Vent Blog

I deleted the old blog because I thought I got better enough to not need a place to vent. I was wrong.

[venmouswolf]

Stupid dipshit

[venmouswolf]

no one knows how to push you closer to idealizing death like a loving family does<3

[venmouswolf]

i wish my teeth weren't so rotten so i could bite myself properly.

[lunamonchtuna]

to be seen without performing. to be heard without screaming. to be missed without disappearing. to be enough without proving it. to be held without falling apart. to be understood without explaining. to be wanted without conditions. to be. to be.

[venmouswolf]

Nearly a year since the Deer ended it. Ideally it would have been nice for him not to do it at all, but if this was going to happen anyway, could he have done it on a day farther way from my beloved Fox's birthday? Every year this will haunt them. Is it wrong to want to call the deceased a selfish prick for committing to the end of their life? For choosing that day? For doing it at all? Not even a year we got to spend with you, and soon it will have been a year since we last knew you.

... The anger only goes to show how much we loved you. Wish you were still here to see how loved you are.

[venmouswolf]

Being called lazy first thing when waking up is actually the most efficient way of pushing me towards craving some sort of harm upon myself. Especially when i can only assume i am being called lazy for sleeping in… which is an effect of both having some sort of insomnia and also being afflicted actually some of the worst self loathing as of late.

Love my family, but despite their claims otherwise… i don’t actually think they love or give a fuck about me as much as i care about them.

[venmouswolf]

Im so tired of my art being at an actually good level and not being able to have an audience for it. Even when i make fan art. Is my art somehow just not good enough?? Am i not good enough??? Whats wrong??? My art is t bad! Im nearly 30 and my skills show it!!! Why did i waste so much of my life making art for???

[venmouswolf]

Mght as well off myself. Love posting an art of a friend’s ocs only for them to repost it ob their account and get more notes. Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow what if i fucking cut my hands off so i can never make art again.

[venmouswolf]

Not to be dramatic but feeling ignored actually makes me contemplate ending it all.

[venmouswolf]

Time to shake in paranoia until it goes away

[venmouswolf]

Seeing someone’s discord go from offline to online has my heart racing… but only because i know there’s no way they could possibly be online. It’s like seeing a ghost.

[venmouswolf]

I want to carve a hole in my chest

[venmouswolf]

The amount of loneliness i feel is actually immeasurable and i feel like no one actually cate enough to check

[venmouswolf]

I dont want to make any more friends than i have to. I dont want to have to hurt every time.

[venmouswolf]

i understand now why so many people become alcoholics. i wouldn't want to deal with the some of the pain the world evokes either.

[venmouswolf]

You can tell how irish someone is by how much they would rather bottle things up and die than express their self honestly to the people they love.

Bonus points if their heart is so big that this includes pretty much everyone.

[venmouswolf]

Oh silly rabbit have you gotten yourself stuck in a relationship where you’re the honest hype man who doesn’t get the same amount of honesty or hype back?? Why does this feel so not genuine and more like an adult telling a kid “very good job” ugh i feel fucking useless i have no idea how to get input from others. I get hardly any response from the one group and the other group probably doesn’t care either especially that one and now even they sound like they dont FUCKING care why don’t bother showing shit to ANYONE.