And veils the farmhouse at the garden’s end. The sled and traveler stopped, the courier’s feet Delayed, all friends shut out, the housemates sit Around the radiant fireplace, enclosed In a tumultuous privacy of storm.blue alcott & nathaniel ballantyne.montpelier academy.
nathaniel was thirteen years old. he was young, and he allowed himself to feel things he doesn’t feel anymore. he wrote letters to his best friend that had moved away, but all his letters went unanswered.
he sent them for a year.
@ofvivicnnc
july 23rd, 2012.
vivvy,
Please tell me he’s wrong. Please tell me you’re not moving. I saw your dad, and he said you weren’t living here anymore. Why? Was it our dog? I know he’s loud, but he’s afraid of the dark. I promise he’ll never bark again if he’s the reason why. I have eleven dollars, tell your dad I will give it all to him and more if you stay. I will mow the lawn. My dad is powerful, I’m sure he can do something. I will do anything. I don’t want you to go, and I can’t find you. Your dad said that I could mail you here and you would receive them. My dad didn’t want me too… but you’re my friend. I would do anything for my friends.
I’ve learned a lot about stamps. Also, mail. I prefer emails because the internet is fun, but this is alright. My hand is already starting to cramp up, and I hope you can read this. I miss you. We never got to finish the jungle adventure we had going. I haven’t forgotten. The monkey is still tied to my bedpost.
from natey.
august 13th, 2012.
dear vivvy,
Did you get my last letter? It could have gotten lost in the mail, I don’t know. Mum said to wait a few weeks to make sure it got to you, because you could be so far away. According to the address your dad gave me, you’re in Minnesota. It must be cold up there. But I guess you get to make snow angels and snowballs, something we never got to do here. I still want to do that with you. I remember you promised me I would get to see the snow some day. Dad said he would, but he’s always busy at work… I bet if my brother said he wanted to go, we’d go. But that’s okay. I will pack my bag and wait until you call me and we can go together. My home phone is still the same. And my hotmail address. Also I have a funny picture to show you of a giraffe, so please reply soon.
from natey.
september 5th, 2012.
dear vivvy,
There’s new people next door in your house. There is a small baby that cries all the time, and they have a cat that always poops in our yard. My mum says they’re staying there. Don’t worry, I have reminded them that it’s your house. That you will come back eventually. Right? I don’t think they’re using your bedroom. I won’t allow them.
Also, school has started up again. School is alright, but it’s not as good without my friends... those bullies made jokes about you, but I defended you. If you come back, I promise you that they won’t bother you again.
from natey.
october 31st, 2012.
dear vivvy,
Halloween. I never liked halloween... I was never allowed to go trick or treating. The first time I ever went was with your family. Your family was always funny. I don’t think your dad liked me, but everyone else seemed to. People laugh in your family, which I like. I miss you, and I miss them, and I don’t know why you won’t come home. I saved all the best candy for you. But you gotta come back quick, or I’ll eat it all before you’re gone.
from natey.
november 17th, 2012.
vivvy,
I deactivated my club penguin account. It wasn’t the same without you. You haven’t logged on, which makes me sad and I’m worried about your puffle. Nate junior is doing well. I got my green belt in card-jitsu. Not that it matters anymore, I suppose.
I thought you were better than this. Why haven’t you replied to me ??
natey.
december 27th, 2012.
viv,
Merry Christmas. It didn’t feel very merry. You weren’t here. I bought a present for you... I worked all winter break to have enough money. I wrapped it up myself and everything. Suppose it’s not good enough for you. It was a book on cats, by the way. Because you love them. Like... never mind.
nate.
january 15th, 2013.
viv,
It’s a new year. It’s a new year, and yet you’re still not in it. Thanks for letting me know this friendship is over.
nate.
feburary 28th, 2013.
viv,
Did you get a new best friend? Is that it? Is that why you won’t reply to me? I guess... I guess I have to focus on school now. There’s nothing else going for me. But if you want to talk, I promise I’m not mad, I.. just... talk to me. Please.
nate.
may 1st, 2013.
viv,
I never thought there would be a day that I didn’t want to be your friend anymore. I will always be your friend, and…. No, I don’t want to say it. I can’t say it. Not yet.
yours, nate.
july 23rd, 2013.
vivvy,
I miss you. Your dad said this was your new address but… surely you would have replied to one message? Are you there? Can you see this? I even changed my icon to that band you liked. Please answer my letters. You don’t even have to be my friend anymore. I won’t hold it against you. I just need to know you’re okay. I love you. Oh. Yeah. Um. I couldn’t tell you when you were here, and I couldn’t tell you when I thought you’d reply, but.. I think I love you, Viv. I know we’re best friends and we’re young, but I’ve never known someone as incredible as you. And chances are.... you’re gone forever. I’ll never hear from you again. But... on the off chance you’ve seen these letters, that you know I’m out here, that you can read these words.... please let me know you’re okay. I love you, and I need to know you’re okay.
