photograph of a doll caught in a spiderweb (part 2)
(link to part 1) (part 3) (part 4)
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in their text conversation, adrianus asked questions about control, triggers, amnesia, conditioning, catalepsy, positive and negative hallucinations - things that, really, jim did not expect to be relevant. it seemed like they were just covering all of their bases. he could appreciate that. he liked to be thorough, too. so he answered truthfully, assuming it could all really happen, just in case.
there were other, more general questions, as well. how much personal space he wanted, conversation topics he would rather avoid, foods he liked and disliked. they also shared their own preferences.
it was nice, in a way, for them to have such a well-defined relationship. he didn't know how interested he was in hypnosis, or how much he believed in it, and he was honest with them about that - but he certainly didn't mind having clear, negotiated rules for how he was supposed to act. it wouldn't be any more humiliating than being left to navigate social situations on his own, only to find out he had been doing it wrong the entire time.
the next time they greeted him, it did feel a bit different. they took his coat as he came in, and pushed him a bit when they were walking into the doll room, placing their hand slightly lower on his back than he expected.
he noticed some new props, mostly stuffed animals, including an octopus one with long tentacles that you could wrap around yourself. an innocent enough item that took on an entirely different meaning when it was placed in this room.
"is there a doll you'd prefer to take pictures of today?"
there was one that he had in mind, but he was a little embarrassed to say it. "we can do any of them."
normally, they would have offered some of their own suggestions, or gently reminded him that it was alright for him to pick, but this time, they had a bit more of a serious expression. "i asked you what you wanted." their voice was a bit firm. even this subtle shift was noticeable compared to the soft and polite demeanor that jim had gotten used to.
"i... maybe we could just..." he thought about just saying to use some random other doll, and pretending that was the one he had wanted.
"be honest with me, jim."
"the one that looks like me," he said, a little surprised at how quickly the words came out of his mouth.
"very good. and what about the props? are there any of those that you'd like us to use?"
it reminded him that the octopus plush was there, but he didn't even consider saying that. "let's do the spiderweb."
"good choice."
their set up for taking pictures with the web had gotten more complex over time. at first, they would have the doll lie down on it, or wrap them up in it, or drape it over them, but they had later created an entire contraption for hanging the web up, involving an old lamp adrianus found that they weren't using. it was adjustable, so they could raise and lower the web, and they could angle it by taping the bottom to the table, which might not have been the most elegant solution, but it didn't really matter as long as it was out of frame.
since his doll wasn't very good at supporting itself, they thought they would put the web at a low angle and let it just lean back on it, but even that proved to be difficult.
"perhaps i could just hold your wrists up, like this, and you can just keep my hands out of the picture."
"it looks kind of incomplete without the rest of the body."
he looked up from the camera, at the way they were holding it. the doll's wrists were pinched between their index fingers and their thumbs. you couldn't really see the thumbs, though - only the eight fingers bending down.
"hold on," he said. "do you have any black gloves?"
"what material? cloth, nitrile, leather, latex?"
he shouldn't have been surprised they had so many. "i don't know, any of them should be fine. maybe not something shiny. probably not anything too thick, either."
"i'll go with the nitrile ones, then. i have some in this room, on the desk over there, so that's convenient."
he handed them a pair. they slipped them on, pulling on them and releasing with a snap, before wiggling their fingers in a way that was almost certainly intended to produce the maximum amount of glove sounds. he wondered if they did that every time they put them on.
"so, i was thinking..." he held his hands out, putting his thumbs together and bending his fingers. "it kind of looks like a spider. i thought the black might make it look more like that..."
"ah, very clever."
the session continued, this time with a bit more energy and enthusiasm from both of them. adrianus clearly enjoyed trying to make their hands look as spidery as possible, and the shape of their fingers was perfect for it. he also had to admire their ability to hold the poses so well and stay so still, even when they didn't always look comfortable - he decided to stop the session a bit sooner than usual out of sympathy for their wrists.
"it went particularly well today, didn't it?" they said, pulling off the gloves in a smooth, practiced motion.
"it did. i feel like i got a lot of good pictures."
"may i see?"
"of course." he started to reach out to hand them the camera, but they stepped behind him, leaning over his shoulder.
"just show me," they said softly, and he realized just how close they were to his ear. their hand crept over to his other shoulder. he could feel the hairs stand on the back of his neck.
"right..." he went through the pictures, going back to the first ones he had taken that day and showing them in chronological order. adrianus was mostly quiet as they watched, but they would occasionally say things like, "that one's nice," and "i like that," in a low voice that was almost a whisper.
when he had gotten to the end, they asked, "which one is your favorite?"
he shuffled through them again, stopping on one where they were grabbing the doll through the web, their fingers poking through the gaps. "i guess it might be this one."
