"Well if you insist on getting me a gift I enjoy pizza rolls, blowjobs, and booze."
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@timeistill
"Well if you insist on getting me a gift I enjoy pizza rolls, blowjobs, and booze."
"It's my fucking birthday for christsake, stop being so boring and get high with me."
cailin and jesse are seventeen!!!
“Oh, shut up, whale stickers! we all know what happened ages ago, I don’t need to be reminded! Both of my lameness and my former bad digestive system. Now you be nice as well before I steal your Pokemon Cards and flush them down the toilet. Or keep them myself.”
"I have come to a new found liking of my whale stickers thank you very much, I may even start to wear them again. You wouldn't dare. I would cry and then you would feel bad because you love me. The alternative to that would be me beating you up and we both wouldn't want either of those."
"I’m not acting weird! You’re acting weird……. Why am I acting weird?"
"You've been really defensive and out of it lately. I don't know what I did wrong."
cailin and jesse are seventeen in two days, my babies are growing up!!!!
"Uhh.. they take some time. No! I’ve never had that problem before, I don’t think I’ll have it any time soon."
"Are you okay, baby? You're acting kinda weird."
"No we can’t.. I — umm, I’m on my period!" She’s lying, she used this excuse last week.
"How long are those things, Jesus Christ won't you have major blood loss or something?"
“Fine, I’ll never do it again, mostly because you cursing is almost as intimidating as it is appealing. And I might be shit, but if I am, I am the shit. But hold on for a second, does that apply to Winnie-Pooh too? Because if it does, then it’s definitely not derogative in any way.”
"I'm still not going to call you that. You are and will forever be my babycakes, babycakes. You aren't the shit. You may have shitted in the pool after getting off the waterslide on that one unspeakable field trip in the third grade other than that you're lame — I mean that in the nicest way possible y'know, you're the only person who still trades Pokémon cards with me. He's a cartoon, he doesn't count 'cause they are known to have ridiculous names."
“It honestly sounds like you are talking about yourself. But stop it with the flattery it’s weird because I feel like I have to say something nice too, but you know you are the coolest person ever, so I won’t even bother. Don’t you think Zachy-poo is an improvement from babycakes? ‘Cause I do!”
"You're full of shit, you should never choose to associate me with the word cool when you know I collect stuffed animals. You're crazy, babycakes is so freaking cute and calling you Zachy-poo is basically the equivalent to calling you Zachy-shit."
”You’re being a prick.”
"I'm just being myself, sweetheart."
"Because it scares you?"
"If you knew me you would know that I'm not scared of nothin'.'"
“Me a great catch, Eleanor, don’t make me laugh! I still think they were kind of cool! Whales are majestic animals after all, worth making a fashion crime. But I can’t say much, my helmet hair was horrendous. Lucky? Fine. I’m not gonna say anything about it, I’m afraid you might give me an even worse nickname if I do.”
"I'm not joking. You're cute and funny plus you're the absolute sweetest guy I've ever met like, in my whole entire life. I do still really like whales, the whale emoji is the most used on my phone! You know me so well, I would've started calling you Zachy-poo."
"You are the must stubborn person I have ever met in my life."
"It's truly a pleasure to annoy the shit out of you."
"I am not,"
"I'm pretty sure you are."
"Well, why won’t he just get paid in money so he can buy a lot of gum?" Her eyebrows furrow before she hands him a plate with a slice of cake on it and serves herself one as well.
He shrugged, taking a bite. "He's just weird like that, all of my siblings are weird in their own way. For example my little sister's going through this whole fuck-you-I-hate-everyone phase and she lit my neighbors lawn on fire. She blamed it on a movie she watched which, inspired her to become an arsonist."