killdeath 🚧

this is a sideblog where i read tged, cpsm, wbhdl and apparently other novels. not spoiler free

[togrieve4]

cpsm liveblog — 💉; tged liveblog — 🔨; wbhdl liveblog — 🌾; me talking — 🚧; asks — inbox; ⛓️ — phm

[ssopimir]

oh okay

[koymadis]

never post again

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I see your “Rocky swears like a sailor but only in pitches humans can’t hear/refuses to teach Grace what those words mean” and raise you “Rocky swears like a sailor and now has to explain to Grace that ‘bad bad bad’ isn’t actually a sequence you play on your Eridian speech piano in polite company.”

Grace is both horrified and amused to realise that a more accurate translation for what Rocky’s been saying is “shit shit shit”.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Eridian government representative: Greetings Rocky, Saviour of Erid, and Grace, Saviour from Beyond the Stars. We are pleased to welcome you home.

Grace, haltingly on the keyboard Rocky built for him: Wassup bitches. Fucking jazzed to—

Rocky: GRACE STOP TALKING NOW NOW NOW I EXPLAIN LATER

[verenakauer]

Grace mentioning to Rocky that he used to watch his ship every evening after they parted ways (and do complex math to figure out when he's going to lose sight of it completely). Grace is. a little bit embarrassed about the whole thing.

Rocky is ecstatic.

"Grace watched Rocky sleep, question? Even though we were apart??"

"...yeah. Yeah, pal, I guess I did."

[donabene]

i really love a lot of the comments on the phm subreddit

(canon typical discussion of suicide methods at the link)

[silmarienthequeen]

I think this really speaks to the kind of story Project Hail Mary is. We’re expecting the gun to be used. There are aliens, and most sci fi stories involve fighting aliens. You even have the gun for it. But that’s not the kind of story it is. It rejects violence. What is used instead is the nitrogen- for the sake of using science to save the world. God I love this book

[donabene]

You Get It

[mockiery]

the scene in PHM that sets up the gun also sets up the presence of multiple doses of heroin and an excess nitrogren tanks on the ship (all as means of eventual suicide). it's three-card monte of a chekhov's gun, where the heroin and the gun are distractions and the nitrogen is the actually plot-relevant item lol

[togrieve4]

they're making this app as unusable as possible but i will persist. what's up with new ads that take all the screen and when you scroll past them and has a millisecond of connection to it on the screen it drags you as if you clicked on it. brother i didnt click on you i kicked you while running past. difference

[francesderwent]

I’ve been thinking a LOT lately about what a weird and stressful experience it is to care a lot about a story when you don’t trust the storyteller.

[sevinohl]

Every fanart i see of rocky and adrian is just this and i love it

[togrieve4]

NOT a good start to the day. i am so scared

[voidsetup1]

and out of the darkness - you you you you you

[lloydfrontera]

i was such a fool for believeing javilon could be anything but the most pathetic emo loser you've ever seen in your life. there was literally never any other choice that man is not sleeping he's not eating he hasn't seen the light of the sun for any second longer than necessary him being constsntly in shadows isn't him being edgy its about survival he didn't choose the chuuni life that's just what happens to you when a migraine lasts longer than two hours

[lloydfrontera]

if a motherfucker came and showed me what life without pain could be like after 30 years of agony and then used my desperation for relief to fuck off and vanish from my life in the middle of the night.........

getting his legs cut off would be the last of his worries tbh. like. javilon was so kind and forgiving considering the circumstances. i'm only thinking about it and already want to rip someone's throat off with my bare teeth.

[togrieve4]

bkmoon unknowingly (because i don't respect him THAT much. the author of several novels i dedicate this sideblog to) wrote the perfect narrative foil for rakiels's persona of a good doctor — a patient that does not act normal because of severe pain. rakiel thought javilon was a freak, he got scared of him (i mean, rightfully so), and in doing so he sealed his own fate at the very end where there was no other choice but to be kind to a similarly horrible patient and see them as a patient first and some ghoulish freak second. it's terrible for everyone involved. one moment of not putting the pain and suffering at the frontlines of the issue because javilon was being weird and creepy and it cost them all so much grief dealing with him half-mad and going crazier from delirium

[lloydfrontera]

YEAH and it gets even worse when you realize rakiel was handed three chances to deal with javilon, each one a bit easier than the last and he fucked up all three times in increasingly worse ways

the first when he realized javilon was in constant agonizing pain and his first instinct was to take advantage of this instead of trying to find a way to help him

the second when javilon was already subdued, by his own doing in fact, and he washed his hands of the whole thing even when told he would be tortured for the rest of his life.

and third when he had javilon in his hands, as safely contained as humanly possible, and instead of doing anything to alleviate his suffering, of offering even a smidgen of relief, he actually uses him as his own test subject. he adds even more pain to his already pretty miserable life.

like. rakiel fucked up so badly with javilon that when it comes back to bite him in the ass in the worst way possible, there's a part of me that can't help but think it's a little deserved. like. i'm sorry my love but this is partially a hell of your own making. you could've chosen to offer a little relief several times over and you didn't and now the world is ending and you don't get a choice anymore.

