“And why,” the therapist asked gently, “do you keep finding your way back to him?”
You stared at the fern in the corner, at the tired leaves curling inward like fists. You thought of all the doors you had closed, only to stand before them again with your knuckles raised.
Because love like that doesn’t end cleanly—it lingers. In the quiet. In the almosts.
“Because when it’s good,” you said, softly, “it’s really good.”
Her curious eyes glossed over your features. “And when it’s bad?”
Only faintly did you smile. “I remember how good it can be.”
synopsis: the 1a girls have a lot to say about you and katsuki's not-relationship.
a/n: hahahaha more pre-relationship just friends trope (do not tell me i do this trope too much it brings me joy) also a lot of people asked for a pt two to my unofficalbf!katsuki hcs and this isnt quiiiite that bc there's not a whole lotta interaction w katsuki but uhm its smth. i have more wips abt this tho so theres a LOTTT more where that came from!
"even if we don't talk about anything important, i want to force it to be about romance!" mina exclaimed as ochako floated off in embarrassment at being questioned about deku.
"oh! speaking of! how long have you and bakugo been dating, y/n?"
you froze. "huh?"
"i don't know how you handle him! you're so sweet and cute and he's all 'die! go to hell! i am the king explosion murder lord!' y'know?" she added.
"he's not really like that with her, though. he's always a lot quieter she's around. you can see the way his eyes soften." tsu commented thoughtfully.
they all stared at you expectantly, waiting for you to answer the question, and you could feel blood rushing to your cheeks. "uh.. katsuki and i.. aren't dating?"
a beat passed. then another.
"WHAT?!"
"no way! i thought you two were dating for sure! he's always holding your hand and grabbing at you and acting all soft with you! wait, i literally saw him carry you to his room! how are you not dating?" hagakure burst out.
"yeah! and during our movie night last week, you were laying your head on his shoulder and he had his arms around you!" mina chimed in. "we all just assumed you two were dating like a given! what do you mean, 'you're not dating?!'"
"i mean, we're not dating! we're close friends, sure, but katsuki's never, like, asked me to be his girlfriend or anything! we're just tight childhood friends, that's all! he probably thinks of me as a little sister with the way he looks out for me, or something." you explained, waving your hands in the air frantically.
"y/n, i love you, but you're being as stupid as kaminari! no boy, but especially not bakugo, would ever act like that with a girl he wasn't interested in." jirou sighed. "there really isn't such thing as 'platonic cuddling' or 'platonic handholding' between boys and girls."
"well, it's normal for kids, you know? and katsuki and i grew up together, so it just kinda stuck!" you said, making a noble attempt at justifying you and katsuki's we-are-definitely-not-just-friends behavior. they all looked at you unamused.
the girls continued to bombard you with questions, each one getting bolder than the last.
"seriously, though, y/n," mina said, her grin wide, "how do you keep it together around him? you two are always so… cozy."
"cozy?" you blinked, trying to avoid their intense stares. "what do you mean 'cozy'?"
"oh, come on," she teased, nudging you. "you hold hands, sit waaaay too close, and don’t even get me started on the whole ‘sleeping on and cuddling with him’ thing. also, i swear i saw him give you a kiss on the forehead!"
"i mean, that’s just how we are!" you said, exasperated. "we’ve been friends forever! it’s not a big deal!"
jirou raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. "i don’t know, y/n. most guys don’t carry their girl friends to their rooms when they’re tired."
you froze. the memories flashed in your mind, and you couldn’t help the nervous laugh that escaped your lips. "i told you, he was just being—"
"overprotective?" yaomomo interrupted, practically reading your mind. "yeah, that’s what we thought, too. but i don’t know, seems a little… extra for a friend."
you groaned, burying your face in your hands. “this is ridiculous. we’re not dating! he’s not like that with me.”
they all stared at you for a long moment, clearly unconvinced, when suddenly, the door to the room swung open.
katsuki stood in the doorway, his signature scowl immediately visible, with kirishima and kaminari not far behind. "..what the hell are you all looking like that at me for? you got a problem?"
the girls didn’t miss a beat. mina jumped up, eyes practically sparkling. "we were just discussing how you and a certain girl over here are totally a secret item!"
you froze. oh no.
katsuki's eyes widened then narrowed as he stared at her, his eyes a mixture of grumpiness and fluster. "the hell?" was all he said.
