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hwaiting!!

This is the feeling I've been so familiar with. The deep, gut wrenching feeling that push tear glands to extract its essence out. But what saddened me most, is the fact that I've lost a bestfriend. The one I poured everything into. From the smallest to the grandest thought in mind.

Di dunia ini, what goes around itu comes around. Bener banget! Duluu pas jaman gue masih jadi AE, masih cungpret, banyak orang-orang yang treat gue seenaknya. Treat gue kaya gue itu pembantunya, kaya anjingnya bahkan, dan dia nyonya. Muka gue ditunjuk-tunjuk, dikata-katain. Ga cuma satu dua orang yang kaya gitu, banyak! Tapi, kemana mereka sekarang? Udah kaga kedengeran lagi namanya di industri ini. Malah orang-orang yg humble, helpful, ga semena-mena, sekarang udah pada jadi boss. Buat apa sih kita berlaku semena-mena sama orang yg punya kuasa dibawah kita, hanya untuk uang yang ga seberapa. Hanya untuk pekerjaan yang juga ga dibawa mati. Percayalah bahwa semua yang kita punya di dunia ini, semuanya hanya sementara. Ga ada yang abadi, dan apa yang kita lakukan, itu akan kembali ke kita. Coba lihat 10 tahun lagi, ga usah jauh-jauh 5 tahun lagi deh. Kita liat ada dimana orang-orang yang sekarang bisa sombong, semena-mena, merasa paling pinter dan punya kuasa. Gue yakin nama mereka ga akan kedengeran lagi.

My pretty boss yang udah makan asem garem dunia advertising

Bitch suddenly unprivate her IG. My guess is that shes gonna post their prewedding photos soon. And not wanting to look too obvious, she started to unlocked now.

I am quite surprised but I feel...relieved? That a cunt like her get to live forever with a cheating bastard like him. Two bad, rotten stuffs that completes each other completely.

I may not found my soulmate just yet or ever. But at least when they get married I'll be the one who had the last laugh. Girl you're sooo fuckin stupid I'm dying. When you're talkin to your man on the phone, when you think he's somewhere doing something, he was with no one but ME. He was doing nothing but ME.

Go ahead and be happy in that shell of lies, your man cheated on you.

Bitching

Sorry, didnt mean to spread negative energy to anyone, its just that i find it quite theurapetic to channel my anger and rant in tumblr sometimes.

You know that bitch who always think she is more interesting than you and everyone else? That one deluded bitch who think your life is not as interesting as hers. You didnt achieve as much as hers. And you havent (or could never) unlocked as many goals as her. Repulsive!

Sad but i hate to admit that, in reality, those bitches exist. And yes I knew some of them. And yes, they had unlocked many achievements in their short age of twenty something-ish. Yes, they’re awesome.

But wouldnt it be more interesting to act like you dont care, like what you had was nothing? Take those medals lightly as if theyre nothing cus youre so used to win at life. That would be more interesting and soo much cooler! Instead babbling about it over and over again to your ‘friends’ or groups.

A girl who doesnt realize shes pretty appear to be more approachable and interesting, than girls who acknowledge their beauty and being so full of themselves. ‘Mirite?

Am I jealous? Yes, maybe. Maybe im too bitter. But seriously those show-off-ing is soo boring . There are thousands of people who have achieved more than you so zip up, bitch! You dont need to talk, people would know eventually so stop being so annoying, acting innocent like youre still shocked with what you got etc etc.

Maybe I didnt achieve as much as you do in life, but im grateful and mostly content. Knowing your success doesnt make me hate my life (as you deep down,secretly wished to anyone who hear about your golden ticket). But knowing that you secretly aim to drag some people down by broadcasting ur success, and being too proud with everything you have –that if viewed from a larger perspective is moderately average– is a major disgust yaknow!

Youre so full of shit you make me laugh on the inside.

Today I accidentally stumbled upon his path account. We're no longer friends in path (since my bf decided he must be unshared) but I can still see his profile picture. And it struck me. He use a photo with his girlfriend. Finally, I said to myself. He finally did it. For years he refuse to put a picture with her together as profile picture. Something that I was so proud of thinking that I was the only girl he'd proudly put online. But I think now he finnaly came to the realization that she's the best gf he has, and no longer cares about what the world would think about them. He didnt said happy bithday to me and neither did I. I guess that marked the end of our complicated feelings. I'm not bragging but I think we'll have our own space in each other's mind for everything we had before. There's no way I could completely forget how I feel about him, and I'm sure so does he. But lufe goes on and in the end we gotta choose our path and go with the one who is best for us. I cannot say Im happy he found the one he loves, especially since I am one of the least selfless person I know. To be honest I never liked it. I never like the way they started their relationship and I never like that they're living happyily in their enviable togetherness. But what can I do? I knoe the answer, yes. Its to dwell on my own life and find my oen happiness. But since a little piece of puzzle is missing, nothing could ever be complete. And the thought that feelings like this will stay on for years, its kinda choking. What should I do do completely erase this disturbance? Its hard to explain, Im happy with the guy I have now. I feel loved and blessed. But the thought of him comes often. Im not sure if this is true love or what but it surely hinder my path to fulfillment. Whenever the memory of him cheating on her with me hit my mind. The Night we spent together outside her knowledge slightly satisfies me. It makes me feel a little victory over her. But i dont own him and i cant event see him in sight, whats the use? Past is just the past and she was foolish enough to have a cheater like him, but i always think that Im the one who lost the most cuz I dont have him in the end. Maybe hes no good for me and thats why our path no longer crossed, but why does my heart always long for somethinf unreachable? I was once admit my feeling to him and I think that was the first time I have ever been so open to him since the last time we separated. But he rejected me. And thats more than enough to shook me out into reality. A cruel paralel life in which he lives happily ever after with another bitch. I'd like to think thay he cant lose the girl cus she was rich, super smart, having a good job etc. But sometimes I think he couldnt leave her cus he truly loves her. The later is my fear. But whats with the fear? Whats to it? He has no connection with me so be it, right? Yeah tell that to the heart. This is my first post after almost a year hiatus I guess.

Reminiscing the good 'ol times

Wedding invitations. Wedding invitations every damn month! Well, so happy for everyone my age who got married this year, or the year after! But the pressure is heree. Dulu ga pengen cepet2 merit for the sake of enjoying freedom. But seeing all those fancy papers, and people popping out babies.. Well. Ngeliat pressure nikah kaya gni, jadi inget sama pressure punya pacar pas jaman smp! Bahaha. Jadu dulu pad jaman gw smp, ampir semua cw udah punya pacar. Except me and my gang. And back at that time kita ngerasa ga ada cowo di sekolah yg cool enough to be our boyfriend. Dan kalopun ada yg gannteng, ya levelnya ga sama cw cw bau matahari like us. Lol. Dan jaman dulu kita segeng item dekil karena kebiasaan balik skola jalan kaki. Item, culun, pake kacamata, ngga banget!! Laluu, dulu, saking desperate nya pengen punya pacar like most girls our age, kita sampe berombongan ngeceng di Bandunf Indah Plasa alias BIP aja sodara sodarahhhh. The reason was because none of us suka cowo cinaa, dan cowo non cina yg keren banyaknya di bip, or so we thought. Gue ngetiknya aja malu. But back then belom ada pvj, ciwalk, and other fancy venue. Oke bukan masalah tempatnya fancy atau engga sih, cuma ngeceng cowo d mall itu emang engga banget. Definitely something i wouldnt tell my future kids (if I have any). Jd dulu kita biasa nongkrong di bip (perginya by angkot yaa catet!) biasanya mc d, dan ngeliatin cowo2 yg ada dgn seksama. Pada waktu itu peterpan mulai booming, so we're looking for guys who look like ariel aka. Nazril Pornmaster Irham *insert heavy puke sound* Once ada yg agak lucu, kira akan terusssss ngeliatin until we dare one of us to say hi and ask for phone numbrr! Oh. My. God. Mureeeeehhh anjingg. Malu bet kalo inget. And we were also heavily involved in MIRc. The infamous chatting program in early 2000an (remember the asl/pls punch line? #generasi90an) Lalu biasanya , againnn, berombongan ketemuan sama tu cowo (again, di bip) while insist the guy to bring along his other friends jadi everyone would have their own guy dan ga jadi obat nyamuk. Confirmed I'm ashamed with my past. Laluuuu, since kita suka sama cowo yg lebih tua, kita dulu suka banget sama yg namanya cowo kuliahan. And our favorite guy adalah cowo2 itb. Not sure why, but maybe because we thought they're intelligent and have brighter future? And guess what? Kita juga pernah beberapa kali ngeceng di kampus gajah duduk alias itb taman sari. For fuck sake. Ga ngerti kenapa dulu bisa se shameless itu. Pernah kita mo ngeceng di kantinnya, karena kita pikir bakal banyak cowo dsana. Yg ternyata itu adalah kantin syariah. Dimana antrian dibagi based on sex. Udah happy ngantri makan sama cowo2, and then publicly scolded because we're on the wrong line. Heran kok dulu bisa ga notice yaa. Well dont expect too much from 14 yo girls (yes I was young once). Lalu pernah, liat cowo lucu di tangga. Modus, kita pun menghampiri dan pura2 tersesat. The gatels: Kak, boleh bantu tunjukin arah gak, kita nyari kakak yang kuliah di sini. *pasang wajah sok imut+lugu ala anak smp bau kencur* The cutie: boleh ... Jurusan apa kakanya? The gatels: kedokteran.. (I wanna slap my STUPID friend real bad) Setelah agak mengenal dunia, I regret a lot karena ternyata cowo itb mostly culun2 style nya (no offense!! My personal view only). Although yes, they undoubtedly have a future. My regret was not realizing bahwa cowo UNPAR adalah yg paling ganteng2 di bandung. Walau yakalii mau sama anak smp bau sangit hahaha. Till now, I'm so proud with my almamater, truly. Gak banyak hal yg bisa gue banggakan dr gue, but my almamater would always be one of them. The end of the story, none of us had a boyfriend till we hit college. Hahaha. Spent all those years beinf single and happy, feeling insecure sometimes but who cares when you had friends around? Wherever you are girls,, still miss u all and hope you all are happy and fully content with your lives now :) For now I will just put those invitations somewhere I couldnt see and enjoy my relationship with the one I have. Cuz no one would understand God's plan and in the end we just gotta play our part.

Things started to get ‘heavy’ in 2015. But sometimes I tell myself, this is what I’ve always wanted, don’t complain. To get yourself to the top has never been easy, and I thought to myself, this is just part of the process. I sometimes feel less than others in the industry I am working on right now. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not fast enough, not satisfying enough. And the environment at work is, well, less than supportive. I mean, I have a great team, amazing people who will always be there to support me achieve my targets (ours, to be exact). But some people can be an asshole sometimes. When you had a bad day at work such as when clients treat you like shit, trapped in traffic for hours, your sales don’t reach the deal, and other troubles, these people just make things even worse.

And there are always troubles along the way. Whenever you almost close the deal, hindrance always there. When you finally reach the deal and ready for the execution, there are always problems be it from the internal people or from clients, or other circumstances. There are things that make me feel like screaming in desperation.

I spent most of my time working mon to fri, had less than enough sleep. I want to complain so bad and constantly feeling tired at the end of the day. I think everyone does feel the same. And sometimes I’m thinking, is this really what I’ve always wanted? Will this be rewarding? Is this worth it?

2015

Its only the matter of hours before we reach 2015. Another year has passed, time flies. It was only yesterday when I spent last year's new years eve sleeping on the couch. Fell asleep almost immediately after I ate too much. This year, still working in the office and feeling uncertain as how to spend the night. So many things happened in 2014. Fell in love with a super nice guy, yet we still broke up. Got a new job, thankfully a much better one. Got to know lots of new people. Spent more nights went to bed with make up on, and half sober. And woke up feeling like crap. Confess my feeling to an ex and got a subtle 'no'. Well, life goes on. At least I tried and know the result instead of just sit and wondering. Spent more money than I actually earned. Sigh. Feeling more in love with my parents, the only persons in the world who would leave me no matter what. The very first time I ever think to convert to another religion, for a guy. God sent no hidayah and we broke up anyway, so I stay Christian. Honestly speaking, it was probably the dumbest thought ever crossed my mind, to change my religion for someone else. So far, only in Christ do I find peace and solace. Started to put on more makeup everyday. Uncertain whether its a good change or not. Spent more money on clothes and make up than ever. Spent more money on cigs and booze than ever. Started to feel that I started to get too carried away with this city. Started to unable to pay my credit card in a whole. The very first time ever had a debt with a bank. Spent too much $$$. And feeling guilty and regret afterwards. I hope in 2015 I could find my jodoh. Honestly I started to feel tired with all this games with guys. Guessing and falling in love with them, and fell in agony after. I just want to settle and stop looking. Im tired, tired, tired, sooo tired. I hope in 2015, things would get better at the office and more money coming in. I hope in 2015, I could find everything I've been looking for. Everything. I hope I can still meet with my family, and God gives them health, happiness, and every good things in the world abundantly. I hope the same thing applies to my besties and dear friends. I hope no bad things would happen this new year. Amen.