[togrieve4]

yes! tags real and true i am making them a post

#javilon was a test on rakiel's commitment to being a good doctor to imperfect patients and he failed over and over again#and he's right to being freaked out! he's justified in being terrified and wanting nothing to do with javilon as a person!#but he's also a doctor. he chose to treat javilon. and then he refused to take responsibility for him.#and that's where things go horribly wrong for everyone

rakiel unfirtunately you are a doctor first and therefore when you have icks from an obviously dangerous and violent person who is ALSO, STILL, DESPITE THAT, under your care, howeve rthin we are using that definition, when you choose to abandon said guy with NO guidance and roadmap moving forward you are failing as a doctor. sad but true. it's very good bkmoon does this and i know for a fact it is not some consious thing he does like a question of ethics and personal boundaries you kinda have to walk around when you pick such a difficult career because otherwise he would've actually pointed at it imo which he doesn't do so it's only subtext. i am fine with this also however because it still fucks with my brain. it's the same author who thinks constant torture scenes and kidnappings are a-okay so i am not really praising the man for having written such a weirdly serious issue in his 'fantasy doctor cures penis disease' novel but im glad it happened regardless

[lloydfrontera]

↑ another reason javilon should've been weirder about damian because he's the clear example of how above and beyond rakiel is willing to go for patients he cares about. because rakiel chooses to not abandon damian despite the fact this means risking absolutely everything. because when rakiel is told treating damian means going against a literal divine being he says it doesn't matter. because rakiel is his doctor and that means damian is his patient forever.

i know javilon had no way of hearing that particular conversation but i think he should've found out in some way and gone even more insane about it. i think that would've made things so much worse for everyone and everything except for me who would've had the time of my life <3

[togrieve4]

TRUE. IT'S SO TRUE IT HURTS. how does he keep writing in such compelling things where i CAN NEVER BE SURE HE MEANS THEM. i want to trust him but i literally don't. tragedy!

but yes yes of course damian is a PAINFUL addittion to this whole thing. because damian's condition is so much worse, so much more draining, hopeless, and generally speaking he is a patient who is looking for a hospise treatment in any other situation. hell, they do kind of arrange one in the end, they just never get to actually PUT him there, y'know. he also has his violent side. but because he's being a good patient who doesn't freak rakiel out it is a bias. SUCH an interesting thing to write about. a doctor who fails because he was unable to look past the ugly and violent mouth of a biting animal to see it's teeth are rotting and it's a reaction to that, unwilling to help, scared to approach, choosing to step aside and having the result of his human, understandable, relatable hesitation be the doom that engulfs him and forces his hand because being a doctor is unkind hard and exhaustingly understanding. and i cannot trust this was intentional like what the hellllllll

[lloydfrontera]

i was such a fool for believeing javilon could be anything but the most pathetic emo loser you've ever seen in your life. there was literally never any other choice that man is not sleeping he's not eating he hasn't seen the light of the sun for any second longer than necessary him being constsntly in shadows isn't him being edgy its about survival he didn't choose the chuuni life that's just what happens to you when a migraine lasts longer than two hours

[lloydfrontera]

if a motherfucker came and showed me what life without pain could be like after 30 years of agony and then used my desperation for relief to fuck off and vanish from my life in the middle of the night.........

getting his legs cut off would be the last of his worries tbh. like. javilon was so kind and forgiving considering the circumstances. i'm only thinking about it and already want to rip someone's throat off with my bare teeth.

[togrieve4]

bkmoon unknowingly (because i don't respect him THAT much. the author of several novels i dedicate this sideblog to) wrote the perfect narrative foil for rakiels's persona of a good doctor — a patient that does not act normal because of severe pain. rakiel thought javilon was a freak, he got scared of him (i mean, rightfully so), and in doing so he sealed his own fate at the very end where there was no other choice but to be kind to a similarly horrible patient and see them as a patient first and some ghoulish freak second. it's terrible for everyone involved. one moment of not putting the pain and suffering at the frontlines of the issue because javilon was being weird and creepy and it cost them all so much grief dealing with him half-mad and going crazier from delirium

[lloydfrontera]

