Anyone we could marry would, of course, be a little wrong for us. It is wise to be appropriately pessimistic here. Perfection is not on the cards. Unhappiness is a constant. Nevertheless, one encounters some couples of such primal, grinding mismatch, such deep-seated incompatibility, that one has to
So one of my closest friends sent me this link the other day and reading it gave me chills. We then proceeded to talk about what the message in the article meant to each of us and it was so refreshing!
What stood out the most for me was the first point “We do not know ourselves”. It’s from this gap in knowledge that the other points were born: not knowing others, not knowing how to be happy and so on.
As human beings, we live in a tragic paradox which is this, we spend the most time with ourselves but don’t bother to find out about ourselves. We are so scared of lonely. Sometimes, it’s because we are frightened of what we would find and other times, we don’t even give it a moment’s thought.
How interesting would it be to, instead of bond over what music you like to listen to and what your hobbies are, to instead, bond over what makes you mad. Because let’s face it, we all have our separate idiosyncrasies that are unique to us but can still be coupled with someone else’s. And if anything, these neurotic elements of ourselves should match with whoever we want to get married to.
I think, in deciding who you choose to spend the rest of your life with, who you choose to bear witness to all the important milestones in your life should be someone you can comfortably talk about all the uncomfortable things with.
My friend said something important while we were discussing this. She said:
“I cannot [get married to] someone who lets me hide and hides himself. It has to be someone interested in my healing. And his”
“[I am not} interested in that fools rush in, catch the bouquet, star sign compatibility type of love. What actually warps the idea of how to go into marriage is people think as long as the conventional damages don’t happen to you, you’re whole. So like if neither was ever abused or had Death take away loved ones, then there’s no damage and no healing to be done. And that is how people actually die. It is. Because life is breaking all of us. No matter what. With failures and with breathing and everything else in between. In varying degrees, we are all breaking and mending. And it’s in all those cracks that the madness seeps in. So if nobody now wants to face that truth and acknowledge that the way they are isn’t the way they were born, I beg you, what is the point? Because they wouldn’t even know what to look for. I want to know what to look for. I want to know how mad I am and meet someone who knows how mad he is and talk about our madness together. In the open. No games. No tricks. Just madness.”
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