"and what do you like about it?"
he had mostly gotten used to taking these sorts of pictures, and he had even gotten used to seeing the doll of himself, but somehow, that question made the reality of it sink in. how was he going to explain to them what exactly he liked about a picture of what was essentially supposed to be him, being grabbed by them?
he tried to be detached about it. "i think it fits with the symbolism you've talked about before. you are the spider. you're the one who made the web. you're the one in control. it feels like this conveys that."
"that makes sense." their voice was slower, and they pulled him a bit closer. "i am the one in control, aren't i?"
he felt himself freeze.
"you look very helpless in the picture, too."
"right... it does emphasize... that kind of helplessness."
"and you seem a bit dazed... perhaps there's some sort of venom running through your body? sapping your energy?"
"maybe..."
"you can't even put up a fight anymore... you can't even struggle in the spider's grasp, in some sort of desperate attempt to escape... you might not have even had a chance to begin with, but you especially don't now. do you?"
he shivered, and he knew that they would be able to feel it, with how close they were. he felt their laughter on his ear. it was almost ticklish.
"it's just a picture, jim," they murmured.
"right..." he said. "it's just a picture."
"it would be silly if you could feel it right now, wouldn't it?"
"i just- it's just the way you're talking in my ear, it's not..."
"ah, of course. it's natural that you would react this way to my voice."
"it's not just your voice, it's how close..."
"right. and surely you wouldn't react this way just by looking closely at the picture. would you?"
he couldn't help but focus on the picture, and the way they were grabbing him in it.
"noticing every little detail... but of course, you always look at the details, don't you? why would this be any different?"
the strangeness of the interaction they were having was almost tangible. the picture itself, which he had initially just thought of as a nice photo from a successful shoot, a piece of art, had become... something else. their fingers curled around his body, the implication that he was prey... while he made that face, that dull, empty face, his body limp, relaxed, as if he didn't even mind, as if he liked it...
that was him.
"you know, jim," they said, "i think this may be my favorite, as well."
his face flushed. he was thankful they couldn't see.
"may i have the camera?"
he gave it to them without a second thought, though he continued to stare at the area in front of him where the picture had been for a moment, before realizing he was looking at nothing.
he turned to face them, but they had just set the camera down on the table.
"let's have some tea."
he sipped his tea, ate his cookies - ginger snaps, which did help him feel more alert, between the snap and the strong flavor - but he was still thinking about the picture.
"are you alright?" adrianus asked. "you've been more quiet than usual. was i a bit much?"
"no, no, it's fine... it really is fine. i'm just... surprised, i guess."
"by what?"
"you wanted to bring my attention to that picture, and you did. it's... i mean, if you didn't close the camera in the other room, i think i would be looking at it right now."
"it's not going to be a problem, is it? i don't want you to become too obsessed with it. it certainly isn't good if it interferes with your life or causes distress."
"i... i don't think it will. i just think it's..."
"just enough for it to feel a bit creepy?"
"yeah, i think so."
maybe it was odd for him to just casually admit to that. he had revealed a lot about himself without thinking. maybe more than he even realized.
but it felt so natural. when they were talking casually like this, they were talking about photography, they were talking about dolls, they were talking about this hobby they shared - but they weren't just talking about that. it wasn't just a picture.
how had they manufactured a situation where he could tell them that they had successfully manipulated him into thinking about being prey, their prey, as if it was a completely normal conversation topic?
of course, it felt ridiculous to him now, the idea that he could see himself as prey, and them as a spider. he already couldn't understand whatever he had felt less than an hour ago. he wondered if he would understand as soon as he saw the picture again.
"how about you promise me you won't look at the picture again until you get home?"
"why not?"
"are you so obsessed that you can't even wait that long?"
"...no, i just... well, alright. i promise."
the instant he closed the door behind him after getting home, he pulled up his camera, just about to look through his photos, before stopping himself. not even because of how weird it was that he was doing this at the soonest possible moment, but because he had the feeling he should sit or lie down and relax first. he kicked off his shoes, walking over to the couch, and plopping himself onto it.
he had to scroll through the photos to find it. each one flashed by, and even though they were all so similar, even though they all had the same basic concept, even though he liked how all of them turned out, only that one photo would do. his phone buzzed, but he didn't even glance at it. it could wait.
finally, he stopped. it was the picture.
it was more subtle than before, but he got the smallest tingling sensation in the back of his neck as soon as he saw it, even if it faded away as he focused on it.
there was something about their grip. the more closely you looked, the more you could see that their hands weren't just grabbing him, they were holding him up. it was a picture of a spider catching its prey, but it was also a picture of someone playing with their doll. and, he supposed, a picture of him and adrianus.
it was interesting, how easy it was to forget that it was his idea in the first place. to forget that, just outside of the frame, there were pieces of tape holding the web to the table and the lamp, that their grip on the doll was not just to make some kind of an artistic statement, but to make sure it didn't fall, because it would have been difficult for them to catch it, and if they panicked while reaching their fingers through the web, they could tear it, or knock something over.
still, when he looked at it like this, he could almost believe that it was real. not the literal thing being depicted in it, but the thing that it represented, the thing it suggested.
his phone buzzed again, and he finally set the camera down to check it. it was from adrianus. the first text was asking if he was home yet, and the one they had just sent was asking if he was staring at the picture.
this was exactly what he was thinking to himself about. of course they knew he was looking at it - they had basically told him to, he admitted that he was going to. and if he had still been on his way home, he wouldn't have taken so long to respond to the first text. they didn't have to be psychic to know that.
but if he just looked at the texts, all he could see was someone who knew. it didn't matter how, or why. it didn't matter how messy and convoluted the set up for this situation was. just that snapshot was perfect.
the next time he visited, they didn't have much inspiration for the photos. he felt they were done with the spiderweb, at least for now, and the other props weren't really speaking to him.
adrianus didn't seem to mind. they opened a desk drawer, pulling out some soft measuring tape.
"another prop?" jim asked.
"no, i was thinking i would take your measurements."
"any particular reason why?"
"i'd like to know, in case i make your doll some new clothes, and want to give you the same ones."
right, dressing up was another thing people did with dolls. he hadn't really thought about it, because the clothes he wore were always pretty plain, so he imagined a doll modeled after him would be the same. its current outfit was very basic.
"may i?" they asked.
"go ahead."
they moved and directed him, taking more measurements than he thought was necessary for this sort of thing, and writing them all down in a notepad.
he looked over at the dolls, examining their outfits, wondering what adrianus could have possibly had in mind for him.
"don't worry," they said as they finished up the measurements, "any outfits or accessories i make will be for your doll, first, and then i can make them for you if you like them. i won't force you to wear anything."
"i wouldn't care if you did."
they paused. "oh? do you really mean that?"
"well, as long as the material isn't uncomfortable and it's appropriate for whatever temperature it is."
"and those are your only concerns? you don't mind if it's tight, or revealing, or feminine?"
he hadn't even considered the possibility. "in that case, i probably wouldn't wear it outside."
they set down the measuring tape and notepad. "it always surprises me how permissive you are, jim."
"you never ask for anything crazy."
"i do think that most people would consider someone modeling a doll after them and making them wear whatever outfit they please to be rather extreme."
"well, it would be if you had done it without asking."
"you're quite an interesting specimen."
"thank you," he said, fully aware that it was a silly response to that.
a few weeks later, he finally found another job, the exact kind of boring office job that he had wanted, although it did mean that his schedule wasn't as open anymore, and he couldn't visit as often.
funnily enough, they did ask what he generally wore to his job, and made a little shirt and tie based on it for his doll - the first new outfit they had given it. he joked that they should make a little set based on his office, so it's like the situations in the photos are happening to him when he's at work. they just said that they didn't want to encourage him to think about those sorts of things while he was at his job.
he wondered where they got their money. they hadn't mentioned it, but they had enough for all of their hobbies, which didn't seem cheap. maybe they were lucky and had rich parents. maybe they sold custom dolls, or something. maybe they just worked from home. it felt like a weird thing to ask about, and it didn't really matter, so he hadn't brought it up.
he still looked at that one photo sometimes, when he got home. he had it printed. it had actually lost most of its effect, at that point. adrianus said that they would probably have to reinforce it a bit more, if he really wanted to feel whatever he had felt that first time every single time he looked at it. he didn't really mind, either way. it was still a nice picture, and probably still one of his favorites.
he was finally able to work out a good time to visit again, and when he did, they surprised him with an outfit that he didn't even know they had been working on. they put it in a box, so he couldn't see, and closed him in the bathroom to get changed.
he lifted the lid, exposing a mass of black, white, and frills, as well as a headband with cat ears on it, and a little collar with a bell. he didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't this. as he took it out and tried to make sense of each piece of it, he realized there was an apron. it was a maid outfit.
none of their dolls were wearing anything like this, with the closest thing being that one long, elegant, gothic dress, so it didn't feel like this was just their favorite style in general, or something. this was specifically for him to wear. maybe they made it as outlandish as possible, just to see if he would really put it on. but the material was nice, and the sleeves were long, so he wouldn't get cold.
