I've been thinking a lot about that, I came from a narcissist boss who would make me feel unorganized, unstructured like failure, in reality, she was just a sad 40 years old bitch who would hate a younger woman like me could solve everything while keeping a smile and be kind to everyone and in reality, the things I did wasn't big: organizing, spreadsheets of four lines, a Google drive...and organizing papers, and every little mistake would make her happy!
You are not as objective as you think and you don't always have the reason
That's what she told me while she kept two days psychoanalysing (bullshiting about me being only child and that's why I had a problem against her authority)???) me and not letting me have lunch for two days but hey she was "just helping a young woman like me". After a lot of crying I quit lol, no yelling, not offending anyone, I just left that office and I felt everyone looked at me like a failure, weak for not being able to fight against a narcissist, in reality I thought:
The best way to win this fight is not fighting it. Retreat is also a war strategy
And sincerely I wouldn't fight with my boss, she hated me for that :) because I never fight her back. Is logical for me not to get in fights with my boss.
Not the first time I'm bullied, in school I had always been bullied (yeah my life sounds sad but I'm having a blast eating a croissant from Wendy's while listening to Lady Gaga lol). Bullying made me develop post traumatic stress and until this day I fear a lot, is like a heavy bag on my back, a pain that never goes, I think of all that suffering and I hate people... until one day I wrote a letter to all the people I hate, (women mostly, I went to a Catholic school lol), and I wrote everything I hate about them and then I realized the person I hated the most was me, I wasn't thinking about the bullies anymore but me, "I wasn't enough, I could have fought and I didn't, I could have defend myself" but past was done, that past me was just a child who did everything she could with the knowledge she had at that time, so I forgave myself and when I was forgiving myself for just being a child I realized my bullies were also neglected little girls too, dumb as I were once, angry as I were once, cringe as I were once but obviously there's a difference between me and a bully, and I realized that despite my pain, my trauma and everything, I always decided to become a better person, they didn't, and that's miserable. I realized, how envied I was:
I wasn't pretty for them because they thought of themselves ugly
I wasn't smart because they were dumb so I was also dumb
They saw me as weak because they felt strong physically
People who can't see why they are envied, are people with most values, a butterfly can't see it's own wings
So I changed my mind (with time and years of course), and I started to see my good things to be envied, just the same way that toxic boss envied me, and I realized, I'm the worst thing that can happen to narcisist lol, I drive them crazy just by being a good silly person, so knowing they're miserable people and I have no talent of forgiveness, because no matter how much I try, forgiveness is always a sensitive topic for me, and instead my heart found relief in "they're inferior to me", not as a way of me thinking as the greatest person, or egocentric way of thinking, more like the reality of their own perspective. "Bullies and narcisist see me as a threat because they feel inferior to me", such a miserable way of thinking, and as much as I like to think myself as a good person (not at all) I'm not going to help a narcissist feel better about themselves...not my job, if they think they're inferior to me, then so be it, who am I to change that obviously wrong way of thinking? I'm not better than anyone, but apparently bullying starts when people see me better than them? (And it sounds weird because again, I think "I have nothing to be envied about") ...and how will I defend myself from future bullies? I won't, I have nothing to defend, they won't deserve to fight me.
And this is is a bit ironic, to think of a narcissist or a bully as something inferior to you, because most of the time is otherwise...they are the ones who make you feel inferior, they love to play with your perspective. So once you identify what are the good things you have, those things they envy so much of you, that's when you know your value, and if you know your value, why fighting someone who is miserable?
gummygunk
vaporwave
titsay
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
romaincrisis
