanize Antonia.
Again – still imagining for a moment that Papsmear was intentional – if Luke was willing to put his head in a guillotine for Antonia, why not go through with the execution? Luke left that London premiere dead in the water. He had nothing to lose at that point. Netflix & Co. seemingly decided it didn’t need him to promote Season 3; they handed that off to Nicola on a tarnished silver platter (and she polished that thing all the way through mid-2025).
The most sensible thing Luke could have done post-Papsmear to salvage his muddied reputation was to try to change the fandom’s perception of his relationship with Antonia. In other words, he needed to make Antonia likeable.
I know, I know, putting “Antonia” and “likeable” into the same sentence is making your tongue thick. But this is what changed my mind about the legitimacy of the Lutonia.
If Antonia had been a “People’s Princess” – sweet, engaging, kind, blah, blah, blah – or, more importantly, if Luke had interacted with her in a way that didn’t scream “awkward,” the Lukola fandom would have relented (albeit, some more slowly than others) and accepted Antonia as Luke’s partner. Hell, the fandom may have even grown to like Antonia more than they liked Nicola. <ba dum tss>
By the time early August came around, the “Farewell Antonia” narrative had been set up quite nicely. Nicola was on top of the world with her CAA contract, proving that she was capable of being successful on her own. Luke had seemingly waved goodbye to Hot Boy Summer 2.0 after rumors began swirling on social media of a Lutonia shipwreck. And JVN had come out to play, helping the fandom along with pushing Antonia overboard.
But then Nicola went and did something incredibly foolish – she opened her damned mouth (figuratively, of course) by posting “Bless the [Fucking] Telephone.” And the Lukola fandom answered, perhaps a bit too fervently.
I won’t revisit Chaos Week in detail because I’ve already babbled on about it in a previous entry but, if you think about it, Chaos Week did something rather interesting – it boxed Nicola into the Lukola narrative. Try as she might, Nicola has never been able to fully retreat from her overly aggressive gameplay during Chaos Week.
Remember what I alluded to earlier about errors, though – the more you make, the harder they are to correct.
It’s funny to me, in an obnoxious sort of way, that there are some things this fandom forgets faster than, say, the time it takes for a submersible sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic to implode (which, by the way, happens within a goddamn millisecond – faster than the human brain can even comprehend), but then there are other things, like Chaos Week, that are as unforgettable as the Titanic.
Oh, speaking of things sinking to the bottom of the ocean, some of you may be pleased to know that Jake has finally reached the ranks of Ireland, Thang, and Misty and has officially been gifted a nickname by my father. He snubbed my suggested monikers of “Jane,” “Baby Bird,” and “That Little Bitch,” and instead settled for the rather monotonous “Jules Verne.” And, with that, the Jakolas became collectively known as the “Nautilus,” that ill-fated submarine first referenced in “Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea” because “that’s where they belong,” per Dad.
I’m fully aware we’ve reached the point where Jake – oh, I apologize – “Jules” makes an “official” appearance in our game; however, scrambled and cropped “pap” pictures are of little interest to me. I’ve always believed the Jakola narrative was entirely fandom created and nourished by sheep shit – but I’m not here to discuss the ambitiously imaginative minds of livestock that have been deprived of oxygen for four minutes too long.
I’m far more intrigued by what Jake was up to before and after those festival pictures were published. To be fair, most of the fandom, including Jakolas, didn’t even know Jake existed prior to August 25, 2024; therefore, the “before” is admittedly more difficult than the “after.” But since we seem to live our lives through social media, it’s only fair we take a moment to look at Jake’s Instagram. Oh, no, no, not those Instagram tidbits that made the small portion of the fandom who knew of Jake’s existence beforehand dismiss him almost immediately as a potential suitor for Nicola. I’m talking about his interactions with Nicola’s grid – after all Instagram “likes” are the foundation of all healthy relationships these days and, if you leave a comment, well, congratulations, you’re engaged.
Have you ever gone back and looked at which posts of Nicola’s Jake liked prior to the festival nonsense? They were actually somewhat sporadic in the beginning – and by “beginning,” I mean posts made after Jake and Nicola’s “instant love match” at the “Renegade Nell” premiere. Oddly, Jake skipped over posts promoting only Nicola in Harper’s Bazaar, Stylist Magazine, the L.A. Times, and Marie Claire, but liked Lukola-themed posts. For example, Jake liked Nicola’s April 21, 2024 Australian Bridgerton premiere post (“Snow on the Beach”); the May 3, 2024 “card game” photoshoot; the now-archived May 11, 2024 “Romeo and Juliet” balcony; the also now-archived May 14, 2024 Town and Country photoshoot (“Love & Friendship”); the May 16, 2024 “Polin” polaroid; the May 30, 2024 Brazil post; the June 13, 2024 “broken piece of furniture” reveal; the June 18, 2024 “Bridgerton on Film” camera roll; the July 16, 2024 “final day of filming” photo; and the August 22, 2024 “Polin” picture.
