Okay, I need to complain about Super Mario Galaxy some more. Its handling of Rosalina and Peach were my immediate kneejerk thoughts but after digesting it a bit more, I have issues with Mario and Bowser too.
First, the obvious. The film presents Mario more like a Chris Pratt character than like Mario. Mario's cynical and catty now.
Bowser's first scene reintroduces his feelings for Peach not because Peach is in any way relevant to Bowser's character arc but to set up Mario's romance with Peach by way of having Mario and Bowser bicker over her.
Mario is callous, mean, and dismissive towards Bowser throughout the first act of the film, and it's indicated that this is partly because Bowser is a villain whose reformation he doesn't trust but also partly due to possessive feelings towards Peach, who Bowser openly desires. It's a combination of two sentiments.
-> Bowser is a vile scumbag piece of shit worth less than the bottom of my shoe, and he doesn't deserve a chance at any sort of life beyond the inside of a jail cell.
-> And he's making moves on MY WOMAN.
None of which really feels true to Mario as a character. It feels like some hypothetical Legend of Neil version of Mario. Dudebro Parody Mario.
Mario is so unrecognizable in this film that there is actually a joke in the movie where Mario meets Fox for the first time and there's a moment of suspense before Mario is like "Oh, he's a cool guy!" Why is that moment of suspense there? Because the audience is supposed to expect Mario to just hate him on sight.
It's actually treated like a subversion of expectations when Mario sees Fox in the proximity of Peach and doesn't decide to be pointlessly shitty to him.
That is the character they have written.
Which is only made weirder by Bowser's bizarre character arc throughout the film. It's a shocking twist when Bowser genuinely, sincerely turns good.
He actually has turned over a new leaf! He does want to work on himself and stop being such a violent menace, but the constant negative reinforcement from Mario being such a mean-spirited and weirdly possessive piece of shit keeps triggering him into backsliding.
This culminates in Bowser provoking Mario into hitting him, which deactivates the Shrink Mushroom power-up and returns him to normal size, only for him to then reveal his genuine and sincere reformation despite Mario's aggression. He goes on to sacrifice himself for the bros, selling himself into slavery so that they can go help Peach.
...and then Bowser Jr. picks him up and it's a second, separate shocking twist when Bowser genuinely, sincerely turns evil. For love of his son, Bowser abandons his newfound goodness and returns to being the villain for the film.
...movie, what are you doing? What is accomplished by this complete circle of a character arc?
I mean. I know what's accomplished. Jack Black gets to riff onscreen for an hour.
But. Like. It's so weird how they made Bowser a genuine good guy just to make Pratt's Mario look even more like a mean-spirited asshole only to then turn around and have Bowser become the villain again anyway.
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2102 - An Ending That's All Our Own
Day 7. We're just about finished with today and ready to head to bed.
( ⚆_⚆)
What? What!? I'm not the one who killed Eito! That was all Takumi!
Yeah, but you're still doing shit to Takky's mind.
I don't think you have a moral high ground to stand on.
Well... shut up!
It's ironic, really. Shion feels like Takky's changed when really what he's feeling is probably you. Meanwhile, the thing he sights as proof of that change is the one thing he did before meeting you.
A little from column A and a little from column B. Was she influencing that hostility, Takky?
You know you can just ask me, right?
Will you give me a straight answer or be evasive.
Mmm, maybe.
That's what I thought.
A brand new ending that's all our own.
Eh, overrated. I've seen 74 endings. By now, they kinda blur together sometimes.
But none of them have ever been ours. Haven't you ever thought about an ending of your own? If he works hard enough at it, Takky might just be able to make that happen.
An ending for me? That would be-- Wait, do you mean "an ending that I get to define" or do you mean, like, me coming to an end?
...are we still friends if I mean it in the scary way?
NO!!!
Then the first. Definitely the first. Don't even worry about the second.
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2101 - Just for Spite
Day 7. End of the road for Murvrum.
Maybe we should think about that. Think about what it might mean for them. What it might mean for us.
Maybe.
Hang on now, I think we should hear Kurara out.
You do!?
In this timeline? Yes, it'd probably be better for everyone if we were executed right alongside everyone else.
That's ridiculous!
Well, it's what might have to happen to protect our team from YOU!
Look at her face. Hiruko standing there trying to pretend this isn't the 75th time she's had this conversation.
The point, Gaku, is advance notification of every move the enemy makes!
Which, as we've recently discussed, has also been compromised. So. Uh. I guess we need a new point.
To make me happy.
The point, Gaku, is to make G happy! She didn't get a chance to enjoy herself the first time around!
Thank you.