“you’re always carrying her, holding hands, and let’s not forget you cuddling with her sleeping on you during that movie last week. with how comfortable you guys were with it, i'll bet it was far from the first time you guys have done stuff like that, too! you two are practically made for each other!”
katsuki glared at her, his fists clenching. "i don’t give a shit what you idiots think." his voice was sharp, dismissive, and he turned his gaze toward you for a moment, his usual annoyance evident.
you let out a nervous laugh, relieved that he wasn’t actually acknowledging any of the weird feelings the group was pushing on you two.
the girls looked between you and katsuki, still skeptical, but he wasn’t having it. he gave a quick, sharp glare to the group before glancing back at you. you failed to see the way his sharp glare softened ever-so-slightly when he did so.
“you’re all so damn nosy,” he muttered, turning to leave. "get a life."
he marched off grumpily, kirishima and kaminari now excitedly talking to him about assumedly the same topic. he slammed the door in their faces, but they were quick to scramble after him.
you let out a sigh of relief once they left, but before you could even speak, mina burst into laughter. "there it is! classic bakugo. totally in denial!"
"totally!" ochako giggled.
"mhm!" hagakure agreed.
"ugh," you groaned, face in your hands. "please just drop it already!"
the girls kept their grins, but the teasing finally slowed down. "alright, alright," mina said with a wink. "we’ll let you off the hook for now."
you exhaled in relief as the group slowly started to branch off into different topics, the heat finally off of you. you excused yourself for some water so you could get some air, and began heading back to the dorm rooms.
to your surprise, katsuki was already waiting for you outside the common area. when he saw you, he gave you a gruff nod of acknowledgement.
"kats! i thought you were going to bed!" you chirped, unaware of how your demeanor instantly brightened when it was just the two of you.
"i am," was all he offered before grabbing your hand and dragging you to presumably his dorm room to cuddle and hangout.
as you rambled and chatted with katsuki, hand-in-hand, on your way to hang out in his dorm alone, the words of your friends came back to you, causing a pink hue to rise to your cheeks.
..yeah. you two were definitely not "just friends."
unofficialbf!katsuki who's abrasive and rude and loud until you're near him. he almost instantly sizzles down
unofficialbf!katsuki who proudly declared you as "his" when you were 4 after you accepted his bouquet of dandelions and its kind of just stuck since then
unofficialbf!katsuki who, after that, began proudly holding your hand and marching around with you. at some point, it just became a habit for him to reach for your hand, continuing even as you got older
unofficialbf!katsuki who still apologizes to you the same way as when you two were kids. he holds your hand and looks away as he mutters "'m sorry.." with rosy cheeks. when he really messes up, he'll bury his nose into your neck and hold you close and whisper a genuine apology into your ear. he'll struggle for the right words and get super flustered, but you know hes trying!!
unofficialbf!katsuki who, for as long as izuku could remember, has been a package deal with you
unofficialbf!katsuki who is practically inseparable from you. like youre not hugging in class or anything but theres just this unnecessary proximity with you guys? you're always just unexplainably close for no reason
unofficialbf!katsuki who carries your bag everywhere. he complains that you "can't even carry your own damn bags!!" but would never let you carry them
unofficialbf!katsuki! who beats his friends up for being stupid when they don’t understand something he’s teaching them, but is so gentle when teaching you. he gets real close and talks in this low rumbly voice that’s just SO HOT
unofficialbf!katsuki whos an asshole to everyone but you
unofficialbf!katsuki who, despite being unnaturally nice to you and finds it hard to be/stay mad at you, gets really genuinely angry when you get reckless when fighting. the only times hes ever really yelled at you for real were when you put yourself in danger
unofficialbf!katsuki who doesnt care if mineta and kaminari ogle the other girls but would blow them up if they so much as laid an eye on you
unofficialbf!katsuki who tries to hide the way his eyes soften whenever you talk
unofficialbf!katsuki who, due to your childhood marriage/relationship/idk-its-complicated, is really comfortable with touching you. he would never let any of those other extras touch him, but he never hesitates to grasp your hand when you're scared, grab your waist to pull you in when he just wants you closer, or even pull you into his lap (in private) to cuddle. he has no problem manhandling you and throwing you over his shoulder or even carrying you bride-style when he's reaaally feeling confident. when you sit next to each other, his hands easily find your thigh almost subconsciously to rub his thumb over it soothingly
unofficialbf!katsuki who you've been having tickle fights with since you were little! he would never DARE hit you like he would those other losers, so he tickles you when he thinks you're being annoying. he knows all of your ticklish spots and still uses it against you when he thinks you're being bratty (or when he just wants to hear you laugh, but he'd die before he admits it)
unofficialbf!katsuki who LOVES cuddling with you! (would never admit it) you get all loud and fussy sometimes (no one is allowed to sass him other than you) so he just pulls you close to his chest and drags his fingertips up and down your back in the way he knows you like. he loves how it gets you all quiet and sleepy and clingy in a matter of minutes. he wonders if you notice the way that after just a couple minutes, your speech starts to slur and you bury your face into his chest or neck. (he does. he notices.)
