The Exposition Dragon

He/Him (sort of; It's complicated) American with ADHD.

[tobiasdrake]

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[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2138 - An Inky Black Void

Day 22. I guess we're really doing this. Where do we start?

That's a good place to start. And I know just who to start with!

BESTIIIIIE!!!

YESSSSSSSI love pop quizzes! Hit me. I know all the answers to everything under the sun.

You know, I probably should have seen that coming.

Bestie, I see where you're coming from but your logic is a little flawed. The logic here is that because Takky is a man, he should be interested in boobs.

However, an interest in boobs does not translate to an education in boob science. Takky has little frame of reference for boob sizes beyond "Hehehehe, cleavage." He has never worn a bra, nor been fitted for a bra, nor had to learn the difference between a C and D cup.

I would posit that it is, in fact, women who are better suited to answering a question like this at a glance than men are.

In any case, they're D's, Takky. Tell her D's.

Your welcome for making you a titty expert. May the entire SDU hear of and celebrate your newfound glory before Tsubasa beats you to death with a wrench.

That's right there in her Report Card. She's 110 lbs.

Isn't that cheating?

It's an open-book quiz. She didn't say it's not.

I bet they're stripey, just like her outfit.

Mmm, maybe. I don't know. Ttripey feels almost like a trap, to be honest. It would match her top too well.

Say black.

Okay but how did you actually know that one?

Danganronpa skirts come equipped with an inky black void that consumes all light underneath, ensuring that they're never caught at a compromising angle no matter where the CG camera is set. It's a super convenient piece of attire.

I assume Darumi has the same.

Oh good. By completing the task, we are sure to disappoint Sirei in a whole different way than if we'd failed. This was great. I'm happy to have been a part of it!

If it makes you feel better, the only person she really has to gossip to about this is me and my respect for you is already at rock bottom.

Takumi: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THE ANSWERS!!!

I don't see what that has to do with anything.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2137 - Tragic Affliction

Day 22. I guess today we begin the special projects, then.

Another big battle and another sleep-in afterwards. Honestly, with how late we fought Eva, that makes sense.

YEAH WHAT HE SAID

Glad to see we're on the same page, Takky.

That's convenient for Sirei. I noticed that he and Eva are in the Infirmary right now, so brainwashing is already underway. Fortunately, we don't have to worry about a caged Eito when the power flickers, so there's that.

Oh! Hey. We were just talking about how much you suck.

Yep, there it is. Sirei's trying to treat her of that tragic affliction known as having her own identity.

Oh, is this delegation another way to slide Takky into the team leader role? Well played.

Historically, it usually works out pretty well for us at great expense to Eva. But maybe we'll get lucky and she'll kill Sirei.

Or you'll get unlucky and she'll kill many more people. I vote Takemaru and Kurara. They wanted to kill her so she deserves revenge. If she gets mortally wounded in the process, all the better!

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2136 - Laying It On Real Thick

Day 21. She's beaten. All that's left is to decide what to do with her.

It's wild how we keep bringing that particular detail up but then she talks like she's much older than us when she actually has a chance to speak to us unhindered by Sirei's brainwashing.

Also wild that you're bringing that up, HIruko. You always push for us to kill Eva, but now you're hinting towards us sparing her?

Have you finally accepted Eva as one of us?

You know, after having that chat with Kyoshika where it came out that she's a deliberate Fanservice Girl, her violent reactions to other people's debauchery also fall into place with that same dynamic.

Kyoshika's overt sexuality comes from a place of wanting to titillate her hypothetical readers. She's the kind of person who walks into a hot spring fully intending to have a towel mishap because that's how you perform femininity according to her primary source of education on social affairs: shōnen battle manga.

But that also informs on moments like this. Because what else do the girls in those mangas do? Become outraged over the perversions of men, both sincere and misunderstood, and then lash out with a slap, a hammer, or another object of violence. Of which Kyoshika carries around one of her own.

She's blaming Takky right now rather than Darumi because she has to blame Takky. Women are never the ones one the receiving end. The joke is only ever performed with a male offender, and so Darumi can't be the offender.

Notably, for as often as Kyoshika threatens Takky, she never follows through. Because she's just doing it for the bit.

As weird and uncomfy as Darumi's approach here is, the important thing is that she's trying to save Eva. She's being very Darumi in how she goes about it. Laying it on real thick. But the between-the-lines is that she doesn't want us killing Eva.

