I can’t stop thinking about the scene where Nick stares at Tara and Darcy kissing
I’ve seen a lot of people talking about this scene of the Heartstopper TV show (that released yesterday on Netflix, so WATCH IT. PLEASE.), but as I haven’t seen anyone rambling about it in a way that makes justice to the way I’m looking at it, I decided to write the damn post myself.
Initially, my reaction was the good, old “Nick Nelson, lesbian protector!”, that made my heart stop burst with joy, as a lesbian. Heck yeah, my perfect golden retriever boy supports my existence! Canonically! Staring at people like me in a “good for them! I’m so proud!” way. That alone not only is enough, but also makes this an important scene. But it’s an important show, in general, so I guess it goes without saying?
Anyways. The second thing I’ve noticed was the envy/jealousy; in this moment, Nick realises he wants to express his sexuality the same way Tara and Darcy are doing, and admires them for it. He longs for it. It also shows that lesbians and queer men aren’t as far as people make it out to be. We share some experiences, in the way we look at society as queer people, but there’s this idiotic ‘rivalry’ between lesbians and gay men, that plays into the ‘gay best friend’ trope, as if gay men could connect more with straight women than with lesbians, because of their common attraction to men. And this scene, with a boy who likes boys (too), seeing a lesbian couple kissing and recognising his own queerness like a mirror is so important!
In a more personal note, rather than a general experience, I’ve seen myself in Nick. It felt a bit of a circle, a lesbian feeling seen through a bisexual character who feels seen through two lesbians. I’ve had contact with queerness mainly around the internet, just like many queer kids of the same generation as me, and while I know some queer people (who I can count on my fingers), I’ve never personally seen queer affection in front of me, in real life. I’ve seen it in movies and photographs, I’ve written about it and expressed it myself to several partners I had, but it’s always been virtual, long distance. And watching this scene, I got it. Nick standing there in a party, and while he knew what gay people were, and probably had seen a picture or a video of queer affection, he was now seeing it, in front of him. Those were two people he knew, people from his social circle.
I don’t know whether I’m making sense here, but I had to ramble about it, because after watching this scene so many times and feeling a thing or two in my stomach each time I played it, it was time to recognise that it needed to be addressed. Well. I’ve had this feeling in my chest, and now I’ve done something with it. Feels refreshing! (And you probably haven’t heard the last of me rambling about Heartstopper!)
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