idk man

(21)

[beemovieerotica]

[bringmethepeculiar]

Big fan of the trope where Superman just…manhandles Batman.

Clark slinging Bruce over his shoulder or grabbing Bruce’s belt so he doesn’t run away or just locking Bruce in place with an arm around him because what’s Bruce going to do? Pull him off??

Truly top tier content.

The fact Bruce even lets Clark touch him at all speaks volumes about their relationship as well. If Batman truly hated being held like a plushie, as his squirming and kicking and protesting would seem to indicate, Superman would probably have Kryptonite in his molars by now. But he doesn’t.

It’s something about Batman ‘I am vengeance, I am justice’ being physically held back by the most powerful man on earth that tickles me. To others who don’t know Supes and Bats’ dynamic, Superman forcefully picking Batman man up away from the situation only serves to strike more fear into people’s hearts. How bad is Batman if SUPERMAN is needed to physically remove him??

To those who do know them, it’s just Air Jail.

[maulscrafts]

^ embroidered a net onto the front pocket of these overalls

^ shrimp in there

[enki2]

[liminalstrands]

Good news! It gets worse!

I think it's the galactic orbit thing that really did me in

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHARKS HAVE BEEN AROUND THE GALAXY TWICE

[asteroidtroglodyte]

It’s a very good design

[blancdasta]

I think dick grayson should simultaneously be the I Know A Guy™️ character and The Guy™️

i want this to be a running gag in the dcu with little to no context so the audience doesn’t know whether to believe him or not ‼️

———————

roy: does anyone know how to bartend? ollie needs someone to help him on a case but I probably shouldn’t be that person

dick: oh dw i can do it i was a bartender for like a year in bludhaven

donna: since WHEN

———————

tim: hey guys someone’s gotta go undercover in the mob so we can destabilize black mask’s gang. who wants to volunteer

dick: oh perfect time for crutches to come back. been meaning to catch up with tommy for a while anyways lol

tim: what

———————

wally: hey dick I found this weird guy with a turban on breaking into my house and when he saw me he said that dick grayson is an idiot what’s going on

dick: oh that’s just tiger. he’s probably going to sell your social security number to checkmate or something

wally: WHY ARE YOU NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THIS

———————

bruce: dick grab your contact and “people who owe me” lists. we have a job to do

two hours later

bruce: …go through the list again? i don’t know who half these people are

dick: *loudest sigh ever*

———————

any titan ever: hey who should we call if we need shady business done

dick: *sigh* I’ll get slade 😒

any titan ever: wait doesn’t he hate yo—

dick: that’s a can of worms you really shouldn’t open

————————

dick: hey guys do you remember when—

vic: no. no we don’t. no one remembers half of the stuff you’ve done because you’ve obviously been LYING THIS WHOLE TIME.

dick, not having lied at all for once in his life: uh no :)

[gothamundernightlight]

So I saw a couple posts recently of the general citizens of Gotham and Blüdhaven being protective of their relative vigilantes. And then it got me thinking about whether it was common knowledge that Nightwing used to be Robin, so I wondered what it would be like if it wasn’t.

So like, Blüdhaven is a latecomer to the vigilante game, because others like Gotham and Metropolis have already had established vigilantes/superheroes for years. Sure, there have been some smaller ones, like the OG Tarantula, but none have been this effective on a city-wide scale before, so they get proud and protective really fast of Nightwing.

And like any northeastern (or let’s be honest, American) city, there’s trash talk. Posts about Batman vs Nightwing crop up, or loud commentary in bars about who’s the better investigator.

And then Dick starts going over to Gotham to help on cases and both cities have something to say about it. Gothamites sneer at him, telling him to get back in his own lane, and Dick’s just like “tf did I do??!”

Meanwhile the Blüdhaveners are crowing, being like “Your vigilantes are so bad, they had to call OURS for help!” It gets really petty, because at the same time they’re jealous that their hero is helping others.

And then Robin shows up in Blüd. He’s running around with Nightwing, swords and all, and Dick’s being a huge softie with his lil brother, and someone finally makes the connection.

A post goes online with a gist about how Nightwing is a Bat, he’s part of the family, and then fuel gets added to the fire when someone points out Nightwing’s flippy fighting style and pun-filled quips harken back to the OG Robin.

