Rebel

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Kisi ne bola boht sundar dikhti ho,

Tum sajti kyo nahi,

Boht sundar hasi hai tumhari,

Per tum hasti kyo nahi,

Tum to boht batein krti thi na?

Ab bolti kyo nahi?

Pretty?

Pretty enough to be lusted on,

Not pretty enough to kept in arms forever.

Pretty enough to look at,

Not pretty enough to be taken care of.

Pretty enough to spend time with,

Not pretty enough to spend life with,

Pretty to be looked naked,

But the scars?

So i hide.

Hide behind the colourless cover called clothes.

Hide behind the beautiful big smile.

Hide in the dark room with loud music, unorganised thoughts.

I hide in fantasy,

Fantasy of to be found.

I hide in mountains.

To breathe free without wounds.

I hide in oceans.

The ocean of feelings.

I hide in jungle.

A jungle of pleads.

Pleads to be found.

But I’m pretty.

Pretty enough to get attention.

Not pretty enough to remember.

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

The day before i die.

Watch me burning alive.

Burning from your hate,

Watch me melting away from your curse,

It will not be the first time.

Remember you told me, I will live alone die alone?

You called me Rebel.

For what?

What did i ask for?

Love.

Empathy.

Don’t i deserve that?

I do.

See your wish came true,

I am dying alone,

Eating alone,

Living? Alone.

I wish you could see me standing alone in this dark room.

I wish you could see me climbing the mountain of your curse.

I wish you could see me burning from your words.

I wish you could see the scars you have left.

I wish you could see the wounds,

The wounds which never healed.

I tried, I really did.

I tried to smile but i failed.

The hard i try the worst it gets.

I’ve been burning since the day your left.

So you must watch me burning alive.

The day before i die.

To my father

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Home .?

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

When I said you deserve someone better,

I didn't mean someone better than me.

I meant someone who will love just the way I did but without the trauma i carry with myself.

Someone who will worship you like I did but without the fear of being left behind.

Someone who will trust you when you say, Yes I still love you.

You deserve someone like me but with a better past. So that they trust you as much as they love.

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Ahem, it's difficult for me.

It's difficult for me to even think about that you'll leave One day.

So I'm leaving first, I'll go first.

I'm leaving you behind because I don't want to be left.

I have seen when you open your eyes first thing in the morning.

I remember your voice, I love your voice.

Morning voice, the angry voice.

Your moans. Your face when you moan.

Everything, i remember that.

I have seen you sleep.

I have seen your face close enough that it's difficult to forget.

I have seen your hands, your eyes mole, the scar you have and your birthmark.

How can I ever bear the pain of you leaving.

So I'm leaving first.

Atleast I'm trying.

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

So close, yet so far.

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Apology.?

I can't , I don't deserve your forgiveness.

I thought I'd be the best mother but I became the worst one.

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Ohh...to be loved so much that you feel guilty for it..!

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Yes, Again I have said something I don't mean.

Just to hide my feelings.? Or to hide how weak I am.

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Wish me luck going to watch #tharntype for the very first time🫂👀

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Oh, the way my soul left my body whenever he utters her name;

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

He seems like a fantasy, almost like if I blink, he'll disappear.

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Hey dear diary I'm loosing everything 💔

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

He feels like,

Man written by a woman<33

[creweemmaeec11]

"I'm sorry,"

"A little late for that, isn't it?"

"To reverse the damage? Yes. But... to ease the pain...? I'm hopeful,"

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

Hey guys...I know no one care about shit I'll be talking about from now on...but I'll say it anyway..!!

There's this guy..!!

In my class he was my really good friend of mine...but I fucked up..I told him how I feel about him it's not like I like him I love him or anything...it's just something inside me...that I just want to look at him..I want to see him smiling....!!

I want to protect him from...!!

He pretends that he's happy when he's not..!!

But I fucked up guys...!!

[tinywritingjournalsoul]

I can even feel his presence..!! 💔

It hurts even more..!