tirzamagdiel

Seattleite living in Jakarta, passionate about Jesus, life, writing, empowering teens, and social change and literature. Oh and coffee. Let's not forget that.

[tirzamagdiel]

tbh, I struggle with worship

If I’m being completely honest, I struggle with worship.

I know, right? I’m supposed to be a pastor, someone who “has it all figured out”. I’m supposed to have this hi-speeed hi-def connection to the Almighty, yet I struggle with worship.

I absolutely love worshiping God, especially when I get to do it with my friends. I understand that I worship God in everything I set my heart to do. This past weekend, I preached from Micah 6:8 on how taking a stand against injustice is part of worship. That’s so true! Loving others is part of worship as well. Giving is part of worship. I also mentioned that worship is recalibrating our life lens in such a way that in every frame, we auto-focus on God.

When I take that last definition of worship and apply that into music, that’s when I get into trouble. I enjoy singing praises to the Lord at the top of my lungs. (I enjoy singing period. Not professionally, just - you know - because I love it.) Belt it out, girl! I’d think to myself. There’s something about music that seems to draw out a dormant part of who I am and make it come alive. So worshiping God through music is a thrilling and exquisite expression.

However, I get distracted very easily. I don’t know if others on worship teams experience the same struggle, but when I’m up on stage, my inner auto-focus goes haywire. I get distracted by lights, the sound, how I sound, how the team sound. In the spirit of honesty, I love it when a 3 or 4-part harmony comes together and blends perfectly. I can even say that the sound is delicious! And let’s be honest, I love it when I get to sing with some of my dear, dear friends. (They know who they are.) But often times, I stand on stage and I listen and I focus on the beautiful harmony and the adrenaline and the hype… and then I forget.

I forget that the focus is supposed to be on God. I forget that the music and the harmony and the sweet sounds are supposed to be gifts I offer to the Lord, instead of gifts I offer to my own ears. Sometimes, this struggle hides behind the argument of excellence. I want to give the best to God, right? So we need to make sure the music and the harmony and the sound are on point. Of course that’s OK! That’s more than OK! Giving God the best is encouraged. In fact, it’s biblical!

The offering becomes skewed, however, when it cease to become a gift for God. We strive for the best, but we fail to give it to God.

Well, what to do?

Lately I’ve been challenged by God to recalibrate my lens so that it auto-focuses on God in every situation. I asked God, “How do I do that on stage when I’m on the worship team?"

God’s answer was simple: start by focusing on me when you’re not in the spotlight.

When you just barely opened your eyes in the morning, still reorienting from slumber, what do you choose to do first if your focus is on Christ?

When you are driving in the midst of the infamous Jakarta traffic and suddenly a belligerent motorcyclist cut in front of your vehicle, how would you react if your focus in on Christ?

When you are in a heated argument with a close friend and you know that delivering a low blow will guarantee you victory, what would you say if your focus is on Christ?

Focusing our hearts and lives on God doesn’t happen overnight. It requires consistent training. Worship is a muscle that needs to be trained. Focusing on God doesn’t automatically happen when we’re on stage. It happens when we keep on practicing focus every day, when we’re not on stage, when we’re not around people, when our actions aren’t amplified by the lights or the sound system. When we “train” our worship muscle, we develop muscle memory. It translates to when we’re up on stage, leading a crowd of people to worship the Lord. Our “worship muscles” are not shocked by the lights and the sounds and the adrenaline and the emotional triggers. When we train to focus on God daily, we’ll automatically do it even with the distractions.

I’m not writing this because I’ve got things all figured out. I don’t. And from a girl who is quite allergic to physical training, it’s a struggle to consistently train my “worship muscle”. It’s painful at times; it requires a lot of running into a small confined place and asking forgiveness from God for auto-focusing on the wrong things. But hey… Nobody writes songs about the ones that come easy, right? (Yes, I’m quoting Logan Echolls from Veronica Mars. Deal with it.)

Would you join me and train our hearts and minds to focus on Christ? Start small, but do it daily.

Love you all and praying for you this week!

T.

[tirzamagdiel]

Grace received

Grace is an enigma that lies at the center of the Christian faith. It amazes people, confuses them, overwhelms them, disarms them, and renders them completely helpless - at the mercy of a deeply just and loving God.

I had the privilege of sharing on grace this past weekend at IESTEENS, and I got to share one of my favorite Bible stories: the story of Hosea and Gomer (and in turn the story of God and us). I love talking about grace, but sometimes it scares the living snot out of me.

My personality does not cater to grace. I am independent and proud of my self-sufficiency. To an extent, I don’t think any of us humans cater very well to grace. While we love hearing of the idea that we don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love, we find it difficult and challenging to receive this gift.

Why? Grace can’t be quantified. It’s not a science experiment that we can replicate so that we can save ourselves. Grace is a gift that we have to learn to receive.

It’s not a free pass for us to go about and do all kinds of bad stuff, because, “Hey, there’s grace, right? God’s always going to forgive me?” Paul wrote about this in Romans 6, “What then shall we say? Whall we continue in sin so that grace may increase? By no means! how can we who died to sin live in it any longer?"

It’s not a loan that we have to repay by our good deeds. To the Galatians, Paul wrote, “I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law. Christ died for nothing!"

So how should I respond to this gift?

Grace is all about relationship. The gift allows us to have a relationship with the almighty, Holy, amazing God, but sometimes we get too focused on the gift that we forget about the relationship.

The best way to receive grace is by cultivating a relationship with God. Spending time with him, knowing who the God that paid to have us back is, learning about what life is like with him.

So now, come back to your God.

Act with love and justice,

and always depend on him.

Hosea 12:6 (NLT)

Always depend on him. It’s great to be independent and self-sufficient in this world, but not when it comes to God. (Trust me, this is something I’m struggling with as well.) Receiving grace means inviting God to all parts of your life. Make decisions with him, talk about your feelings and struggles. Make him a part of your life. You are in a relationship with him. That’s what receiving God’s grace all about.

[tirzamagdiel]

Read this link and felt very passionate about this.

The text this woman received was appalling, but I’m not sharing this because I’m appalled.

I’m sharing this because I meet and work with beautiful teenage girls. I understand dealing with weight problems. (It’s a problem when you want to fit into lovely clothes and eat tacos too..)

Here’s what I have to say, ladies. Don’t let one (or more) guys determine your worth. You are worth more than your physical appearance. Your worth needs to be determined by something way more stable than a guy’s desires. Your worth has everything to do with who you are and to whom you belong.