Conspiracy theories (and are they really conspiracies if they’re right?) spread across the internet, and all of a sudden EVERYONE is mad at Batman. The Gothamites are all like “What did he do to make Nightwing go all the way to Blüdhaven to be a hero?” And the Blüdhaveners are mad bc “What if Batman keeps trying to bring him back?”

And I can just imagine this whole thing, a bit like when a sports player gets traded to other teams, with Dick in the middle of it just going “???”

[thecreepycookies]

physically i’m here but mentally i’m floating face down in a river

[shencomix]

[jesncin]

I heard it's Superman's (and Lois'!) anniversary! Here's all my Superman goofs to celebrate~

[three-semicolons]

For those unaware, over-usage of the Hypnos implant causes your eyes to bleed. Dick uses the implant a lot throughout the Grayson run, so this happens to home extensively. But it’s so normalized in the comics that the characters don’t commentate or even seem to realize that it’s happening.

What if his extensive over-usage means that he just, likes, does that now? Like it just happens randomly, ala migraines post-KGBeast?

I’ve had this image stuck in my head of the batfam coming together to play monopoly or something equally mundane and they’re all having a good time, but while making a dumb jab at someone Dick starts bleeding out of his eyes. And he keeps going because he doesn’t notice it but everyone else is losing their minds because that is not normal. That cracks me up idk.

[three-semicolons]

YESSSSSSS SOMEONE FOUND MY FAVORITE IGNORED BLORBO BURIED UNDER LIKE 2 MONTHS OF SHITPOSTING AHHHHH.

I know literally no one cares. I’ve tried to make people care. They don’t. But you cannot fathom the comedic potential here. The shit one could conjure is so funny.

(Granted, it should be pretty clear by now that my sense of humor is kinda morbid. Sue me.)

I’m telling you. Just some ideas I’ve had:

1.) Dick has a movie night (which happens surprisingly frequently both in Batman crossovers and in Titans comics; I had no idea people watched movies together this often). Someone chooses a stereotypically sad movie like Up or smth and someone in the room makes fun of him for wiping his eyes during the sad part because it’s a movie for toddlers and they’ve fought Satan on multiple occasions.

But then his sleeve comes back red. Someone screams. Now Dick is the one laughing at them for being a wimp but no one else is laughing because JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

2.) A criminal is apprehended and Dick is chosen to play good cop in a good cop/bad cop dynamic. He brings out the donuts and coffee and tries to be affable, but he says something that could just barely be interpreted as threatening at the same time his eyes start bleeding. Cue accidentally becoming the most effective bad cop of all time because the criminal is suddenly convinced he’s dealing with the literal Devil or something.

Dick has no idea what’s wrong, either because he hasn’t noticed yet or because he kinda forgot people without Spyral implants don’t do that. He is confused but overall pleased by how quickly the info was gotten.

“See guys! You just gotta be friendly :D :D”

3.) Any kind of shenanigans involving a gala. Maybe it happens during an important speech with reporters and suddenly half of Gotham is convinced that the Wayne’s and anyone attending their gala now has Ebola or the Clench (which iirc was a strain of Ebola but you know what I mean). Maybe it happens one too many times in front of elites and suddenly rumor spreads that Dick is possessed. Galas are getting crashed left and right by ghost hunters trying to catch whatever spirit is rumored to be lurking in the halls of the Manor. Constantine shows up. He knows nothing is there but it’s a fantastic excuse for the expensive liquor.

I’m telling you. I’m begging you. The bleeding eyes are HILARIOUS PLEASSSSSSEEEEEE.

[valent1nedreamer]

giggling over here, just so you know. this is so funny. I'm imagining Dick having the most nonchalant, bored, flat tone and expression while everyone else is freaking the fuck out and it's just. oh it's to good.

I'm also imagining Dick like, playing it up, you know? like, Jason is being a particular pain in the ass or something or maybe someone was just a bit too rough during a spar and coincidentally the bleeding starts up at that exact moment and Dick puts on the best acting movies have ever seen.

or, omg, Dick is a contortionist practically, yeah? Titans just saw Conjuring or another horror demon movie and it's late at night and Dick has the bleeding thing and is bent backwards and he's screaming down the hallway chasing after Garfield or someone.