After the festival pictures were published, Jake started liking all of Nicola’s posts (well, until recently). Oh, wait, silly me – Jake didn’t like Part 1 of Nicola’s 2024 year-end dump. I guess that would’ve been weird.
At this point in our story, I feel compelled to remind you that Netflix allows for its shows to have a 91-day premiere window to accumulate views and climb their way into Netflix’s “Top 10 Most Popular Shows of All Time” list. For Netflix shows that are released in two parts, like Bridgerton Season 3 (and soon-to-be Season 4), each part is given its own 91-day premiere window, which is then added together and put through a calculation machine to determine the total number of views (or something like that). For Bridgerton Season 3, Part 1’s premiere window opened as of May 16, 2024 and closed on August 15, 2024; Part 2’s premiere window opened June 13, 2024 and closed on or about September 12, 2024.
I believe it’s important to note this because everything that occurred during this premiere window could have been done simply to promote Season 3. If you’re willing to consider the idea that the World Tour was initially about money, then you must be equally willing to consider that anything done within this post-premiere window could have also been about money. This would include anything Nicola posted during the summer, including all the Polin and Lukola content and all of Chaos Week. Luke’s repost of their interview bloopers on August 7, 2024, and Netflix & Co.’s “Luke & Nicola’s Cutest Moments,” released on August 27, 2024, would also fall under this umbrella. It could even be why Luke kept Antonia under lock and key – before, during, and immediately after the World Tour. Well, not quite under lock and key. Antonia didn’t gain her reputation for trolling Luke’s fandom from thin air.
That said, anything that happened after September 12, 2024 is fair game and can be argued to have been done freely, without obligation. For example, the cutesy hint about “Mis-Directed” posted by Nicola’s makeup artist on September 25, 2024, and all that early October shit posted by both Luke and Nicola would not have furthered Season 3’s climb up Netflix’s “All Time” ladder.
Alright, now that I have quite possibly dampened your spirits (I do apologize), we will formally round the corner into September.
First and foremost, I have little interest in Malta except to say it seemingly marked the launch of, no, not Jake and Nicola – the He-Said-She-Said-Bullshit which has now become par for the course (e.g., a rumor starts that Luke is in Malta followed by Jake posting a Malta hotel water bottle).
Look here, not there. Truly, this is today’s theme.
Second, I have little interest in Luke’s Spain post except that it proved Luke was indeed watching the fandom when he clarified the cake picture. Not only was he watching but he seemingly cared enough about the fandom’s reaction to correct the narrative that he’d removed Nicola from the fondant picture dangling from his mouth; however, oddly, he was not inclined to corroborate Antonia’s insinuation that they went to Spain together. Now, one could certainly argue Luke did this because Part 2’s premiere window hadn’t quite closed – and I’d almost be inclined to believe this if Luke’s dismissive behavior towards Antonia had changed after this point. But it did not.
And before you raise your hand, I am fully aware Antonia later posted a photograph of herself lounging on the exact same balcony from Luke’s Instagram stories, but I want you to think about that for a moment. If the pictures had been reversed and Luke posted himself lounging on the balcony and Antonia posted the random (and disappearing) story of the empty balcony, what would you be saying? You’d almost certainly be mocking Antonia for trying to insinuate she was there. Why can’t it work in reverse? Luke’s post included 10 pictures, five of which were generic in nature. Four of his stories that day, including his balcony story, were just as vacant and uninteresting. These pictures could have been taken at any time, by anyone. If you believe Antonia is fed information, pictures, and/or instructions to post by, say, a PR team, then it’s only reasonable to believe Luke would receive the same treatment.
Plus, the only people who made the connection between Luke’s story and Antonia’s post were the fandom.
A few days after Luke’s Spain post (and all the unnecessary drama that came with it), it was announced Nicola would be presenting at the Emmy’s in Los Angeles on September 15, 2024. In all honesty, Nicola’s appearance at the Emmy’s wasn’t all that interesting. Well, at least not as interesting as her ducking out of the afterparties to instead crawl into bed with the Wordle.
Seriously, she will never fully escape the shit she stirred during Chaos Week.
But it wasn’t just her Wordle reference that raised eyebrows. Some eagle-eyed fans spotted – no, that’s not true since even fans with blurry vision could see – what appeared to be a hickey on Nicola’s chest during the Emmy’s. Let’s not be shy here. It could be seen in multiple pictures, produced by multiple platforms. It could even be seen while she was on stage presenting whatever award she was there to present. And don’t try to sell me (or anyone with an adult brain) that this mark was from a harness or shadowing from her dress or too much makeup or too little vitamin C. For fuck’s sake just call a spade a spade and share a laugh about it.
Now, I concede that there’s no definitive proof as to who or what left the mark (I mean, if you’re still in denial it’s a hickey, I suppose she could have been doing some weird ass shit with a hotel’s commercial-grade vacuum) but we do have evidence that it was not Jake, thanks to Doug posting that Jake was busy playing “husband” with him in London at the time. Recall that a few paragraphs back I mentioned that Jake started liking all of Nicola’s posts after the festival pictures were published. This included her Emmy-Wordle post. It seems reasonable to believe Jake didn’t have any issues with whatever it was JVN’s “noisy neighbor” was doing in L.A.