Much love, a youth pastor.

[tirzamagdiel]

Apologies.. Apologies..

My most sincere apologies, friends. I haven't written in about six months. The only explanation I have for the absence is something akin to writing-itis. I lost my voice. I needed some time to figure out why I was writing and who I was writing for and how I was to craft my words. And I needed to sort out life - who I am and all the questions that come with that. So here I am, still somewhat of a mess, but little by little gaining back my voice. Thank you for your patience. This is me. Still adventuring, still somewhat unfiltered, still celebrating grace... I'm back, baby!

[tirzamagdiel]

The golden rule... You may have heard of it. "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." If you haven't noticed before, there is something you must do well BEFORE you can live by the golden rule.

My article for The Pearl Press’s topic Love in Action. Take some time to check it out!

[tirzamagdiel]

Talking about Terror

Our world is almost constantly at war, and words like war, terror, massacre is all too common in our vocabulary. Today, this hits a little close to home.

I didn’t really plan on writing this post and was still enjoying my post-new year laziness. After today’s event, though, I feel compelled to write this - especially as I’m thinking of the wonderful teenagers I get to meet in my line of work.

Jakarta was hit with a blatant act of terror. I don’t think there’s a way around mentioning that word. In today’s golden age of social media, anyone anywhere can upload images or videos or tweets or posts within seconds. Whether or not they’re true. Also, fear and anxiety propells people to forward “news” and images and videos without discretion. Children and teenagers might not have a clue what was going on, but the news are there, the images are there, the videos are there. Or they might just hear about it the old fashioned way: through word of mouth. I believe that parents need to take the time to have a conversation with their children about what happened today, especially for those families who live in Jakarta. Parents, your children need to process this. And it’s a mammoth of a thing for them to process. I’m an adult and I need to process.

According to the dictionary, terrorism is “the calculated use of violence (or the threat of violence) against civilians in order to attain goals that are political or religious or ideological in nature; this is done through intimidation or coercion or instilling fear.” Acts of terror instills fear. Fear can be debilitating. Fear can control. Fear is the weapon of today's war.

If I’m completely honest, I would say that the events of today made me just a tad fearful. Okay maybe more than just a tad, especially since the explosions happened just less than a mile from where I was. My heart raced, and I was worried. How was I going to go home? How was my mom going to go home? Do they really target foreign brands? Who are these people and what do they want? Am I safe? How can I be safe? Let’s be honest, the big question that I didn’t voice out loud was: am I going to die?

The wonderful thing about being a follower of Jesus is that we have a God who understands and a God who loves us. He is also a God who is just and who never condones acts of terror (Proverbs 6:16-19).

How are we to respond to acts of terror as followers of Jesus?

(Below is a little summary from “War of the Worlds,” a sermon I preached at IESTEENS on November 7 & 8, 2015.)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48)

Seek peace. When the world is at fear, the world doesn’t have peace. Whenw e are fearful, most of the times we don’t have peace. True peace comes only from God.

God said that vengeance belongs to him and our part is to love others (Romans 12:19-21). Yes, you read correctly. We are called to love our enemies - overcoming evil with good. Peace means surrendering the situation to God. Peace means surrendering the right to condemn to the God who is in control. Peace means being in right relationship with God and with others. We strive for that.

Pray. How do we respond to Jesus’ radical call to "love our enemies in the midst of a broken world, during a time when our ‘enemies’ have never been quite as visible as they are now?” As followers of Christ, we don’t know what we do about the bad guys. What do we do about the bad guys? Pray. Jesus prayed on the cross for his Father to forgive “for they know not what they do.” When we pray for someone, we can’t hate them. Even though we want to. It’s a process, but more and more we end up seeing people the way God sees them. We end up loving people the way God loves them.

Look at your life. Shocking things like terrorist attacks sort of jolts us into a state of reflection. We evaluate our lives, our contribution to society, our relationship with our friends, our relationship with our family. We also get to reflect on our relationship with Christ. Is my life right? Or do I need to get my priorities straight?

I’m not a parent yet, so this isn’t me telling parents what to do. As a youth minister, I do want to encourage parents to talk to their children in light of recent events. Here are some suggestions:

Explain what happened today in terms that they will understand. I strongly advise against showing gruesome pictures or videos. I don’t even like it when those things get forwarded in chat groups and things like that. As parents, you know what they can and cannot digest. However, the fact also stands that this event did happen, and pretending that it didn’t doesn’t make it go away.

Be honest about how you feel and how you process this. Again, you don’t have to overshare, but often times, it’s nice to know that you’re not the only one feeling anxious.

Address some of the questions they have. The questions may range from silly to deeply serious, from practical to theological to political. Some even want to know how, as Christians, we should react to terrorists. What do we do about the bad guys? Does Jesus love the bad guys as well? This also helps teens process through things that happened.

Talk about the Truths found in God’s Word. Personally, I find that going back to the Word of God and declaring truths about God and about his loving kindness, about how he’s in control, about how he grants us peace, help me focus on God more than the anxiety that grips and threatens to pull me down.

Pray together. Communicate feelings and anxieties and concerns to God. Take time to thank God for his protection and for his love.

This is already a pretty long post, but allow me to end with one of my favorite verses as an encouragement for all of us in a time when fear threatens to take hold:

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

[tirzamagdiel]

Led to the Mountains

By the time Monday rolled in on December 7th, I was pooped and didn’t want to leave for the Philippines. I still had errands to run and work to do that day, and I was so close to throwing a tantrum. “I don’t wanna go!!!” But I did. (I mean, the tickets have been purchased, and I don’t think it was refundable. Also, I think my team would have killed me if I decided not to go.)

I didn’t know it at the time, but God wanted my attention. He took me through a 4-hour plane ride, a 4-hour wait at the airport and a 5-hour drive to a mountain with little-to-no internet access. God needed to take me away from the distractions I revel in, from the wall of routinity I have built around me. God needed me to be in unfamiliar territory for him to talk to me. And for me to listen.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her…

...And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer will you call me ‘My Baal.’ For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more...

...And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord...

And I will have mercy on No Mercy, and I will say to Not My People, ‘You are my people’; and he shall say, ‘You are my God.’” (Hosea 2:14-23)

About ten years ago, when I would go to youth conferences, I would always be expectant of the hype. I expected the hype, I craved the hype, I celebrated the hype. This probably was much more because of the fact that I had energy to spare. This time around, though, I didn’t look for the hype. I arrived in Baguio City utterly spent, tired and, to be honest, more than a little cranky. I didn’t have any expectations whatsoever. I was more than prepared to hunker down and just plummet through the conference.