unofficialbf!katsuki who you've been cuddling since you were kids so it just sort of continued as you two got older? you've known him for forever, so it never felt weird or anything. its just oddly natural? mitsuki has photos of you two cuddling from ages like 4-now.
speaking of mitsuki!! she absolutely ADORES you and unofficialbf!katsuki HATES it! he always mutters about how she likes you more than him whenever you come over, which is like everyday, which she always affirms happily. calls you "my sweet y/n-chan," "sweetheart," "dear," "lovely," and of course "my future daughter-in-law." (katsuki always tells her to "SHUT UP, OLD HAG" with bright red cheeks)
unofficialbf!katsuki whose grumpy moods and grumbles are easily halted by you running your hands through his blond spikes, which always turns him into putty in your hands
unofficialbf!katsuki who always has you in his dorm. he has this thing about nobody, not sero or denki or even kirishima being allowed in his bed when they hangout, but he lets you with no problem. in fact, he's the one who drags you into his bed with him.
unofficialbf!katsuki whose classmates have literally placed bets on when his balls will drop and he'll make you his official girlfriend (he cursed them out and blew stuff up when he found out)
masterlist bc i think abt unofficialbf!katsuki a lot
inspo from @cashmoneyyysstuff ! <3 she's an amazing writer go check her out!
[Disclaimer] As always with this character, heavy cursing, swearing, inappropriate language, HEAVY angst, and SEXUAL THEMES MENTIONED. Mentions of cheating and alcohol use. Every character is aged up to their mid-twenties! MDNI!!
“I’m heading to work.”
The gruff voice of your fiancé startled you, his words slowly causing your brain to signal your body to get rid of the sleep and get up. Slowly, your body got up to sit against the headrest of the bedframe to look at your fiancé better. He stood in the doorway wearing sweats and a hoodie, his hero suitcase in hand. He stared at you with his original scowling expression. Usually, you could read his expressions like a children’s book, but lately it’s been feeling like the highest level of philosophy in a foreign language of the dinosaur age to read. Foreign, strange, and unknown.
“Is this how it’s gonna be?” You asked lowly, eyes cascading down to your hands gripping your bedsheets tightly in your palms.
“What?” His gruff voice strikes your heart and mind, aggravating and upsetting your mood.
“Is this how our marriage is going to be? You running away from our problems and straight to work instead of fighting?”
“I don’t wanna bother with this,” Katsuki sneered as he scoffed and turned away to the hut of your shared apartment. You quickly sprang out of bed, grabbing a robe that lay on the bed bench in front of your bed. You quickly scurried after your fiancé while slipping on your robe, blood boiling.
“Are you serious? You’re gonna run? Avoid confrontation, that’s vital for our relationship. Do you even care, Katsuki?” Your voice grew with each word you spat. Katsuki stopped in his tracks and spun around to give you what you wanted.
“God fucking dammit, Y/n, I don’t wanna fight with you!”
“I’m fighting with you! I want to fight with you, fight with me, fight for me, for fucks sake!”
“What else do you want me to do?! I said my peace last fuckin’ night Y/n, I have nothing else to fuckin’ spat at you!”
“You barely said shit last night-”
“Because there’s no reason to fuckin’ defend myself! You want me to fight you over a fucking allegation?! You’re fuckin’ serious?!”
“Is it so unreasonable?! You didn’t think the grandest suspicion of that allegation was the open threat you gave Midoriya that you’d beat him at everything? In every aspect of your lives, especially relationships?” You quoted.
“Are you fuckin’ serious? Does that not mean exactly what it sounds like?! That I’d have a better relationship with you than that nerd does with Ochako?!”
“Ochako?”
“ ‘s that not her fuckin’ name?”
“Since when did you call people by their first names, Katsuki?” You asked in a stern and demanding tone. Eyes narrowed fiercely with growing rage.
“What? Come on, Y/n, I can’t say fuckin’ shit without you shitting on me!”
“WHEN do you call anyone by their first name, Katsuki?! Or even last name?! When do you ever even adress me that way?!” She screamed.
“It’s not a big fuckin’ deal, Y/n! It slipped because I’m fuckin’ overwhelmed with all this bitchin’ you’re givin’ me!”