Towards the end of September, beginning of October, everything everywhere happened all at once. Antonia was upsetting the fandom with her phone screen and her incessant twerking. Nicola’s stylist was posting (the yet to be disproven) Cool Hand Luke in the background of that “getting ready” picture of Nicola. Luke was posting from the airport and introducing the Red Bag of Chaos. And Nicola was basically advertising that she had switched her Claddagh to her left hand while riding the coattails of Luke’s airport story with an airplane toast of her own.
Dad: “How high were his heels?”
Dad: “His heels. How high were they?” <laughing>
Oh, yeah, and then Jake showed up in New York City.
Something changed during that October trip to New York. Every Lukola I’ve ever spoken with about the subject has commented that they, too, felt the shift. The fandom has had over a year to toss around theories of sinister security threats, overzealous fans, and opportunistic friends, but – and I hate to disappoint you – I don’t believe any of those theories. Not necessarily because they’re a bit theatrical but because they’re rooted in – what will become the fandom’s modus operandi – creating “excuses.”
To be fair, it actually took me a hot minute to realize what it was that bothered me about this particular chain of events. I had been blinded by my own irritation towards Nicola – that she would intentionally provoke the Lukola fandom with her airplane story only to callously betray them with an alternate ending. But that train of thought was always derailed by the ring, the shady picture of Luke, and Luke’s own stories. And then one day another possibility occurred to me – one that made sense in its simplicity.
Do you know the story of Icarus? In Greek mythology, he was a mortal who was given wings made of wax and feathers; however, he was warned to never fly too close to the sun. Of course, Icarus, being overly confident and reckless, ignored the warnings, flew too close to the sun, and plummeted to his death (because, you know, wax has the tendency to melt).
Earlier I mentioned Nicola had boxed herself into the Lukola narrative with Chaos Week. Personally, I’d allow her to backpedal out of Chaos Week. No harm, no foul. However, I wouldn’t be so lenient with her October 5, 2024 airplane story. Anyone engrossed in the fandom at that point would have linked Luke and Nicola’s airplane stories together, especially those paying attention to Nicola, who, in the days immediately prior, switched the Claddagh to her left hand and liked and commented on her stylist’s post with Luke in the background. It should also be noted that the interview Luke did for People Magazine – the one where he looked sheepishly off to the side while answering that he’d prefer a “happily married” ending – was taken roughly a week prior, on or about September 27.
If you believe that certain arrangements were put in place to separate Luke and Nicola publicly, then it’s not unreasonable to believe that there was an expectation of compliance with those arrangements. It’s one thing to toe the line; it’s another to cross it. And, although I believe everyone – including the fandom – was flying too close to the sun by this point, it’s my opinion that Nicola was flying directly into the sun. That said, you’re welcome to select whomever you want to play the part of Icarus. It doesn’t change the fact that everything shifted after October in New York.
Once Jake hit New York City, the fandom officially went to the mattresses. It was a bit like déjà vu only this time Nicola played the part of the patsy. Nothing – not even several Claddagh sightings, “people want me to marry Luke,” or coordinated “Polin” stories – could soothe the desolation of the Lukolas or quell the uprising of the Jakolas.
However, when I speak of a “shift” in the fandom, I’m not referring to the nasty divorce between the Lukolas and the Jakolas. Nor am I necessarily referring to the alternative storyline Nicola started to push after New York City, although that certainly plays a part. I’m talking about the shift in the fandom’s perception of Nicola; the realization that “[n]ot all that glitters is gold.”
If you’re like me, after the World Tour ended, you remained half invested in the fandom because you liked Nicola. You admired a woman who presented herself as witty, independent, and genuinely kind. This is a rare and unique kind of beauty, one that lasts a lifetime and surpasses all physical attributes. It’s the kind of attractiveness that makes one shine.
So, when Nicola abruptly made a 180-degree turn from the narrative – mind you she created and sustained almost entirely on her own – I would fancy a guess that the entire Lukola fandom took pause, even if it was only momentary. Come now, admit it. Seeing Jake in New York when you expected to see Luke made you, at the very least, skip a beat. Well, it made most of you.
I confess I took a moment to reflect, not on Jake’s manufactured existence in this fandom – seriously, the dude is as interchangeable with Nicola’s other Chappell Roan-loving friends as Gold Medal flour is with King Arthur – rather I hesitated at the realization that Nicola could be that forbidden D-word.
Yes, I did just call Nicola disingenuous.
And, no, I won’t take it back – because regardless of how this story ends, Nicola has misled one part of the fandom or the other.
Chill out. I’m not nearly finished.
If you’re willing to entertain the idea that Nicola played the part of Icarus – that she was the one who overstepped in October – then it’s only fair to grant her clemency when it comes to Jake. Assuming she had to retreat from the Lukola narrative in some way or another, Jake was the easiest way out because the fandom had already imposed him on her.