Because of God’s great grace, he didn’t leave me to muck around in my crankiness. He gently guided me to a realization that differs from my previous experiences at youth conferences. One of the biggest surprise for me was how God challenged me to disregard the limelight.

The picture above was of our team during our second day sound check. To be perfectly honest - it looks super cool! It looks like something people put on the cover of their album. This is probably one of my favorite pictures of us. However, when I look at my experience, I definitely felt that God guided my focus away from the lights, the blaring sound, the smoke machine. My encounter with God had nothing to do with the coolness of singing or speaking on stage in front of a multitude of people.

One of the best part of my worship experience happened at around 7:00 AM on the second day of conference. We came early for our sound check with Team Singapore. They were leading the first session, so they got to sound check first. It was when they went through their set that I had my best worship experience. The chairs were empty save for our team. My body was still in the process of waking up, but my soul and my spirit were focused on One. I was just able to really look at Jesus and worship him, spend some time in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit for his presence. It was hands down one of the coolest time ever! (So thanks, Team Singapore! We loved worshiping with you!)

The other world-rocking experience for me happened in a dark corner during the altar call on the evening of the second day. The altar call was for those called to full time ministry, and there were plenty of people up at the altar. Similar to the theme of my trip, I was exhausted and ready to collapse. I also was struggling with a number of different feelings - bitterness, anger, desperation - all exacerbated by my fatigue. I just stood against the wall in a dark corner and cried my eyes out.

I felt raw, my otherwise put together shell cracked open. And I cried. And cried. And cried. That was when I heard from God, much clearer than some of the ways he has spoken to me in the past. It was simple, gentle, yet at the same time piercing.

“Tirza, if it’s just the two of us - you and me - will you still follow me?"

In a song, it would be very easy to reply, “I have decided to follow Jesus… No turning back, no turning back.” At that moment, when I felt God spoke to me, I had no answer for him. I had more tears, but no answers. I didn’t know what to say! I felt a lot like Peter in his conversation with Jesus (John 21). I didn’t know how to answer his question because I know myself. As the hymn says, I am prone to wander… prone to leave the One I love. But I want to follow him.

Yesterday, a couple of days after APYAC was done, in my room and in the comfort of my own bed, God revealed to me Part 2 of this encounter. The question he asked me wasn’t a question that was meant to be answered once and for all. It is a question that I need to answer every morning. At the start of every day, I need to give God an answer. If today it’s just God and me, and all the frills and thrills are stripped away, will I still follow him?

Friends, it’s never about the frills and the thrills. It’s never about the lights and smoke machines. It’s never about the human praises and the packed auditorium. It’s always about the time when it’s you and God and a daily decision to follow.

"Though none go with me still I will follow… No turning back, no turning back."

[tirzamagdiel]

My Father's World

I’m twenty seven. (I’m one of those women who doesn’t really care if people know my age.) Contrary to some views, twenty seven is not a big number. That’s roughly 9,862 days. In the span of those days, I have gotten the opportunitiy to witness a lot - the good, the bad, and - unfortunately - the ugly. Let’s be honest. There’s a lot of ugly in this world.

I’ve seen riots, where people loot stores and houses, where people burn cars and people, where people rape and murder. A city, once civilized, turned manic and chaotic. I watched a live report of two planes flying the two towers, to the devastation of an entire nation. Planes get hijacked, planes get lost, planes disappear. For the past century, our world have been at war almost constantly. To quote Franklin D. Roosevelt:

I HAVE SEEN WAR. I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded... I have seen the dead in the mud, I have seen cities destroyed. I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. I HATE WAR.

There are things I’ve seen that I cannot unsee. And unfortunately, these things have a way of staying with you, molding the way you see the world. I am very well aware that I am living “in a world that seems so cold now that our innocence is gone” (“We can find a hope” by Laurey Berteig).

There have been moments in the past few weeks where I find myself thinking of this world. The atrocities, the disasters, the hate-filled actions. When we think of all of these things, it’s easy to start to believe that no one is really in control. Of course, this often leads us to ask one of the toughest questions out there: If God is all powerful and loving, how could he allow suffering?

I had the opportunity to talk about this topic last month in one of my sermons. This is one of the biggest questions people in faith (any kind of faith.). Some say that the answer would be that either God doesn’t exist, or he doesn’t have the power to make a difference. Another option that people keep on suggesting is that God is not good and he somehow gets a thrill out of watching people suffer.

We live in a world today that believes that the people who are supposed to suffer should suffer. Whenever we see calamities and chaos and destruction affecting people, we say things like, “They don’t deserve to suffer.” It implies that there are people who deserve to suffer. Who deserves to suffer? And to follow up on that notion, who gets to determine who deserves to suffer and who doesn’t deserve to suffer? Who gets to say who’s good and who’s bad?

I believe in God. I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. Hence, I turn to the revealed Word of God for explanation on this. Romans 3:9-18 says this:

All people, whether Jews or Gentiles, are under the power of sin. As the Scriptures say, “No one is righteous— not even one. No one is truly wise; no one is seeking God. All have turned away; all ahve become useless. No one does good, not a single one” “Their talk is foul, like the stench from an open grave. Their tongues are filled with lies.” “Snake venom drips from their lips.” “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.” “They rush to commit murder. Destruction and misery always follow them. THey don’t know where to find peace.” “They have no fear of God at all.” (Romans 3:9-18)

We’ve all hurt people. Maybe we’ve never killed anyone, nor do we ever plan to. But our thoughts and actions betray the evil in us. We have the freedom to choose what we do with our lives. We actually pride ourselves in our ability to do things for ourselves. We love our self sufficiency and our independence.

But our freedom to choose lead us to choose evil. We choose to hurt others. We choose to gossip. We choose to tell lies. We choose to reject people. We made choices we have to face the consequences to.

… So after we’ve chosen to do things all by ourselves, we want God to remove all consequences? It doesn’t work that way.

The Lord is the Creator, the owner of the world we live in. We are his, not the other way around. He reigns over all that he has created, even though sometimes in our limited, little perspective, it doesn’t seem that way.

The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him.For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas and built it on the ocean depths. (Psalm 24:1-2)

For a control freak like me, this still doesn’t answer all of my questions. But it does challenge me to think of the Lord and his sovereignty. A weighty word that is: sovereignty. It designates supreme authority. If God has supreme authority, he has the right to control. He sees the big picture and he’s in control. This is a concept difficult for us independent, self-sufficient people to stomach - that someone else is in control. The challenge is for us to remember that this is his world.