“Tell me, Katsuki, when were you going to stop seeing her?”
“What?” Katsuki’s eyes widened as his face paled with offense and shock. He was shocked because he couldn’t believe his ears. Couldn’t fathom those words spilling from those perfect lips, let alone fathom the thought itself.
“When were you gonna plan to stop seeing her?” You held a stern expression, yet your eyebrows creasing gave away your hurt.
“Are you serious?” Katsuki genuinely asked, not believing you could actually believe those filthy lies the news and journalists spat about him.
“Answer Katsuki.” You spoke through your teeth. Your jaw was tense and firm while your body echoed with pain. Pain of the thought of your beloved with another.
“You’re fuckin’ serious, Y/n?”
“Answer the fucking question, Katsuki!” You cried more angrily from the frustration of his avoidance of answering your question. That one answer to that one question every girl dreads asking and hearing.
“Never! Never because I’d never do that to you!” His tone was desperate and genuine as he approached you with long strides.
“Tch, yeah right! Midoriya suspects it, too! You’re not fucking slick, Katsuki!” You emphasized with your hands.
“Y/n, stop! It’s not true. Those accusations are just accusations. I’d never do that-”
“That’s such bullshit! Why are you lying to me?!”
“I’m not, I’m telling you the truth, Y/n!” He whined as he desperately reached for your hands and grasped them tightly in his.
“You really think I’m stupid?! Who does your laundry, Katsuki?” You tugged your hands roughly away from his grasp as he desperately tried to follow them to hold them again. Desperate to feel your touch to ground him.
“What-”
“You don’t think I see the makeup on your shirts? Or the fuckin’ cum stains in your boxers when you know damn well we haven’t come close to having sex, let alone kissing, for nearly a year now! Don’t fucking play with me, Katsuki! Just say it!”
“Y-You’ve got it wrong!” He begs desperately.
You throw you’re arms up in the air, frustration of the deceit and refusal to admit the betrayal is upsetting you to no end. Your hand reached up to firmly grasp your face as it slid down to rub some of the tension off your face before you turned abruptly to speak again.
“Bakugou, please, just tell me the truth.” You sighed exasperatedly.
“I am Y/n! I wouldn’t do that to you!” He cried from his frustration and desperation.
“Do you really think I’m that stupid?! Midoriya suspects it, too!”
“That fuckin’ nerd doesn’t know shit!” He yelled, angry upon hearing his name.
“Again, that’s all you fuckin’ care about! Beating him! Being better than him! Having what he does and more!”
“No! That’s bullshit! I don’t care about that shit!”
“Why are you lying?!” You cried out.
“Tch. I can’t fuckin’ do this with you.” He scoffed, frustrated and tired of sounding like a broken record. His hand came up to his forehead and rubbed it soothingly to dull his upcoming headache.
“Seriously?” You scoffed in disbelief.
“Yes! I told ya earlier I don’t wanna fight over a minor fuckin’ allegation, Y/n!” Katsuki cried in exasperation.
“Well, I want to fight you!” Your hand repeatedly stabbed against your chest to emphasize your point as you yelled.
“What’s the fuckin’ point?! What are you gonna fuckin’ gain?!”
“I don’t know, maybe a feeling that you actually care! All you do is come home, eat the cold portions of food I've made for you, shower, and sleep. You never talk to me anymore, and whenever I do anything with you, you ignore me! You’re never home anymore! You barely even sleep here and choose to sleep at your fucking office. What is this, Katsuki? Is this even living? Are we even engaged? Is this what our marriage will be like?” You cried angrily.
“What? I’m always here, what are you on about?!”
“No, you’re not! You’re only home late into the night, and if you're home, you’re on your phone texting God knows who, or you choose to be on call 24/7! And let’s not forget the ungodly hours of the night you slip out of our place to go do lord knows what with whom!” You shouted as you gave a little stomp to the ground at the end of your sentence. Your frustration, your anger, your pain, all your emotions that have been bottled up are rising to the tip of the bottle, threatening to explode.
“You really think I’d waste my fuckin’ time with you and choose to cheat on you?! You reckon I’d do that?!”
“I don’t know what to think of you anymore.” You shook your head slightly in your disappointment.
“Y/n, I would never do that to you. You know that.”
The sound of a phone ringing brings you both out of your frenzy. Katsuki reaches for his back pocket and pulls his phone out. His eyes scan it before looking back at you. His lips parting, throat feeling dry, causing him to gulp a fresh batch of saliva to wet and lubricate his throat. His Adam's apple bobbed before his lips parted again to speak.
