'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Movie Review
Ninjutsu from a book? Shredder who? No mellow banter? Adrenaline button?
I tried my hardest to go into the film with a positive attitude and hopes that the critics just missed the witty, product-placement-filled foundation the Turtles were built on. Maybe they were trying to pit it against The Dark Knight? Turns out, the Filmmakers were the ones who missed the memo.
Mikey’s jet-powered skateboard comes and goes as it pleases. Raph manages to hold on to a toothpick and sunglasses throughout the chaos. Donnie harnesses Star Wars-esque hologram tech but lugs around a bulky “Proton” pack he never touches. And Knoxville’s voice overpowers Leo.
Moving to villains, I could have sworn they were going to pull the ol’ switcheroo and place Sacks in the mech-Shredder suit, elevating the stakes with the real “Shedder” in the third act or post-credits cliffhanger. Instead we are given a predictable mess with two villains no one cares about.
Also, if you’re going to assume the audience knows who Karai is, do we even need to rehash the origins of the Turtles? Twice?
The elevator scene was the highlight of the film as it showed the brothers connecting in a lighthearted manner amidst impending doom. Even straight-faced Leo and tough-guy Raph joined in on the fun. Even Will Arnett as Fenwick was a comedic plus to his stale counterpart.
These sentiments are also echoed in Megan Garber’s piece over at The Atlantic:
But those moments of throwback absurdity—the only moments that feel true to the spirit of the franchise as a whole—are rare. To the extent that they read as afterthoughts. In its haste to make itself epic, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles failed to make itself endearing. It ignored the wacky absurdity that made TMNT so charming in the first place. All comic book franchises need mythology; not all of them, however, need metaphor.
Throughout a majority of the film, you couldn’t help but feel that “family” was an obligation rather than a power that connected the bunch. There was very little dynamic between the Turtles and what was there was typically Raph acting like a jerk, a forgettable Leo and Mikey ignoring his brothers for an awkwardly forward chance with April. Contrary to most, I thought Donnie stole the show with an almost semi-believable nerdom and actual character growth.
So how do you fix it? Lay off the adrenaline.
Watch Ocean’s Eleven and imagine how the dynamic of the Turtles could be reshaped. Sit them down in a room and let them joke, plan, and debate. If you need momentum, table the action for suspense. Get Donnie breaking down security and guiding Leo through a heavily guarded building while an oddly comedic duo of Mikey and Raph (hinted at in the credits sequence) act as decoy in trench coats and sly diversion. Cut out the action and put all the chips on archetype and interaction.
Sure, there’s action within the TMNT franchise; but its most successful moments come from dialog and relationship. To the film’s credit, I welled up during Raphael’s farewell speech to the brothers during the film’s climax. Dialog is what makes the Turtles work.
As awful as the new origin is, it does allow for deeper patchwork. The filmmakers just have to be careful not to spend too much time convoluting what is already a bizarrely over-the-top story. (See The Dark Knight Rises.) Give Shredder a backstory and link him to Splinter. We need a rivalry. Allow Donnie to go sniffing around for more details on the mutagen; allow him to find the “secret of the ooze.” Explain their brilliance and strength. Maybe even throw in a reason they have a knack for martial arts. DNA from ancient Japanese warriors? Maybe the mutagen is actually rooted in Dimension X and contains DNA from Ninja warriors of a parallel universe? (Enter Usagi Yojimbo to play on Sacks’ “rabbit” joke.)
This review comes from much frustration because I believe there is meaningful potential in this franchise. We have seen it in the new comic and Nickelodeon reboot. Even the backbone of the “family” calling card in the film showed promise. We all know the Turtles are a cash cow but they feel like more than a monetary treasure trove. Maybe I’m just seeking validity for my childhood heroes. If that is the case, maybe I should have known better than to trust something with Michael Bay’s name attached to it.
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