for some reason i think about you loudly. like i’ve thought about just about anything under the sun. i’ve thought about how hungry leaves look right before a storm. i’ve thought about hands and the structure of holding and how when we look at someone, in some way, we are holding them inside of us. i have thought about how when people leave your life, they also leave behind broken habits - not just their habits, but the shared habits of inside jokes and meeting spaces. i have thought about dogs and fisher cats and how to love without being selfish.
but you are a loud thought. i will be thinking about cookies, or about how tender it is to grow flowers - and i will find myself thinking about you. you swell up and block everything else out. you become the sun. a ringing in my ears, all sweet in its siren, all fluid, all open ache. in the middle of movies, of conversations, of collecting my life, you simply slip in between the cracks. and i am thinking about you again.