The new office

Okay, sekilas reportase tentang suasana kantor baru. I was graduated in 2012 and this is my third company already. Gue setiap kerja cuma setaun setaun. Perusahaan pertama, gue terima karena desperate udh 6 bln nganggur. Perusahaan kedua karena gw broken heart dan pengen meninggalkan bandung. Dan baru di perusahaan ketiga ini yg emang gue bener2 pengen. Istilahnya, ini pertama kalinya gue mendapat kerjaan di tempat yg gue inginkan. Jadi kayanya apapun yg gue hadapi disini, kalau tujuan utama gue tercapai, gue akan berusaba bertahan, at least 3 tahun haha. Kutu loncat abiss.

First of all, apa yang org katakan tentang perusahaan ini, ga ada yg salah. Hampir semuanya benar. Gaji standar parah, cek. Tapi karena gue keitung experienced (even tho br 2 tahun kerja sih), gaji gue naik. Ga signifikan sih, but not bad. Jam kerja gila, cek. Kantor jam 8 masih rame aja. Di perusahaan pertama boro boro. Karena di pabrik ya, begitu bel bunyi jam 16,30 ya kita semua pulang. Even jam 17,00 itu kantor udh sepiiii buanget kaya kuburan. Perusahaan kedua, bnyak org gila kerjanya tapi kalo udah jam 20.oo ya mayoritas. balik ke rumah masing2. Tapi disini, bahkan jam stengah 12 malam masih adaa yg kerja dan ini brlangsung hampir tiap hari. Don't get me wrong, di company sebelomnya juga gue balik malem. Jam 10 11, tapi keitung jari deh yg bener2 kerja or meeting. Mostly hanya yotube an kaya org bego, nongkrong2 ketawa2, dan ga berasa cape sama skali. Tapi kalo balik malem nya karena beneran kerja kaya gini itu entah kenapa capek banget rasanya. Gue, karena masih anak baru belom boleh keluar kntor untuk pegang client jd belum terlalu sibuk banget. Finger cross hari2 gue ga akan berlalu dengan menyedihkan karena jam kerja yg kaya tai nantinya kalo udh bener bener terjun dan kerja. Kalo begitu, Kapan saya nikahnya kakak? Beberapa hr lalu gue sempet ikut salah satu sales buat belajar handle sponsorship di dua program sekaligus d hari yg sama dimana jeda kedua acara itu hanya sejam. Mak, capek banget dan sukses balik jam 12 malem. The good news is, mereka sponsorship untuk 20eps di masing2 program. The bad news is, karena 6 bulan pertama gw belum boleh terima insentif, jadi selama 18 minggu kedepan ya gue terima capeknya aja…. Lalu banyak lekong, double motha fucka check! Buanyakkk buanget cowo ganteng disini. Pilih deh, mo yg blasteran bule, muka arab, sunda putih ganteng, stock lengkap sis. Tp ajak ngobrol dulu, 75% ngondek. Yukkk. Duh ga ngerti apa enaknya pantat sesama pria? Padahal stock wanita kan sudah berlimpah ruah. Ya sudahlah hidup memang soal pilihan.