Note, however, I did not grant Nicola a full pardon. Why? Well, that’s simple. I’m certain most of us were raised on the idea that actions speak louder than words, and Nicola repeatedly leaning into, and at times even facilitating, the Jakola narrative was loud enough for me. An excuse of “I never said…” will not, in my opinion, justify Nicola misleading any part of the fandom, including the Jakolas.
That said, a determination of Nicola’s “disingenuity” is yours alone to make. It doesn’t mean you don’t like her; it just means you’ve found her liable for at least one of her more questionable moves – but, if you’re still in this fandom, you’ve also likely forgiven her.
The rest of 2024 was basically “Jakolas Gone Wild.”
I used to believe the worst part of the Jakola narrative was the Jakolas themselves. I mean, fuck, they’re loud and vulgar and obnoxious and unrealistically ignorant and – well, I’m sure they say the same of Lukolas.
For me, the Jakola narrative was never off-kilter because of the debate over Jake’s sexuality. At some point you must accept that we all view the world in different colors – and it’s rarely worth the energy needed to change another’s mind, especially about something as mundane as this. Rather my problem with the Jakola narrative has always been this underlying and archaic idea that a woman needs a man; that she can’t just exist for herself. Throw in an origin story rooted in vengeance and you have the Jakolas grappling at any man not literally draped in a Pride flag and using him to exact revenge on Luke for his oh-so-public rejection of Nicola.
The concept of a woman being defined by her partner was essentially what Nicola chastised the entire fandom over with her Harper’s Bazaar speech last November. So, it’s hard to reconcile that almost immediately thereafter Nicola began toting Jake around like a handbag-sized Chinese Crested – obviously the hairless kind that only pops its head out when it senses it’s near a restaurant or queer film.
For over a year now, it’s been the inconsistent and paradoxical nature of the Jakola that has allowed me to sit back and call “bullshit” on this fandom. The Jakola triggers too many questions; it raises too many red flags. It creates an interdependent relationship where Jake only exists in the presence of Nicola because, if he existed elsewhere, there wouldn’t be an ongoing debate over his sexuality. And Nicola only exists in the presence of Jake because, truly, if she existed elsewhere, even the slightest suggestion that she followed Jake from job to job would be a glaring insult to everything she’s ever said publicly about feminism, equality, and partnership.
I tend to believe that, if you’re still in the Lukola fandom, you likely concluded the Jakola narrative was preposterous months ago (if not well over a year ago) and that the only thing eliciting any emotion outside of laughter from you now is related to how far Nicola has chosen to push this thing. It’s one thing to allow the Jakolas to develop their own plot; it’s another to intentionally lead them astray with a carrot on a stick.
Earlier, when I referred to Nicola as being “disingenuous,” it wasn’t so much an insult as it was an observation. In my opinion, Nicola only made one major faux pas during her stay aboard the Jakola and that was the “pap pictures” (emphasis on the quotations) released by Deux Moi on October 23, 2024. Those are much harder to defend than, say, Jake being her date at the BAFTA pre-party (e.g., that was no different than JVN being her date at the Emmy’s pre-party or Jack being her date at the Harper’s Bazaar awards). Nicola knew, or should have known, that the fandom would have a reaction to the release of those “pap pictures” because she’d already been witness to it in New York City. This tells me that the intent behind the release of those particular pictures was to mislead the fandom.
Now, everything Nicola did after the release of those October 23, 2024 “pap pictures” snowballed into what the Jakola is today, regardless of whether the interactions between the two were visibly platonic, or even non-existent. For example, Nicola including solo pictures of Jake in her July 1 Australia post was basically equivalent to Antonia placing herself on that Spanish resort’s balcony. The closest connection between Nicola and Jake was a game of generic Jenga, which doesn’t even appear to have been played at the same table; however, the fandom concluded Nicola had followed Jake to Australia. I can even laugh off Nicola referring to Jake as “my love,” especially when, in the days immediately before and after, her “follower” activity indicated she may have been anticipating a significant loss. Seriously, everyone needs to find themselves a little alley cat who monitors the social media activity of, at a minimum, Luke and Nicola. It may be the most intriguing and telling thing in this fandom.
That said, though, if you find yourself wanting to throttle Nicola for trying to convince the waitstaff that Jake is a Chinese Crested, not a Gremlin – put down the water and ask yourself if Nicola is actually implying anything romantic, or if she’s simply allowing the fandom to run with its own narrative. Like I mentioned earlier, you can find Nicola guilty of being disingenuous while also acknowledging there is a grey area that warrants some blame being placed on the fandom.
In retrospect, I’m sure many of you noticed that Jake’s rather aggressive arrival at the fandom’s doorstep in the latter half of 2024 coincided with Antonia’s disappearance out the side door. Now, we already know Antonia will resurface in January 2025 but, between November and December 2024, she remained notably docile. Antonia’s best effort to connect herself to Luke was probably her half-ass pasta rolling video, which was immediately challenged and disregarded by the fandom – even after it learned Luke was in Rome filming something I will never make the effort to see (although my dad almost certainly will). At this time last year, the fandom had become so incredibly distracted by Jake, it had seemingly lost all interest in Antonia. As I mentioned earlier, the “Farewell Antonia” narrative had been set up quite nicely.
