Listening to my playlist: Life In Black and White from Apple Music and I'm feeling good and melancholic and sad and hopeful and just feeling. I'm on my third glass of Jack Daniels and I feel good and alive and special (especially now that City of Sun - While we are young is playing) I finished the 11th episode of era's card postal " to know thyself" and I related to it 100%. It had to do with a 30 year old woman choosing to do what was right for her and not what was right according to the people around her. She chose what ,Ade her feel right and happy by the end of the episode. I wish life was an episode of a series or a movie tbh, because 99% in the end the character finds what they want in life and take action to do it. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE OF OUR OWN HAPINNESS. Fuck, why is so hard to understand it, know it, feel it and take action to make it happen. I have to maker myself happy and no one else. FUCKKKKKKKKK, why does it seem like I have to climb the tallest mountain in the world to achieve that. I don't see myself taking risks that are out of reach. I see myself and picture myself sometimes living a life that will make others happy and not me. Like wtf is life and what is everything tbh. All I know is that right now I feel good, I feel myself. My anxiety is below zero and I feel like I can do this, I matter and I have a choice 100% to be and act like who the fuck I wanna be. Life is hard yes, our minds of course make it 100 times harder and more difficult then it already is. I want love, I need to love, I have all this love that is ready to be given out to someone or something. Whether that is a special someone or a thing I will be interested in. The 2 episodes I saw today and especially the last one made me feel like I can control my own fucking destiny. I showed mr that I can be myself and feel all the feelings I feel when I encounter a new person. To not keep my guard up 24/7 and act all professional all the time. Look people in the eyes when I talk to them and just be me. FUCK, it really is not that hard. Can I focus on me for once, look at my happiness and not what other people around me are doing. Yeah I'm jealous of my cousin right now and want what she has. Mel Robbins said that we have to take closer look at what we are jealous because it shows us what we truly want. Yeah it bothers me that she wants to "marry" someone for papers and she is desperate for that because she is egocentric and I dislike that characteristic on other people. It's not the vibe so stop talking about yourself for once and making everything about you and stip doing things so people will pay attention to you. LIKE FUCKING STOP. So in order for me to stop thinking about it imma just focus on me and only me (and my family of course, you know what I mean, don't have to clarify my family) and just "fuck" the rest of the people. When someone does that you want, you focus in you and what you can do to acheive that. Im bot gonna talk in to others in order not to do something. Let destiny, fate and karma deal with the rest. I CAN BE ME AND ONLY ME, AND IF I FEEL EXCITED ILL SHOW IT IF I DONT I WILL NOT FEEL BAD FOR HOW I REACTED AND RETHINK HOW I SHOULD OF REACTED. I AM BEING ME UNOPALOGETICALLY AND THAT IS THAT, YOU DONT LIKE IT, YOU CAN KISS MY GREEK/AMERICAN SOUTHERN ASS. LIKE REALLY FUCK THE OBSESSION I CARRY IN ME AND ALL THE OTHER SHIT. IT'S NONE OF MY GOD DAMN BUSINESS. FOCUS ON YOU BABY, YOU ARE ALL THAT MATTERS IN THE END. TAKE A CHANCE, MAKE A CHANGE AND BREAKAWAY.
