TOSHIO

Serve the Soul

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Small Dog Big Dog

I was binge watching some Cesar Millan dog videos when I came across this one that really got me thinking about human beings, civilization, instinct, martial arts, and my personal struggle with confidence/self-esteem:

In the video you can see that the small dog "Dora" has a problem with not being real with itself. Millan's "balanced dog" Junior (a much larger pit bull-looking dog) is the control in the experiment. When Dora aggressively lunges at Junior when they meet for the first time, Junior doesn't even flinch.

When I first began taking up karate seriously in my mid-twenties, unconsciously I was looking to become like a Junior. Instead, I only ended up continuing to be like a Dora. As I am not large by nature, I have always felt something like an inferiority complex* in the context of living in North American society around larger people (as opposed to where my ancestors come from in Okinawa and Japan). But watching this Millan video really drove home the point that whether you are genetically a "big dog" or a "small dog," the real size is in your mind. And what that means is, you have to be at peace with yourself. You have to be the "balanced dog." What's really problematic and dangerous, speaking of both dogs and humans, is a Dora in a much larger body. The meaning of the following passage from the legendary Japanese sword duelist Miyamoto Musashi becomes illuminated for me here:

It is essential for those who are physically small to know what it is like to be large, and for those who are physically large to know what it is like to be small; whether you are physically large or small, it is essential to keep your mind free from subjective biases. (Cleary, 1993, p. 25)

Watching these dogs, I couldn't help but think, "us humans ain't that much different." Western civilization has tried to control instinct by suppressing it, if not altogether stamping it out. Perhaps the main difference with us and the animals is that we can direct our instinctual energies in other ways beyond "food, fuck, fight." But the basic instincts remain. To think we should or need to get rid of them is the problem.

They really don't teach you this kinda stuff in school (at least in the context of North American public education). Dealing with your emotions, your anxieties, your fears, your insecurities, like Dora, can be extremely difficult and can lead to a life of isolation (as she was in danger of not finding a home because of her behavior). Again, I don't see us human beings being any different. One of my ideas has been to develop a program or school with martial arts (and maybe chess) at its core. But its real mission is the rehabilitation you see Millan doing with Dora in the video. "Training" humans to not only get along, but to get real, get comfortable with themselves in a complicated and chaotic world.

In my life now, I pledge to become the balanced dog.

*It would seem both inferiority and superiority are complexes, as their root is neurotic insecurity.

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"There's this notion that in order to be very good at chess you have to be very smart. That is simply not true ... What you do have to ... be very good at [is] pattern recognition, spatial awareness ... these are traits you have to have, but that doesn't mean that you're smart across the board .... It requires great memory, great pattern recognition of ... placement of ... pieces, where the pawns are, all these sorts of things, and ... that's what it takes. So ... that is one definition of ... being an intellectual ... it is something ... some people would say that does make you smart. But that doesn't mean that you're automatically ... smart in everything just because you have a great memory .... That is the number one misconception about chess."

— Hikaru Nakamura, American chess grandmaster (b. 1987)

Source: https://youtu.be/kQ63UbAdcro?si=zLCX592qcNyaMTWb&t=256

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Met a new friend at the studio here yesterday. I told him I create "weird music" and he said, "Do you know John Maus?" I shook my head. Later that night I looked him up and saw that he has a performance video on KEXP, one of my favorite independent radio stations. I sat and watched the whole thing. From the first drop of the bass line, synth, and drums, I couldn't help but bob my head. While it was slightly startling at first to hear Maus open his mouth, I could not also help but begin to smile and just keep grooving. There was something endearing about his performance style, his interview answers, and I found myself giggling with strange delight at the opening lines of "Pets." What a great recommendation.

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"The task of a liberated person is not to scold the world and preach to it, but to delight it back to its senses."

- Alan Watts(?)

