The Daily Thought

18 year-old theaterophile conquers fear of commitment by promising herself to write just a little bit every day. The Daily Thought...always original, always true, almost always daily.

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#Realtalk Friday

This is the first #realtalk Friday, and I just want to tell you that I have no idea why the fuck I am doing this. Part of me wants to be famous. Part of me wants to let people know I have thoughts. 

I get pissed off about a lot of stuff. I really need to lose weight. 

You know what I think are stupid? Tattooes. You want to remember something, you write it down. Not on your ankle or some bullshit.

Okay. That's probably all I have to say today. I feel no need to rant crazily today.

#realtalk.

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5. What even

Today was my last day of high school classes. Thank you Jesus. Have a My Little Pony.

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4. The Last Coffee Nothing solidifies the idea that I'll never be going to this school again like drinking the last coffee I'll ever buying at the local coffee store while looking at my yearbook. I wasn't in it much (the yearbook) but there's something so weird about it. Yearbooks are always an ending. I wish this was a faster ending.

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My room before cleaning...and the two feet in the lower left that I already cleaned. #excitinglife

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3. Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up

In prep for moving to Connecticut and also so that my room will stop looking like a hurricane hit it, I've been trying to clean up my room a little everyday. It hasn't really been working. 

I feel like my live is just such a mess right now. I have to get all of my teachers to sign a piece of paper saying I turned all my books in. Lost it for a day. I paid for my yearbook at the beginning of the year. Not on the list of people who paid. I want to be skinny but I just keep eating and eating and eating because I'm so stressed out and mad that I'm not fulfilling my potential or whatever. And I know this sounds cliched and teenagery, but I just want to MOVE OUT and start over and stop having all of these bad feelings associated with living with people who are so close to you it hurts. 

I really love my parents, but I've ended more conversations than I would like to with them thinking, "I cannot wait until we don't breathe the same air 365 days of the year."

I just need to clean up my life, and that won't happen until I am done with this hellhole of a school. June 5th is Graduation. The end. Goodbye. Don't cry for me, Argentina. The truth is, you're a stupid asshole.

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Eee scary...you can see that I don't even have a little avatar picture yet. I instagram too much.

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2. Daily Thoughts...Thoughts.

SO I should probably explain what is going on here.

Hi, My name is Monica Faye, I'm 18 years old, and my favorite color is pink. Born and raised in Los Angeles, California, but no, I do not know how to surf. I have been involved in Musical Theater since I was 8 years old, and next year I'll be going to the University of You-think-I'm-actually-going-to-tell?-Alright,-it's-in-Connecticut,-but-that's-all-I'm-giving-you for BFA Musical Theater.

I've always been really bad with commitment and remembering things. (Except song lyrics, because lord knows I still know all the words to "What Dreams Are Made of" from the Lizzie McGuire movie.) The Daily Thought is a project made to make me write a little every day, because I love writing, and I'm always having thoughts that I wish I had somewhere to share. If I can make it to 365 days of thoughts, I'll...I don't know. Maybe buy myself a new phone or something. Point is, I'm proving to myself that I can do it. Because I think I can, but I need to know I can. 

Because I'm an adult now, and I have no idea what that entails.

If you want to see the thoughts, all the thoughts, and nothing but the thoughts, there's a link at the top of the page that says "All My Thoughts" that was made just for you, or you can search "thedailythought" at the bottom of the page, and you'll basically get the same page.

Feel free to follow and reblog, but this page will be pretty much 100% original me, so no reblogs or follows will be headed your way. I will be using other people's material as far as songs and stuff go, but no one else's posts.

Please follow, because it's gonna be a fun ride! So far I have planned #realtalk Fridays, where I don't give a shit what you think, cause it's REAL TALK. I'll also try to post a picture to go along with each post, but I can't guarantee anything. 

I doubt anyone will ever read this, but it's mostly for me, so...those are my thoughts for today. 

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Just a little instagram to go along with today's stupidly long thought...handwritten lyrics to  "A Change in Me" from Beauty and the Beast the Musical. That's what I do in classes, what do you do?

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1. Graduation Song

As a lover of all things musical theater, one of the most important parts of my upcoming graduation was having a song to celebrate it. Mine was, is, and always will be "Astonishing" from Little Women, but the song that's been stuck in my head for the last week comes a close second.

"A Change in Me" from Beauty and the Beast the Musical

There's been a change in me

A kind of moving on

Though what I used to be

I still depend upon

I had a really bad time in high school. I didn't have many friends, never had a boyfriend, and I couldn't perform the art I so loved because someone always said I just wasn't good enough. That someone was usually a so-called 'educator.'

For now I realize 

That good can come from bad

That may not make me wise

But, oh, it makes me glad

That doesn't mean I ever stopped trying, but it does mean I was never in a school show at either of the two high schools I attended. Hell, I went to an arts high school, in the vocal department, and they didn't know just how well I sang until my senior choir concert when I finally got to sing a solo. And sing it, I did.

And I, I never thought I'd leave behind

My childhood dreams, but I don't mind

For now I love the world I see.

No change of heart, a change in me.

I'm not trying to put myself down or even brag - but I couldn't hold in that song anymore. When I sang in front of my peers for the first time since I switched schools two years before, my voice literally poured out of me. When I sang that day, I needed to be astonishing. I still do. Now, I think I just believe that I already am a little more than I did before.

For in my dark despair

I slowly understood

My perfect world out there 

Had disappeared for good

But in its place I feel

a truer life begin

And it's so good and real

It must come from within

Next year I'll be going to one of the top schools in the nation with one of the most highly ranked musical theater programs.

And I, I never thought I'd leave behind

My childhood dreams, but I don't mind

For Musical Theater.

I'm where and who I want to be

And I made it happen without help from anyone at school.

No change of heart, a change in me.