“I gotta go,” He says as he reaches for his hero suitcase again and begins to head for the front door.
“Katsuki! We aren’t done here!”
“That’s enough, Y/n!” He screamed.
You flinched back slightly at his loud and angry tone.
“That’s enough! I don’t wanna hear anymore of this fuckin’ shit!” His loud, aggressive tone has you still. "You want a fight? You want me to open up and bleed all over the floor so that you can feel something for once?" He seethed angrily. Pupils blown to slits with pure, fiery rage.
"I want the truth! Not this… emotionally neutered version of you. If you're angry, then be angry!" You cried desperately. Bakugou laughs bitterly.
"Fine! You wanna know why I stopped trying? Because you're a goddamn black hole, Y/n. Everything I give, you swallow up and come back starving for more. It's never fuckin’ enough for you!"
You responded quietly.
"That's not fair..."
"No, what's not fair is me walking on eggshells because your insecurities need a fuckin’ escape! You cry over every little thing I do, invent villains, stories, and call it your love, like what the fuck!" He ranted as he paced back and forth. His body language is pouring with frustration. He’s charging up with his anger, and you can almost taste it.
"I just wanted—" You began as you trembled with tears brimming in the waterline of her eyes, her irises shaking when Katsuki cut her off.
"You wanted drama! You wanted a villain so you could be the tragic heroine! Well, congratu-fucking-lations Y/n! You made me one!" Bakugou seethed with boiling skin. His body was on fire, which couldn’t be put out.
You stumbled back, tears flooding your eyes. You sink to the floor, a broken sob escaping your lips. Your hands tremble as you try to catch your breath. Bakugou pauses. Something soft flickers in his irises, regret? But he kills it instantly, like he always does.
Katsuki is loud. He’s always been loud. He screams and shouts at anything and everything, yet he’s never yelled at you like this before. No. This was laced with true venom. His eyes were red like the hatred poured out from the depths of his burning belly. His face contorted to one of pure anger. With all you’re emotions you’ve been storing in a tiny jar, and now this, you’re overflowing with emotion, and now the bottle exploded into a million sharp, broken glass pieces.
A hoarse sob broke first as your eyes glazed with tears before more small sobs began erupting from your soul. You always tried your best not to crumble, but you’ve reached your capacity to let things boil over. Feeling too used to letting things slide, and you just couldn’t do it anymore. You cracked in every way possible, which now has you sobbing on the floor.
Katsuki’s heart tore painfully in his chest. He hated seeing you upset with a passion. He’s always wanted to protect you from everything in your lives. He just never thought he’d have to protect you from himself. He’s done this to you. The thought fills him with so much more anger. The one thing Katsuki excels at is being angry and not controlling it like a wildfire.
“For fucks sake, Y/n, why the fuck are you crying?! Isn’t this what you wanted?! A fucking fight?! Grow up!” Katsuki has always had two sides to himself that no one knew of.
His front, which is his protective front of aggression and coldness, and on his inside, his child self, full of insecurities. That’s your Katsuki. The real him. His true self only he’s let you see. Had. Was. He had let you see it, but it wasn’t easy. It took him years to finally fully open up to you. It took a great deal of work, but he eventually did. Then, somewhere down the line, he shut off again. When did it happen? Sometime after Uravity came back to Japan. Sometime after she and Deku announced their relationship, his condition worsened, especially with you, and that’s when you lost him. You just didn’t realize it.
Your Katsuki hadn’t been yours for a long time. The sudden realization hits you like a freight train. But what hurts more is him. His words are filled with vile and venom, injecting themselves into your fragile and vulnerable body. Infecting your limbs and organs, turning them into a lifeless body. That’s what it felt like to love Katsuki Bakugou—sweet, addictive, toxic, venomous, numbingly vile, love. As Katsuki spits his venom, his inner turmoil stirs. It’s like he’s looking through the eyes of someone else. Watching through someone else's angry eyes as he sees you crumble before him. Watches as this stranger screams vile things at you. Stop. Stop, what are you doing to her? Leave her alone! Stop this, please!
“Look at you! Pathetic! Crying like that’s going to fix anything! You always do this! Collapse like a fucking weakling the second shit gets real!” He doesn’t mean that. He doesn’t know why he’s saying that.
You looked up at him, shattered.
Bakugou then speaks in the coldest tone he’s ever spoken in.
