Time Travelling etc.

Hey I'm James. My therapist thinks I should write stuff down. I guess that’s what this is now…

[ruhaniya]

"you should be at the club" i should be by the sea. i should be in the mountains. i should be at the moon. i should be awestruck and rendered speechless by the majesty of the natural world. if you even care.

[desultory-suggestions]

You are allowed to completely change as a person by the way. You don’t have to stay trapped in the versions other people created of you.

[nightvaleofficial]

[warmfigure]

i am massively overdue for a very very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[unlettered-heathen]

reblog to give prev a very good week where not a single bad thing happens and everything is easy

[t4tstarvingdog]

“start your free trial now” what if i told u i am already experiencing trials. and the cost is more than i can bear

[archibaldtuttle]

Throwback to when I took painkillers and woke up with Photoshop open on my computer to this image I had made

[archibaldtuttle]

Hi this currently has 37 thousand notes and I just want to ask - why?

[desperate-acts-of-capitalism]

Big Things Are Coming

[blackteachangeling]

💷🥄🥔 BIG THINGS ARE COMING🥔🥄💷

✨ Abundance Spell✨ 

Wealth, weal, and plentiful spoons are coming to me 👏

✨💰🪙🥄🥔💰🌟💰🥄🥔🪙 💰✨

Like to charge Reblog to cast

[monchursouls]

🌾🌾🌾

Harvesting my wheat

[rat-in-the-grain]

Hehehehehe

[monchursouls]

Can I fucking help you?

[becdecorbin]

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[timetravelleretc]

I’m sorry that I want losing me to hurt you as much as losing you hurts me.

[depsidase]

[oneofmanyisas]

headcanon: house cries himself to sleep while listening to this song

[timetravelleretc]

This was an amazing use of this song!

[takeachillquill]

Ask yourself: what’s good about this moment right now? Is the sun out? Can you hear birds? Are you drinking coffee? Can you smell freshly cut grass? Is your bed soft and warm? These little things are oh so precious and yet seem so arbitrary.

[balnibarbi]

[yeah-yeah-beebiss-1]

these are the guys who lick your clothes clean when you put them in the dishwasher

[yeah-yeah-beebiss-1]

washing machine

[buttwyattarchive-deactivated201]

[theendofaspark]

this is never going to not be funny 

[epitomeofnerd-blog]

Rob Lowe says “that is fucking hilarious” with the straightest face ever

[grapes-of-plath-deactivated2017]

Bless you, Chris Pratt

[drowningz]

This is the hardest I’ve laughed in so long

[edwardspoonhands]

♫♫That’s not something that props can fix…that’s gonna be a little harder to fix.♫♫

[seafoam-aliens]

It’s bACK.

[scumbagsblog]

I’ve seen this a thousand times and I just realized he knocks the fucking Mac of of the counter too

[babyanimalgifs]

[tinychum]

kill ceasar

[hedendom]

More funny comic strips with a Norse Mythology twist from Happletea.

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes