fuuuuck guess who fell asleep and then had class and therapy lmao i'm so sry-
alright, angst, let's get into it (this eventually transitions into neutral/happy ones and then back? lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
tw: self-harm, sa, reference/implied abuse, starving
> Sanemi self harms; he doesn't usually go out of his way to cut himself or anything, mostly using the opportunity of luring in demons to do so. Otherwise it's more so a lack of defending against an attack that he could've defended against (usually non-lethal) and/or letting an injury go untreated longer than it should be.
He also has a habit of knocking/hitting his own head (with his own hand or against a wall or smth) when he's high-strung, too.
> Sanemi eventually started to do (some) sex work for money before Shizu turned into a demon (but after Kyogo died). A small handful of times, first time was about a month or two before Shizu turned. He disassociated through most/all of it. (Got this hc from this fic).
I bounce between Kyogo having sexually abused Sanemi or not, too. Regardless Kyogo didn't consider Sanemi biologically his because of Sanemi's white hair (he did the same with 2-3 of the younger siblings too).
> Sanemi can't sleep for over two hours at a time. He tends to either just skip sleeping or just deal with walking up every twoish hours, another 30min-hour to calm down enough to fall asleep again, to waking up in another twoish hours.
This is all mainly due to the fact he was so used to sleeping with (a lot of) others in the room, and suddenly he was all alone + trauma (duh).
He's a light sleeper cause of Kyogo, and that just stayed.
He was able to sleep for longer periods (4-5 hrs) when it was just himself fucking-around in the wilderness, hunting demons cause of all the exhaustion. Once he settled into a safer place (learning w/ Masachika and/or Demon Slayer Corps), his mind decided: okay, time to deal with all your mental shit!
So now he can't sleep for, at most, over two-threeish hours at a time without jolting awake from a nightmare or... just cause. It gets easier if he's sleeping with someone else he trusts in the room, and way better if he's literally sleeping w/ someone (ex. Masachika, Obanai, Giyuu per Sanegiyuu, etc)
The only exception is if he's absolutely exhausted and his body physically can't handle any less sleep, and he passes out for several hours on end.
Additionally, he tends to sleep curled up (and pretty tense); part from habit of sleeping in one room with 6 younger siblings & his mother, part from self-defense, part for (unconsciously) comfort.
> Going off of that (i've seen a post abt it too), he's incredibly sleep deprived all the time. Irrational, bloodshot eyes, leaning/sitting down if he's not actively doing something. Besides demon slaying/fighting, he typically lets gravity or momentum do the work when he's moving or smth.
Between that and anger, his fingers and eyes tend to randomly twitch a lot. He ignores it.
> His love language is physical touch, which is horrible about the fact that he's gotten like none in several years and his learned-experience makes him habitually touch averse.
> A good amount of his scars are from Kyogo, actually. Comparatively they're not a prominent as the ones he got from demons, but number-wise there are still a "surprising" amount. He has a torn ear from Kyogo, and there's a ugly collection of small cuts on his head, hidden by his hair, from when Kyogo broke a bottle over his head.
Most of his visible, large scars are actually from before he joined the corps/became a hashira, since he was untrained. The scars he does get as a hashira are mostly from himself, as opposed to any demon attack.
> He cries very silently, although he barely cries in the first place. Both due to Kyogo. Similarly, he was a very quiet baby and later kid, due to Kyogo. It worried Shizu a lot when he was just a baby.
> He gnaws on his fingers/hands. At first it was (mainly) unconscious, from trying to stave off hunger when he was younger. It eventually became a habit (and a little bit part self harm). If you look closely, there are slight scars/discoloration of teeth marks (I like to think he scars easy, too).
> He actually still has the weapons/tools he used for hunting demons before he joined the corps. He keeps it at his hashira estate now, though he used to carry around the smaller ones (knife, cleaver, ingredients for functionally a molotov cocktail*) before he was a hashira, and hide the bigger ones (garden shears, machete) somewhere that he knew/remembered.
*I mean, he does have better quality ingredients for molotov as a hashira, at least.
> People in Sanemi's hometown used to think he was an omen (good or bad? changed from person to person) cause of his white hair(he's part albino)- especially with the combination of violet eyes. He was treated accordingly.
> When he was hunting demons by himself, w/o knowledge of the Demon Corps, he was:
1. Functionally nocturnal
2. Barely patched up any wounds he got
3. Had a shit ton of weapons.
Masachika wasn't the only one who thought the was a demon, ghost, or war-spirit when first seeing Sanemi.
> Habit makes him not eat as much as much as he should + ignore his hunger.
> Sometimes (even when he feels starving) he feels like he'd vomit if he'd eat anything. He tends to just skip eating for the day until he can't.
> He has nearly no personal belongings in his estate. Any completely personal belongings are mainly gifts (and even then it's a bit of hassle for him to completely accept a gift, not w/o him being pretty suspicious and/or giving whoever back something later)
> Habit of ordering/buying kinda oversized clothes from habit of living poor. Too-big clothes you could wear for longer, and if you needed to tailor it, you got extra scraps of fabric for things.
> He's a great cooker (and everyone knows it), but when he cooks for himself, he doesn't bother cooking all that well about half the time. Additionally, the Corps do have like, housekeepers or something, but they make him kinda uncomfortable, so they really only house-keep his estate if he's out for a looong time.
> He doesn't celebrate his birthday. Either he acts as if it's any other day, or he essentially rots/disassociates in bed all day.
> His main trauma responses are either anger/fighting or intensely disassociating (it's nearly like catatonia). (Ex., after killing Shizu, he disassociated for about a week. This also means the injuries he got from her were left untreated and eventually got infected. He ignored it).
> Sanemi skipped most of his education to take care of his family (basically canon). He only knew how to read some basic things. Masachika eventually learned that and helped Sanemi to read better/more complex words. They started teaching Sanemi to write but died before it could really go anywhere. Sanemi gave up with learning how to write from there, and didn't really want to touch the subject again.
> Despite the little education, he's very skilled in math, especially mental math. Lowkey self-taught himself/personally-"invented" multiplication & division when he was younger.
> Despite being able to read, Sanemi does have Sorai read things out to him, more that most others. Sanemi also usually has Sorai verbally message others instead of writing letters.
> Somewhat relatedly, Sanemi love animals (and animals love him). He leans towards birds and bugs/arachnids slightly more than other animals, and while he technically can't, like, recite a entomology/arachnology(bugs/spiders) or ornithology(birds) encyclopedia, he has picked up on a lot of accurate things about them just from observing them throughout his life.
Sorai also likes to cuddle with Sanemi a lot; roosting on his collarbone, hiding in his haori or his open uniform. Sanemi also gives Sorai snacks too.
He also feeds the local stray dogs & cats, and brings any one he can find/approaches into his estate when it's raining. They also sometimes sneak into his estate regardless of the weather and he kinda just lets them stay. Any mess they make is only kind of annoying (it reminds him of cleaning his little siblings' messes and any actual anger abt cleaning messes dissipated a long time ago with his siblings cause of it).
He has a small-sizable garden full of plants/flowers that he mainly uses to keep a bunch of beetles(his favorite is a large mellankapi beetle), although there is a little shelter for cats/dogs + a birdbath + an anthill he nearly stumbled across and started maintaining. He likes to sit there and let them crawl over his arms.
Any equipment or belongings he bought for the animals he doesn't really consider his own personal belongings. They're not for him, after all.
He's also accidentally become friends with a small flock of wild ravens* & a vulture, and amicable to a pack of somewhat nearby wolves.
*Sorai makes sure they don't eat the beetles. The beetles get an indoor space/small collections of terrariums for them regardless, though.
There also might be a few rodents (and the occasional reptile) to something running around in the garden, and even if they are garden pests he can't really bring himself to get rid of them, between literally all the other animals that come in & out. Granted, they're usually aren't many between the birds, cats, and dogs.
He does find a rabbit burrow once, and as much as he wanted to keep them, he had a stray dog and two cats at the same time, and the bunnies weren't all that safe... He handed them off to Mitsuri (she squealed, and then immediately quieted down for the bunnies & when Sanemi started listing how to take care of them). He visited them every once in a while.
Any animal he can't take care of usually goes to Gyomei, Mitsuri, or to the Butterfly Estate.
He avoids officially naming any strays, but still calls them nicknames in his head (he doesn't want to get attached).
Additionally, he has one exception for housekeeping maintaining things in his estate even if he's only gone for a day or two if he's housing a/some stray(s), that, yk, need to be fed.