[three-semicolons]

That second idea in particular. Holy shit. Please. I can’t. Putting his flexibility in there to make him an actual living horror movie character I CANT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

YOU WIN YOU WIN YOU WIN

[insomniac-arrest]

You can survive almost anything through the right combination of:

Bitching and moaning

Hater-ology

Doing a goofy little bit about it

Having a buddy say "that's so fucked up" at intermittent points (you can also be your own buddy)

Destroying the cursed amulet you carry everywhere, why do you even have that thing

[buddiediner]

in this latest installment of me being too invested in the idea of professor danny...i love the idea of danny not being able to find a detective position when planning his move to hawaii, so he shifts gears and remembers 'oh shit i have a degree unrelated to police work let me see if i can find a job with that for now.'

so he moves to hawaii and he has to adjust to teaching instead of solving crimes, but he ends up actually kind of enjoying it, he gets along with most of his coworkers and his students seem to really like him(apparently they had a shitty experience with the guy that came before him). he works regular hours which helps him look more reliable than he did as a detective when going to court over custody, and yeah maybe its a little less exciting than chasing criminals but that's fine.

and he meets john mcgarrett(how they meet im not sure yet) while out with grace one day and grace of course manages to wrap him around her little finger immediately and john makes a few suggestions on things danny and grace can do for fun after danny tells him they're fairly new to the island. so then john and danny become something close to friends(john misses his kids...danny misses his parents it just works)...and then john gets killed and danny starts hounding the police to see if they're making any progress on his case(he annoys tf out of them) and then steve comes and before danny can offer any type of condolences steve is basically interrogating him on why he's so invested in his fathers case. this of course somehow ends with danny still getting dragged along with steve to investigate, (he doesnt have to follow him…this is definitely not his job but for some reason he cant help but get drawn in by the crazy) and steve ofc knows danny was a detective(he did his research) and still convinces(forces) him to join the task force(the task force steve agreed to head solely to force danny help him solve his fathers murder) and sure danny misses being a detective but he's also developed a flow as a teacher so he agrees to be a part of the task force but only part-time(he does a lot more research than canon danny). this of course leads to steve just walking into dannys classes and waiting for him in there when they have a case. all of dannys students think they're married and after learning they aren't are still convinced that they SHOULD BE

once his students learn steves name they jokingly call danny ‘professor mcgarrett’

[clarkent]

“not all men” you’re right. superman would never do this.

[clarkent]

unrelated side note: that daily planet reporter clark kent would also never do this.

[sourdough-seal]

"why did you stop writing your story!!! never stop writing!!!!!!!!!!!" well you see the character had to drive one mile to a new location and the sentence "she got into the car" was quite simply my undoing

[brimstonebxtch]

[nninoxasaur]

i rise from the dead to give you kid jack and bunny before returned to the depths of uni hell, istg guys ill be back in like 2 wks

[batsandbirdbrains]

Ok Dick biting Hal as a kid has got to be one of my favorite headcanons of all time. Like atp it IS canon to me. But now I’m imagining Dick biting all the members of the JL at least once because they’ve done something that’s either pissed him off, or pissed Bruce off. Hal is obviously bitten first and everyone thinks he’s exaggerating or being a big baby about how much it hurts. Then Clark gets bitten because Bruce got hurt on a JL mission where Clark was supposed to be watching his back. And to be fair, Dick growled at him before he bit, which was far more warning than Hal had received. When Dick sinks his teeth - some of which are still baby teeth - into Clark’s meaty, Kryptonian arm, it shouldn’t hurt. But somehow Clark is tearing up as he lets out a pained howl. It takes both Aquaman and the Flash to remove Dick. Clark doesn’t use that arm for two days, wincing every time he jostles it. How and why Dick bites the others is up for interpretation. Eventually, once all of them have been bitten, they call a meeting about it. Not to get him to stop or anything, just to figure out why it hurts so fucking much. They’re all throwing out various theories when someone says “No seriously, what hell does that kid put into his bites?” when Dick emerges from the shadows and says, deadpan, “Vengeance.” before cackling evilly and disappearing. They all shudder before deciding to never piss him off or talk about his biting ever again.