I’ve been watching a lot of NCIS: New Orleans lately. Special Agent Duane Pride always refer to New Orleans as “his city.” He loves it. I kind of think of God in that way. That he looks to this world, with all the chaos and the evil and the destruction, and says, “This is My World."

This is my father's world and to my listening ears

All nature sings, and round me rings, the music of the spheres

This is my father's world, I rest me in the thought

Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas, His hand the wonders wrought

This is my father's world, the birds their carols raise

The morning light, the lily white declare their maker's praise

This is my father's world, He shines in all that's fair

In the rustling grass, I hear him pass; He speaks to me everywhere

This is my father's world. Oh, let me never forget

That though the wrong seems oft so strong

God is the ruler yet

[tirzamagdiel]

Home

I want to go home. I don’t think I’m ready for this: the preposterous paradox of ponderous persuasions associated with online dating (or any kind of dating, really), the perturbing deadlines for papers and projects, the pertinacious importunity of employment, the pathetic placidity of coming home to an empty apartment, and perpetual psychological and physical prostration. I’m not ready for real life.

I want to go home. Home is where I can find the people I love and the people who love me. These people have my back.

I want to go home. Home is where I was born. It is where my parents live, and work, and sleep. It is the place of my citizenship.

I want to go home. Home is the life I have built: my work, my church, my cell phone bills, my signed apartment lease, my credit card debt, my chiropractor, my favorite frozen yogurt. It is a token of my independence.

I am torn between two worlds like a rope in a game of tug-o-war. Pulled and yanked. At the end, I lay on the ground. Abused and spent. Alone. Both sides of the tug-o-war have left, each to their own lives – dinner with family or movie date night with their significant others.

(Why are these people called significant others? They are either significant, or they fall under the classification of “other people I don’t deem important in my life.” This term to me seems like a denial of some sort, the attempt to desensitize a relationship’s label. To me, it screams, “I want to share my life with someone, but please don’t get too close. I am my own self!” Can people have more than one significant other in their lives at one particular time? Are we capable of placing significance to only one person? That’s overly limiting, don’t you think?)

I want to go home. People say home is where your heart is. Where is my heart? I don’t know. I think I lost it a few years back. No. I didn’t really lose it. I just played catch with it, threw it to a jerk who should have caught it. But he didn’t. It might still be there, under the rose bushes in the park. Maybe a dog had sauntered by and decided it was a toy to play with. This would happen to me.

I want to go home. Where ever the hell home ends up being. (I hope it’s not in hell.) A room, maybe. Or an old green couch in the corner of a college writing center. I just need enough space to be.

I want to go home. Where is home? I think I’m homeless.

“Through many dangers, toils, and snares,I have already come;’Twas grace that brought me safe thus far,And grace will lead me home.”

-John Newton, “Amazing Grace”

[tirzamagdiel]

Rooted in Grace (on The Pearl Press)

It seems to me that grace is the thread that keeps appearing in the different stories in my life. Yet I sit here in front of my computer, speechless to describe what grace is. So allow me to tell you three short stories to try and put into words this overwhelming concept.

The first story happened a couple of months ago. Bryan had a disastrous morning. He wasn’t feeling very well lately and had been having a difficult time falling asleep at night. He woke up late. His mom had told him that he needed to go and see the doctor before going to school. He had assignments to finish. Assignments due that day. The only reason he was going to school that day was because of a Math test he was definitely not prepared for.

Frustrated, anxious, and sporting a temple-splitting headache, Bryan shuffled into his Biblical Studies class very, very late. He burst into the classroom, getting his bags caught in the doorway, while at the same time holding up a hall pass and sputtering incomplete sentences. He fully expected a reprimand, or at least a guilt-trip filled lecture about his tardiness and possible lack of respect. Instead, his teacher greeted him and threw a small rectangular object at him. He caught it and saw that it was a Starbucks card. He looked up at his teacher, confused. She smiled at him and said, "That's for you."

---

Read the full article here on The Pearl Press.

[tirzamagdiel]

What makes your heart sing?

If you can do anything for the rest of your life and money is not an option, what would you do? Some of the teenagers I encounter would probably respond with answers like “sleep,” “play games,” or “watch movies.” Seriously, though. What drives you? What makes you excited to get up in the morning? (And let’s be honest, I’m rarely ever excited to get up in the morning.) What makes your heart sing?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. About a month ago, our teens ministry talked about what we do best in the body of Christ. What unique qualities do we have that makes our contribution worth it? Rick Warren and Saddleback Church coined this assessment called S.H.A.P.E. (I almost wrote S.H.I.E.L.D instead of the correct letters. I’ve been watching way too much Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. But I digress.) S.H.A.P.E stands for Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, and Experience. The heart stands for passion. What are we passionate about?

According to the trusty Merriam Webster, passion is "a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something.” Somehow, this sounds like a very clinical definition, so I resorted to the infamous Urban Dictionary. Docspy, whoever that is, explained passion as “when you put more energy into something than is required to do it. It is more than just enthusiasm or excitement; passion is ambition that is materialized into action to put as much heart, mind, body, and soul into something as is possible.” Whoa. But I definitely agree with Docspy.

Passion is more than just enthusiasm or excitement. It’s when you give something or someone everything you’ve got. It’s all heart.

You’ll commit to your passion, even when it doesn’t pay you a dime. You’d starve but still do it. You’d be very busy but will make time for it - somehow. Every one of us are created with this in the very fibers of our being. We are passionate beings, and these passions make life exciting, colorful, and full of adventure!

My friend, Jay Ailani, is a missionary who works to fight human trafficking. This is something that she’s very passionate about. Everytime she meets people, she talks about that. It’s part of what drives her to wake up every morning. Jay is also an artist. She paints wonderful paintings and uses art as a connecting tool to build relationships with the people she wants to reach. You can see and buy some of Jay’s art on Printerous.

My good friend Martha and I have known each other for eight years. She absolutely love singing - more specifically worshiping. This is something that, even when things are difficult or challenging or super busy for her, she will still do. When people ask her to lead worship at the last moment, with limited practice, and with limited band, she doesn’t even think twice. She’ll do it. Because that is what drives her.