> His drawings are all eh (yk, average doesn't-draw-for-a-living-or-hobbie art skills) but his occasional drawings of bugs are actually quite good/detailed.
> He finds hanging out with animals much easier. A lot less social cues he never got the time to grow up with to keep track of.
> He doesn't like lying, but that doesn't mean he hasn't (just tends to unless he feels like he needs; he doesn't count lying by omission as lying though).
> I personally like headcanon-ing him as colorblind sometimes. I am aware it's not canon, but I like the idea. I bounce between him either having s-cone monochromacy, the ability to see only blue color(only type of only-able-to-see-one-color) or achromatopsia, or total cone monochromacy, the inability to see any color.
> This is a sometimes headcanon I like thinking about sometimes; got this from a (sanegiyuu where soulmates feel the other's pain) fic - I didn't bookmark it & I can't find it, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sanemi being literally unable to feel pain (congenital analgesia). It mainly leads to untreated injuries (this time most unintentionally). However, self harm wise, this more so leads him to (unconsciously) seek out things that will emotionally harm him.
> He's actually pretty good at gymnastics (wind breathing has a lot of jumps & moves/katas in the air, so). Spars between him and Mitsuri are about 70%-80% in the air.
> He likes the feeling of falling/being in the air.
> He's good with kids, and to literally everyone else, he's surprisingly soft & slips into a big-sibling/mother-mode verrrry easily. Slips in a "honey" or "sweetheart" to whatever crying kid like it's nothing (he doesn't even notice that he did, really).
> He does have a bit of a resting bitch face, but his resting face doesn't really "pissed off" so much as it simply looks intimidating. Similarly, when he's by himself or by people he trusts, he actually smiles (and eases into a smiling-resting face) very easily.
> He doesn't have a favorite color. Never had the time to even think of one, you know? (S-cone monochrome colorblind Sanemi eventually comes to hate-love the color blue. full achromatic colorblind Sanemi kind of just. sighs and tells himself it's kinda too late to have one now, isn't it?)
> Good at sewing. Go figure (and any other stereotypically motherly skills. duh. look at him, he's mom-coded). Made stuffed animals from scraps of fabric for his little siblings. Genya still has his, but it got broken from Shizu's inital attack. (He keeps it safe in a pocket, and eventually keeps it safe, sat in Gyomei's estate).
> If he's over at another hashira's estate, he ends up cleaning up a bit, or just... automatically mother-ing, bascially. ykwim? I don't know how to explain this one.
> He's friends with Makio, Suma, & Hinatsuru. They trade recipes, mainly; if he gets along best with Makio (based of a modern chatfic; she was the first to genuinely compliment Sanemi's scars when they first met, and he was surprised, responding quite politely back about it. Uzui was very shocked abt it).
> Technically not a headcanon, more like a... application of logic? But the fluffy white hair means that when the sunlight hits right, it looks heavenly. (Seriously. I have a white-beige haired dog and when the sun hits right, it looks godly).
I get art styles, but personally I think of Sanemi's eyebrows & lashes as white, too.
> Although he hasn't done it in a while (Wind Breathing & a sword is quite effective), he fights dirty if he needs to. He will bite and he will go for the eyes.
> His morals about not killing humans* came from the demon slayer corps. While he would've been a bit hesitant about it, he would kill anyone - and I mean anyone - for his family. In another world? That absolutely could've and would've included the demon slayer corps.
*most humans. People like Kyogo can go fuck themselves (he miiiight take a slight second or minute longer helping people like that).
> Shizu used to call/compare Sanemi to a dandelion, or a cloud, or snow (things like that). He hates any comparison/comment about his white hair to things like that now.
> He doesn't like looking at himself. If he is looking at himself, he just doesn't process the rest of himself he's not focusing on; he actually has pretty low-self worth; things like not particularly believing he deserves any personal belongings, he's okay with being the one harmed in exchange for Genya not, willing to sacrifice himself to hell to be with his mother without a second thought.
Additionally, he actually sort of finds all the scars across his skin a bit visually-overstimulating. And he doesn't really think of himself as pretty or attractive or anything really. He doesn't particularly think he's like, ugly, or anything (although he does logically acknowledge a lot of people will not like the scars) but he doesn't really think of himself as anything to look at, either (and very staunchly does not think about those adults that were willing to pay for 16-yrs old him).