"You asked for this. This is what it looks like when someone finally tells you you’re not worth the fairytale you’ve built in your head." Why is he saying that? He wants that fairytale you dream of. He wants it with you and only you. It’s why he asked for your hand. Why’s his mouth spitting such bullshit?
You remained on the floor, curled in on yourself. Your sobs have quieted to shaky breaths. Bakugou stands over you, fists balled at his side, jaw tight, pacing now like he can’t decide whether to walk away or twist the knife deeper. Bakugou has this sick, twisted idea that every time he sees you in pain, it kills him, angers him, but he can never find where to aim it at. Unfortunately, it is always aimed back at you.
"You think tears are some kind of magic quirk, don’t you? Like if you cry hard enough, I’ll suddenly forget how exhausting it is to love you." That’s not true, he loves you like he’s loved nothing before. You’re his air that he breathes, why can’t he say what he really feels for fucks sake?!
You speak softly, barely audible. "Why are you doing this?"
Bakugou crouches to your level, his voice a cold whisper.
"Because you begged for it. You practically dragged this out of me. You said you wanted a fight, so now you’ll sit in it. Drown in it even." He wants to hold you. Hold you tight for dear life for forever, not this…
"Stop… stop it..."
"You think you’re the only one who hurts? You think you're some delicate porcelain doll that shatters when I raise my voice? I carry you, Y/n. I carry your moods, your spirals, your goddamn silence. And the moment I crack, you act like I’m a fucking monster."
You stood up before speaking hoarsely. "You are a monster."
Silence. The air shifts into something eerie.
"Say that again." He seethed. Eyes narrowing to thin, angry slits.
"A monster. You twist everything. You break me and then blame me for the mess!"
Bakugou approaches you slowly. Deadly. Like a predator does with its prey.
"And yet you’re still here. Still begging for me to see you. Still craving this chaos you pretend to hate. You want me to tell you I’ve been cheating on you. You want to be a victim, Y/n. Beggin’ me to tell you what fuckin’ delusional fantasy you’ve cooked up in that fucked up head of yers! That’s not fuckin’ fair when I’ve done nothing!"
"I’m not begging for that… Or at all… I-" Your voice trembled.
"Your tears are."
You flinch, and his smile fades into a sneer.
"You’re addicted to this. To me. The pain, the drama, the validation when I choose to stay. You don’t want love. You want a cage you can fuckin’ rattle with me in it."
“Why’re you so angry all of a sudden? So defensive. Suddenly willing to fight only when I mention your betrayal?!”
“Oh fuck off! Would you be sane if yer boyfriend berates you for an accusation you never fuckin’ committed!” He screamed.
“Why can’t you just admit it to me, Katsuki? Just say it! Tell me the truth, just talk to me!”
“Because I didn’t fuckin do shit with her ever, Y/n! Not one thing!”
“Then convince me! Talk to me! Tell me what you’ve been doing! Just talk! Not this heartless piece of shit you’re playing!”
“Why do I have to tell you my entire fuckin’ business when I clearly don’t wanna talk about it just because you’re fuckin’ insecure! How’s that my fuckin’ fault?”
“I can’t believe you…”
“I can’t believe you! You’re fucking mental!”
Through clenched teeth, you speak, "Then leave. Just leave."
Towering above you, he seethes back. "I should’ve. I should’ve left a while ago, but you just kept fuckin’ pushing me, Y/n. Turning nothin’ into this whole fuckin’ thing. I’m tired of your outbursts of insecurities and putting’ shit on me. Makin’ me feel like shit because you don’t fuckin’ love yerself!"
“Get the fuck out!” You screamed angrily. Saliva flaring out of your mouth at the force of your words, and crying as you stood up.
“No, no fuck you! This is what you wanted, Y/n! You don’t get to change your mind now! We are far too into this shit now to take it back! This is what you fuckin’ wanted, so let’s fuckin’ go!”
“All I wanted was you!” You shouted at the top of your lungs. Throat red and hoarse from the screaming match and sobs. Your words froze Katsuki in place.
Bakugou’s heart stammered. He was still in there. Crying actually. Internally panicking as he watched through a scope of his body, committing these heinous acts towards you. Everything he was saying, everything he was shouting, lies, all lies, he just wanted to hold you and beg for your love, not this fighting. Yes, you asked for this, but you didn’t ask for this. Not him going beyond what you wanted. He knew, he’s not stupid. He’s mother fuckin’ Dynamight, he’s far from stupid, but lately he has been. That’s all he’s been with you. You asked for a fight, not just an argument, but a fight for you, not with you. Here he was screwing it up because he was cursed with failing at the one thing he desperately wanted more than anything. A love life with you.