I happen to love to sing and arrange music and perform, but that’s not my passion. Growing up, I sang, played the piano, played the violin. Music has always been a part of my life that it became something of a comfort zone for me. It got to the point where I enjoy music theory so much that I decided to take up a second major in college. Flash forward about nine years. I still love music. It’s still a huge part of my life. Music makes me happy. However, it’s not the thing that excites me. It’s not my passion.

I went and studied Youth Ministry in college. Sometime during the end of my third year and the beginning of my last year, I had some doubts about my major. Did I want to be a pastor? What am I doing with my life? I don’t know what kind of crisis I was going through. It was way too early for a quarter-life crisis. In hindsight, I knew that it was more due to burnout than anything else. It took me a while to filter out the burnout and the other issues. After a while, I realized that the things that burnt me out was when I was doing things that I’m not passionate about.

I have found out first hand that when you work doing something you’re passionate about, it’s amazing! And if you minister doing something or ministering to a group of people you’re passionate about, it’s beyond wonderful! It’s the best thing ever.

Let me tell you about what I’m passionate about. I’m passionate about encouraging,mentoring, and equipping young people. Some of my best moments are little things:

when Will T sidled up next to me during worship weekend and worshiped God next to me,

when I watched Zoe, Abby, Emily, and Rachel played their little hearts out and won SPH Cup in soccer,

when Nicole asked me to pray with her before her sermon,

when Nick T texted me a video of him getting stitches,

when Jason took one look at me, yelled my name and gave me a hug today,

when Grace tells me about her Evergreen organization at school,

when I had lunch with fourteen beautiful 10th grade girls today,

when Ben Comrie spends his birthday at a lock in playing nerf wars,

whenever Justin calls me “pastorrr” (I can just hear him in my head),

when I practiced a skit with Nathan and Boris and Kenneth and Daryl and Charis and MJ and Dong Hyeok and Geordie and Nick and Justin and Shaun over Skype,

when I Skyped Isabel for four hours and talked about nothing and everything,

when Darren called me middle aged and we never let him live that down,

when Kai would chat with me during internship this summer,

when Patrick sat next to me and did OMGs for the Newsflash,

when Josh Gondo asked for prayer so when he sings it’s all about God,

when Gaby answers questions in small groups,

when I catch Nick Sada playing in a band concert he never tells me about and then he smiles this mischievous smile,

when Jack talks about random things during life group and then drop a big and deep theological question,

when Zefanya tells me he loves reading Deuteronomy,

when Jeremy stands quietly next to me at church,

and pretty much everytime I post with the hashtag #lovingwhatido.

I am blessed to go to work every day doing something I’m passionate about. I am blessed to get to hang out with a bunch of teenagers and count that as work. I am blessed to get to see these young people experience God and the world. And it makes my heart sing.

What makes your heart sing?

[tirzamagdiel]

Heart Check

Like the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, we’re constantly in a hurry. There’s just so much to do and so little time to do it! It’s probably safe to say we can all relate to this feeling. Students are trying to juggle homework, exams, planning for the big unknown future, spending time with friends, sports, maintaining relationship with family, procrastinating on YouTube and Vine, and sleep. Let’s not forget about sleep. Adulthood isn’t any easier. We have to juggle work, paying bills, taking care of family, maintaining a somewhat decent social life, trying to exercise, procrastinating on Facebook, and sleep. Adults need sleep too. With everything on our plate, it’s extremely easy to lose focus.

In his travels, Jesus befriended a family with two daughters. Most people have heard this story before, but bear with me. I happen to love this story. Jesus decided to visit Bethany and, naturally, stop by the family’s house. The problem with Jesus’ visit is, he’s often accompanied by twelve men and a bunch of other tag-a-longs. Upon hearing the news, Martha started cooking up a storm. Do you know how much food to make to feed at thirteen grown men and a small mob of people? Tons! Mary, though, decided to sit in the living room and listen to Jesus talk. There are so many interesting nuances in this story, but the one that struck me the most was what Jesus said to Martha when she complained: “There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it…” (Luke 10:42).

I’m a Martha. My life is busy with good things, godly things. Ministering and preaching are great things, but they’re not the most important thing. When I was interning, my supervisor always mentions this rule: Your ministry does not equate a relationship with God. Don’t fool yourself into thinking so. In Psalm 51, David said, “For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it.” To be honest, I get too caught up in my to-dos that I sometimes fool myself into thinking that the amount of work I’ve done equates to a solid, good relationship with God when, in fact, sometimes my very busy “godly” work is actually what is drawing me away from God.

There are so many things we can do. There are so many things we have to do. Our to-do list is often full and demanding, beeping and chirping every now and then to remind us how busy we still need to be. But Jesus’ words to Martha is something that might apply to us as well. There is only one thing worth being concerned about. There’s only one thing that is most important. And the work ain’t it. It’s all about the heart. When I talk about the heart, I’m talking about our will, our motivation, our attitude, our character.

I live in one of the most pollution-riddled cities in the world. I understand pollution. Sort of. There’s a lot of pollutants that muddy our heart. Some comes from ourselves - pride, envy. Others are lies the devil planted that we’ve let root and grow within us. Some of the pollutants come from other sources. Sin is also a big pollutant that threatens to muddy our hearts. Overexposure to polluted environment causes our hearts to be dusty not unlike my car after the week I spent living in Lippo Karawaci and away from home!

When was the last time you got your heart checked? I feel that this is something God is convicting me to do lately. Back in Psalm 51, David said,

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."

This is a prayer that David prayed after God convicted his sin in committing adultery and murder. David’s heart was soiled, but rather than run away and fool himself into believing that what he did was perfectly acceptable in his role as King of Israel, David came to God for a heart check. And a heart cleanse at that.

Every day, we face the polluted world and our polluted sinful nature head on. It’s a gory battlefield out there. We face sins and discouragements and things that annoy us and hurts, and these things affect us. We get irritated easily; we think everything is about us; we see the worst in people; we question our faith; we hurt people with our words and our actions. Rather than go rogue and believe that we’ve got this heart of ours under control, we need to keep going to God and ask him for a heart check. Lord, create in me a clean heart. Renew a right spirit within me. It’s a process, one that involves daily checks with God.

My challenge for you is to spend a little time every day praying this prayer. Stop. Go to God for a heart check and ask him to renew your spirit.

[tirzamagdiel]

It was never about the show

The scene opened with two well-dressed sportscasters announcing the start of a race. The scene ended with a guy collapsing after crawling over the finish line. But let me tell you a secret: it was never about the show.