Trying and succeeding to save Eva!

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2135 - A Beautiful Romance

Day 21. She's here. Question is, what will her fate end up being this time? Sirei's return is not promising.

Aren't you an insomnia-- Oh no.

Yes.

What.

Hey, if it gets Eva's foot in the door, I'm all for it. Stopping him from actually dissecting her can be tomorrow's problem.

She's really nice once you get to know her! Though this is probably going to be a brainwashing timeline if we do get her. Fucking Sirei.

I think this sounds like the beginning of a beautiful romance! And you should get in on that too, Tsubasa. Hiruko's poly so they're sure to have a spot for you.

(laughs in Tsubasa)

Good job, Kako! Way to nail those two mist machines with one well-placed missile volley!

I jest but. Like. It's a good thing Tsubasa trivializes this match because it's poorly designed. We fucked up on our squad placement.

The mist machines are always in North Field but for this one instance of the Eva battle, Ima and Kako are in East Field. Whoops!

In any case, this is actually a pretty challenging Eva fight. Per usual, Takky and Nozomi are in North Field so the Blitz Engine is out. And there are very few SDU members who can attack Eva from outside her counter zone.

It's pretty much Kyoshika and Gaku. But Kyoshika's in North Field and Gaku's damage output leaves much to be desired.

So if we're going to slug it out against Eva, we need to do something about her damage. She counters for 3 damage plus Bleed for an extra 2 damage at end of turn. That's not something we can afford to trade damage with; Anyone striking at her blindly will die fast.

Darumi's depressive debuff cuts Eva's attack damage by 2, however. This brings her down to 1 damage per counter plus Bleed, which does not stack additional instances.

So Kako can take 3 damage per turn to deal 10 with her high single-target damage. Darumi's manic straight-attack heals 1 HP per use, allowing her to mitigate some of the damage Eva hit back with.

And Tsubasa's Ult is a 14-damage nuke.

This is a pretty nasty fight. But working together, Kako and Darumi can chew through Eva before Eva chews through them.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2134 - Vestigial at Best

Day 21. Free Time's over, which means we should be seeing Eva any minute now.

Yeah, it was super easy. You better not just tell us to go do round 2 and then send us off again.

Is the rest of the team doing these? Because if so, I demand a scoring competition. Maybe we could periodically kill the loser....

I will not call it that. The school trappings of this training camp are vestigial at best. Nothing about this place actually resembles an educational institution beyond the aesthetic.

Is this going to be another dating sim?

So yes. Yes, this is going to be another dating sim. That's okay. At least my Bestie gets to play this time. The others got to have a dating sim and she got eaten by a ravenous tube.

On the one hand, the mixed results we've seen across the multiverse do little to corroborate or refute the need for a team leader.

But on the other hand, we have seen what happens if Sirei tries to run things all by himself. It's an unmitigated disaster because he can't do anything right. So as long as Sirei's a factor, we definitely need a team leader.

Gaslit Kako, traveled through time to fuck up the multiverse, never treated Nozomi with the respect she deserves, stole undeserved credit from other people, knowingly and voluntarily committed genocide sometimes, that one time you raised a sex cult....

Oh! Right! To be honest, in all the confusion with Sirei, I totally forgot about that too.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2133 - Tendrils

Day 21. Today should be Eva Day, but she likes to attack at night so we should have some Free Time before then.

We still need one last Gift for Kyoshika and two or three for Gaku. Kyoshika isn't available right now so that leaves....

Only your brothers? Not your sisters? That's pretty sexist. Girls can play tag too, y'know.

...is what I'd be saying if I didn't know that 兄弟 kyōdai, the Japanese word for brothers, also gets used to mean mixed-sex siblings.

-> If you're with exclusively girl siblings, you're with 姉妹 shimai, your sisters. -> If you're with exclusively boy siblings, you're with 兄弟 kyōdai, your brothers. -> If you're with mixed-sex siblings, you're with 兄弟 kyōdai, your brothers.

So that's probably just a mistake.

I think everyone can relate to that, honestly. It's rare that Gaku actually has relatable experiences, but this is one of them.

We all have those moments where you're in the kitchen waiting for the microwave and then suddenly your brain is like, "Hey, remember that time you were so cringe and awful?" Or starts bombarding us with thoughts about dead loved ones.