“Y-You have me Y/n!”
“No, I don’t! I haven’t for a while…Just go, Katsuki.”
“Y/n-” He croaked a sob.
“Go, please!" You sobbed.
“No-”
“I’m not asking you-”
“No, Y/n! I’m not, I need you to-”
“I’m done!” You shouted, and the room fell eerily quiet. All that could be heard was the heavy breathing from both your and Katsuki’s bodies.
“I’m tired! I’m over this! I need you out!” You croaked with rushed words as you pointed a harsh finger at the door.
“Y/n please just fuckin’ listen-”
“I’m done, Katsuki! I’m fuckin’ done!” You repeated angrily as you turned your hands to point at yourself, animating your pain and exhaustion towards the relationship.
Air. Air, breathe. Breath, it’s gone. Disappeared from his lungs like he sees the flame of your love in your eyes dissipate. The burning flame, in desperate need of oxygen, was extinguished due to a lack of it. More so, the suffocation of no air. Nothing to pump it alive, that was his job. What it was supposed to be, though he never put effort into completing his everlasting mission, to keep the burning embers of your love for him alive by reciprocating your passion, instead, he proved the one-sided-ness of the effort to you. Now the flames are put out. That fire of love is now lost to the lack of oxygen he carelessly didn’t tend to. A love, now lost. It terrified him. This whole fucked up situation. Where he is now.
“Y/-” He started, voice soft, broken, desperate, before you interrupted.
“Get the fuck out!” Your voice leaked with strain and exhaustion. Pain and heartbreak laced within the words you cried.
His heart tore, but of course, his cursed fuckin’ mouth just has a mind of its own.
“About time I fuckin’ leave this shitty ass relationship,” He grumbled, low, cold, and heartless, all the while he was crumbling.
An explosion waiting to burst open. His footsteps felt heavy, his head pounding, and his heart constricting painfully as he grabbed his keys, hero suit, and headed towards the door. He walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him. You stare at it, the door, too stunned to cry, your chest hollow — the aftermath worse than the storm. The sparks of love you once had died down, barely crackling alive until it just vanished..
It had been two days since the argument on that gloomy, cold, and rainy day, such as this one. You were in your apartment, once shared, still shared technically, but it’s been two horrible days since you and Katsuki last talked. You considered this a break. You were heated, thoughts spiraling, and feeling nauseous when you were fighting with him. After a few days cooling off, you were able to think more clearly about everything. Both of your tempers got the best of you, and maybe you pushed too hard for something you couldn’t handle.
You were just worried about your wedding schedule for five months down the road; you weren’t getting cold feet, just horrified that you were walking straight into a divorce, knowing it in the back of your mind. Izuku called you one night a few months ago, right before the argument, asking if you knew the whereabouts of his fiancée. She was supposed to work late, but not till 2:12 AM. The same was going on with your Katsuki, yet he never gives you exact times when he tells you he’ll be home late. He just shows up when he does.
When he came home that night, you found him smelling of something smelly, with the tiniest hint of floral, which was odd, because your scents are all naturally fresh or citrusy. The next morning, you were doing laundry and saw a bizarre color on his black shirt. A different color foundation than yours was smudged lightly near the collar of his shirt. You thumbed it out of curiosity as you analyzed the makeup smudge. You huffed in denial and refusal as you threw the shirt in the washer and bent down to grab the following item, which was his boxers. You flipped them inside out, and before tossing them inside, a slight shine on them caught your attention. You looked closely before you realized what it was. You’re heart sank.
You and Katsuki haven’t been intimate like that for a very long time. To see this right after the makeup stain is fucking with your head, especially with all the distance being put between you both lately. But to see that he’s been getting off doing god knows what, with whom. It started worsening your insecurities. Thinking on it presently, it caused you to bite your lower lip in anxiety as you sat cross-legged on your couch. You huffed before getting up to change into casual clothes. You then rushed to your front door, but not before stopping to collect your purse and keys, then heading out and slamming the door behind you. You had to find Katsuki and apologize for the fight and talk like mature adults.
Rain soaked your hair as you stood under the overhang at the café, clutching a bag of Katsuki’s favorite takeout, smiling like a fool. You hadn’t meant to show up unannounced—you just missed him. You needed to see him and talk to him. You had been the one to push him over the edge during your last argument, and this was your attempt at mending things. A quiet apology, a surprise meal, and hopefully a fresh start. You knew he’d be here because you texted Kirishima if he knew where Katsuki was, and he told you he was at your favorite cafe.
