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༘⋆To read someones writting is to infiltrate their mind and embrace their reality. ༘⋆

[tinydescriptor]

The wind is blowing, adore the wind₊˚.༄

ꕤ hello! Welcome!!🐘 ꕤ

tinydescriptor °❀⋆·˚ ༘ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･. my name is Destiny and im 16. This blog is a collage and mixture of my personality and interests... including random poems, stories, diary entries, photos, quotes, and movie/book recommendations.📚🎞️🎬🪷📝

hopefully you enjoy what you see!😙

[tinydescriptor]

An old abandoned shelf

January 23, 2023

The word sad isn't enough. I've seen grief in the movies but never like this. What I feel can't be put into words or pictures, I don't even feel anymore. Half of my heart belonged to my mother and that part is now gone.

Abandoned.

When I first heard she passed my eyes were only sweating but now that I see and it's really real my eyes are burning like a flood of boiling water.

I cry then cry again and just when I'm finished I'm not.

This was one of my biggest fears. I don't mind if I die, If I'm dead, I'm dead. I did some good things and now I'm gone, but when it's people around me who die it is too painful.

It's like when your sea castle gets washed away but you can't rebuild it this time.

People are halfway like plants

They both die at some point.

I wish people were all the way like plants So they could come back in the spring.

January 26, 2023

My sister says i should stop eating dinner in my room and eat with everyone else but what i eat really isn't even dinner because dinner was what mom made, not chinese food or spaghetti.

They make plans for the burial as if she didn't just die recently. Why do they want to put her away already? They talk about her favorite songs and colors and they laugh, then they sigh, then they get sad, then someone says “look on the bright side” what bright side? The only thing bright was her smile and hugs and cooking and voice, which are all gone.

Abandoned.

They must really hate my mom if they're “okay” with this. My life must really hate me if it's okay with this.

I am not okay with this.

I cry then cry again and just when I'm finished I'm not.

January 29, 2023

At church the pastor gave my family his condolences then he said “everything happens for a reason”

At that moment I wanted to yell at him because what do you mean? What was the reason? There was no reason at all.

February 5, 2023

Her burial is in 3 days. Now I know she's not coming back, not now and not during spring. I went out with my friends and I laughed a lot but after laughing I was quickly reminded of my mom and suddenly nothing was funny anymore.

I miss you so much mom. Please come back. There is so much I wanted to do first. Please just give me a hug and tell me you love me then you can pass, just give me one more hug. Mom, I love you. If everyone else forgets you I won't.

February 8, 2023

I take one last look at her casket. She looks like an old abandoned shelf. I realize this is the end of her. Why do people exist if they're just going to die anyway.

I see her in a casket but it feels like i'm the one that's dead Maybe it should've been me instead

When mom smiled she would shine

I just wish that she had more time

Her death is the worst of crimes.

February 24, 2023

I've been talking to my family and talking to my friends. I genuinely feel okay, no more pretend

I still miss my mom, I still love her and wherever she is, if she even is anywhere, I know she still loves me because love lasts through everything, even death.

I still cry then cry again and just when i'm finished im actually finished, sometimes.

February 28, 2023

I went to her grave today and I talked to her about what I've been doing and what I miss about her. I'm sitting on top of where her casket is and I imagine that casket, that old abandoned shelf, her body inside.

My eyes start leaking like broken pipes and my half a heart aces.

I stop because... well there is nothing to cry about. The half of my heart that belonged to my mom is still with me because my mom is still here with me as long as I remember her.

A dead person is like an old abandoned shelf

but there is nothing sad about an old abandoned shelf.

When you look at that shelf look closely at the books and the stories that have their memories written inside, and smile because you know that those stories have meaning and happy morals and even if some of the pages aren't finished at least they were started and they were not written for nothing.

Cherish the pages you were a part of and keep the sentences in your heart so that they can stay a part of your own story,

And love that shelf, like no one else, for eternity.

[tinydescriptor]

[tinydescriptor]

[tinydescriptor]

☀️🌺☮️

[tinydescriptor]

I am all the things ive ever owned

I don't see myself as a very materialistic person. I prefer actions, words, and written letters. I enjoy company, conversation, and adventures. But maybe in the end, when all is said and done, I am all the things I've ever owned.

When nothing is left of me physically, all thats left will be the things I have consumed. My presence will linger on in all the toys, tools, or objects I've ever had.

Maybe I'm the loud car toy I loved as a kid that "mysteriously" disappeared one day. Maybe I'm my favorite mermaid doll I used to take to the pool. Maybe I'm the wired earbuds I used to play my favorite songs. Maybe I'm the shampoo bottle I used as a microphone in the shower.

Maybe I'm the mirror I looked into for hours unsatisfied with my reflection. Maybe I'm the clothes my mom wanted me to wear, but I didn't want to because they were extremely unflattering. Maybe I'm the pillow I cried into whenever I missed my dead relatives. Maybe I'm the mirror I broke when I was upset. Maybe I'm the colored pencils scattered on my table waiting for me to use them and create something. Maybe I'm the sewing needle I pricked my fingers with. Maybe I'm the teacup I use every morning, and the spoon i use to stir, and even the kettle on top of the stove.

Every toy

Every tool

Every object Is an extension of myself. Maybe I am a material girl living in a material world. And maybe one day someone will meet me hoard me, like the useless piles of junk in my moms garage, because they believe me and all my flaws are worth keeping close. Maybe once I return to dust they will look at all my purchases and belongings, noticing not the price tag or the levels in which I was a capitalist consumer, but instead reminisce the image of me utilizing them and the essence of how I employed them, because I am all the things I've ever owned.

[tinydescriptor]

[tinydescriptor]

Thank you for what you wrote about the fig tree as someone who feels you more than you could know I appreciated that and I hope you bear lots of fruit again. Rooting for you wherever you are

Thank you so much for your kind words. It brings me a sense of relief and belonging to know that other people share this feeling with me. I hope your figs are always plentiful. I'll be rooting for you too!

[tinydescriptor]

Master everything

Silvia plaths fig tree analogy is hitting extra hard today. I want to be everything but also nothing. Somtimes I feel like im too lazy to relate to the analogy. If the figs withered away infront of me my life would be the same. I don't chase these talents as much as my heart truly desires. I've always wanted to play an instrument, yet my schedule reveals no melodies. I want to draw, but my scheckbook lies unaccompanied. I want and want and want, and when opportunity arrives I never actually apply myself.

When I see the talented I envy and adore them. I want the hands you sculpt and strum with. I want the mouth you serenade and sing with. I want the sholder your violin rests upon. I want the eyes you veiw sheet music with, but all i have is the ears that listen yearnfully. I want the hands you draw and paint with. I want the arms and legs you dance with. I want the noes you use to smell the flowers. I want the brain that is wise with skill, but im lacking the drive and patience for it.

I cannot master anything if I doubt my capabilities.

I'll try to draw again

and paint again

and learn to play music galore.

And once i master everything

I'll master it once more.

Life is too short for waiting

too short to be a bore

so once you master everything

master it once more.

An original piece by tinydescriptor . 🐘

[tinydescriptor]

I fricking love the little prince🥹🥹

[tinydescriptor]

An original by me🐘

[tinydescriptor]

[tinydescriptor]

Children learn to swim

Sunlight graze my skin

Citrus spikes me nose

Water on my toes

Tree whistles and blows

Moon sparkles and glows

[tinydescriptor]