Doesn't keep his uniform unbuttoned for any egotistical reason or anything. Just doesn't really like how it feels when it's all closed (part Kyogo used to choke him, part self-harm-demon-luring-opportunity)
> Relatively, he's actually kinda thin, between the historical malnourishment and overall habitual small-appetite. He has very little if no fat.
> This is going into informal psychoanalysis, but his stubborn sense of pride (unconsciously) comes from the fact he had little things to be "prideful"/confident in, and those things were things he had to be good in (ex. being a good big sibling + working, support person for the household). When he lost that and eventually became a demon slayer, the only thing he could be prideful in (that he had to be good at) was, well, demon slaying. So any verbal threat to that, he's kinda sensitive about. Granted, that doesn't mean he can't accept others being more skilled/stronger than him (and to be fair, that really only is Gyomei, and. Well, look at Gyomei).
> When he was younger, he never really thought of a future for himself. Randomly latched onto like, age 16 or smth, and unconsciously never really thought he'd live past that. When he did live past that (the year Shizu turned), he half thinks that, hey, he really didn't live past 16, not really considering what he is now, without his family (Genya having informally disowned him) as himself. He doesn't really consider what he's doing now as "living," and was entirely prepared to "live" and die in demon slaying*. He wanders Japan for a year-ish around when the Demon Slayer Corps disbands.
> Was genuinely more distraught/fucked up about surviving past the death of Muzan than he would've been if he died at any point before. He'd be pissed dying to a demon, but he would've been absolutely ready, content to die.
> He likes sweet food(canon) because he nearly never got any sweets as a kid; whenever he did get sweets, he'd save it for his mother or his younger siblings.
> Sexuality-wise, I see him as demi, though I bounce between him being gay or fully aroace. Regardless, I don't see him as the type to seek for or want romantic relationships. Close friendships/qpr, though, sure/maybe.
> Gender-wise, uhhh he's not cis. He's whatever I feel like at the time. Genderfluid? Genderqueer? Gender apathetic? MTF? Although transmasc Sanemi you will always be iconic and probably my default to me (his top surgery scars blend in with everything else).
> I feel like regardless he never really had the time to explore any of it (gender or sexuality) besides the simple fact that he is. Just: "huh? oh yeah I'm probably that. anyway-"
> modern au Sanemi would be a lot more androgynous, or at least less obviously masc, in my head though.
> Any fem Sanemi, though, I feel would care about their appearance a lot more, though mainly to use it.
> yk I never got any casual sexist (or anything along the lines of) sanemi. Like. His first positive role figure was his mother? So yeah, he doesn't really get misogyny.
> Got this from a fic I can't remember, but his haori has the kanji for "kill" over the uniform's kanji of "destroy" cause "destroy" is a lot more idealistic and... heroic than "kill." And he's here to kill; blunt, dirty murder, even if it's of demons. (He doesn't think of himself a good person).
> Despite saying he doesn't care + genuinely thinking of Shizu as not-herself-anymore-when-turned, he really does think of himself as a murderer for killing her.
> Based of another fic, he staunchly ignores/doesn't think of demon-Shizu trying to call him his childhood nickname.
> He thinks it's... "funny"/ironic that demons get drunk from his blood when it was his father being drunk that spilled more blood from him. (It makes him so, so angry, and it makes murdering demons so much easier).
> He doesn't like drinking. He doesn't really like making it particularly obvious (there is so much social drinking in Japan). Kinda just takes a small, non-effecting sip if he has to consume any alcohol (socially or ritually) and usually, eventually someone asks if he's gonna drink that and takes it when he says no.
> He gets the feeling of that butcher knife going through his mother* every once in a while; after all, a blade going through flesh doesn't feel all that different. In fact, it's damn well the same. He consciously ignores it, though usually fidgets with his hands or smth about it.
*it entirely possible, I'm pretty sure, that Sanemi didn't actually stab Shizu with the cleaver - she just got blackout drunk with his blood. However, more angst with him literally needing to fight his mother, soooo :9
...That's all I can think of, for now, lol (watch more come right to me as I click "ask".
Hoooooly fucking yap. ...well, I did say I would :9
(...damn this took me like four hours)
omg I love these headcanons
like how he selfharms nobody talks about it enough
Omg I love these so much I literally don’t know what to say
I also love trans Sanemi hc’s or gender apathetic sanemi ((I’m gender apathetic))
I’ll definitely put these in my posts
omg I love these so much!!!
