I lay here at night and can’t help but wonder what my life could have been like if instead of being cut down as a child you had encouraged me. How far could I have gone? What things could I have tried that were new and different to me at the times? What different friends would I have had? What different habits could I have had? How much courage, strength, and determination would I have in myself now if only you hadn’t let me to my own devices? All these parents now a days don’t let their kids fail and here am I scared to death to try because I feel like a failure. What would my life be like right now had you encouraged me to try hard things or new things? Where would I be if you helped me along the way figure out my dreams instead of dismissing them until I was too old to remember them? What kind of person would I be right now had you just embraced all my dimensions, quirks, annoyances, short coming, weakness, and strengths? What things could I have achieved in my life right now if you had accepted me for me and not made me feel less than, crazy, foreign, broken, and unlovable because I was myself. I think about the dreams I had as a kid and how carefree I had dreamed then and I look at myself now and I am scared out of my skin just to apply for schooling towards my dream. All I have ever wanted was to make you proud and feel your love, but maybe now it’s time for me to be proud of myself and love myself because I am enough, I am worth it, and even on my baddest days it’s still more than okay to be me.
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