In any case, that gives us #Cheap Food.

Darumi.

Unclaimed.

Ima.

Ima.

Moko.

Process of elimination has already decided this one for me, so this is "obvious in retrospect" but yeah. Family gatherings or children's parties; Of course that's referencing Gaku. That makes sense.

Is this going to be about your "interests"? Because I believe we've discussed that topic more than enough. We've already long exceeded the permissible quota for discussing which girls turn you on.

And that quota was 0.

So Gaku, tell us more about the kind of girls that turn you on! Do you prefer brainy girls or muscular girls?

How about girls whose tendrils are slightly thicker than the average?

Ooh, good question, G. Gaku, I think I might know just the girl for you. It's a bit of a walk past the Firewall but trust me, the relationship will be intimate in ways you never thought were possible.

No, you don't. And by the end of this conversation, I will be calling you a money-grubbing shitweasel.

Oh. Shit. Never mind. That's actually a good reason.

( ._.) And now I'm the asshole.

So this is why you work 17 jobs. That always did seem a little excessive, but the large number of siblings seemed to explain it. This makes more sense, though.

Oh no, I'm sure you're not. The unfortunate irony, however, is that it is made up all the same. It's just that you're inadvertently telling us someone else's lies rather than your own.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2132 - Providing Her Readers with Fanservice

Day 19. Okay, let's see what the special training session is all about.

Okay so it's just a 1vMob fight. That's disappointing. I was really hoping Sirei would throw something interesting in here.

This might be tricky if I had come here much earlier. But as things stand, the whole team has MAX attacks in everything, we have MAX Attack and Agility Potions, so this is a breeze.

If Sirei really wants to see what we're made of, we should hold a Tournament Arc. Air out our grievances in a series of 1v1 bracketed matches out in the courtyard.

Kyoshika would love it.

In any case....

That's Day 19 wrapped up. Eva should arrive on Day 21, so we have one more day of Free Time before she gets here.

That gets us another #Cool Tools.

The Replica Infuser is "suitable for make believe and roleplay", which seems right up our cosplay queen's alley. And since the Crossbow is a plot item, that's all the more reason to lean on this.

I mean, Takky, you have recently given her two swords now. And considering what she uses swords for....

Didn't you say he also gave her an actual sex toy?

Oh yeah, he did!

These are very personal gifts!

Unlike the origin story of the Holy Jumonji Sword, this all meshes with what she said in Romance Route. I do wonder if Grandpa was more of a nerd than he let on, though.

How's that?

There's an American comic book called Kick-Ass that was later adapted into a movie. The basic premise is that a naive comic book fan decides to try and become a superhero for real and proceeds to get his shit rocked by organized crime.

One of the characters is this guy, Big Daddy. He's a former police officer whose wife was killed by the local crime syndicate, so he and his daughter Hit-Girl embark on a revenge crusade to wipe out the whole syndicate.

Big Daddy and Hit-Girl are serious, lethal, hardcore superheroes to contrast against the loser Kick-Ass.

Except that in the comic, it's later revealed that none of this ever happened. Big Daddy made it up. He's an accountant, not a cop. He kidnapped his daughter from his very-much-alive wife and brainwashed her with stories about their dark and gritty origin story. He has no vendetta against the mob, but selected them as enemies because a superhero needs deadly supervillains to fight.

He is exactly the same as Kick-Ass, a fact that is revealed just before he's shot in the head by the very mob he went out of his way to antagonize. A fate he brought on himself.

The way Kyoshika's grandpa hid her out in the woods away from people, trained her to be a samurai in a modern world, and then filled her head with manga in place of human connections? It kinda gives me Big Daddy vibes.

We already know that the sword was misdelivered to her by an Amazon drone and then she just made up a backstory for it. Maybe Grandpa fed her shōnen manga because Grandpa's a manga nerd himself, and took her out in the woods to LARP being some sort of ancient samurai clan.

I feel confident that Kurara's just plain gay, but I honestly think Kyoshika is, like... narrativesexual. She lives her life as though performing on-panel for her readers, and her sexuality is driven by what would make for an enticing chapter of her story.

She is emotionally invested in providing her readers with fanservice, moreso than she is sexually interested in other people.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2131 - Big Fireworks Go Boom

Day 18. Well that was... something, I guess. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this.