Also now I’m kind of imagining Dick and Slade fighting for the first time when Dick is just a little gremlin and Slade is like “pffft as if this fourth grader could beat me” only to panic when said fourth grader sinks his teeth into him so hard that he still has the scar years later.

I'm imagining Bruce seeing how Dick's go-to attack is to bite people, and he immediately makes a specialized mouth guard for him. It perfectly molds to his teeth, but it's extra sharp and leaves a different imprint than Dick's actual bite. Mostly so no one can compare dental records or anything to the scars that Dick will no doubt leave on many, many people. It has to be updated regularly when Dick is still young because of him losing his baby teeth.

The first time Dick bites Superman is because he brought Batman back to the Batcave in terrible shape. They'd been on a mission together, it was supposed to be quick, easy, no big deal. And now Dr. Leslie and Alfred are working on him in the Batcave medbay, and Dick just turns to Superman with tears and rage in his eyes. And he launches himself at him and attacks.

Clark yelps as soon as he realizes ouch, he can feel that! What the hell!

"Dick! Dick, let go!"

"You promised you'd bring him back home safe!" Dick cries, but his words are muffled, his teeth still sinking into Clark's arm. "He got hurt!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Clark says quickly. "But he's going to be fine, Dickie, it's mostly just a broken arm and a concussion!"

Dick is growling and hanging off Clark's arm, until Alfred comes out and announces that Bruce is ready to for visitors. Dick unlatches quickly, then scampers over to Alfred, still sniffling. As soon as he catches sight of Bruce, he starts whining and crying and cuddles next to him on the bed.

Clark never makes fun of Hal for the ankle guards again. Dick really does have crazy sharp teeth. Clark's arm is bruised for days around the puncture marks, and he's left with a scar on his arm in the shape of Dick's mouth.

A few months later, Dick has started hanging out with Garth a lot. They become pals. Very good friends. Best friends, almost.

And Garth hangs out with him one day and looks so glum and down in the dumps and says how Aquaman was mean to him during training, but it's okay, it was Garth's own fault. That doesn't sit well with Dick. No one makes his friends upset and gets away with it.

The next time Dick accompanies Bruce to the Watchtower, Dick locks in on Aquaman and chomps right on his arm. Like eating a fish stick. Aquaman yelps and tries to pry him off, asking him what happened and what's wrong and why the hell is Robin biting him?

"Don't be mean to my friends!" is all Dick says before he stomps off to go back to Batman's side. Before he reaches Batman fully, he turns and locks eyes with Aquaman, making that creepy I've got my eye on you gesture. It sends a shiver down Aquaman's spine.

He bites pretty much every other JL member for various reasons between the ages of 8-11. When they eventually call a meeting for it, Batman just stares at all of them with an unimpressed look.

"Perhaps you should try not upsetting him," Batman tells them, then turns on his heel and leaves. Dick, who'd been hiding under Batman's cape, grins at all of them and sends a taunting little wave before the cape covers him up again.

Dick first encounters Deathstroke at the ripe age of nine. During said encounter, Dick is terrified. Deathstroke is talking about wanting to make Dick his apprentice, how he's going to steal him from right under the Bat's nose, and Dick panics.

And he resorts to biting the exposed skin he sees when Deathstroke tries to nab him by his cape.

He damn near bites Deathstroke's hand clean off at the wrist. It startles Slade so bad that he shouts, throws Dick off to the side, and is distracted just long enough for Dick to run away and get back to the Batmobile.

Dick is panting and a little freaked out as he relays the story to Bruce from the safety of the Batmobile as Bruce drives them home. Bruce reaches over and pats Dick's head, his own heart beating so hard in his chest.

"Good job, chum," Bruce says softly. "Use every weapon you have. Always."

Dick nods his head, wrapping his cape tight around him.

[faramirsonofgondor]

OOOH Ok wait but the part about Deathstroke is sooo good too. Now I’m imagining that Deathstroke buys more protective gear so that not a sliver of skin will be showing when he encounters the gremlin again. But Dick had anticipated this (as most of Gotham’s rogues were starting to dress more protectively) and had Bruce design him a hard, metal mouth guard that can cut through protective layering. Nothing is going to stop him from biting people.

