temporary username humongouspeen what a fucking legend @timetechturntables-blog - Tumblr Blog

mymanyfandoms-blog

westmansion

pochowek

unstoppable force vs immovable object

wild card

good night. sleep tight. don’t let the bed bugs bite. tonight. imma fight. till we see the sunlight. tik tok. on the clock. but the party don’t stop.

carcinogenicgallantry:

YOU STABBED MY MICROWAVE? YOU TOOK MY MICROWAVE AND YOU INTENTIONALLY, PURPOSEFULLY TOOLED ONE OF YOUR FLIMSY PIECE OF SHIT SHEET METAL POINTS THROUGH MY ONE AND ONLY MICROWAVE? HOW DID YOU COME TO THIS DECISION, DAVE. THE ONE WHERE YOU FUCKING SKEWERED MY ONLY MICROWAVE, THE MICROWAVE I HAVE USED EXCLUSIVELY SINCE I STARTED LIVING ON EARTH. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOT POCKETS AND OVERMELTED STICKS OF MARGARINE THIS SPECIFIC, NOW FIRMLY DECEASED WARMING IMPLEMENT HAS SEEN ME THROUGH? BECAUSE IF I HAD TO TAKE A WILD GUESS, YOU APPARENTLY DON’T! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT EXACTLY YOU HAVE PUT ME THROUGH BY DROPPING THE SLAIN FIBERGLASS ENCRUSTED CORPSE AT MY FEET. YOU THOUGHT I WOULDN’T NOTICE YOU HAULING IN A SHINY NEW REPLACEMENT? I HAVE THE MEMORY OF MY OLD HAUL DOWN TO A T, I HAVE DREAMS ABOUT MY OLD MICROWAVE, AND THAT’S ALL I WILL HAVE REMAINING, FOR THE REST OF MY PITIFUL MORTAL LIFE. CAMEOS OF THIS OLD, RUSTED PIECE OF TRASH WINKING DOWN ON ME OVER MY UMPTEENTH DAYMARE. HOW LONG HAVE YOU PLANNED TO SEPARATE THE TWO OF US? BEFORE, OR AFTER YOU MOVED BACK IN? WAS THAT YOUR PLAN ALL ALONG, TO DESTROY ALL OF MY MATERIALS GOODS I’VE SO ARDUOUSLY ACCUMULATED OVER THE SWEEPS? WHAT WILL EXPLODE MY HOT WATER NOW, IF NOT MY MICROWAVE? YOU THINK THE REPLACEMENT WILL DO? IT PROBABLY WILL SURVIVE MULTIPLE REHEATINGS OF TACO BELL’S CHEESIO BOWL, WHAT KIND OF A MICROWAVE DOESN’T FUCKING EXPLODE ON CONTACT WITH THE SHEER AMOUNT OF DAIRY FLOODING ITS CIRCUITS? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP IF I AM NOT UP AT FOUR IN THE MORNING EVERY DAY, CLEANING OUT THE MICROWAVE AFTER IT GUTTED ITSELF WITH JALAPENO CHEDDAR? WHAT WILL WARM MY FEEBLE STUMP NUGGETS IF NOT MOZZARELLA PAINFULLY SCALDING MY NECK? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I’M AT SUCH A LOSS. THE RECYCLING CENTER ISN’T OPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE FIRST TUESDAY OF NEXT MONTH. FETCH ME MY HANDKERCHIEF, DAVE. I NEED TO PICK UP THE LITERAL PIECES YOU’VE SPREAD ACROSS MY CARPETING. UNLESS YOU MANAGED TO SLICE THAT IN HALF FOR SHITS AND GAGGLES, TOO.

listen i.... i was kabobbing some chicken and cheetos just as it was pipping hot and id done it a few times before but the door swung back a little too hard this time. look we all make mistakes i reluctantly put forward i probably make the most in the household, but i was proactive this time and i figured maybe id get this replacement and itd be a good thing? come on dude over five years for a microwave isnt like the best and this ones bigger! so you know.... bigger plates. i know this was my bad but youre making it sound like i stabbed your old friend. im you old friend, look at me if i stabbed me on accident it wouldnt be so bad right? ok bad side by side. but youre romanticizing yourself scrubbing cheese come on

#carcinogenicgallantry

carcinogenicgallantry:

GIVE ME THE MICROWAVE. STOP MOVING SHIT AROUND, I SEE IT NOW. WHY IS YOUR SYLLADEX GLITCHING OUT LIKE THAT? JUST DUMP IT ON THE GROUND. IF YOU LET IT CLIP THROUGH THE FLOOR I WILL NEVER HEARD THE END OF IT FROM THE BUILDING MANAGER.

> Unload Microwave.

...i stabbed your microwave im sorry.

#carcinogenicgallantry

carcinogenicgallantry:

WHERE IS IT??????

its gone ok

#carcinogenicgallantry #nothing....

carcinogenicgallantry replied to your post

EXPLAIN. NOW. YOU HAVE THREE MINUTES.

uh sup new digs right look at this fucking magnificent deal i got on this new mircowave brand spanking new no need to clean up that crusted spaghetti stain, this is everything we need

#carcinogenicgallantry

laughordie

this was a real show

#me probably

carcinogenicgallantry-deactivat

@timetechturntables HEY JADE IS GOING TO HANG OUT HERE, ETA WHENEVER, KEEP YOURSELF CLOTHED AND DON’T PUT JUICE IN THE ICE TRAYS FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.

timetechturntables-blog

damn thats like my favorite two things