I miss you more than anything in this entire world. Goodbye, Vivienne.
love always, nate.
july 23rd, 2015.
Vivienne,
I never got over you, but I’m over everyone else. Thank you for making me the person I am... and for making it clear that you never cared about me the way I cared about you. People and adventure and anything ‘fantastical’ as you used to say is not worth it. Thanks for showing me that. Thanks for letting me go when I needed you most.
nathaniel, as had become evident throughout his years at montpelier, did not like to interact with other students. he was very much a loner, however the self-isolation was something that nathaniel relished, and even treasured at times. the only two clubs he allowed himself to enter into were academically focused, and he tried his hardest to avoid any of the people in there. there was one person however, in both those clubs, that made that nearly impossible. nate, walking down the hall, could see emma jane in his vision and quickly threw him to the side and leaned up against a locker in the hopes of concealing himself.
“naji.” again, no further explanation. as far as naji’s concerned, it’s not needed. this guy needs an umbrella, and naji has room under his. it’s really not that deep. he nods, crossing the short distance between them to scoop up the pile and tuck it under his arm. “stop gawping. you’ll catch a fly in your mouth like that.” he levels the other with a bored stare and short jerk of his head to the rain. “fine. lead the way.” he shifts the books in his grip a bit, brows furrowed in quiet consideration. “what’s all this for anyway?” seeing as he was saving this guy’s life, naji figures he at least has the freedom to ask questions, even if the other doesn’t answer them.
“naji,” nate repeated, quizzically tossing the word around as if he had no intention to forget it the second he exited the conversation. he didn’t offer up his own name in return, as he figured naji did not care, and nate had no desire to foster anything other than civility with the figure beside him. the second the other teased nate, he felt the gravity in his features tighten as he glowered at the other. but, as instructed, he shut his mouth and simply led the way, as naji had instructed. the uncomfortable distance between them as the rain pelted down around them was not something that nate was attuned to. “study,” nate responded curtly. although true, and as many could attest to, nate always had his nose in a book. most of the time however, it was merely to avoid having to do this, interact with others. “how long have you been at montpelier ? i’m not one for names, but even your face seems new to me. are you a transfer ?” the question settled in the air between them. nate told himself he didn’t care, just that he didn’t let there to be any unknown facts to him. but maybe he was secretly, quietly, and irrevocably grateful to the one person who had yet to learn why associating with him was a foolish venture.
Holden left for the gym for an hour, and upon his return he expected the dorm to look exactly like the hellish state he’d left it this morning. While it was still a tragedy, the space was now a Christmas edition of a tragedy. However, Holden couldn’t help but feel some kind of appreciation for the little things that Blue did, like decorate the dorm for the holiday. Part of Holden wondered if he did this due to the fact that the boy never had anywhere to go during the break, and wanted to make it as festive and homey as he could. Either way, he felt something in between delight and sadness at the sight. “Someone told you that it’s November right, you absolute bozo?” Holden asked as he shut the door behind him, dropping his duffel off to the side, and toeing out of his sneakers. “Love what you’ve done with the place, my lil Elf. You gonna up some mistletoe for me later?” he joked, wagging his brows at the blond, and blowing a kiss Blue’s way.
“The Christmas spirit demands to be felt,” Blue immediately quipped as Holden waltzed through the door, that familiar aroma of a thousand sweaty socks that had amalgamated with an overtly perfumed deodorant hitting Blue all at once. “See that space over there ?” Blue pointed into thin air, with an expectant look on his face. “That’s the Christmas spirit, and it doesn’t care if you’re fifty one days from Christmas.” Blue paused, and wondered if the display put Holden off. In previous years people had enjoyed his decorations, but maybe this year he’d done it too early. Maybe, given the circumstances at Montpelier of late, it was odd for him to be so jolly, considering how glum it had been around their dorm. “Excuse me, why am I an elf ? You can be my elf. I’m Santa junior,” Blue tutted, resting his hands on his hips. “Boy, when I put the mistletoe up, we’re going to kiss and there’s no way you can stop it,” Blue caught the kiss that Holden had sent his way, and clutched it to his heart. “... babe.”
