bad things happen to good people, good things happen to me

messy lifeblogging + venting 𖦹 20s 𖦹 i love u

[tiramealasaranas]

₊‧.°.⋆"𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔬𝔴 𝔪𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔭𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔰"⋆.°.‧₊

you can call me star. minors dni. this is a sideblog.

this blog will contain my random and sometimes upsetting thoughts. it'll mostly be shitposts and photos, but there will be some venting about subjects like mental & physical health issues, drug use, sexual topics, etc. i also like to post random lyrics that are stuck in my head; assume none of them are original unless stated otherwise.

more info:

✩ he/him/it/fae/pup ✩ trans/bi (on t since 9/11/25 lol) ✩ alterhuman ✩ ocd ✩ adhd ✩ stoner / psychonaut ✩ polyamorous ✩ kinky ✩ general dopamine addict ✩ median system? ✩

[tiramealasaranas]

yesterday i applied to what is basically my dream job; i'm very qualified for the position but it's extremely competitive so i'm not that hopeful. but if any witches out there want to manifest for me...

[tiramealasaranas]

Ordered Thai food because my mom is in the hospital and I can't get high to cope so I deserve a treat even though I really shouldn't be spending money on Doordash

[tiramealasaranas]

i'm not "dissociating", i'm just aware of the narrative. sorry you can't see what i see

[tiramealasaranas]

WEEK 2/4 DONE

next 2 weeks will be light work no reaction

then it's on to a life of tasteful hedonism :3

[tiramealasaranas]

ive been going to sleep at 3am and waking up at 11 since i'm #unemployed but i went hard at the gym today and just ate a big healthy meal of korean tofu stew with shellfish, so i'm sleepy already... i also feel like im getting a cold so time to snork mimimi.....

[tiramealasaranas]

did i ask you for attention

when affection is what i need?

thinking sorrow was perfection

i would wallow til you told me

there's no glitter in the gutter

there's no twilight galaxy

[tiramealasaranas]

just remembered the era of my life when i was deeply, life-alteringly hyperfixated on the fucking. american idiot musical. what the fuck. why

[tiramealasaranas]

we might assist

if we really exist

[tiramealasaranas]

week 1/4 done!! definitely been having cravings but i attribute them more to my OCD ruminations about drugs than physical withdrawals or an actual desire to get high, because there hasn't been a point where i'm afraid i will actually smoke or drink-- it's more so that i'm fixated on the idea of doing it.

[hateusandseeifwemind]

[tiramealasaranas]

laughing hysterically at the function realizing that i'm will smith

[tiramealasaranas]

what do i even do in my free time if i cant do drugs lol

[scramratz]

I think Elliot Page should be allowed to kill people

[tiramealasaranas]

today i applied for around 20 jobs, most of them retail. the ones i'm most excited about are one at an art supply store and one at a weed dispensary / smoke shop. i also reached out to another place i applied to last year that's hiring someone with my degree to work about 5 hours per week (not giving further details about the field b/c i'm paranoid lol). i think the ideal setup would be if i got one of those part-time retail jobs, and then worked 1 or 2 days a week at the more "serious" job. i can see myself doing that long-term while still having the time to work on personal art stuff and go to concerts and things like that.

[tiramealasaranas]

update: monastic lifestyle incoming

time for (self-enforced) sobriety for the next 4 weeks :)

not because i think my drug use is harmful, i just want to reset my brain since i had a horrific mental health crisis at the beginning of this month. i engaged in self harm after 4 years free of it, and at the lowest point i was constantly dissociating because if i allowed myself to be present in the moment i would immediately go into an OCD rumination spiral. it was fucked lol

i had to quit my new job after only being there for a month because it was making everything so much worse. now i'm unemployed again but i'm looking for another job with a smaller company rather than a big retailer. i'm also incredibly lucky that i have quite a bit of savings from working full time throughout 2023-24 and being supported by family while i was in school, so a brief period of unemployment won't be the end of the world for me.

i'm also making an effort to address the underlying issues that caused this crisis, such as seeking out exposure therapy for my OCD. i'm excited to focus on my health for the time being, then next month i'm going on vacation with my family and i'll probably smoke weed with my sister to end the tolerance break.

idk where i'm going with this post i just haven't had a lot of outlets because i don't want to scare my friends by describing what happened in detail, and my therapist has been sick for like 2 weeks (great timing, i know) i'm posting this to clarify my intentions for the near future and reinforce my commitment to making my life better.

[sophie-onacid]