I had the amazing privilege to be invited to my old school to speak in their student chapels. To be completely honest, it was a tad nerve-wracking yet at the same time exciting. It’s akin to coming home. Memories of the good, the great, the bad, the ugly comes rushing in, and I had to come to terms with the changes I’ve experienced over the past decade.

I think the original idea of getting a group of students to do a skit in these chapel services started as a way to cope with my nervousness. However, as I assembled the cast, something changed. It wasn’t about how I felt about these speaking engagements anymore. The experience was morphing into something more.

When I was substitute teaching at the school a few weeks ago, I asked the students who would be willing to help me with this skit. Eleven brave young men stepped up and accepted the challenge. And our journey began.

I wrote the original script inspired by the fable, The Tortoise and the Hare, because the topic of the messages were about perseverance. Six runners were running a race, but during the race, things get challenging. One got injured and gave up. Another got cocky and took a nap. The next decided to forfeit the race because a new game just came out. The fourth gave up because it was too hard. The fifth stormed off after being mocked by people. The sixth was the perseverer - through falls and scrapes.

I gave the script over to the guys and they ran with it. I was actually quite taken aback at how excited they were upon reading the script. They rehearsed it, added their own jokes, talked about props and costumes. These guys took a simple script and made it spectacular.

In the process of developing this skit, we became something like a family. I feel like I gained eleven younger brothers in the course of a couple of weeks! I heard them share about life and jokes and movies and school. I got to hear them talk about things that bother them or worry them. At some point during this process, I realized something quite mindblowing.

I don’t care about the performance.

These guys had mentioned that they were going to make me proud. But I realized that I was already proud of them. And nothing they do during the performance will change that. The amount of heart these young men put into a 4-minute skit overwhelmed me.

When Jesus spent some time in ministry, he shared his life with twelve guys. Some of the things they say or do were funny, exasperating, interesting, frustrating, annoying. Some of the things Jesus asked them to do they didn’t do. They weren’t able to cast out demons. They fell asleep while praying. Two wanted to get special treatment and sit at Jesus’ right and left in eternity. One denied Jesus three times after being adamant that he won’t. I don’t think it was ever about the performance or their ability to accomplish something. It was always about relationship. In those three years or so of ministry, they got to know Jesus. And they were forever changed.

These men became the pillars of what we now know as Christianity. They preached, started churches, wrote gospels. They were the dream team. But it all started with time spent with a traveling teacher.

I am in no way comparing myself to Jesus. Uh… That’s a definite no. I just got the chance to learn something important from him. That’s all.

It was never about the program or the event or the project. It was never about the skit. Ten years from now, when they remember this chapel skit, the guys won’t remember the lines they said incorrectly. They won’t remember the jokes they shouldn’t have said. They’ll remember the relationships, the camaraderie, the interesting skit practice over Skype, and the five boxes of pizza they demolished in the course of 5 minutes. For me - I’ll remember the times I laughed so hard, tears start running down. I’ll remember the un-skit-related talks we have about life and stuff. I’ll remember how I can’t not pray for these guys every time a notification pop up on my Skype. I’ll remember their names and how precious each and every one of them are.

And my prayer is that in the time I’ve spent with these guys, God can use me to show them who they are and who He is. And you know? Maybe even have fun in the process.

Justin, Kenneth, Nick, Boris, Nathan, Shaun, Charis, Dong Hyeok, MJ, Geordie, Daryl… Thank you.

I’m so blessed to know you all. You have no idea.

So guys… Lunch soon?

(Geordie’s missing from this picture. But definitely a big part of the group.)

[tirzamagdiel]

Making the Dream Work

We can only learn so much in classrooms. The rest of the time, we learn in real life situations. I would argue, though, that these lessons learned outside of the classroom resonate deeper. The lessons, then, stick with us better.

Recently, I had the privilege of planning the RZIM in Asia conference hosted by IES. To be honest, it was a bit of a challenge. I received the assignment around 6-7 weeks before the conference date. In case you don’t know this, that’s quite a short time to plan and promote an event. The event was also a little challenging because I had to work with different people’s expectations. Also, I had to work with the RZIM ministry team, which were amazing and so helpful. However, it was our first time working together. They didn’t know me prior to this; I didn’t know them. They too had their own expectations of what this conference was going to be like. I heard that the last RZIM in Asia conference had at least 1,000 attendees. Um. No pressure. Right?

Now that I’ve somewhat recuperated from the conference, I realized that there was an interesting lesson I’ve learned from this experience. As usual, let me share this with you.

The one lesson I learned from this experience was leadership is all about team. Well actually, achievement is all about team.

Fun fact. A day before the event, I saw that my former College of Ministry Dean posted a tweet that was more like a premonition of sorts:

As an ENTJ, I make a very interesting team leader. (Interesting is the operative word there, mostly because its definition is up for interpretation.) I prefer to gather information from patterns and meanings. I base decisions on objective principles and facts compared to human concerns and feelings. I like to make decisions quickly and efficiently with structure and order. Oh. And I have a very low tolerance to stupidity. (Not calling people stupid, just some of their judgment calls.) Anyways, this makes me seem like a dictator. (There is some truth in this. Possibly.)

I’m telling you all of this because my personality makes me a little wary about putting together a team. I inherently need a team of people who know what they’re doing, who create and invite no drama, and who are efficient. Demanding, I know.

This was probably one of the best teams I have ever had the privilege of working with! It wasn’t actually a team per say, but it’s a group of people working together to make this project work. I figured that’s a good enough definition for “team.” There were no drama. (Not within the team anyways.) All aspects of the event worked fabulously - the different people in charge of making different things work were beyond amazing!

This was my team:

Katie, an amazing friend who is a cheery morning person and who is my extremely efficient right hand. She hosted the speakers and communicated with people when I was struggling in my attempt to get some caffeine in my system. This lady also anticipates a lot of my decisions, which makes things uber efficient. She was also my voice of sanity. I knew that exhaustion impairs my filter and toys with my emotions (short fuse) and talking things over with her kept me somewhat sane.

Avisha, the logistical guru of IES. She made things happen - ordered food and got things figured out for the room and stuff. I also loved that she is fiercely supportive and always encouraging.

Micha, the design master. He spits out artwork like nobody’s business. No drama. Timely. We communicate well - he tells me what he needs, he sends me proofs. And I don’t stay up late worrying about the quality of his work.

William, the one-man media cavalry. On the day, he was the videographer, photographer, and computer operator. Trustworthy. Reliable. Committed to excellence.

Kamlesh, the money guy. Quite literally, we couldn’t have made this happen without this guy. He was the person who came up with the original cost breakdown, along with the one following through with all of the money stuff the day of the conference. Seriously, better him than me.

