bo burnham starter sentences
"I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3."
"I saw a homeless man named Rich."
"What the fuck's a G-Spot?"
"Just because you're fucked up doesn't mean I am too."
"My life's about three things; getting money, getting pussy, and the Dewey Decimal System!"
"Dicks and vaginas are like Coke and Pepsi. Most people prefer one or the other, but my dad thinks they taste the same."
"You should try it. You might like it."
"You think you know everything, but you don't know anything at all."
"S/he hates you, I know s/he does, s/he fucking hates you!"
"I want to beat you to death with a blunt object!"
"I'm offensive and creative like handicapped porn."
"Rosa Parks didn't call shotgun!"
"These thoughts of mine must be a sign that I'm #deep."
"If the world is my oyster, then I must be allergic to shellfish."
"I love the fact that you're dumb enough to not realize everything I've said has been said before."
"You look like Jackson Pollack's easel."
"I've got a fake mustache and a fake ID."
"Magic isn't real--- read a book."
"You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect."
"Trust me, perfect should try to be you."
"If you want love, the love's gotta come from you."
"Boo to the nice girls, praise be to slut-fucking."
"If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?"
"If life gives you lemons, you probably just found some lemons."
"Let's fuck in the woods."
"She's a whore with a capital H."
"My whole family thinks I'm gay."
"Their little girl is in love."
"How could love be wrong?"
"Laughter is the best medicine---besides medicine."
"Love is like porn, minus all the things that makes porn cool."
"Am I the only fucking person here who likes soda?"
"How did I do it? Well, like a tampon thief, I had to pull some strings."
"There's other people, you selfish asshole!"
"Maybe I'll grow out of it."
"I've got your back, kid."