Tokyo Rev Angst Thoughts…
When Mitchy & Mikey fell at end of Bonten arc Kazu watched and broke. His ears were ringing to a piercing scream. That was Sanzu.
Kazu was shaking. “I told him not to. I said don’t look for Mikey anymore and-“
“Kazutora what happened?!” Chifuyu had shown up. Because of course Kazutora called him. They practiced for that. If something happened, bad, that froze Kazutora and sent his mind reeling he would call Chifuyu so he had.
But Kazutora never thought he’d call Chifuyu to the scene of his friends death.
“What… what happened over… is that Takemichi?”
Kazutoras mouth was moving but no words were coming out anymore. His breath was coming too quickly. He felt as if he was floating and little by little he was losing the ability to breathe.
“I don’t blame you,” Chifuyu said pulling Kazutora into him.
Tight pressure. Nearly enough to crack kazutoras back. It was uncomfortable for a moment then he realized he was having a panic attack… this was Chifuyu helping him through a panic attack.
He came back to consciousness hearing the repeated words. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do this. Stay present. Stay here. Stay with me. Please. You didn’t know. It wasn’t your fault.”
Kazutora choked a sob and then the flood gates opened.
In 10 years he’d learned how to show emotion and not bottle it up. To express his frustration instead of lashing out.
3 days from a wedding. Chifuyu was supposed to be best man- Theyd have to return his suit… but that was for another day. Right now was right now.
The familiar sound of sirens, police moving the crowds of people, one of them trying to pull Sanzu away, and Kazutora was just there held together by Chifuyu’s embrace alone. Beyond fragile.
Chifuyu hiccuped, which alerted Kazutora that he too was feeling his pain. His arms lifted around Chifuyu, unable to hold as tight but a steady presence nonetheless.
“It wasn’t your fault either. He was going to look if you helped him or not Fuyu… it’s not your fault either.”
They stayed there. On the sidewalk until the bodies had been taken, questions on what happened had been answered, their friends arrived and left. They stayed there until the ability to inhale and exhale didn’t feel like the worlds most daunting task but instead felt like the normal everyday act.
A furneal instead of a wedding. A worry for another day. It was too raw. Too fresh to think of anything else than being a support for each other.
“Let’s go home,” Kazutora said reaching out a hand for Chifuyu.
Wordlessly they walked into the night. Neither spoke. There wasn’t much they could say but Kazutora refused to let Chifuyu sweep this under the rug. Too often the man would worry for others at the cost of his own mental state.
It wasn’t fair. Kazutora refused to let Chifuyu break over anything. He’d be there for him the same way Chifuyu had been when Kazutora was released from prison. A shoulder to cry on. A ride. A bed to sleep and not be alone. Whatever Chifuyu needed Kazutora would do.
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