YEAH and it gets even worse when you realize rakiel was handed three chances to deal with javilon, each one a bit easier than the last and he fucked up all three times in increasingly worse ways

the first when he realized javilon was in constant agonizing pain and his first instinct was to take advantage of this instead of trying to find a way to help him

the second when javilon was already subdued, by his own doing in fact, and he washed his hands of the whole thing even when told he would be tortured for the rest of his life.

and third when he had javilon in his hands, as safely contained as humanly possible, and instead of doing anything to alleviate his suffering, of offering even a smidgen of relief, he actually uses him as his own test subject. he adds even more pain to his already pretty miserable life.

like. rakiel fucked up so badly with javilon that when it comes back to bite him in the ass in the worst way possible, there's a part of me that can't help but think it's a little deserved. like. i'm sorry my love but this is partially a hell of your own making. you could've chosen to offer a little relief several times over and you didn't and now the world is ending and you don't get a choice anymore.

[togrieve4]

yes! tags real and true i am making them a post

#javilon was a test on rakiel's commitment to being a good doctor to imperfect patients and he failed over and over again#and he's right to being freaked out! he's justified in being terrified and wanting nothing to do with javilon as a person!#but he's also a doctor. he chose to treat javilon. and then he refused to take responsibility for him.#and that's where things go horribly wrong for everyone

rakiel unfirtunately you are a doctor first and therefore when you have icks from an obviously dangerous and violent person who is ALSO, STILL, DESPITE THAT, under your care, howeve rthin we are using that definition, when you choose to abandon said guy with NO guidance and roadmap moving forward you are failing as a doctor. sad but true. it's very good bkmoon does this and i know for a fact it is not some consious thing he does like a question of ethics and personal boundaries you kinda have to walk around when you pick such a difficult career because otherwise he would've actually pointed at it imo which he doesn't do so it's only subtext. i am fine with this also however because it still fucks with my brain. it's the same author who thinks constant torture scenes and kidnappings are a-okay so i am not really praising the man for having written such a weirdly serious issue in his 'fantasy doctor cures penis disease' novel but im glad it happened regardless

[togrieve4]

ONE THING i wish they included in the phm movie is the way grace actually argues on being on the project and how it's HIM who convinces stratt to let him stay, and how he secures the three astrophage to test it out, and how it's actually him alone in that godforsaken lab doing all of this with no carl to bounce the ideas off of. man became a guinea pig, returned to teaching kids, had a mental breakdown and stormed back saying he was there to stay and keep working on the cells, whether anyone wants him or not. like, goddamn

[atagliez]

[lloydfrontera]

i was such a fool for believeing javilon could be anything but the most pathetic emo loser you've ever seen in your life. there was literally never any other choice that man is not sleeping he's not eating he hasn't seen the light of the sun for any second longer than necessary him being constsntly in shadows isn't him being edgy its about survival he didn't choose the chuuni life that's just what happens to you when a migraine lasts longer than two hours

[lloydfrontera]

if a motherfucker came and showed me what life without pain could be like after 30 years of agony and then used my desperation for relief to fuck off and vanish from my life in the middle of the night.........

getting his legs cut off would be the last of his worries tbh. like. javilon was so kind and forgiving considering the circumstances. i'm only thinking about it and already want to rip someone's throat off with my bare teeth.

[togrieve4]

bkmoon unknowingly (because i don't respect him THAT much. the author of several novels i dedicate this sideblog to) wrote the perfect narrative foil for rakiels's persona of a good doctor — a patient that does not act normal because of severe pain. rakiel thought javilon was a freak, he got scared of him (i mean, rightfully so), and in doing so he sealed his own fate at the very end where there was no other choice but to be kind to a similarly horrible patient and see them as a patient first and some ghoulish freak second. it's terrible for everyone involved. one moment of not putting the pain and suffering at the frontlines of the issue because javilon was being weird and creepy and it cost them all so much grief dealing with him half-mad and going crazier from delirium

[younggayanddoingokay]

Listen, movie Stratt and Grace were on a whole new level with whatever the fuck “weird secret third thing” they had going on between them, but let’s not pretend book!Stratt was normal about Grace. There was ZERO reason for him to be in the courtroom for the copyright suit. It had NOTHING to do with any “secret tertiary specialist” stuff. He arguably COULD have been much more useful in the lab. He sat there and said nothing and looked pretty for that entire scene. She dragged his ass on a plane just to sit there and he didn’t say a word in court. If that doesn’t say “this is my emotional support science loser” I don’t know what does.

[star-h0pper]

it's really really funny to me that eva stratt's list of crimes canonically includes piracy. do movie only fans know they tried to take her to court for pirating everything ever published and she ron swanson'd her way out of it. i need you all to know this.