While one of my absolute peeves is people passing around quotes from famous people without knowing the source of the quote, its context, or most importantly, if the quote even matches the person, I am here doing just that. Why? Because it spoke surprisingly to something that I am trying to move toward in my creative work. *As a side note, this quote was passed along to me from a friend who saw it on her Instagram feed.

I spent the better half of my twenties trying to convert myself and the masses to "revolution," all the while growing increasingly distant from the source(s) of creativity. I became sociological, rather than spontaneous. Ideological, rather than inspired. It was transformation that I wanted. I just didn't know it had to happen to me first. This quote serves as a reminder and a succinct summary of my burgeoning artist statement. May it be so.

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"I think the answers have to come from people that are outside of the systems . . . because I think inside the system, whether we're talking about healthcare, academics . . . law, banking, whatever, all the different industries . . . when you're inside the system as a person of color, the cost of trying to change that particular system is so, so high, on your own mental health."

- Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, speaking in an interview on NPR's Code Switch, 4/19/23

This particular point struck me because I had never really considered it until my own experiences in academia (graduate school), where I felt (and continue to feel) that the teachers and curriculum were not adequately addressing (and therefore not adequately dealing with the inevitable psychological impact on certain students like myself) of the Eurocentric, white supremacist, and anti-Black views expressed within the assigned readings. This is ironic to say the least, considering it is a depth psychological program. Although the chairperson of this particular program publicly supported and announced the formation of a program-specific "Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion" initiative for which myself and others were to take part, I realized only later just how much stress these issues were creating. So much so that I was no longer able to positively focus on the assigned readings, and on top of personal relationship troubles, had to take a leave of absence. Although this attitude of frustration was not unusual to me as someone who is acutely aware of those above-mentioned views within the broader American society, I had not thought about its impact on my mental health until hearing this bit from Dr. Lakshmin. As I continue to ponder all of this, one of the things that makes this particular experience so difficult is that, whereas my interactions with these views outside of the institution are more diffused in terms of frequency (and able to be mitigated by spending time with more positively affirming views) – within the institution they are concentrated and immediate. That is to say, I cannot just focus my attention away from them as they are part of what I need to study for the degree requirements. So what has happened for me is that I have added on more counter-readings for myself, on top of the full load that has already been assigned. Realizing this was not going to be sustainable going forward, I have then had to change my student status to part-time. Not only in order to better handle the required readings (mentally speaking), but also to give myself time to focus on, research, and participate in those more "positively affirming views." I realize now this must be all part of the "real self-care" that Dr. Lakshmin discusses in her interview.

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Meaning is Magic

"Because we cannot discover God's throne in the sky with a radiotelescope or establish (for certain) that a beloved father or mother is still about in a more or less corporeal form, people assume that such ideas are 'not true' .... Modern man may assert that he can dispense with them, and he may bolster his opinion by insisting that there is no scientific evidence of their truth .... But since we are dealing with invisible and unknowable things ... why should we bother about evidence? Even if we did not know by reason our need for salt in our food, we should nonetheless profit from its use. We might argue that the use of salt is a mere illusion of taste or a superstition; but it would still contribute to our well-being. Why, then, should we deprive ourselves of views that would prove helpful in crises and would give a meaning to our existence? .... Man positively needs general ideas and convictions that will give a meaning to his life and enable him to find a place for himself in the universe. He can stand the most incredible hardships when he is convinced that they make sense"

– C. G. Jung, p. 75-76, Man and his Symbols (1964)

"If there's one thing I learned in this life, it's that whether or not something is fake, doesn't matter. It's the way it makes you feel that matters. Because what we feel, is always real.

