wait what?

some asshole

[whitepeopletwitter]

[unclefather]

[skybound-soul-deactivated202111]

let’s go on a date and by date I mean lay in bed and make out for 3 hours

[skybound-soul-deactivated202111]

I married the girl I wrote this about and if that isn’t hope for you almost 1 milllion thirsty motherfuckers idk what is

[xx0ct0-m4rzxx]

Wait did this

[xx0ct0-m4rzxx]

Did this really happen

[skybound-soul-deactivated202111]

Facts

[shels-kpop-main]

[creedencebuegwaterrevival-deact]

[menacevessel-deactivated2020083]

This is not satire, it’s actually like this

[zonerbonerz]

Just finished a session with some first time D&D players and this is the description sheet for a player’s human bard who casts spells by giving informational speeches

[zonerbonerz]

raw chaotic neutral

[whitepeopletwitter]

[m86-deactivated20171116]

this image comes with sound if you stare at it for too long

[unclefather]

It’s the sound from psycho

[lesbiandomesticity]

you’re sitting across from me in a shitty diner in anywhere, america, and i watch you pour too much creamer in your coffee and i think “i love you.” you look up, catching me staring, and for a moment i think i’m brave enough to say it, but i take too long and the moment passes. i take the balled up straw wraper and flick it at you, pretending that was my plan all along. you laugh. i never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. i think i will have all the time in the world to say it.

[pinkdolphin12]

op are you okay

[lesbiandomesticity]

yes im married to her now

[apocalypsedreams-deact]

[skyakafreckles]

He surely doesn’t

[txztxz-deactivated20200602]

Fort worth, Texas 2017

[hex-objekt]

Direct Action in front of the Panda Express

[jaded-not-tragic-mulatta]

I heard Hank Hill’s voice while reading that.

[meanplastic]

ICONIC

[87-pounds-deactivated20160310]

my sense of humor: getting birthday cards with the wildly incorrect age on it for people

[magicoftelevision]

[thebagelhut]

I see this and raise you: getting cards for a wildly different occasion and customizing them to fit the holiday you need

[motherhenna]

[socialism-scarecrow]

[grootpoepjeplasjehoofd]

An amazing thing I found out from the Soviet advertising documentary is that plastic bags with Western branding were a status symbol in the Soviet Union and people would just reuse these bags for years. So what did the Soviets do? They made their own domestic plastic bags to compete. I love ridiculous Cold War nonsense

[grootpoepjeplasjehoofd]

Roll up to the disco with my 1980 Olympics plastic bag. Everyone wants to dance with me, my animal magnetism is off the charts.

[secifosseluce]

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE. 

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

[secifosseluce]

normal person in 1st century Nazareth: making my way downtown, walking fast

*sees J boy, 8 yo, staring at you from across the street*

normal person: walking faster 

[secifosseluce]

even funnier, the only person 100% on board with his Prophetic Kid Talk is his mother Miriam, an otherwise placid, absolutely normal woman around 25 or so

kid JC, coming home at twilight, a single white dove following him and chirping with weirdly human-like precision:

 moth̫́er,̦͌ ̮̉i h͙̉av͔̽e ͓͗b̘̃r̞̓o̮͘u̲̒gh̟͒t̺́ you a do̗͐ṽ͙e̢͘ ͈̾m͒͢a͈̽dē̝ ỏ̘f ͈̓c̆͜l͔̂aỷ͇ aṋ̑d̳̿ g͢͞i̹̾fted̖͡ ̻͐it ͓͂w̖̿it̎͜h t̥̃h͙͒e ̨̒m̧̂i̡̍ŗ͒â̫cḷ̔è̤ ̛̻of̞̅ l̘̈i̛̦fè̳

Miriam: ! that’s my little boy :) now let’s go get ready for dinner :) 

her husband Yosef, a carpenter who only marginally got signed up for this: 

[bargains-by-duckface]

This post is so Christian, but it’s the spicy kind of Christian that gets you murdered by other Christians for heresy, so I’m torn.

[secifosseluce]

literally biggest form of compliment i’ve ever gotten

[madeline-kahn]

Music in Film: Shrek (2001) dir. Andrew Adamson, Vicky Jenson

[killin-the-machine]

[heateron]

[thbstvrdthmtlbndndntn]