Xuebing Du
⁂
will byers stan first human second
Keni
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
taylor price
dirt enthusiast
NASA
★
ojovivo
titsay
Not today Justin
occasionally subtle
KIROKAZE
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
cherry valley forever
Product Placement
JBB: An Artblog!
macklin celebrini has autism
noise dept.
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@toddintheshadowsquotes
If I can say one nice thing about this song, it's that it doesn't lead you on. Like, we were all expecting the worst, right? And three seconds in, it immediately confirms it. No long intros, no verse, no waiting for the hook. We could've been sitting there in dread for upwards of two minutes, but Justin ripped off the band-aid right away.
Yummy by Justin Bieber
I kinda hesitated to review this song, because this kind of strip club rap, it's just not my thing. And I can hear people being like, 'Well, what's that about Todd? Are you intimidated by sexually confident women?' My answer to that is, yes, one hundred percent that is absolutely the reason. A woman makes even a passing reference to sex and I get all flustered and put on my horrified Hank Hill face.
WAP by Cardi B. ft. Meghan Thee Stallion
Oh, good. The obligotary fart joke. Because Dave never farted in bed. Colon like daisies, that man.
Bad Movie Beatdown: Chipwrecked (Film Brain crossover)
Oh, and there’s Josh Groban on here as well. Seeing Josh Groban on here really does strike an odd note, because when I see Josh Groban performing on a star-studded charity single, I don’t think Haiti. I think Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck. Admit it, you were thinking the same thing. And that’s the problem with a remake of ‘We Are the World’ in 2010: we have spent two and a half decades making fun of this song specifically, so much so that it no longer even exists as a real song any more. It’s just a joke. And for the record, Josh Groban sounded way more passionate about Ben Affleck than he does about Haiti.
We Are the World, 2010
So, why ‘Girls Like You’? Is it the video? I certainly wouldn’t discount it. In fact, I think it’s the best theory. After all, most of the few remaining big singles we have gotten have been big off the video. And I guess in this, the ‘Year of the Woman,’ which, for the record, doesn’t seem to be going all that great for women, but in this year, it’s certainly not a bad promotional idea to put the camera on various inspiring women, many of them serious activists or survivors or so on. It’s not a terrible idea, in fact, it’s quite a good one. It’s just… what does this have to do with the song?!
Girls Like You by Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B
[On the #4 choice, The Edge of Glory] If I got anything out of the flawed but kind of brilliant Born This Way album is that Lady Gaga genuinely loves pop music and loves making it. Edge of Glory is how the album ends, and after fifteen songs of sex and iciness and genre-hopping, this song feels like a solid gut-check of straight-forward, no nonsense good goddamn music.
Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2011
[On his #9 choice, Beautiful] Mariah Carey isn't the best because she has the biggest range. It's because she is so damn happy to be singing. The difference between a Mariah and Christina Aguilera is that Christina makes it all look like grueling work, and Mariah makes it sound utterly effortless.
Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2013
Okay, for the record, I've always liked Timbaland's beats, and this one is no exception. I like the beat to this. And yet, somehow, that only makes it worse! I can imagine Timbaland laboring over the beat for weeks, adjusting the snare, remixing the bass and the treble, and the writing. And then he puts a bunch of fast food pick-up lines over it?! I mean, that's like if James Cameron took seven years and five hundred million dollars of CGI to make a movie that consisted entirely of a guy getting hit in the nuts!
Carry Out by Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake
Did he just get Mariah [Carey] into bed by playing the marimbas? Okay, there are instruments of seduction: guitar, piano, saxophone on the outside. But marimba? Does he only bust out his giant xylophone when he can't kazoo his way into a girl's pants?
Glitter
Okay, I've said this before in a previous video, but 'The Climb', supposedly Miley's big moment of artistic self-actualization, is in reality a completely meaningless, cliche-ridden piece of drivel. It's not about her experiences, it's not about what she feels, it's not about what anyone feels! It's not about anything! In fact, the first song she was writing was obviously a lot more personal than this mind-numbingly unspecific and pointless waste of time! I'll say this though, it does genuinely sound like a teenage girl wrote it.
Hannah Montana: The Movie
In May of 2003, Jewel released her big debut single for her new direction. It was called Intuition, and I remember being floored because this came right the fuck out of nowhere. Like, you think your mind was blown when Taylor Swift released her goddamn thing this year (referencing Look What You Made Me Do), imagine if she released it right after Teardrops on My Guitar. That’s how this felt.
Trainwreckords: 0304 by Jewel
This is the saddest song I've ever heard... Christ, it's making my soul hurt. Just... Like, the thought of Mike Posner, failed pop singer, trying to impress a DJ who got big right after his own career flopped, is just so vividly pathetic, I... (sighs heavily) Goddamn. Geez, I mean, Mike Posner isn't even thirty yet. The beginning of Up didn't make me this depressed.
I Took a Pill in Ibiza (remix) by Mike Posner
And let's be serious for a minute. That part was always gonna be about Abigail. Because Taylor Swift is not gonna write a song where she gives it up at age fifteen. Maybe that trampy red-head Abigail does that, but not Taylor Swift! Taylor Swift lives in this perpetual Norman Rockwell world where she's always had her first kiss last week, and she has friends with names like Abigail, and Gertrude, and Mildred, probably.
Fifteen, by Taylor Swift
I always thought Dottie dropped the ball on purpose, but rewatching... yeah, I think Kit would've ripped the ball out of Dottie's hand with her teeth if she had to.
A League of Their Own
Now, I don’t mind that pop music is often shallow, and I don’t necessarily buy that a soft piano ballad is necessarily any deeper, but ‘Someone Like You’? Take my word for it, guys, this is the real deal.
Top Ten Best Hits of 2011
And all that gratuitous nudity, it’s so… gratuitous! It doesn’t match the song’s tone, or subject matter. Like, if the ‘Like a Prayer’ video uses all sorts of sexy Jesus imagery, well, duh. 'Like a Prayer’ is about sex. But 'Wrecking Ball?’ That’s not what the song is about. At all. There’s no reason for this. Just, why? I bet if Miley Cyrus was singing 'If I Die Young,’ she’d probably be straddling and grinding on a coffin, or riding it like a mechanical bull. It’s just, none of it works, or fits together. Rihanna also got naked for a video for a ballad once, but she went all out with it, and looked as bad as she could possibly look. Which, admittedly, is still like an eight and a half, but it felt revealing. Miley’s too made up for that, and she’s trying to hard too come off as sexy. Okay, this is mean, but she does not look attractive. She looks like someone photo shopped some boobs on Justin Bieber.
Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus
(On his #1 choice, Style) Just look how her go-to imagery changed from Prince Charming, to James Dean. The difference between a fairy tale prince to movie star is a shift from romance to glamour. More bluntly, from love to sex. Taylor Swift singing an off-hand lyric about a guy taking off his coat is somehow one of the hottest things I've ever heard. And when she sings about how he's been with another girl, I swear to God, it sounds something like horror in her voice. She has never sounded better. I know I've said a lot of bad things about Taylor Swift, but even with all the garbage she's put out, this is the one song I always knew she had in her. I will put up with a hundred Bad Bloods if it gets me just one more Style. Style by Taylor Swift, best song of the year.
Top Ten Best Hits of 2015