Suka duka, karena baru jadi lbh banyak dukanya. Hari ke tiga gue kena tegor karena kurang dandan. Believe me, gue udah dandan lebih menor dr biasanya. Eyeliner tebal, blush on udh kaya mo lenong, lipstik warna biasa aja sih tapi keliatan lahh intinya gue dandan dan tidak ke kantor asal asalan. Gue kena tegor sama kadiv sales, katanya kalo disini ga bisa sembarangan dan berantakan. Semenjak itu tiap hari gue curly rambut di kantor. Disini kantor udh kaya salon, kalo pagi pasti asap dimana2 karena cewe2 pada curly or nyatok rambut. Temperatur diset paling panas supaya rambutnya cepet jadi. Jujur, gue ada rasa minder kalo membandingkn diri dengan yg lain. Rambut gw ga dicat, baju dan tas pun biasa aja. Tapi gue ga mau memaksakan diri untuk tampil seperti mereka, simply karena ya uangnya ga ada. Prinsip gue seiring waktu, kalo emang ada uangnya gue pasti berusaha improve. Tapi sekarang2 ya maaf, belum bisa. Disini mostly cantik2 semua macam model. Oke lah make up tebal, bulu mata palsu, pake heels, dan baju bermerek. Kayanya org yg biasa2 aja pun, kalo dibekali itu semua langsung keliatan menawan. Mungkin rasa minder gue terlalu berlebihan, tapi asli kalo pada di posisi gw, pasti merasakan yg sama. Ibaratnya lo lg di panasonic gobel award ditengah kunpulan artis dan lo hanya asisten artis. Yah seperti itulah.

Laluu yah karena gue anak baru dan yg lain org lama, most of the time gw ngerasa agak disconnected. Kadang ga ngerti mereka ngomogin apa, mau ikut bercanda or nimbrung juga serba salah. Tapi mungkin karena sering keluar masuk kerja, gue agak ga trlalu ambil hati sama kondisi sprti ini. Pengalaman gue d bulan ketiga or keempat juga bakalan udah biasa aja n mulai bisa gaul sama semuanya. So gue serahkan semuanya sama proses. So far gue berusaha baik n ramah sama semuanya. Mostly merespon baik, tapi yg kecut juga ada.

Intinya disini gue berusaaha bekerja lebih baik aja lah. Gue pengen membuktikan bahwa disini, kalo kerja bener akan ada reward yg sepadan. Hal yg belum gue temukan di dua perusahaan sebelumnya. Previously, mo gw kerja smpe nungging2 juga ga akan ada benefit or apresiasi lebih yg gue dapatkan. So buat apa kerja keras, ga ada yg bs memotivasi gw. Tp yg namanya kerja d sales kadang kita mo kerja asal asalan juga kaya ada beban moril sama client yg nyariin. So ujung2 nya tetep bener bener kerja sepenuh hati, walau agak batin karena kerja keras gue ga diliat dan ga diapresiasi secara adil. Hopefully disini akhirnya gue bisa nemuin apa yg gue selalu cari. Semoga ini bisa jadi peruasahaan, rumah kedua yg nyaman, dan gue bisa bertahan disini untuk waktu yg relatif lebih lama. Amin!

I tell myself you dont mean a thing On what we got, got no hold on me But when you're not there I just crumble I tell myself I dont care that much But I feel like I die till I feel your touch Only love.. Only love can hurt like this Only love can hurt like this... Must have been a deadly kiss Only love can hurt like this Say I wouldn't care if you walked away But everytime you're there I'm begging you to stay When you come close I just tremble And everytime, everytime you go As I got knife that cut right through my soul Only love... only love can hurt like this Only love can hurt like this Must have been a deadly kiss Only love can hurt like this Only love can hurt like this Your kisses burnt into my skin Only love can hurt like this But it's the sweetest pain Burning hot through my veins Love is torture makes me more sure ... Only love can hurt like this...

So sick with people who kept on questioning: jadi lo pindah agama dong? Dear y'all annoying bastards, how shallow can u really be? Interfaith marriage is possible y'all. Ini 2014 gituu apa yg ga mungkin? I don't care if his family won't approve or whatever. As long as he's committed to going through with me, why would I say no? He's a grown up, im a grown up. We made our own money and live independently. I will not change my religion for a man. For any living being, period. If I had to convert to Moslem or any other religion, the decision comes from within and it's a form of God calling. And so far i havent got that calling yet and still experience inner joy in sunday service. If I change my agama for someone else, wouldn't that be mean I love that person more than I love God? That'd would be very disheartening and dissapointing for my creator. As long as I love the man I live with, I don't think God would be so fussy about it. He taught us to love, how can people blame me for loving someone? Just because we have a different faith? Oh, please. I will not complicate my life. I do what I want, and my heart says I'm doing the right thing. I'm not saying that we surely will get married someday. I'm saying it's not impossible. As long as I know, I love being with him. I love the way he protect me, care for me, show his affection toward me. I love all that, and he treats me better than anyone else before him. And fussing over religion is like fussing over tompel. You love someone, but he has a huge tompel on his cheek. What would u do? Break him up? But you love him and you love most of the things about him. You keep him, right? Same thing applies to religion here. Damn how bad I want to lecture everyone about this.