But then a rather peculiar thing happened – Jake got a job.
Although we wouldn’t get confirmation of this job until January 27, 2025, Jake quite certainly alluded to it when he posted Marlon Brando to his stories on December 6, 2024.
So, when Antonia posted to her grid later that same day – after a five-week hiatus from securing her “obligatory like” from Luke – the fandom’s singsong of “ding-dong the witch is dead” was suddenly muffled by Amy Winehouse belting out, “What kind of fuckery is this?”
It’s a rare occasion when something in this fandom truly blips my radar. And, on December 6, it wasn’t Jake posting a gay icon or Luke throwing up that expected like on Antonia’s post – both had become “standard operating procedure” – it was the reemergence of JVN that caught me off-guard.
JVN had been relatively quiet for some time – perhaps they, too, had been confused by Jake wearing jeans – so when they showed up on TikTok on the evening of December 6 wanting to “go off on this motha effa,” many commenters attributed it to Antonia. And, for whatever reason, this left me a bit unsettled. It was like JVN was waving a red pennant in the fandom’s direction.
Regardless of whether that was the intent behind JVN’s post, in hindsight, I believe we can see the renewal of Antonia’s season all the way back to December 6. Luke would later allude to her continued existence in his year-end dump – once again with something only the fandom would recognize (another warning, perhaps) – and then Antonia would officially come back with a vengeance in late January following Jake’s play announcement.
And, with that, a new pattern was established – one where the spotlight faded on Nicola and Jake and once again brightened on Luke and Antonia.
Dad: “Alright, alright! The Assassin’s got me. He’s convinced me – but he’s the only one giving this thing legs.”
Immediately after the shock and m-awe-ckery of Boss, we stepped into two Lukola-centric events: (1) the release of “Mis-Directed” on February 4, and (2) the SAG Awards on February 23. I am not inclined to explain the significance of Luke and Nicola’s SAG appearances. In my opinion – and likely yours, too – the absurdity of their interviews speaks for itself; however, I will make a few comments about “Mis-Directed,” mainly because they’re well overdue.
If you haven’t yet listened to “Mis-Directed,” well, you should. Yes, I’m aware it’s almost 11 hours of your life you will never get back, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it a “waste.” In fact, I’m sure you’ll leave the story thinking, “What the fuck is this shit?” But in a good way. There are simply too many eye-rolling “coincidences” for anyone to ignore the existence of this book. Not just in the content itself, but also in the fact that Nicola is narrating this obvious Lukola-inspired fanfiction. And not only is she reading it, but the book is only available through Audible Originals with Nicola reading it. You cannot purchase any other version of this book. In fact, Nicola will continue to read “Mis-Directed” to you until the e-book is released, whenever that may be.
For those who have listened to “Mis-Directed,” I think we can all agree that Nicola wrote that book.
But I don’t doubt that thought crossed all our minds as we listened to similarity after similarity and made connection after connection. And that inevitably begged to ask the question of who authored that book. By all accounts, of course, it was Lucy Parker as she clearly made public claims to that effect. But I’ll be honest, the authorship of this book and whether Nicola contributed and has any rights to it, is the one lingering question I have in this damn fandom. And my curiosity is only heightened by Lucy Parker – with a change in modus operandi – delaying her application for a U.S. copyright registration for “Mis-Directed.” Granted, I will concede that part may be dictated by her agreement with Audible.
Regardless of the implications raised by “Mis-Directed,” the fandom was amazingly quick in allowing itself to be diverted from the book’s tell-all content straight back into the He-Said-She-Said-Bullshit of the side narratives.
I suppose I can’t blame the fandom for that, though. Watching Luke continuously fuck up a two-car funeral has been almost as entertaining as watching Nicola fight her way out of the sheepfold she created for the Jakolas.
And, with that catty remark, I will fast-forward through to the present day – or, rather, close enough to it.
Dad: “Soooooooooo... Did they find that – “
Me: “Don’t start with me.”
Dad: “You’re no fun today… I saw Thang posted some pictures.”
Dad: “Anything of interest in there?” <insert high-pitched and exaggerated “hee-hee-hee”>
Me: “Clearly, you’ve already been online this morning. Is that why you’re calling?”
Dad: “Uh, no. I wanted to know if you use cream or milk in your potato soup.”
Me: “Oh, I actually use both...”
While my father sat at his kitchen table peeling potatoes – struggling immensely and complaining about how much he hated the task of peeling any vegetable – I filled him in on the latest Lukola-verse shenanigans. Although he’s privy to what the general audience sees, he’s not directly aware of what is discussed in the underground chat channels (and, no, he does not wish to join your Discord – trust me, I’ve tried). As I relayed the most recent bits of gossip and chatter, my dad interjected with his own thoughts, questions (including one about bay leaves), and satirical commentary. And, when he went to rinse his peeler, he realized his task of skinning those damned potatoes had been made all the more difficult because he’d forgotten to remove the thin plastic strip that protected the blade of said peeler.