Alright, first things first. Kurara's final gift is #Party Tools.

BBQ Kit and Festive Stall Kit are for special events. The Festival Goods are for Gaku. We've never ID'd the Fireworks Set or Party Poppers, however.

I'm inclined to think the Fireworks Set is for Kurara. She's a weapons designer and big fireworks go boom.

Nailed it!

And then Kyoshika's next gift is #Cool Tools.

It's definitely Kenshin Himura's sword from Rurouni Kenshin. There is no doubt about that one.

I know that's a stock response but just walking up to her and presenting her, the samurai, with a samurai's katana forged in the image of one of her shōnen heroes DOES seem to carry a lot more weight than a typical "Hey, saw this and thought of you."

Is this all this timeline is going to be? Digital homework?

All I'm saying is that if we're going to spend all day in a digital environment going forward, I better be able to hang out with Ragatha and Gangle!

Who?

...clear your schedule, G. After Takky goes to bed, we have PLANS tonight.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2130 - Pushing the Artificiality

Day 18. Alright, I'll bite. What fresh hell is this?

Is this about G? Do you know something about how she ended up on the roof that day?

Are you trying to track her down?

He better not be!

Takky, tell him that your brain is completely parasite-free and not suspicious at all!

It's an accurate metaphor for your station as a scum-sucking bottom-feeder sustained by the mechanisms of colonialism and imperialism.

Here it is. This is what he's really after.

Two things can be true.

At least someone appreciates that. The rest of the team are in the camp of "Just because Eito had his blade raised overhead in a striking position and was about to swing it down on Sirei, that doesn't PROVE that he would have killed Sirei!"

Even Shion for some reason.

You slipped up a moment ago and said cryptoglobin. But I guess that's fine when it's between us folks who know.

I'm getting Romance Route vibes.

In the sense that we interrupted these super-serious events to go faff around doing something else instead.

That crack made a lot of sense coming out of Monokuma's mouth but it hits weird from Sirei's.

At this point, Sirei might as well just come right out and say that he has all the data on our artificially constructed bodies and life simulations. He's really pushing the artificiality of our existence right now.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2129 - Agreeing with Ima

Day 18. Great. Just great. We're doing this today. I miss when everyone was dying.

If I agree with Ima, does that mean we can re-kill Sirei immediately? I would be willing to put up Kako posters and standees all over the building if it means putting Sirei back in his trash can where he belongs.

Are we really not going to talk about who killed Sirei now that we have a firsthand eyewitness?

What's to get caught up on? It's Day 18. We've barely done anything.

Wait, are you trying to figure out who killed you? Is that why we're not talking about it? Because you don't know?

I'm with her! Listen to the Bestie! This is pointless effort and I refuse!

Wait, are you refusing because you don't think discerning the identity of his killer has value or just because you hate him?

....

I mean yes, I do want to know the details behind his death if that's what this is actually about.

But also fuck him!

You should have a gaping hole where your FACE is!

What's there to get ready? Why does this feel like a trap?

Is he going to use the Dolmenic system on all of us to ensure nothing like his murder ever happens again? Is that what this is?

What's the Dolmenic system?

It sucks and is terrible.

That's not an answer. That seems to just be your general opinion of Sirei.

Because he sucks and is terrible!

Remind me why we wanted him to be alive again? Why this is a thing we deliberately set out and did on purpose?

TSUBASA LOOK WHAT YOU DID

YOU HAVE ME AGREEING WITH GODDAMN IMA

THAT'S TWICE TODAY

"It all began on the day of my actual birth. Both of my parents failed to show up!" ~Dr. Doofenschmirtz

They probably gave Shouma the wrong room number to go to. On purpose.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2128 - Spooky Lab

Day 17. This is definitely the worst timeline. We were free. We were supposed to be free!

But enough about that because it's time to go bond! Outta my way, Takky; I'm gonna get some Bonds!

You... You want the pod room?

Or a spooky lab where horrific experiments were performed. Which... is something you'd find in a secret base so checkmate me, I guess.

Does she need to? You can like the aesthetic of something without having any idea what it is.

You know what, that's valid. I can't argue with that.

Everyone lets feelings drive their way of life. We like to pretend that we're cold and calculating individuals, but the logical justification for why we feel a certain way comes after the kneejerk emotional response.

Humanity is a species that spends all day walking around pretentiously trying to rationalize our feelings to make us seem more sophisticated than we really are.

Bullshit. No, you didn't.

First off, why? It's not like she's hurting anybody.

But second, I refuse to believe for even one second that you could physically manhandle Kyoshika. This is the "LOL Sure, you can take Moko in a fight" scene all over again.

Yeah, you're right. I hadn't realized we only get one block of Free Time today. That sucks!

Do a better job waking up tomorrow, Takky! I want my Free Time and I don't want it wasted on bullshit!

We're probably going to have to reintroduce Sirei tomorrow.

...

FUCK.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2127 - Credit Parasite

Day 17. Checking in on Tsubasa to see if she's alive! Oh boy, I sure hope we don't find a strung-up corpse!

Good news! We didn't find a strung-up corpse!

Great reflexes!

Takumi: She hit me in the stomach!

Yeah, well, you might have been someone planning on hurting her.

You should have been someone planning on hurting her.

Listen to G. She speaks the truth. That was a very well-earned elbow strike.

Bad news! We didn't find a strung-up corpse! That would have been preferable to what we actually found in here!

It's not too late. We know what we want and we have the opportunity to make it real. We can live our dreams.

Well he didn't do a very good job of leaving it out in the open, considering how rarely we find it! There should be a copy of this manual in everyone's rooms!

Great thinking, Takky! Do it again! Maybe with something heavier! Might I suggest a sledgehammer? That's sure to, uh, loosen the ol' circuits up.

Okay, sure. Fuck Tsubasa, I guess. She did 99.9% of the work but Takky gets all the credit because that's what it's like being a woman in a STEM field.

"This is fine with me, I have no problems with it, so what do you have to be upset about?" ~The credit parasite receiving all the accolades for contributing almost nothing.

[tobiasdrake]

The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy 2126 - Physical Tendrils

Day 17. Thanks to our visitors from another timeline, I think we're in the clear now. Huh.

Hey G, you still here?

Yes.

What about physically, though? Are you physically still here?

I don't want to talk about it.

Honestly, at this point, it barely matters whether it's real or not. We don't have reliable future intel so we might as well let it go.

Try it! I wanna know if it's any good. It sounds disgusting but so do a lot of things people do to burgers and other people swear by them anyways!

I feel like we had this conversation before recently.

I'm sure we have, but I'm still curious!

Again, you should probably just drop the time travel thing. The future from this point on is more different than similar so you might as well just let it go.

Honestly, being from the future is so rarely useful that we might as well have just started from the second timelines and not even bothered with the first one at all.

No no, he's right. We should probably just drop it. This isn't really a hill worth dying on.

Has anyone tried going into the Garage and talking to her?

Because getting lost in a project sounds pretty characteristic of Tsubasa, to be honest. But she also might be dead so, you know, maybe go check on her.

Takumi: Wait, why would she be dead!?

G killed her.

Wha-- When would I possibly have had time to kill her!?

Last night before we fought the Parallel Leapers. You could have popped downstairs, murdered Tsubasa, and then get jumped by Parallel Takky on your way back upstairs.

That does seem to make sense. Kay's right, we should go check on her! And possibly kill her if she isn't dead already!

That's the spirit!

Okay so that's a no. No one has actually tried talking to Tsubasa. Great. What a wonderful team y'all are.

Honestly, Takky, the less you know about what she and her allies did last night, the better. The important thing is that G's gone and we can all put her behind us.

Hey! That's rude! What did I ever do to you!?

Uh, freaking me out for about two weeks straight, that's what. I like you better when you don't have physical tendrils in Takky's brain.

[aparticularbandit]

In Heaven There Is No-- (Dada DA Dada) (II)

Summary: "You're not a ghost, are you? Or an esper?"

"No," Asuka says, small smile playing about her lips, "I'm not." Then her smile spreads into a grin. "Wait, does that mean you're something?" She hums pleasantly to herself. "What are you?"

"Suzumiya Haruhi, and I'm only interested in--"

"Siren." Asuka drums her fingers on her upper thigh, gaze shifting away. "I'm a siren."

OR: Starting college is a beast, but having new roommates can make it better! ...or worse, honestly, you really should screen these things, Asuka-senpai!

Brought to you (in part) by a discussion @tobiasdrake and I had about what it would look like if Junko and Haruhi ever met.