Impressive CV

Me: wah hebat ya kamu pengalaman kerjanya udah banyak. Jelasin dong satu-satu.

Him: yang pertama emang kontraknya cuma tiga bulan. Yang kedua kontrak enam bulan. Yang ketiga gajinya cm 2.5 jadi aku resign. Yang keempat boss nya masuk penjara. Yang kelima boss nya dikudeta jadi tutup. Kalo yang keenam kerja di majalah, gajinya ga dibayar-bayar tiga bulan jadi aku keluar.

Me: ....

On monday I dreamed about my mum. I can't clearly remember the whole scene but one thing I remember I promise her that I'd go home every week. I woke up with a deep unsettling feeling in my gut. I hadn't been home for two weeks. Why? I'm not sure.. I've been spending lots of money for some cause and it left a burdening debt. I ran out of money, first. And secondly, I just feel tired having to deal with all those goddamned traffic. 150 km to home and probly third of the distance will be spent with traffic. I've been working like horse from mon to fri and I just wanna relax. It feels like dealing with traffic takes out all of my energy and I couldn't really enjoy my day off. So that's why I rarely go home. Plus sometimes I was asked to work on saturday or sunday. Long story short, here I am, on wednesday, at cikampek's early kilometres. On my way to see my mum, just to get back to jkt the next day. How I miss mum after that dream. And I rarely dreamt about her. I'm afraid that something bad gonna happen to her. No please don't let anything bad touch her, my dad, or my sis dear Lord :( I hope she just missed me a lot, causing the dream to manifest. Nothing more. Now with this goddamned traffic, I hold my tears. Can not wait to step my feet at home, and taste her cooking. I miss mum...

Talkin bout a bitch

Jadii ada satu cewe yg Menurut gw ganggu banget. Doi selalu merasa dirinya paling cantik, paling gaolz, paling oke, paling segalanya deh pokonya. Oke mngkn karena anak tunggal. Tapi gw punya beberapa temen yg only-child dan ga se obnoxious nih pere. She was friend of my ex. When we're still together, we used to double date with her and her bf. Imagine my face holding pure hatred and nausea having to deal with this bitch. Dann secara ya dia miss gaol (menurut dia), which is wajib hukumnya dong aktif di medsos, update path nya sll muncul d timeline gw. Mostly, annoying selfies. Menurut dia sih doi oke punya, paling cantik sejagad raya so wajib banget namanya selfie tiap hari. Menurut gw biasa aja, hanya krn mukanya agak bule trus automatically segeulis luna maya gitu? Her face is kinda weird menurut gw. Post postnya buat gue muak, most of the time. The kind of post that picturing how sassy she is (at least, she thinks). I dont know why my negative feelings toward her grew stronger recently, secara ktemu aja ud ga prnah. Ah maybe I'm just about to hit my period.

Instagram should be banned as socmed, seriously. Wrong choice to make an account and install the application. When curiosity tickles, you typed a name, and voila... Auto heart break after seeing some pics...

Hari ini, sabtu 19 april 2014, shud be the day for our third year anniversary, if only we were still together.. Do you still remember this date? I usually forget our monthversary, made you upset and thinking that I never pay attention to the little details in our relationship. Funny that now I remember this date days before it happens.. Sampe kapan ya, gw ga bisa lupain lo? Bahkan setelah menemukan pria baru pun I constantly thinking about you. You you and you. It kills me... My feeling for you confuses me towards how I feel regarding his presence. Such a nice, kind, warm hearted gentleman. But all I see is you. You you you you you.. Will you be the 'one that got away' guy in my life? If that's so, what a horrible torture... What wrong conduct did I do to deserve this? Unable to forget someone while you can't have him either is similar to having a weird huge lump inside your throat. Something feels so terribly wrong yet you can't fix it.. I wanna be grateful, enjoy every moment I had with him, appreciate every effort he gave.. I wanna stay in the present, with present people, people who love instead of hurt me.. It takes greater effort to deal with. I wanna forget you, I wanna heartfully love someone new, I wanna let you go... Can I? I know I can, what I don't know is for how long, for how many years till I can do that...

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