“Maybe this is Thang’s Swan Song before he self-destructs,” my dad mused as we went through the events of the last several weeks. “Are we sure Ireland isn’t a psychopath? … What the hell is a blind? … Ha, what did I tell you [after SAG]?! You don’t want L.A. Confidential [CDaN] snooping around in your business! … Okay, yeah, there’s something weird here [in the interactions between Luke and Antonia]. … [Misty] behaves like a kicked dog. … Where’s the travel money coming from? Misty ain’t making money dancing. Someone is forking out the cash so she can be in all these places, and I doubt it’s your Hand Model. … Why are his hands so smooth? … Is Madison Avenue [Shondaland] concerned about – what season is this? – is she concerned about it nose-diving? … There’s so much misdirection right now you’ll lose your mind if you try to figure it out.”
But the comment that stuck out the most was: “If any of this is even half true [that Luke and Antonia are in a real relationship] and Antonia was my daughter, I’d beat the shit out of Luke with my cane.” This hit differently because I knew my dad meant it – he’d used their real names for the first time in almost a year.
And that’s the thing about the Lutonia. If you believe it is “normal” for a relationship to exhibit the amount of control Luke apparently has over Antonia, well, we may need to be having an entirely different conversation. If we take the last year into consideration, Antonia’s transparent posting patterns suggest that she had – and still has – limitations as to what she can post. Even the Instagram stories she posted from New York City were seemingly controlled in that they disappeared after 24 hours. And, although I often applaud anyone with a shady sense of humor, if this was a real relationship, Luke’s “forgetfulness” in not tagging Antonia in his BAFTA and New York City posts would indeed be worthy of my father’s cane, especially after he went back to tag his shoes in the BAFTA post.
Dad: “Love the fact he doesn’t tag [Misty] but he tags his shoes. <laughing>Talk about a heel!”
I recognize that a lot of people are upset over Luke serving Antonia to the fandom like a platter of improperly aged head cheese but, frankly, I was more traumatized over (a) Luke’s boogers; (b) Luke shaving off his hair to play McQueen; and (c) the lack of sleeves on Luke’s BAFTA outfit (or perhaps it was the “dad arms” dangling from the armholes; I don’t know but thank God someone had enough sense to put a jacket on him).
Don’t come for me – but I’ve rather enjoyed watching the interactions between Luke, Antonia, and the fandom. It’s, what I imagine to be, comparable to watching the gladiator games – with Luke playing the part of the reigning emperor; Antonia, of course, being the gladiator; and the fandom, the Romans. In my opinion, Luke has always allowed the fandom to dictate how he presents himself publicly, particularly when it comes to Antonia, and – when the going gets tough – he always seems to fall back on the Lukola to make amends with the fandom. This shady behavior becomes even more questionable when you consider he shares 63% of his Instagram followers with Nicola. He’s practically releasing the lions into the arena.
A very recent example of this would be Luke including in his New York City slideshow a clip of Antonia strutting across the street (presumably because it’s the closest thing she will ever get to a catwalk). As per the usual, the fandom was miffed but hid it well enough under the guise it was because Luke failed to post any acknowledgement to the “McQueen” showrunners and cast. Strike one. The following day Luke attempted to correct the discourse by posting an appreciation story about “McQueen;” however, this, too, displeased the fandom for being “too late,” “insincere,” and “disappearing.” Strike two. On the third day, Nicola posted a rather well-timed (but not really) charity post, and Luke reshared the post to his stories. The fandom’s reaction to this was split. Some were delighted he linked himself to Nicola, yet others remained peeved. Regardless, it quieted the fandom, and the New York debacle was quickly forgotten. So…maybe a dropped third strike and hope for the best?
The problem with this pattern of behavior – where Luke seemingly diminishes Antonia in exchange for the fandom’s loyalty – is that it’s toxic, not only for a romantic relationship but for a friendship as well. It’s always been Luke’s nonchalance towards Antonia’s wellbeing that has made the interactions between the two appear emotionless and robotic, which, in turn, makes them appear transactional. That, of course, leads to the question of disingenuity as it relates to Luke, and the debate over whether he, too, has intentionally pushed a false narrative.
The very simple black-and-white answer is, fuck yes, Luke is just as disingenuous as Nicola.
But – because there’s always a “but” –
I come back to this very snarky comment my dad made after watching Luke leave the “McQueen” premiere with Antonia.
Dad: “The only consistent thing in this dysfunctional fandom is Thang looking like he hates his life.”
It’s that one mitigating factor – the impression that Luke is genuinely unhappy with his public persona – that somehow makes his disingenuity more acceptable to the fandom. There is a stark difference between the way Luke interacts with Antonia (with disinterest), and the way Nicola interacts with Jake (with interest). Funny thing is, if you switch sides of the table, you can see the same disinterest in the way Jake interacts with Nicola, and the same (yet, fading) interest in the way Antonia interacts with Luke.
Dad: “I swear, if you want to sell a story, give it to a woman.”
Now, I’m going to stop for a moment to ask you a question.
And I’d like you to answer it as quickly as possible – preferably within three seconds or less – without looking back through this blog for the answer.