Fic Rating: T. Chapter Rating: T.

AO3

previous chapter

The nice thing to do (Asuka knows) would be to spend time with Ryoko as soon as all of her things are brought up, to flop down on the couch in the common area and laugh about everything, to swipe a cup of cool water and chug it down in one gulp while they get to know each other better.  But she looks at the small stack of boxes lined up against her wall and the furniture that Ryoko helped her situate just so and decides that should be her priority instead.

Before Asuka can suggest that, however, she overhears the door opening, then slamming shut, and someone – likely their other roommate – crying out, “Ryo-chan!”

Ryoko reddens again at the sound of her name spoken so affectionately.  “Haru-chan,” she murmurs, then offers Asuka a little bow.  “Excuse me.”

Perhaps it’s rude to shut her door as soon as Ryoko leaves, but it’s all too easy for Asuka to actually do.  Then she flops backward on her bed and stares blankly up at her ceiling.  Too many flights of stairs, too many boxes, too many books and CDs of euphonium music that she couldn’t afford to leave behind.  (If she had, who knows what her mother would have done with them?  She likes to think her bedroom will be left just as she left it, but Asuka has no assurances that will be the case.)

Without the stairs, Asuka would feel much the same as she did the first few days of her first year marching.  Carrying boxes – even heavy boxes full of books – is a lot like carrying her euphonium as she marches, instead of resting it on her thigh during concerts.  But the stairs add an extra layer.  Her legs quiver, muscles flexing and unflexing, as she lays still.  Tomorrow, she’ll be sore.  Good thing she moved out here early enough to have some free time before her classes begin.  Free time that she intended to use getting to know her new roommates – their schedules, their personalities – as she learns to adapt to living with them.

Asuka’s eyes glance over her pile of boxes again, over the luggage bag she first brought in, and finally over to the last box she brought in, one that’s significantly smaller and more flimsy.  She pushes herself up onto her elbows.  The box sits on her new desk, testing her.  She moves to get up—

Her door slams open.

Asuka reaches for bedsheets that aren’t there, then pulls her hands up to her chest.  “Don’t look!”  She lifts one hand to her forehead and shuts her eyes, turning away.  “Hide your eyes from this—”

“What are you talking about?”

Not Ryoko.  Asuka sighs.  She drops her hand to her mattress and opens her eyes, pouting reflectively.  “Nothing.”  Her head tilts to one side.  “Tanaka Asuka,” she says by way of introduction, pushing herself from the mattress and holding out her hand.  “You must be—”

(It doesn’t strike her that she words her introduction almost identically to Ryoko’s.)

“You’re not a ghost, are you?”

Asuka blinks.  She stares at the other girl.  This one doesn’t have the same familiar air to her that Ryoko has – and doesn’t have the same air to her beauty that Ryoko has either, although between her earnest, honey-colored eyes and the way her copper hair frames her face, she could have a stint in modeling, too, for a certain set of viewers. (Maybe they’re both models, and Asuka got roped in because their third decided to go in a different direction.  Maybe they’re scouting for a new third model.  Probably not.  Even if they are, she already knows her answer.)

“Or an esper?”

“What is this, one of those Tag Yourself memes?”

It would be appropriate for Asuka to laugh, to cover her mouth, to do something that eases whatever is happening here, but she doesn’t.  Instead, she sits back and meets the other girl’s intensity with the smallest of smiles.  “I don’t think Ryoko-chan would let me—”

The girl’s eyes narrow.  Probably the familiarity with which she uses Ryoko’s name, after only having known her in person for a few hours (at most).

Asuka continues as if she doesn’t notice that.  “—live with you if I were a ghost.  You’d have noticed me by now, right?  And would a ghost have all this stuff?”

“So you’re an esper.”

Very matter of fact.  As though espers actually exist, as though Asuka has to be one or the other and nothing in-between, as though human is a bad word.  And maybe it is – Asuka only sent messages to Ryoko before moving in; she’s never talked to this girl, only heard about her from Ryoko.

She’s…intense.

Asuka thought that meant in a hobbies kind of way, not a Fox Mulder kind of way.  (Not that she’s ever seen that show.)  “No,” she says, that small smile still playing about her lips, “I’m not.”  Her gaze shifts to the door, where she catches sight of Ryoko’s shadow but not Ryoko herself.  Her smile spreads into a grin.  “Wait, does that mean you’re something, too?  Or Ryoko?”  She leans back against her bed and slaps her legs.  “Which is she?  Is Ryoko an esper?  Or a—”

“Ryoko’s a ghost.  Duh.”

