You bleach-blond, dollar-store Dracula-looking, Hot Topic clearance rack motherfucker.
Do you have any idea what youâve done?
You didnât piss me off by trying to kill me.
Do you know how hard it is to get one of those delivered to a centuries-old English manor?
The delivery guy wouldnât even come through the front gate because, and I quote, âthereâs something smiling at me from the upstairs window.â
And what was I doing before your inbred ass kicked the door in?
I was watching Adventure Time.
Do you know how invested I was?
Finn was about to learn a valuable fucking life lesson.
Jake was probably gonna turn into a car or some weird shit.
Ice Kingâs lonely ass was about to make me feel emotions I havenât experienced since the Ottoman Empire was relevant.
Popcorn on the fucking ceiling.
Now I donât know if Marceline and Bubblegum got back together because YOU decided to roleplay as a bargain-bin Matrix extra.
I hope Walter gets you the cheapest coffin imaginable.
I hope they lower you into the ground with fucking Wii Sports music playing.
You know what the worst part is?
I HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER TV.
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG INTEGRA IS GOING TO BITCH ABOUT THE EXPENSE REPORT?
âAlucard, why is there a $4,300 charge at Best Buy?â
BECAUSE A FASCIST CRACKHEAD TURNED MY LIVING ROOM INTO A FUCKING IKEA DISPLAY OF SADNESS, THATâS WHY.
And donât even think about saying âitâs just a TV.â
It had perfect color calibration.
The speakers were immaculate.
I knew exactly how hard I had to smack the side to fix the HDMI input.
You have officially accomplished something no holy relic, silver bullet, or centuries of vampire hunters ever managed.
You made me genuinely fucking angry.
Now if youâll excuse meâŠ
Iâm going to go make your brother an only child.
stormborns
baratheonpilled
titsay
vaporwave
tangentwithtanner