In fact, it’s one of those questions to which you will either know the answer or you won’t.
Yes, I am referring to the chess game that’s been playing in the background this entire time.
The same one I told you about at the beginning of today’s story. I even provided you with enough clues in the opening dialogue to tell you which game we were playing. You could have easily consulted Mr. Google to cheat the answer.
The game is over after this move – with the loser conceding defeat.
But I’m going to wager that most of you don’t know which side won this game – at least not with absolute certainty.
Sure, you could guess. After all, you have a 50/50 chance of being correct.
But would you bet your life on your answer?
In truth – I don’t want you to know the answer.
From the moment I introduced you to the chess game until we reached Move 20 – I went about trying to distract you from said chess game. I wanted the game to exist somewhere in your subconscious; for you to recognize it was there – but for your attention to be engaged elsewhere, making it nearly impossible for you to answer that question with confidence. The hardest part, though, was figuring out how to divert your attention away from the fact that I set you up with a question you couldn’t possibly answer unless you were familiar with the way chess pieces move. And even then, the answer to the question is nearly unworkable in the time frame I gave you to answer it – unless, of course, you’re a damn good chess player. A bit disingenuous of me, perhaps, but the question was never really about the answer. It was simply a means to demonstrate how easy it was to fall victim to a phenomenon called Distracted-from-Distraction-by-Distraction.
And, if you went back to try to figure out the answer – because God forbid you concede you did not know it – you may want to consider whether you’ve driven my point across the finish line.
Now, let’s finish this nearly 200-year-old “Immortal Game” of chess.
Surely, you didn’t think I’d leave you hanging without revealing the answer to my question. But, I promise, it will be over before you know it.
As a collective, the fandom has access to an ungodly amount of information, with each tidbit of data having the power to distract from the how or why or when something happened. And when every little distraction becomes a cause for overthinking, overanalyzing, romanticizing, or even embellishing the smallest glimpses into someone else’s existence, well, then we’ve most certainly become a PR narrator’s dream and the reason a PR narrative remains viable.
The longer the bottom shelf narratives go on, the more illogical the entire story becomes, especially for two people who, in the grand scheme of things, are irrelevant to the general audience. Luke and Nicola are not household names; they rely almost entirely on the Bridgerton fandom for their claim to fame. But when Bridgerton is on a nearly two-year hiatus –
Dad: “People move on to other things. They forget about Bridgerton. There’s nothing interesting about Thang and Ireland anymore. Their season’s done. They’re old news. The only thing keeping you interested [in them] is Misty and Jules Verne.”
It’s an interesting thought when you truly consider it – this idea that Antonia and Jake are the drama – the distraction – keeping the fandom invested in Lukola. The biggest red flag in this fandom has always been the level of aggression at which the side narratives were pushed onto the fandom, especially after it became apparent that both Antonia and Jake were unfavorable and even detrimental to Luke and Nicola’s individual reputations. Surely, if these relationships were real, Luke and Nicola’s PR teams would be working to remedy the backlash, not encouraging Luke and Nicola to pour ethanol on them[selves].
I believe there must come a point in this fandom – and presumably every fandom – when you realize you’ve fallen into a PR trap. That distractions were too perfectly timed. That pictures were too conveniently available. That two people were too quiet at the same time. That rumors were too quickly squashed. That social media interactions were too orchestrated. That the side narratives were too problematic. That Josh was too often available. And that all the above patterns were too predictable.
If you noticed, I bulldozed over most of Luke and Antonia’s outings between SAG and the present day, and I ignored Jake almost entirely. When you realize you’ve fallen into a PR trap, those outings and social media interactions become irrelevant; they become red herrings. Once you’ve reached the point where the PR is as plain as the nose on your face, there’s no longer this need to make sense of each individual move; rather your focus is diverted to making sense of the overall gameplay.
And, in this particular game, one side has spent the entire time distracted by an opening move error while the other has had the endgame figured out since, quite possibly, Move 3 – but definitely by Move 10.
Dad: “Maybe it’s all about money. Have you ever considered that?”
Dad: “You just said the Magical Mystery Tour was about money.”
Me: “Yes, but that’s different. That was about using Lukola to sell Polin.”
Dad: “Isn’t that what they’re doing here? Madison Avenue has put all her eggs in this one basket hoping they’ll sell the show.”
I’ll admit that my heart sank just a little listening to my father’s thoughts on how Netflix & Co. was the only one with enough influence to orchestrate a significant game of PR nonsense (because, if Netflix & Co. was involved, it meant business was involved). He removed all the distractions I had once found so entertaining and instead focused only on the most significant moves. Before I knew it, I found myself agreeing that the most logical explanation for the He-Said-She-Said-Bullshit of the past year and a half (emphasis on the length of time) was that it was designed to keep the fandom invested in Luke and Nicola even if only by absurd side narratives.
Naturally, this prompted other lines of inquiry. If you’ve found yourself questioning why Netflix & Co. would want to protect Lukola – because I promise it isn’t due to their oversized hearts – while also preventing Lukola from completely disappearing from the spotlight, then I imagine you’ve boarded the same train of thought as my dad and me. And, if you’re also questioning why Luke and Nicola would agree to such a charade, well, then I think you’ve just come full circle.
The common denominator between Luke and Nicola is, of course, Polin, which is directly tied to Bridgerton, Netflix, and Shondaland. That, in and of itself, isn’t all that interesting – except when you factor in the success of Season 3. Polin had a record-breaking debut for the Bridgerton series. It remained on Netflix’s “Top 10” for eleven consecutive weeks (with six of those weeks being in the number one spot), and it was basically guaranteed its spot in Netflix’s “Top 10 Most Popular Shows of All Time” before the Part 2 release. It’s also cited as a major contributing factor for Netflix’s increased subscriber growth during the second quarter of 2024, and let’s not forget its contributions to tourism, merchandising (from candles to wedding gowns), fanfiction, social media, and book and music sales. The long and the short of it is Polin has a marketable value, which benefits not only Netflix & Co., but also Luke and Nicola.
But everyone keeps overlooking the most valuable “asset” in this game – Lukola.
It wasn’t Polin that sold Season 3 to you; it was Luke, Nicola, and that ridiculous World Tour. Polin became an extension of Lukola.
And when they’ve collectively restricted the fandom’s access to Lukola, the only thing the fandom has left is Polin.
Now, I’m going to stop for a moment to ask you another question.
Did you keep your Netflix subscription, or were you planning to renew it in January?
The theory that Netflix & Co. is pulling the strings certainly isn’t new. In fact, the idea has been floating around since at least Move 1. It’s based almost entirely on the argument that Luke and Nicola’s private lives do not warrant the amount of time and attention they’ve been given, particularly by the gossip sites and rag mags. The amount of effort that’s been put into pushing the side narratives – for example, trying to make Antonia “fetch” – should also raise one’s eyebrows, as should the amount of influence required to make those all too flattering write-ups happen (and I’m not talking about the ones about Antonia and Jake). That said, I believe the strongest argument for this theory lies in the fact that it is universal – none of the side narratives, Lukola included, need to be real for this theory to hold weight.
In fact, if you strip away all the side narratives – all those annoying little distractions – you’re just left with one mildly famous woman and one lesser-known man getting random mentions on the gossip sites, rag mags, and minor publications. Their names remain in your mouth. It’s as simple as that.
But it’s also not that simple. Luke and Nicola have reached a crossroads. They can’t keep pushing the side narratives without increasing the backlash, and they can’t keep avoiding Lukola without that narrative losing its charm (and both scenarios have the potential to harm Netflix & Co.). The harsh reality for Luke and Nicola (and, by default, their sideshow bits) is that their 15 minutes are ticking away. The fandom’s interest – and patience – has already started to wane, as evidenced by Luke and Nicola’s social media pages (e.g., the continued loss of followers and the decline of real engagement on their posts). I’ll be shocked if Luke and Nicola continue to remain relevant to the Lukola fandom past Season 4 unless something mind-blowing happens to draw the fandom back in. And by “mind-blowing,” I’m sure as shit not talking about Polin. Once the Lukola fandom dies, the other fandoms and the PR narratives that feed into it will naturally decay.
Even if Netflix & Co. can resell Lukola to the fandom, it will never be the same, will it? Because somewhere in the middle of all this He-Said-She-Said-Bullshit, Luke and Nicola made a critical error – they broke the fandom’s trust. My father makes a wonderfully convincing argument that this chess game was lost in Move 3 when the Black Queen put the White King in check. The losing side would become so distracted by the Black Queen that he would begin making error after error, allowing the winning side to start dictating how Her Majesty would set up his own strategy – even if it meant sacrificing two rooks, a bishop, and his own Queen to secure the endgame.
That said, I can’t help but have some empathy for Luke and Nicola. Sure, they likely have blood on their hands, but when you drop them into this game of chess, you realize they’ve been tasked with the extraordinary role of playing both the Black Queen and the White Queen. On one hand, they’ve opted to play an aggressive game of He-Said-She-Said-Bullshit – a style of gameplay which has become increasingly difficult to defend. On the other hand, though, they’ve sacrificed themselves for an endgame that remains elusive.
But, hey, Luke and Nicola have one thing going for them – the fandom’s modus operandi of creating excuses for adults behaving poorly. <ba dum tss>
I struggled immensely with writing this post. Not with the length of it – that part was intentional and designed to draw parallels between the fandom and the slow and complex nature of the game of chess (and kudos to those who picked up on the correlations between the chess game and the Lukola-verse). Rather, I struggled with remaining invested in Luke and Nicola long enough to finish the game. Regardless of whether I believed Lukola to be real, after I’d reached the conclusion that the He-Said-She-Said-Bullshit was about money, I was left with nothing new to say. The only thing I could do was watch and wait for the game to come down to the final few moves.
There is a certain justice, though, in realizing Netflix & Co., Luke, Nicola, and the Lukola fandom are all sitting on the same side of the table. They'll either win together, or they'll collectively find themselves in...
