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[throwaway681918311203loa1]

my sick and twisted fantasy is that my parents or my brother or anyone who lives in the same house as me will find my search history and finally understand whatever’s wrong with me because i damn well are not explaining it well to them myself

[throwaway681918311203loa1]

cis men with gender ocd deadass piss me off as a trans woman with gender ocd. specifically the ones who claim to “have gender ocd and agp” like sorry no i don’t accept your transmisogynistic pseudoscience just because it helps you explain not being trans better, you have to shut up

[throwaway681918311203loa1]

just curious if anyone else has had similar experiences, has anyone else done something not technically morally bad but like super toxically masculine (specifically seeking out but not going through trying to hire sex work) as a teen or young adult then when you realized you were trans you like are certain you can’t be because you did that horrible thing. do things like that in your past make you not transfem because of how evil they are. could anyone other than a cis man even do something so bad.

[wayfinders-coven]

There’s a few things to unpack here.

1. Looking into hiring a sex worker is not evil or even toxically masculine. Even if you went through with it, it still wouldn’t be. Yes, the sex work industry is exploitative for a fair number of people, but there are people who choose it because they want to do it. Knowing the difference is helpful. Sex work is real work.

2. Evil is not stored in the gender. Being trans doesn’t require a specific level of morality. Transitioning is not a feminist or anti-feminist or otherwise bigoted act, it’s completely neutral. This goes for any gender transitioning direction.

3. Additionally, cis men are not inherently evil, no matter what anyone tells you. They are (on average) the least exposed to feminism and have the most privilege based on gender in a patriarchal society and whatnot, but they’re still human and can choose to learn. And cis men can still be racialized, disabled, etc.

Anyway, the point is that even if you were the worst person on the planet, it wouldn’t invalidate you being trans. However, you are not the worst person on the planet. Letting go of gender essentialism might help you feel more comfortable though.

[throwaway681918311203loa1]

maybe im just too woke or wtv but the reason it’s toxically masculine is because i believe if paid a person cannot actually consent, payment is a form of coercion.

[throwaway681918311203loa1]

just curious if anyone else has had similar experiences, has anyone else done something not technically morally bad but like super toxically masculine (specifically seeking out but not going through trying to hire sex work) as a teen or young adult then when you realized you were trans you like are certain you can’t be because you did that horrible thing. do things like that in your past make you not transfem because of how evil they are. could anyone other than a cis man even do something so bad.