Asuka stays focused on Ryoko’s shadow, which doesn’t flinch, and hums pleasantly to herself.  Her gaze returns to the other girl.  “And what are you?”

“Suzumiya Haruhi,” the girl finally says, introducing herself, “and I’m only interested in—”

“Siren.”  Asuka drums her fingers on her upper thigh, gaze shifting away.  “Since you’re Suzumiya-san, I feel obligated to tell you.”

Haruhi keeps her arms crossed.  “Sing something for me,” she demands.

“My beauty isn’t enough to convince you?”  Asuka gestures to herself, but Haruhi doesn’t seem to care.  If anything, she’s evaluating her.  “I see, I see!  I don’t hold a candle to Ryoko-chan!”

Haruhi ignores this, instead insisting, “What, you’re not going to sing?”

At first, Asuka doesn’t say anything.  She lets the silence linger, allowing that to be an answer all on its own.  Then, as Haruhi stands there, unmoving, staring directly at her with her arms crossed and her honey-colored eyes full of determination, Asuka sighs.  “You don’t understand, Suzumiya-san.  Monsters like Ryoko-chan and I, we’re not at our full power anymore.  All that disbelief, it really gets to us!”  She waits to see if there’s a chip in Haruhi’s stance, but if there is, she doesn’t notice it.  “Some sirens still sing, sure, but I’m not one of them.”

Something in Haruhi’s eyes shifts.

Good.

“And you don’t really want to hear me anyway.  Then you’d be under my spell, and I think you like being yourself an awful lot more.”  Asuka winks.  “So don’t worry!  You won’t ever need to hear me sing!”

Haruhi stares at her.  Her jaw tightens.  Then she turns on one heel and storms out of the room.

A few seconds later, Ryoko’s shadow shifts, and she curls her fingers on Asuka’s doorframe and pokes her head in.  “Told you,” she says. “Haru-chan is kind of intense.”

But Asuka doesn’t care about any of that.  Her eyes meet Ryoko’s, and her head tilts again. “You’re a ghost?”

Ryoko shrugs, but doesn’t deny it.  “Haru-chan sees what she wants.”  She twirls a strand of her white-streaked red hair around one finger and doesn’t meet Asuka’s eyes.  “I mean, it’s not like you’re a siren, right?”

“Right.”

Asuka’s gaze drifts from Ryoko, who isn’t looking at her, to her euphonium case.  A true siren would be a musical master, and she would be able to lead her band family not just to Nationals but to winning gold.  Of course, that would be cheating, but only if she knew that’s what she was doing.  Besides, a real siren would know that they were one.  They’d be able to—

What is she thinking?  Sirens don’t exist.

(She takes too long, looking at her euphonium case.  She doesn’t catch Ryoko’s glance flicking to her, then to the euphonium case, and then back again.  By the time Asuka’s gaze returns to her, Ryoko’s already glancing away, averting her eyes and twirling that strand of hair around her finger like she already was.  Like she wasn’t paying attention to Asuka’s distraction at all.)

Even so, it’s Ryoko who breaks the silence between them first.  “I’ll go talk to Haru-chan.  She always gets her hopes up when she meets someone new, and she’s always disappointed.  She’ll get over it.”  She offers Asuka a weak, but comforting, expression – not quite a smile, not quite not.  “Don’t worry, okay?”

Asuka wasn’t worried to begin with, so she can’t be less worried when Ryoko prances away.  She pushes herself up from her mattress and closes her bedroom door once more, hoping that maybe this time she won’t be interrupted but not particularly expecting it.  Then she pauses next to her desk, runs her fingers along the smaller and more fragile box she’d set there, then rummages through it until she pulls out a single framed photograph.

Her band doesn’t smile at her, not exactly, from their Nationals photo shoot, but she can see herself as she once was, surrounded by Kaori, Haruka, and Kumiko.  They aren’t happy, but she still was.  She’d gotten what she wanted after all – not gold, maybe, which she’d wanted the most, but her father….

He’d seen her, and he’d made sure she heard him.

(Sirens don’t exist.)