he took off his clothes and slid on the dress. it was actually fairly simple, and the length was perfectly reasonable. it definitely wasn't one of those cheap "sexy" maid costumes. the neck was high, too. he hadn't worn a dress or any other kinds of feminine clothes in a long time, but he remembered the low necks bothering him.
there were socks for him to put on, complete with garters. there were even shoes - just some simple black loafers. he appreciated that they hadn't given him high heels, which he had never worn, and didn't particularly like the look of in the first place.
he tied the apron a bit sloppily, but, after putting on the accessories, he was done. it was definitely not a look he was used to seeing on himself. or really anyone, for that matter.
finally, he opened the door, stepping out, holding the box with his old clothes thrown in it. the bell on his collar jingled as he moved, which felt more embarrassing than any other part of it, though at least it would be easy to take off if he needed to.
adrianus seemed pleased. "oh, you look good. it fits you perfectly, doesn't it?"
"it does. you did a good job on it." it was a bit strange being complimented on this kind of look.
"thank you. i'm very glad you think so." they reached out toward his head, and he almost wondered if they were about to pet him, but instead, they just adjusted the headband. "turn around," they said.
he obeyed, and they retied the apron. he couldn't see it, but he knew their bow must have been much better than his.
"there you go. that's perfect."
"thank you," he said.
it felt odd, now that he was actually wearing it in front of them. the outfit itself didn't especially matter. in a private place like this, he didn't have to worry about anyone's judgment, and they were just clothes, anyway.
but this was their outfit, that they had chosen for him. the fact that it was cute and frilly wasn't embarrassing on its own, necessarily, it was just embarrassing knowing they deliberately made it that way.
"so, how do you feel?" they still seemed to be taking in and enjoying the sight of him like that.
"it feels interesting," he said, setting down the box.
"i'm sure you'll get used to it."
"probably."
now that he wasn't holding anything, he realized he didn't have pockets. he liked that pockets gave him something to do with his hands while standing. now, without them, he found himself wanting to have his hands behind his back, or putting them together in front of him, which was an especially unusual pose for him. he thought it might also feel natural to grab the sides of the dress and sort of swish them around, but he was too self conscious for that. especially while they were staring at him.
"today, i was thinking we could do something different from usual," they said. "i have some chores to take care of, and i was also thinking of making some pie. i am, of course, expecting you to help."
so he was going to play the part of a maid, too. "alright. what is it you need help with?"
the tasks they had him do were entirely mundane, and they obviously weren't things that had a high risk of getting his dress dirty. he helped them with laundry, putting away the dishes from the dishwasher, organizing some things in the doll room (which gave him an opportunity to see his doll in the matching outfit), and peeling some apples.
they had also given him the job of playing with shadow to distract him while they prepared the pie. they even made a comment about the cats playing together, which confused him for a moment, before he remembered the cat ears and collar that went with his outfit.
shadow wasn't wearing a collar. most cats he had seen in his life didn't. he figured adrianus had probably just wanted to add another accessory. it felt cat-like enough, or at least like the idea of a cat, like the kind you would see in a cartoon, rather than an actual cat. or maybe it was just there so they could always hear where he was, he thought to himself jokingly.
or it signified ownership.
actually, didn't the entire outfit suggest that they had power over him? he supposed it was obvious, but he hadn't consciously thought about it that way, even after spending all day wearing it. but it was like they were saying he was theirs - their maid, their pet, their doll that they could dress up entirely for their own amusement.
now that he looked at it, even the cat toy he was holding felt almost like the perfect accessory. it was a fishing rod style toy, with white feathers at the end, which resembled a feather duster. most of these types of toys that he had seen only came in bright, garish colors, but this one had a simple brown handle. he wondered if even this was intentional, if they had really managed to put him in a situation where he would hold this cute prop for them without thinking anything of it.
well, it was probably the other way around. they probably thought if he was going to have a cat toy, it might as well be one that's thematic.
"alright, the pie is in the oven," they said, stepping out of the kitchen, setting aside a cup towel that they had been drying their hands with. "thank you for entertaining shadow for me."
"honestly, he was mostly just sitting there. he stopped playing after a while."
"so you're just swishing the toy around for yourself?"
"...well, no, it's more that... i mean, he's still watching it."
they smiled, taking out their phone. "may i take some pictures of you?"
"go ahead."
he stood there, not really knowing how he should pose, but they directed him, at first telling him what to do, and then just coming up and moving him themself. they were gentle as always, saying things like, "that's right," "just hold still for me," "just like that," "very nice." he already wouldn't have minded, but the asmr he got from it made him hope they would do it again sometime, even if a part of him wondered why, exactly, they wanted so many of these photos on their own personal phone. it wasn't any different from the doll pictures, he supposed.
it really wasn't any different from the doll pictures.