holden: you know you can obtain a zesty hug from me any time you like, u zesty fool
holden: first ALL, i am a pretzel man. secondly, fdklsd you're so fucking right. how much you wanna bet they have an outfit in the closet that resembles a flight hostess
holden: WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!! i would wanna b "one more time" music video britt. which 1 are you?
holden: wow, that should be your tinder bio tbh
blue: the way you hold me feels zesty holden, and i don't know if i could handle it all day every day u feel
blue: what do u have against peanuts. and we all know wyatt is better than us all why we gotta argue
blue: tag urself im the britney in denim with justin timberlake
blue: no my tinder bio just says "if ur not holden wood swipe left"
“Well, who else would it be?” The brunette questioned as he spoke. “I’ll be honest with you, I wouldn’t have pegged anyone else to be the ultimate prank master, so you’ve definitely got me on board there. Come in, we can’t let all of the secrets be known to the public,” she laughed as she stood back slightly, letting him make his way into the dorm. Cassidy wasn’t necessarily the one that would want to prank anyone (apart from her siblings, maybe), but with the recent turn of events and then blue’s note in her halloween basket, it would have been dumb of her to pass up the hilarious offer. “Okay, so what did you have in mind, exactly?”
Blue let himself be ushered into the room, a devious glint in his eyes. The two subjects of this prank would be none other than his fellow dorm mates ( and occassional friends ) Jem Sweet and Wyatt Collins. The pair had put Cassidy under so much stress lately, alongside Blue’s own grievances with the pair in recent times, it only seemed fair that a prank balanced out the scores a little. Knowing that Blue was perhaps a little too prepared for this, he tried to act as casual as he could by leaning against the wall and trying his utmost to seem cool. Cassidy was his mate, and had been for a while, but he needed her one hundred percent committed to this plan for it to work. “Well, dear Cassowary, I have options. Many different options, all just as great,” he affirmed, placing his bag on the ground. “I gotta warn you, before I reveal the list... not all of these are technically allowed,” Blue awkwardly chuckled. “But I promise they won’t get hurt. Well, except for one of them, but that would be their fault... so, are you still in ?”
The calming sounds of Christmas carols slowly began playing throughout dorm one. Boxes of decorations littering the common space in the dorm, Blue hadn’t bothered to ask the others if it was okay to put them up. Blue was very much a ‘holiday guy’. Any excuse for merriment, celebration, decoration and spending time with others and he was all for it. Already adorned in one of his many ugly Christmas sweaters, Blue cocked his head to the direction of the door. He spun around on his heel as he expanded his arms wide. “Welcome to the North Pole ! Do you like what I’ve done with the place ?” Blue hadn’t done all that much to the place yet, save for making an extreme mess. Little reindeer, penguins and santas were scattered around the dorm, alongside specks of fake tinsel they’ll be finding until they graduate.
Blue had wondered if he’d gone a step too far. Especially given his competitive nature when it came to such a thing, Blue wasn’t known to do anything by small measures. But as he walked towards Cassidy’s dorm, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder, a list of deviant ( albeit benign ) pranks in his mind, and a certain number on speed-dial, he gently began knocking on the other’s door, and greeted her with a fabulous smile when she answered. “I hear you are in need of a prank consultant ? Well, I happen to know just the guy,” Blue proclaimed to the hall, raising his arms in bravado. Pausing for a second, he leans in a little closer to Cass. “I mean me, by the way. I’m the prank consultant.”
It seemed like the first moment since she’d awoken that morning that Libby was able to breath, as a wave of relief washed over her with his following words. She could feel the physical tension that had manifested within her ebb away, and return her to her usual, even temperament. One that was nearly always light-hearted and placid. He held no ill-will towards, her in fact, Blue carried some form of concern regarding her situation, and Libby felt as though this was the last thing she possibly deserved after the stunt she had pulled. Blue might’ve held no resentment towards her, despite her admittedly selfish actions, however, she certainly would bear a rancor towards herself for quite some time for harming someone she concerned to be innocent in all this, and benevolent in nature. As he kneeled in front of her, peering up at her with honesty swimming in his gaze, there was yet another rush of that feeling she wish she could kill. But in fact, the more and more time she spent in Blue’s presence and the more and more he continued to be this incredibly warm, and kind human being, she could feel herself becoming increasingly more attached. She loathed it, and wished more than anything to slice it out of her heart and toss it to the side, as not to complicate the already perplexing situation already. There was an enormous part of Libby that desperately wanted for him to have met her guilt with contempt, looked upon her with disappointment and coldly turned his back upon her. She wished he would generously would give her a reason to carefully carve him out of her life, and so that she may look back at him years later as an impactful stranger that had touched her life in a big way, but have no more thoughts about him. But there she was, sitting on the edge of a bed, staring back at him knowing that she was about to fall over the edge into something more dangerous than she could possibly anticipate. Swallowing the lump that hard formed in her throat, Libby finally mustered a small, hoarse, “Thank you.” A whisper of a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, as she resisted the pathetic urge to cry right there and then. She sucked in a deep breath, eyes jamming to a close, and she finally fell back into Holden’s disaster zone of a bed, legs still dangling off the edge. A small bubble of laughter emitted from her, the pressures of uneasiness now lifted from her body. “God, dude, I was so worried that you were going to rip me to shreds. I even wore waterproof mascara in preparation for this event,” she informed him, the mirth returning to her as she grinned at the ceiling. Her legs began to lightly kick off the side of the bed, an arm curling under her head, as a vague sense of peace wafted back to her, and she revered in it for a moment.