Pastor Mike, the transportation and speaker host extrordinaire. He pretty much just helped scheduled and made things happen. I wasn’t even in the office that day!

I also had a second team. My volunteers, which included the band that led worship. I was in the band, and it’s so much fun to minister with friends who know how you operate. Preparations and rehearsals were smooth and quick. These are people who are close to reading my mind.

Martha, the very personable, very capable worship leader who gets all the songs prepared and communicated. Group chats and everything!

Josh, a friend I’ve known for about a decade. Amazing voice. Wonderful heart for people. Gives the best bear hugs, especially when you are in need of one (and you pretty much look like you’ve just been run over by a truck an hour before conference starts).

Arya, another friend I’ve known for a decade. Sound and media genius as well.

Ben, the amazing guitar player who sports an equally amazing man-bun.

Steven, the youngest of the team, but quite stylish and is a killer musician!

Willie, Steven’s brother and overall joker of the group. Oh. Plays the guitar as well.

Marlon, the ever ready and willing and talented drummer. Kept the beat lively on a Saturday morning conference.

Keyzia, my one check-in volunteer. She had to greet tons of people, check the list, get their money, give them their books - all with a smile on her face. She looks fabulous too! That helps.

The other support person in my “team” is my co-worker, Anthony. The week prior to the conference, I was so busy with conference planning and substitute teaching that I was mostly on autopilot for teen ministry stuff. He had my back. That’s something that gave me great relief.

This is now starting to sound like an Academy Awards acceptance speech.

My point: The success of a leader has got everything to do with her team. When people come up to me and congratulate me or thank me for a great event, I honestly cannot take all the credit. The success of the event or project had everything to do with the people I had on my team. I knew I can trust them. They trusted my decisions. We have a lot of fun working together. (Yes, contrary to popular belief, this dictator does tend to have fun every now and then.) Some of the sub-lessons I learned:

work with people who know what they’re doing,

work with people you get along with,

don’t work by yourself (it’s no fun)

trust your team,

appreciate them,

have fun!

Okay. Enough scrolling. (The verbal diarrhea is real.) Let me end by quoting a very wise young lady who I happen to love and miss dearly.

“Teamwork makes the dream work.” - Isabel Kenney

[tirzamagdiel]

Loving what I do

A bunch of 15-year-olds stole my heart.

A couple of months ago, I was asked by the administrators of my old high school to substitute for one of their Biblical Studies teachers, who was going on a study leave for three weeks. Even close to a decade after high school, I still retained some loyalty to the institution I considered my second home for thirteen years. In addition, the Biblical Studies teacher I was going to sub for was my seventh grade homeroom, Humanities, and English teacher. After clearing with my boss, I said yes.

A lot of my Instagram or Twitter posts have the hashtag #lovingwhatido. It’s not a lie. If I ever had doubts on what I’m passionate about, those were cleared in the time I spent with these teenagers. So today’s post is all about them, the things I love about them and the lessons I learned from them.

I love their zest for life and the ingenious creativity that burst forth from their inner beings. At 15 or 16, their whole lives are still ahead of them. Yes, bad things happen. But life is still very exciting for them. I can’t help feeling that this is something we adults have lost somewhere along the way. Also, a lot of these students haven’t experience the discouraging power of NO, where doors are locked or slammed shut in front of their faces. They aren’t limited by boxes yet. These students are so very creative. A broken laptop can easily be fixed by the power of duct tape. I guess that’s one way to do things!

A video posted by Tirza Magdiel (@tmagdiel) on Aug 31, 2015 at 12:49am PDT

I love the genuine, playful bonds of friendship. After college, I realized that it is much more difficult to create and maintain friendships. In school and college, I took for granted the fact that I saw my friends in class everyday. In college, I live just a few steps away from my friends. Now, in “the real world,” I had to be much more intentional about friendships. My current location being in Indonesia exacerbates the problem. Let’s not get me started on time differences.

I see these students form friendships and camaraderie. (From experience, this will come in handy when they go through IB Diploma Programme.) I see friends support each other. I see friends pray for each other. It is thoroughly encouraging. AND, it challenges me to reach out to my friends.

I love their raw honesty. These students oftentimes have no filter. Sometimes, that fact can get them into trouble. Other times, it made me realize how real that makes them. Some people might think that teenagers, especially these ones, live sheltered privileged lives without any sense of suffering or hardships. That would be a fallacy if there is any. I’ve had the opportunity to read some of their stories. Life happens. Life happens to teenagers as well. But sometimes, they are more honest about their feelings and their responses compared to us, adults. When they trust you enough to tell you what’s wrong, they tell you how it is - the unadulterated, brutal truth.

I love their big hearts. When they care, they care deeply. That’s why things are often at extremes for teenagers. “My life SUCKS!” or “This is the BEST DAY EVER!” or “I REALLY LOVE THIS!” or “I can’t stand the sight of this!” All in the same day. They feel everything deeply and they care. A lot. And I honestly love them for that!

Lesson #1: Teens can tell if you don’t truly care about them. They have savvy BS radars. So don’t bother trying to pretend to be someone you’re not. That won’t fly with them. Be who you are - flaws and all. They’ll actually respect you more for it. (I think.) Don’t lie to them too.

Really, I can’t imagine someone not caring for them. They’re fantastic! From the guy who can creepily imitate Barry Gibb singing “Stayin’ Alive” (Charis), the guy who I usually hear first before seeing (Daryl), the only guy who has ever kneeled in front of me upon seeing my face (Kevin), the girl who’s loud and spirited and would always break out into songs (Janice), the guy who has a difficult time figuring out where his heart is (Shaun), the guy who brought martabak to share with the class and made me very happy (Miguel), the girls who I think defined the word “fun” (Audrey, Bianca, Leoni), the guy with the duct taped laptop and who would give me home-baked cookies (Andrew), the guy who introduced himself as not liking the Seahawks but ended up somehow liking me around (Justin), and many more… Too many to name one by one.

Lesson #2: They do listen, you know. Sometimes teenagers are infamous for being inattentive and oblivious to things. Honestly, I’ve found that they do listen to you. It’s really about whether or not they trust and respect you enough to show you.