You're welc--HEY!!!
Follow that feeling to its necessary conclusion, Takemaru. You owe it to yourself and your world.
Hiruko, have you even tried making peace? You've done everything you can think of to reach the Artificial Satellite, right? But have you ever tried just hearing Murvrum out and trying to get along with the Paragons rather than killing them?
Because I haven't seen a single timeline where we've tried that.
YUGAMU
This was a rare attempt to actually talk to Murvrum! Usually he gets his throat crushed! I can't believe-- I mean, I can totally believe you, BUT STILL!!!
HOW DARE
Again, is this not a consideration you had to worry about with Kyoshika and Nozomi? How did your friendships begin?
Tsubasa, if you're heading off to shower anyways, could I convince you to Sea Cucumber Yugamu on your way out? Just for spite.
We should wash up too while we're at it.
Why? We didn't get covered in blood.
Not yet, but I can fix that.
G! Behave yourself!
The only purpose for it that I can see is getting us out of here so that we aren't in the building when Parallel Hiruko and Takky show up. Thus sparing G from being taken by Hiruko, which I'm pretty sure they did in the other timeline, and letting her run loose.
Though the only person who'd be able to foresee their arrival like that is Hiruko. Hiruko would fit the bill for the person with a lustful blend of love and hate shockingly well, to be honest. This could easily have been her.
But why would she want to do that? That's not a question I can answer.
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2100 - We Should Try Violence
Day 7. V'ehxness has joined the party and everything is proceeding as usual.
Yes. Not for Takky, but it is for me.
You're trying really hard not to look like you have no idea what's going on now that you just got them to trust your future knowledge. I see you, Takky.
We've fought Dahl'xia so many times compared to the handful of times we've fought Murvrum that now every time I see him, I'm just struck by how Murvrum is the spitting image of his dad.
B-Team doesn't have the required context to understand why this is weird.
You don't!? How do you not!?
Yeah, the cloaky person is weird, but next steps are still pretty obvious: We should try violence!
We can be confused after the violence is over!
YEAH WHAT HE SAID
"Spider-Man, why did you create that guy?"
Hiruko isn't speculating, is she?
Oh, definitely not. She knows this from experiencing the other timelines.
Thank you!
Wait, what was that?
Oh, that was Nozomi. She was lining up the shot while everyone else was bragging about how tough they are. Nozomi gets shit done.
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2099 - The Cloak
Day 7. The battle is on and it's going about as well as usual.
There are? Where? I don't see any.
I think you're imagining things.
Don't get too excited, Takemaru. You're basically courting death right now with that last remark. I'd hate to see you turn out to be G's next victim.
I'll have you know that I am a lady of class and refinement. I would never stoop so low as to take the life of someone who so clearly invited me.
Yeah, we'll see about that.
I'd love for that too! It'd be nice to be able to recruit Eva and then not have to kill her anyways a couple weeks later.
Oh, she'd still find some way to get killed, I'm sure.
...that's fair. Considering the way things are going, that's definitely fair.
What do you think that cloak is for?
For... wearing?
I mean like...
Why is V'ehxness concealing her identity from us? What reason does she have to believe we might recognize her without the cloak? What purpose does this cloak serve?
She sheds it in tomorrow's battle anyways so, like, why did she even bother wearing it? Is she disguising herself from her own forces so they don't know she's here? What would that accomplish?
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2098 - It's Cute That They're Bonding
Day 7. They're here. Only one thing to do now.
I really do think Hiruko's just really used to Takky being the one in the leadership position every timeline, and that's why she always advocates for it. Takky may not be a very smart or capable or reasonable leader but there's something familiar about consistency.
Takky is to Hiruko what a nearby Hobbit is to Gandalf.
Hades 3 is shaping up to be wild. Takky, make sure you collect plenty of Nectar for Darumi! I want you to max out her Bond first.
AWWWWWW
Did Yugamu and Hiruko just become best friends!? Sorry, Takky, but Yugamu's got a new pal now!
Wait, what about Darumi?
Darumi can continue living her best life. It's Yugamu. You think he'd be weirded out by Hiruko keeping a pet? He'll probably have pet care tips to share!
So would Shouma.
You know, you're not wrong. Though Shouma's dog pees on his face so maybe that's not the best model of behavior for Darumi.
( ಠ_ಠ) ...though I guess... some people are into that....
Takumi: Why did we go down this rabbit hole!?
I DON'T KNOW
BLAME G
I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAY IT'S CUTE THAT THEY'RE BONDING
Takumi: Literally how I feel every time you two talk.
Hey!
That's fair.