"jim, this might be difficult, so don't worry if you can't do it, but... you know that expression that your doll always has on its face?"
"you... you want me to try to make that face?"
"only if you're willing to. i realize it's an odd request."
he tried to allow his expression to soften a bit. but it was a strange feeling. people had always told him to smile for pictures, so it wasn't unusual to be told to make a particular expression, even one that was unnatural for him. this was just a much more subtle sort of expression, one that was harder to make on command.
it seemed like, maybe, the only way to make a face like that was to feel it, and being asked to feel something like that just for a picture was... interesting.
he took a deep breath, trying to release the tension in his face muscles, imagining the doll. inadvertently, the rest of his body also started to relax a bit, his shoulders falling. it surprised him how quickly that odd sensation had started to flow through him.
"ah, perhaps you should sit down," they said, moving him to the couch. he could have sat down himself, but he was so used to waiting for them to direct him, he genuinely hadn't even thought of it.
it was much easier to sink into that feeling when he didn't have to worry about standing, though.
"that's right... you did even better than i was expecting." they still made some adjustments, making sure the dress fell the right way. "just relax and sit back... you can go kind of limp, too, if that helps..."
when they said things like that, he didn't have to focus so much on trying to do it himself. it felt like it just happened.
he didn't care about the pictures anymore, only faintly aware that that's what this was about in the first place. it was just sort of nice, somehow. being able to just sit back, letting go of tension that he didn't even know he had, and listening, to that soft, quiet, slow voice they had been using.
"you do make such a good doll, don't you?"
yes, he could only think in response. thank you. but his mouth didn't open.
the tingling sensation had practically taken over.
they put their phone away and sat next to him, petting his hair. "you can get up whenever you like, or you can ask me to help you get up. you should also get changed back into your normal clothes before we eat. the box is next to the bathroom, where you left it before."
"should i do that now?"
"only if you want to. but you've done your job today. i won't ask you to do anything else for me." they carefully removed the collar from his neck. "you're free."
he blinked, leaning forward a bit, rubbing his eyes.
"oh, the way you rub your eyes makes you look a bit like a cat, too."
he just looked at them, sort of blankly.
"are you feeling tired?" they asked.
"yeah, i guess so," he said, stretching. "why is it always so hard to get up when you do this?"
"because you go into a trance."
"right."
he went to the bathroom to get changed, realizing, as he took the dress off, just how strongly his body had reacted. and he had the nerve to question adrianus' enjoyment of this? he wondered if it was creepy of him. it's not like he had reacted that way on purpose. there was no way it would have been visible to them, either. he decided he would just ignore it, folding up the dress and neatly packing it away in the box, before getting back into his own clothes.
they sat and talked until the pie was ready, and he did notice how different it felt to not be wearing the dress anymore. the way he moved was definitely different. he wondered how much of it had been because of the shape of it, and the fact that he wasn't used to wearing dresses in general, and how much of it was just him behaving the way he imagined someone wearing an outfit like that should behave. he had never really thought about how much power an outfit could have over someone, let alone him.
"ah, i do hope it's alright that i sprung all of this onto you without warning, today," adrianus said, after a lull in the conversation. "i wouldn't normally do something like that, but you have always been very open to these things."
"it's fine. i mean, if i didn't want to wear the outfit, i wouldn't have."
"but i know there can be that pressure."
"the reason i let you do these things is because i always know i can stop if i need to. you really aren't putting pressure on me."
they seemed relieved. "i suppose i shouldn't be so worried. you really did enjoy it, didn't you?"
he hoped they didn't know just how true that was. "i didn't mind it."
"you're allowed to admit that you liked it, you know."
"i mean, i did, it was... a nice change of pace."
"and you liked being a doll?"
his heart pounded. "i... i guess."
"i hope it isn't too much to say, but it's quite cute to see you flustered."
"thank you, i guess. you're good at... flustering people."
"may i continue flustering you?"
"you can do it another time, i don't mind it, but right now, it's..."
they smiled. "thank you for your honesty, jim. i'll give you a break."
he had some pie before leaving. it was delicious, and helped him perk up a bit. after everything that had happened, he was a bit exhausted, even though he didn't dislike any of it. it was nice to have a sort of treat afterward.
when he got home, they asked him if he'd like them to send him some of the pictures they took. he told them to send them another time. he had the feeling if he saw the pictures now, and compared them to the pictures he had taken of his doll, it would keep him up all night.