So next time Slade shows up he’s giving some long winded speech about how the little shit won’t get another chance to bite him and yada yada yada, when the fucker does it again, somehow managing to bite through several layers of armor and make a harsh indent in his arm. Now, Slade is in pain, he’s embarrassed, and he’s frustrated. Which is why he thinks, in the moment, that it’s a good idea to try and bite the kid back. He removes his helmet with one arm - the kid still preoccupied with biting the other one. Except the moment he gets close enough to snap at the kid’s fingers, he little shit manages to surprise him again.

Normally when you try to bite kids, they move away. Not this kid though. No, Dick decided it would be a better idea to fucking shove his fingers down Slade’s throat and start clawing at it from the inside. Slade is so fucking panicked he almost considers just biting the kid’s arm off, but before he can even try, Dick decides to unclench his jaw from Slade’s arm, rip out his arm (tearing the tissue of Slade’s mouth while he was doing it) and then bite him on the cheek. Hard.

Slade has never been so pissed off (and impressed) before. The kid managed to not only evade Slade’s bites, but bite him twice despite all of Slade’s armor. Most criminals would probably decide to cut their losses, but Slade isn’t some common criminal. From that day forward he vows that he will make that kid his apprentice or he’ll die trying (most likely from an infected bite wound).

[batsandbirdbrains]

Okay now consider this: next time he corners Robin, they get into pretty much the same scenario. Except this time, instead of aiming for Slade’s mouth, Dick gauges Slade’s only eye.

Slade slams the kid on the floor and is so pissed off, but before he can retaliate, the little bastard has disappeared.

“Damn,” Slade hisses, rubbing at his eye before putting his mask back on. “Hate how impressive that was.”

When he does eventually manage to capture a 14 year old Dick who’s recently been kicked out by Batman for whatever reason? He smirks at the kid and looms over him.

“If you even think about biting me while you’re here,” he threatens, “I’ll rip out your teeth and put a muzzle on you.”

Dick is terrified, but he doesn’t let it show. Only nods his head.

“But feel free to use your signature attack on anyone we go up against,” he says.

The only reason the Justice League finds out Deathstroke’s new apprentice, Renegade, is actually the boy they all knew was Robin is because he bites Hal Jordan when they’re on a job in Coast City. Hal has been bit by a feral Robin no less than five times. He knows that attack.

And then he notices the desperate look on the kid’s face and the way Deathstroke manhandles him when they’re fleeing and he knows Robin isn’t there by choice.

Hal is the one who stumbles across Dick first when they raid Deathstroke’s hideout, and he hates the way Dick is so obviously terrified and hurt and broken down.

“I gotcha, you’re okay,” Hal says softly as he flies them both out of there and to the waiting jet. “Everything’s gonna be fine, kiddo. You’re gonna be fine.”

“M’sorry I bit you,” Dick sobs, holding on so tight to Hal. “I didn’t know how else to tell you it was me.”

“Don’t worry about it, kiddo,” Hal tells him, holding him back just as tight. He’s been missing for six months. They’re just all glad to have him back. “Besides, you’ve bitten me harder before. I don’t think this one even left a scar.”

Dick lets out a wet laugh, but he starts shaking, and Hal just holds him until someone more qualified to comfort the kid shows up.

[faramirsonofgondor]

AWWWW THE ENDING TORE MY HEART OUT. I love Hal and Dick finally having a nice moment despite their constant beef with each other. I bet they were fighting the entire JL and everyone was like “???” when Renegade makes a b-line straight to Hal. But they don’t have much time to get caught up in their confusion cause they’re still in the middle of the fight. They don’t even turn their heads as Hal lets out an astronomically large gasp and yells “YOU???” followed by several panicked shouts of “Hey, kid! Wait!” and “Guys! Don’t let him escape!” as Renegade darts out of the way of the fight. It isn’t until after the fights over that they tune into Hal’s shouts “It was him! It was him! I know it was him! He fucking bit me, it was him!” They’re all fucking horrified that they let Dick slip through their fingers once they make sense of what Hal’s been trying to tell them. It’s no surprise that the entire JL is on a warpath to get their kid back, but it is somewhat surprising that Green Lantern is the one leading them this time. Hal was gonna find his little shit, get him safe, and then he’d bite the fucker that made their kid look that scared.