Asuka leans back on her bed, stares at the photo for a few more seconds, and then sets it down on her bedside table and stares at the ceiling.

[tobiasdrake]

I seen a lot of Japanese media have that kind of "Normal person points out what the wacky characcter just did" aspect to their comedy. Like the reaction is supposed to be the punchline.

With the right bit, it can be. The Straight Man and Wise Guy is a classic comedy duo. It's just that when you have a crowd of 15 Wise Guys surrounding a Straight Man, it doesn't work as well.

The Straight Man is supposed to set the tone for how the audience perceives the Wise Guy. He's supposed to be the normal baseline. But when he's outnumbered like that, the Wise Guys become the normal baseline. It's the Straight Man who ends up standing out as weird and abnormal for being such a boring killjoy.

If there is one wacky person in the room, having a normal guy go "Uhhhhh what," reinforces how weird and wacky the one wacky person is. But in a room full of wacky people, the one normal guy rolling his eyes at everything that everybody says or does just ends up being irritating.

This has long been a beef I've had with Kodaka because it's just. Like. Danganronpa and its successors do not have the right tone for "Hey audience, did you hear what THIS WEIRDO just said?" It's a game about weirdos. Everybody's weird here. What's your problem, protagonist boy?

[keresacheron]

A lot of action manga has this problem. They have a normal Everyman mc surrounded by an ever expanding cast of weirdos that makes the becomes increasingly bizarre and makes the mc clash with everything around them. Raildex really suffers from this.

[tobiasdrake]

I've noticed that too, yeah.

Something I wish I could drill into the heads of every writer is this: Because your protagonist is a character we are going to spend 95% of the story with, they should be the kind of character we would want to spend 95% of the story with.

The protagonist should be the most interesting and the most entertaining character in the cast. They should have the richest inner life, because their inner life is the one we're meant to explore. They should be fun to see onscreen, because we are always going to see them onscreen. They should wake up every morning and go "What am I going to do today that makes my audience scream FUCK YEAH I LOVE THIS CHARACTER".

[tobiasdrake]

Basically, we need more Edward Elrics, Maomaos, and Frierens, and fewer Kyons, Tenchi Masakis, and Makoto Naegis.

[aparticularbandit]

-sets Oshi no Ko here-

[tobiasdrake]

I seen a lot of Japanese media have that kind of "Normal person points out what the wacky characcter just did" aspect to their comedy. Like the reaction is supposed to be the punchline.

With the right bit, it can be. The Straight Man and Wise Guy is a classic comedy duo. It's just that when you have a crowd of 15 Wise Guys surrounding a Straight Man, it doesn't work as well.

The Straight Man is supposed to set the tone for how the audience perceives the Wise Guy. He's supposed to be the normal baseline. But when he's outnumbered like that, the Wise Guys become the normal baseline. It's the Straight Man who ends up standing out as weird and abnormal for being such a boring killjoy.

If there is one wacky person in the room, having a normal guy go "Uhhhhh what," reinforces how weird and wacky the one wacky person is. But in a room full of wacky people, the one normal guy rolling his eyes at everything that everybody says or does just ends up being irritating.

This has long been a beef I've had with Kodaka because it's just. Like. Danganronpa and its successors do not have the right tone for "Hey audience, did you hear what THIS WEIRDO just said?" It's a game about weirdos. Everybody's weird here. What's your problem, protagonist boy?

[keresacheron]

A lot of action manga has this problem. They have a normal Everyman mc surrounded by an ever expanding cast of weirdos that makes the becomes increasingly bizarre and makes the mc clash with everything around them. Raildex really suffers from this.

[tobiasdrake]

I've noticed that too, yeah.

Something I wish I could drill into the heads of every writer is this: Because your protagonist is a character we are going to spend 95% of the story with, they should be the kind of character we would want to spend 95% of the story with.

The protagonist should be the most interesting and the most entertaining character in the cast. They should have the richest inner life, because their inner life is the one we're meant to explore. They should be fun to see onscreen, because we are always going to see them onscreen. They should wake up every morning and go "What am I going to do today that makes my audience scream FUCK YEAH I LOVE THIS CHARACTER".

[tobiasdrake]

Basically, we need more Edward Elrics, Maomaos, and Frierens, and fewer Kyons, Tenchi Masakis, and Makoto Naegis.