My best example of this isn’t actually schoolwork related. On the last day of my first stint of subbing these guys, I played a game of Jeopardy with them. One of the questions was this: I am the director and screenwriter for the Avengers movies, and I am also Tirza’s favorite writer/director. All three of the classes got it right. Quickly too. (The answer is: Who is Joss Whedon?) I mentioned Joss in my introductory class. The first session. But they remembered. It pretty much made my day, but it also taught me something. They are paying attention. O be careful what you say and how you act adults, parents, leaders. They do pay attention.

Lesson #3: Know your audience, meet them where they are. This is probably one of the ways I can apply our church’s family value, People over Programs. These teenagers don’t see the world the way I do. The way adults do. They don’t listen to the same kinds of music. They don’t read the same books. This past weekend, at teens service, the young adults led worship to give the teens a weekend off. We sang very loud, guitar-driven songs popular about a decade ago. And the response? Close to nothing. It’s just a different generation. Different preferences. Different ways to see the world.

In order for us to reach them, we need to meet them where they are. Use something that would relate to them. Back to my time subbing, I realized quickly that for them to really get the lessons, I needed to make the lessons relevant to them. I can’t mold the students to fit the lesson. I had to mold the lesson to fit the students. It’s for them anyways, right? What I’ve learned from this? The person/people is always more important than the program, the lesson plan, or even my schedule.

This post is getting too long. My bottom line:

To 10.1, 10.2, and 10.3

Thank you for welcoming me and for being your incredible selves. Love you all so much! I’ll see you around.

Pastor/Miss/Ibu Tirza

[tirzamagdiel]

One Life to Live

It’s been more than a week, and it pains me to admit that my mortal shell is still recovering from our church’s youth lock in. Whoever came up with the idea of locking a bunch of teenagers with adult chaperones in overnight… was a teenager. If they had been an adult, they would have thought about their aching bodies. Needless to say, I survived. Just barely, but I survived.

One of the games I had the privilege of planning was a big scavenger hunt-type game called “Escape!” To be completely honest, the Wednesday before the lock in, I just watched “Maze Runner: Scorch Trials” and was inspired by the movie. I wanted to create a scenario where the teens had to overcome obstacles to get a treasure out of the dangerous facility where they’re kept. It made sense being a lock in and all.

The end of the game is where the teens had to face the last line of defense before they get to freedom. They had to face a crew of adult leaders who were instructed to “shoot to kill.” (To all of you concerned humans, we had nerf guns.) As the “moderator” of this game, I was giving the teens some guidelines and hints, and I kept shouting a phrase that ended up being stuck in my head. To my teens, I’m known to have some signature phrases, the most famous being, “If it’s not yours, don’t touch it.” Second best was probably, “Speak now, or forever hold your pee.” I’m awkward that way.

Anyways, the phrase that I kept on repeating to my teens who were getting ready to face the firing squad (so to speak) was this:

You have one life to live. Make it count.

They had to strategize and make sure the treasure gets out, even if that means laying down their lives (and laying on the cold, not-so-clean, tiled floor).

These days, the phrase “you only live once” or YOLO seem to become an excuse to live with blatant disregard to wisdom. Because “you only live once,” people make stupid decisions like get a tattoo when they’re drunk, get married out of impulse (or while intoxicated), destroy relationships, etc. Some people seem to think that the fact that we only have one life to live means that it doesn’t matter what happens, might as well party hard and party stupid(ly).

I felt challenged that because we have one life to live, we have to make it count. What are you doing with your life? Are you living your life just to satisfy your own selfish wants and curiosities and crazy whims? Or are you living your life for a specific purpose?

Sometimes, people equate a life of meaning and purpose with a boring life. That is absolutely not true! A life of meaning and purpose can be risky, dangerous, adventurous, and wild. A life dedicated to something that’s bigger than you is awe-inspiring!

What do you live for? What are you willing to die for?

One of my favorite phrases is one from Paul, “For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Phil 1:21). For Paul, it was a no brainer. Written as a prisoner, Paul dedicated his life to something greater than himself. He considered his seemingly righteous but selfish background a loss compared to knowing Christ. That, my friends, is a life that counts.

I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, but why don’t you answer this question for yourself:

What are you living for? Is it worth that one life of yours?

[tirzamagdiel]

Success and Me

I didn’t grow up with siblings. God probably knew I require some growing up before I can play nice with others. Flash forward to today, I find myself with many, many siblings. Family doesn’t always mean blood, right? Back to my point. In my day-to-day interaction with young people, I have the wonderful privilege of observing family dynamics, especially when a family has more than one child. Comparisons and rivalry between children in a family are all too common. In fact, it’s normal. In addition to that, parents sometimes put expectations on their children to be like the “ideal child,” whether it happens to be the oldest child, middle child, or even the youngest. These tensions can be positive and, hence, spur children to do better. However, it is entirely possible for these tensions to mold children’s identity and definition of success.

Add a new layer to that thought process. This is one that everyone - whether they have siblings or if they are only children - can relate to. As we grow older, we put expectations on ourselves. Expectations to be like this person, or that person. Expectations to be successful in life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the past few days. How do you define success? Is it money? Is it fame? Is it the expectation to be married by 24 and start having children by the time you’re 25? (If that’s success, then I’m a terrible failure.) How do I define success?

After spending some time struggling with this thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that success is fully living as the people God has created us to be. Younger siblings might think, “I need to be more like my oldest sister, who is brilliant in Science and Math.” Others might think, “I need to be like my father, who owns and runs a successful company.” There are even more people who would never own up to this, but subconsciously think, “I need to be like that lady in the Top Stories section of E!News.”

Being confined by other people’s expectations, and even our own expectations can be limiting, stifling, frustrating. However, if we fully live as the people God has created us to be, it’s satisfying, fulfilling, and liberating. Furthermore, we are created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Other people’s expectations or molds are actually quite irrelevant compared to this truth. That we are created in God’s image, and we were so amazingly and miraculously made (Psalm 139:13-14). The creativity that it takes to create unique fingerprints of every human being translates to our personalities, passion, strengths, weaknesses, quirkiness. We are not created to be a clone of someone else’s expectations. We’re created to be who we are - our flawed, unique, sometimes even awkward self. But one who was created in the image of God.

Who are you? What makes you uniquely you? What are some of your quirky features? What does success look like to you, in light of God’s blueprints?

My name is Tirza. I have an affinity for sci-fi and fancy high heels. I am passionate about creating, connecting, and coaching. I love equipping young people to follow the unique call God has for each of them. I love milk chocolate. I’m more often than not too lazy to blowdry my hair. I love anything and everything Joss Whedon has ever written. I read a lot. My favorite food is meat.

And I’m a daughter of the Most High King.