LOOK AT HOW COOL THEY ARE
SO MUCH COOLER THAN WE'LL EVER BE
Aesthetically. In practice,
But they make this look so good! That's the important thing!
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2097 - Rated M
Day 7. We've fulfilled the letter of the message but not its spirit and now we're back! Write your notes better, mystery horror! We're a bunch of pedantic fucksticks!
I don't know what that is but I'm excited to see it done to Gaku! Hit him with everything you've got!
...oh.
Well, that can't be Gaku, then. The only things he lusts for are dubiously consensual encounters and cold hard cash.
Pay up.
This doesn't prove that you wrote it, G! It could still be... Uh... Maybe... Kurara?
I don't know, I seem to recall you talking about how you close your eyes when taking a bath with her to protect her modesty. Yet here you are flashing us all with her naked blade. Are we sure this meeting is rated M for Full Nude Metallurgy?
Plus, it's only Murvrum.
If it helps, it's unlikely that anything is going to happen while we're gone. You're taking all of the murderer with you!
There goes Kako wanting to fight, just like in the first timeline. We really are doing this again.
You've got this, Kako! I wish you the best of luck! Don't run it by Takky! Hang out with Moko and Hiruko and let them be your strength!
Right!? Going off on their own to hole up together is a great way to become bodies we find in the second act and go "Oh my god, they've been dead for so long!"
Fingers crossed!
I expect to see Swolema when I get back, or else taking you to the other school really was the waste of time I accused it of being!
And right on time!
Who the hell says "We have to sortie"? Tsubasa! Vocabulary! The proper term for the engagement we are about to undergo is a clusterfuck.
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2096 - The Fujoshi Demographic
Day 7. We're back and we've retrieved the 2LDA crew. So I guess we head back now?
Oh, rest assured, they are. Between Gaku, Ima, Kako, and Takemaru, I have full confidence that the net worth of this team is easily the negative of your own.
Wait, is that mathematically possible?
Not normally, no. But it is when your net worth is secretly 0.
Hang on, we get to damage a luxury vehicle and sue for a quarter million in damages? Sign me the fuck up!
To be honest, it's kind of a shame that we never get to see how Kurara's first interactions with Moko and Nozomi went. I desperately want to know what they said or did to get past Kurara's classism barrier in such short time.
And also what happened to get Kurara on Kyoshika's case about this so quickly.
Let them have their fun! This is the most attention Shouma's ever received in the entire multiverse! Three women and Yugamu!? Shouma, you stud!
Who would have thought that the key to unlocking your appeal to the opposite sex was just learning how to market to the Fujoshi demographic!
The answer is everyone. Everyone who's seen your bromance with Takemaru knew that.
What bat-- OH RIGHT, the battle! That's a thing we're doing today. Assuming it's not too late, anyways. Does anybody have eyes on the Firewall? It's gonna be super awkward if Murvrum's there right now dismantling the shield generator.
Spoken like someone who secretly wrote that message and wanted us all to come out here!
If it makes you feel any better, I want that for you too.
Wait, you do?
Oh, yeah. Definitely.
Money is made of one of two materials: Metal or paper. Neither of those materials is very forgiving when stacked en masse. Being buried alive in money would crush Gaku's bones and suffocate him.
Horrible way to die, really.
Scrooge McDuck knows secret supernatural tricks to enable his gold-swimming, and I don't think Gaku's got that kind of talent in him. Maybe Kurara.
Like, it's honestly wild to me that Rosalina does not get to do anything in this entire movie past the first like ten minutes or so.
Like. The central plot thread is about Bowser and Peach's family connections. Bowser Jr. kidnaps Rosalina as part of an intricate plot, and this puts Bowser and Peach on a path to reunite with Junior and Rosalina, both having to explore their family dramas which are pitted directly against each other for the fate of the universe.
And at no point is Rosalina or her relationship to Peach relevant to the third act climax.
The first Super Mario Bros. movie was about Mario and Luigi discovering where they belong, coming into their own, and making their families proud of the. This then drives the third act of the film, where Mario and Luigi become the heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom, defeat Bowser, and earn the love and acceptance of both New York and the Mushroom Kingdom.
Peach and Rosalina's bond in Galaxy drives nothing besides Peach's own determination to save Rosalina, which she already had before she even found out they were sisters. You could remove that plot point entirely and just have Peach break Rosalina out of her cage by hitting it with a crowbar, and the only character who would be affected by its loss is Peach.
Bowser and Bowser Jr. get to come into their own as father and son for the third act, but the film pits Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi against them because Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi are the characters who fight Bowser in the video games.
Then they win by beating him up with violence because Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi are the characters who beat up Bowser in the video games.