– Justin Willman, Magic for Humans (2020)

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Just because I do everything right, does not mean everything will go well.

practical insight from a former analyst 

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Saw this while scrolling for videos of “Okinawan shamans/yuta” the other night. Didn’t really come across much, but I was shocked to see this. Mainly because she is trying to combine Okinawan roots with modern creative expression, in this case “house music”. Even more shocking because I too am interested in creating that kind of electronic dance-type music, although not “house” specifically. And also interested in bringing my Okinawan ancestors into the conversation somehow. Saw this interesting article on “house music” as well while doing a bit of research into the genre: 

https://www.wbur.org/hereandnow/2022/07/08/house-music-jesse-saunders

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The cyclical process that the soul undertakes, is itself archetypal, and so pulls us into its spirals regardless of whether or not we know what is going on. Freud called this phenomenon, "the repetition compulsion." The psyche tends to spiral us back to something, no matter how painful, in the hopes of bringing our attention to a pattern at work in our lives. This can obviously lead to terrible experiences of repeated trauma, but it is also the very process that can make us conscious of the fact that we're caught in a cycle—which gives us an opportunity to participate in shifting the pattern, letting it die in its re-traumatizing form, and be reborn in a way that is conducive to our growth and wholeness.

D. Hoffman (commenting on a student’s writing for class)

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I used to work at a warehouse. It was your typical 9-to-5. Manual labor. Picking, packing, moving, shipping. The one thing I looked forward to was being able to use the overheard speaker system to play music. I would often get a chance to insert some “weird” music into the daily rock and hip-hop mix. I particularly liked artists like Gao because of the atmosphere and mood it set. While you can imagine, counting product and taping boxes all day is mind-numbing, the music was like a crack in the door where soul and spirit could enter. Often too, I would find artists at random on YouTube or Spotify, just browsing for ethereal, electronic, dance or trance music. And sometimes it worked too. A co-worker came up to me once and told me how the music from the video I’ve posted here incited the guys in the back to start their own impromptu rave. Yeeeahhh. I liked hearing that. My experience working there partially inspired my own desire to create long-form-disco-punk-dance-tracks. 

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Puffer fish mandala. Wow. This makes me think about the role of art for humans. We seem to popularly equate it only with aesthetics. But here we see art as functional. Its aesthetic value seems embedded in its functionality (to attract a female). But also the art is temporal, like those Tibetan Buddhist mandala sand paintings. Is creativity an intrinsic function of all living species?

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Whoa. Came across this by “accident” after posting the previous post. Again, more inspiration for my project. Impeccable visuals and an important story; something I’m interested in incorporating as well: loss of soul, loss of spirit, indigenous as sophisticated not “primitive”, indigenous as still here not “extinct”

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I came home the other day to find my housemate blasting Alan Watts set to a kind of low-fi chill hip hop track. He told me that it was from somebody he had found on YouTube, “Akira The Don”. I looked him up and was struck by the idea; posting here for future reference.

Struck mainly because this is the idea I had for my own little music project, that is, to create a meditative, rhythmic, atmospheric background track to accompany and compliment various soundbites/clips of depth-psychological/spiritual/soul-related matters. Envious that somebody is already doing this, but inspiration for what can be done.

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To declare myth only something that people tell each around the campfire, or dance naked to, or paint themselves purple, is not...the whole story of myth. Myth is what captures your imagination and moves your language and your body into doing things in certain ways. So we're always in myth.

James Hillman (excerpt from The Wisdom of the Dream, Part Two: Inheritance of Dreams)

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i talk with james from la about his reason for being in detroit.  he explains he has pretty much sold everything and moved to detroit, because he felt called.  not to save the city in some missionary sort of way, but because the city will change him.  it is his place to discover himself and grow.  i’m kind of taken aback by this young mans story, is he crazy?  or a visionary?  maybe something in-between.

https://littlehouseontheurbanprairie.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/far-eastside-visit-feedom-freedom/

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BEFORE THE INTERNET THERE WAS . . . THE COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS

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>Listen/purchase: REVERIE FOR FRAGILE HOUSEPLANTS by TOMAGA

Heard this strange, beautiful, delicate track by chance on the WNYC online radio stream after listening to one of my fav podcasts. I love this kind of atmospheric music.