The right thing to do was to thank him once more for his kindness, and continue on. Try to forget about the new feeling coiling around her heart, try to burn it. Instead, weak and unable to turn away from him, Libby submitted herself to this feeling of affection, wanting to soak in any time she could with Blue. Licking her lips, Libby shifted herself into a seated position, only to plant herself next to Blue on the floor. She sat pretzel style, elbows at her knees, her chin propped up within her palm. She met his gaze for the first time all morning, the first time in months if she could properly recall. “Why are you such a nice person?” she asked quietly, genuinely curious. Blue had something of a peculiar position at school. He was popular and well-liked, exceedingly kind, but Libby wasn’t sure if he felt a true sense of belonging from all of this, golden boy behavior. Something seemed off. Something seems missing. Why was there an emptiness? Who or what took it out of him? And what would fill the gaping hole that he seemed to delicately avoid with wide grins, and altruistic behavior? She wished she could worm her way into his brain, and discover some answers in an attempt to subdue whatever ugliness plagued at him. “Because I think… I think you’re so considerate to others, even when they don’t deserve in the slightest capacity. Like me, for example. You had every right to flip out, but you turned it into regard for me, and my situation. But who does that for you? I’ve almost never seen it returned, save for the few real friends that you have here,” Libby added, searching his face, as if an answer would present itself in his expression. “So, why go through all the trouble?” she asked, cocking her head to the side as a hand absentmindedly tugged at the lace of her sneaker.
Blue felt a pang of guilt reverberate within him as he saw the relief melt from Libby’s expression. The very thought he could at all have caused her discomfort sets off an uneasy feeling in his stomach, one that leaves him bewildered and a tad confused. They had kissed apparently, and although it wasn’t a big deal to Blue, maybe it was a big deal to her ? But what could he do about it now ? He can’t just take it back. “You wore... you wore waterproof mascara for me ? Dude, I’m sorry you felt that way. Shit. Honestly, if you ever think I’m pissed at you, food will solve it nine times out of ten. Also, I’d never want you to cry.” Blue created a breath of distance between the pair as he shuffled back slightly and collapsed to the floor in an unceremonious seat, as he tried to waiver the most insolent guilt that had started bubbling. It made no sense, and given the circumstances outside Blue’s understanding, it was also ironic. But seeing the joy of others often compensated and meant more than that of his own.
Watching as Libby blossomed and grew more comfortable in his presence, he couldn’t help but study her with his softest gaze. The light of her eyes. The gentle curve of her lips. The wisps of her hair that frayed from the rest, caught in the morning sun that filtered in through the window. He also felt a smile unfurl on his face as Libby joined him on the floor, like the pair were children and comfort was worth sacrificing for being with someone. Libby’s next question caught Blue completely off guard. It was as if the very smiles he felt absorb into his being were suddenly snatched, his slow and confused heart beating in the other’s hands. He had no idea how to answer that. “I’m just... I’m just a person.” Who’s compensating for the lack of kindness shown to him in his youth. “I just... do what I want, I guess. That usually doesn’t involve other’s... misery.” And making up for the lack of kindness he showed when he was 13. Looking away for a moment, Blue tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, before meekly bringing his eyes back to the girl with a million questions. “I mean, not that there’s much to say, but I guess... the more shitty people you’ve seen, the less shitty you act yourself.” He wasn’t sure if this answer would satiate Libby, as he tried to analyse her gaze as if to glean what she wanted him to say. What magical words he could utter to get out of this conversation. Hell, he’d prefer her cry to this. “It also makes me wonder why you’re so kind,” Blue retorted, softly nudging the other with a coy smile on his face. “You almost had something you don’t want revealed to everyone by Troy, and your concern is me. You look at me as if I’m this great dude, instead of just this dude who’s... done a nice thing or two. You see a world that I want to be in.”
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