There's no real meaning to Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi's part of this fight. They have no story here. They have no connection to the elements driving the plot. They're the heroes because they're the character that are supposed to be the heroes; This story isn't actually about them. It's about Bowser, Bowser Jr., Peach, and Rosalina.
But Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi are the ones who defeat Bowser and Bowser Jr. with absolutely no involvement from Peach and Rosalina. Then Peach and Rosalina get their own separate bottle conclusion where they work together to resolve Rosalina's fate after the villains have already been vanquished and the day is already saved. Which they do by high fiving each other through some glass.
You couldn't, I don't know, have them high five each other through glass before the battle is resolved and then show up as the eleventh hour miracle that turns the tide? No? Gotta make sure the boys' big epic fight scene isn't ruined by the presence of some estrogen? Okay, movie.
Super Mario Galaxy also has this weird thing where Peach keeps getting de-emphasized whenever Mario's around.
Like, Peach has some stuff here. They made a whole sidequest and boss fight for Peach to fight in the middle part of the film. She's not just sidelined for the whole movie.
But it was hard not to notice the way she just sort of stopped mattering once the team reunited.
Like. There's a point where Bowser Jr. is trying to blow up Star Fox's ship with Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, and Toad all onboard. And Bowser's freaking out because he doesn't want Junior to hurt... Mario and Luigi.
Fuck Peach, I guess. She can die. It's Bowser's bond with the Mario Bros. that has him so freaked out.
There's some visual lip service paid to Bowser's feelings for Peach. He makes a painting of himself and her, and at one point he has a brief imagination sequence about her. But overall, the film treats Mario as Bowser's one true love that he's constantly trying to impress.
There's a weird moment in the third act action sequences where Bob-Ombs are closing in on Mario and Peach over the edge of a lava pit, and the use Peach's parasol and the updraft of the Bob-Ombs exploding to escape the lava pit.
But for some reason, the film makes the choice to have Mario take Peach's parasol away from her. Mario uses Peach's powers to escape this situation and save Peach, instead of Peach using Peach's powers to escape this situation and save Mario.
That hit really weird.
And then the finale uses Peach and Rosalina as a means to sideline each other from the final boss fight, so that Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi can do all the fighting against Bowser and Bowser Jr. But Peach and Rosalina do get to do a high five so I guess that's neat.
Much like the first film, Super Mario Galaxy likes the idea of its Badass Action Girl imagery for Peach and now Rosalina, but only so long as they stay out of it once the boys start throwing down. The boys are given priority over the girls all the same, even when it comes to using the girls' specific abilities to save the day.
Just watched Super Mario Galaxy and that, uh. That sure was something.
It feels less like a movie and more like a self-imposed challenge to cram in as many continuity references as possible. The references-per-minute meter is off the charts.
Consequently, the main experience of watching the film isn't really following the characters or the plot or being invested in anything happening. It's seeing how many things you can recognize.
There's an attempt to squeeze in a theme about familial bonds but it doesn't really have anything to say about family. Just... family sure is family. Those families sure love each other, yes, they do.
Mostly what it has to say is "LOOK AT ALL THE DIFFERENT MARIO GAMES I'VE PLAYED!!!" Every single thing Mario has ever appeared in is squeezed into this film, like they weren't sure they were going to get another movie so they wanted to adapt about ten different movies' worth of content at once.
It's like watching an Abridged Series of Mario's entire game library.
I can see why this didn't do as well as the first movie at the box office because while the first movie had a lot of references too, this one just is references. It's References: The Movie.
But at the same time, I can also see why this still nonetheless made over a billion dollars because it's still a really fun watch all the same.
Fun bit of DC Trivia: In the DC multiverse, it's canon that the events of one universe can bleed into another, appearing as people's dreams, and from there inspire media. The reason for this is because when they rebooted The Flash, they decided to make the new guy, Barry Allen, be a fan of the first one's comics, and needed to adress it during the first team up. At no point do they adress the fact that Batman and Superman have the same ID in both universes.
It's been a long time so I don't remember the details well, but I remember the cartoon Static Shock had an episode where the characters referenced reading Batman comics which became really awkward later when the show became canonized to the DCAU, and characters like Batman started crossing over into it.
Superheroes having comics in-universe is always awkward in general. Marvel has all of their comics exist in-universe, and the fact that these comics would have to be very different to avoid giving away the characters' secret identities is just sorta ignored.
Additional fun fact, this time from Marvel: At one point, Captain America had his own secret identity and civilian career. He was a Comic Artist, and drew the in-universe comic starring Captain America.
Do you think Frieza DOES anything with his money or are do most of his funds that don't go toward maintaining his empire just sat on like a dragon's pile of gold or something?
Considering the behavior of real-world billionaires, I'm leaning towards the Scrooge McDuck money bin.
I think I'd replace Kako with Shouma in the Second-To-Last Defense Academy line up. His powers are specced for Defense so he'd be a long lasting distraction, and the lack of Kako around could be used to motivate Ima into action in the name of protecting her, whilst with her present he'd be trying to keep her out of the fight and thus staying out of it himself.
Yeah, I could see that.
I picked that lineup for expendability moreso than tactical considerations. If we're to take what was established with the Distress Signal Transmitter at face value, then the ultimate intention of the 2LDA crew is to last as long as they can before they die and are forgotten.
With that in mind, 2LDA should be staffed by the people for whom, if they died tomorrow, the LDA's ability to weather whatever the war can throw at them would not be adversely affected in any way. The people whose contribution to the mission can best be summarized as "A warm body to fill the roster."
As opposed to, say, Tsubasa whose technical acumen is of vital importance to the academy, Shouma who's a hard counter to Parmith, Kurara whose engineering expertise allows her to build weapons and serve as a hard counter to Quenzelle, or Hiruko, Yugamu, Kyoshika, and Moko, the only members of this combat squad with actual combat training and/or experience.
...though it occurs to me now that Kako is also a hard counter to Eva, so she's not expendable.
Also, Eito and Takumi can both qualify for the "warm body" category, come to think of it. Takumi only becomes important because of his time travel; For the duration of Route 0, he's absolutely just another guy in the ranks.
Yeah, I vote we send Eito to die and bring Kako back.
Fun bit of DC Trivia: In the DC multiverse, it's canon that the events of one universe can bleed into another, appearing as people's dreams, and from there inspire media. The reason for this is because when they rebooted The Flash, they decided to make the new guy, Barry Allen, be a fan of the first one's comics, and needed to adress it during the first team up. At no point do they adress the fact that Batman and Superman have the same ID in both universes.
It's been a long time so I don't remember the details well, but I remember the cartoon Static Shock had an episode where the characters referenced reading Batman comics which became really awkward later when the show became canonized to the DCAU, and characters like Batman started crossing over into it.
Superheroes having comics in-universe is always awkward in general. Marvel has all of their comics exist in-universe, and the fact that these comics would have to be very different to avoid giving away the characters' secret identities is just sorta ignored.
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2095 - Personnel Decisions
Day 6. Alright, team. You've heard the recap. Let's get a move on!
Or he read Sirei's files! Something that becomes much more plausible with Sirei dead.
...was time travel involved in Slash Siblings Ultimate? I don't recall it being involved.
Do you just mean the part where we're fighting a bunch of alien invaders? Because fun fact, that's not true either.
Abandon your posts and come crash at our place where a murderer is.
Where a murderer is!
Shh! Takumi's on to something. Stop being pedantic.
It's not pedantic to think the presence of a murderer should be a factor in your housing decisions!
At least y'all only wasted a week defending this pointless cardboard cutout of the real school. It could have been a lot worse! You could have all died!
No, you're right. By all accounts, the personnel decisions don't make any sense.
Once again, I'm flashing back to Hiruko cracking Nigou's skull open so that he can't do this and we can just cart him to the other school like luggage.
I still can't get my head around why the 2LDA has the school bus for evacuating to LDA if, according to what we learned regarding the Distress Signal Transmitter, nobody in 2LDA is supposed to survive and evac to the LDA.
If the expectation is that they'll all die in the decoy school, why give them the bus?
In any case, if I was a cynical monster who cares nothing for human lives and I had to pick a decoy team to die miserably in two weeks defending this pointless cardboard cutout of an installation, I'd definitely have 2LDA defended by...
-> Takemaru
-> Gaku
-> Ima
-> Kako
-> Nozomi
Nothing against Takemaru and Kako, but those four are easily the most expendable.
What about Nozomi? Why's she on the list?
Oh, she came by herself. I can't control where Nozomi ends up. She wasn't supposed to be on this mission.
Ah, that's a good point. So she's screwed either way.
Yeah. But hopefully we'd still end up-- Hang on, don't do that!
Do what?
Don't just chat me up like we're still buddies! Not with the shit you're doing to Takky right now!
You're really going to do this?
Do what?
They're all paranoid about Takumi out there. You're going to bring that negativity and paranoia in here? Into our safe space? That's not very cool of you, Kay.
YOU
I
GCK
It just seems to me that if we can't trust each other after everything we've been through, then what did it all even mean?