You pushed the glass door open, heart fluttering with nervous excitement. The chimes above the door echoed throughout the cafe as you walked in.
And there they were.
Katsuki and Ochako. Sitting close. On the same seat of the booth. Laughing.
Ochako’s hand lingered on his. His eyes—god, his eyes—were soft in a way you hadn’t seen in weeks. Hell, months. He looks comfortable. Relaxed. As if the weight of your relationship had been lifted the moment he left.
You froze.
The bag of his favorite dish slipped from your fingers and hit the floor with a dull thud, the food inside forgotten.
Katsuki’s head whipped around. His eyes widened in shock and dread the moment he saw you.
"Y/n—" He called in an out-of-breath tone.
You turned and stormed out into the rain, bumping into a woman on your way out, but not caring. All you cared about was getting out of there.
He chased after you without a second thought.
"Wait! Please, wait! It’s not what it looks like!" He shouted behind you desperately as he ran after you.
You spun around, soaked, mascara streaking your cheeks as it ran down from the mix of the raindrops and your tears. Your umbrella is long forgotten. Your voice cracked as you spoke.
"Not what it looks like? Her hand was on yours, Katsuki! You looked happy! Happier than you ever were with me!" Your voice broke painfully.
"She needed someone to talk to—she and Deku have been fighting and—"
"And that’s your excuse? That she needed a shoulder to cry on, so you gave her your hands, your eyes, your smile? The ones that used to be mine? The ones I desperately needed?" You shouted with a break at the end of your words.
His voice rose. "It didn’t mean anything! I didn’t cheat on you! I didn’t before, and I didn’t now!"
"But you could have! And maybe not physically, but emotionally! You were already gone, weren’t you? You left me weeks ago, months ago, fuck, maybe even a year ago, Katsuki, and I was too stupid to see it." Your voice lowered as you finished your sentence. The realization is hitting you harder now. He could see it—your thoughts stirring in your head.
"That’s not fair," he growled. "You’ve been pushing me away for months. I didn’t even know where we stood!"
“Me?” You shouted in disbelief at his words. “Me, Katsuki? I pushed you away? That’s bullshit and you know it!”
“You were the one always pushing me and my boundaries! Never accepting, I was too tired from work to deal with you!”
“Oh yeah, let’s not forget how you deal with your problems by running away from them, right?” You spat.
“That’s not fuckin’ fair-”
“Ya know what’s not fair, you running out on me and not once checking in on me since you left. Then I have to put in effort to go out and find you, and be the bigger person, apologizing when I’m completely justified in this, and I find you with the woman you’re rumored to have had an affair with, and you gaslight me to think I’m overreacting and it’s my fault, and you think I’m being fucking unfair?” You shouted your ramble. You’re voice is breaking with exhaustion and crumbling with pain.
Katsuki shouted back with equal desperation, "I never cheated on you! I never even thought about it! But if you really believe I could hurt you like that, then maybe the problem isn’t what I did! Maybe it’s that you never really trusted me in the first place!"
"So your answer was to move on before you even walked out the door?" You shouted, your voice sharp with betrayal. "You knew I was trying, and you still let me try and fight for us, and you let me walk in and see that!" You exclaimed as you thrust your hands in the direction of the cafe.
He stepped forward, rain dripping from his hair, his hand reaching for yours. "Y/n, I swear to you—nothing happened! I love you. I love you still." His face was etched with pain and desperation as he spoke.
You yanked your hand away. "No. Don’t say that. Don’t you dare. You don’t get to say that after everything. You don’t get to love me now."
His voice broke. "I never stopped."
"Well, I did." You replied. Your voice is cold, painfully cold and stern, straight to the point and straight to his heart.
“W-What the hell are you sayin’?” He whimpered as he stepped forward, and you answered with a step back and away from him. His eyes pleading with yours.
The silence between you both was deafening, punctuated only by the sound of the downpour.
You took a trembling breath, your eyes red, chest heaving. "We’re done, Katsuki. I’m done. I don’t want to see you anymore, or ever again! I don’t want to hear from you or about you! I don’t want anything to do with you ever again!"
His lips parted, his throat tightened, and his lips wobbled. Voice dangerously close to that of a desperate cry. "Y/n—"
"I hate you," she whispered, barely audible but venomous. "I hate you so much for what you did to me." Your trembling fingers reached for the other that bore your engagement ring. In a swift motion, you pulled it off and let it fall to the ground.
Clink. A light, sharp sound echoed throughout Katsuki’s ears as he watched with slow eyes the engagement ring he spent countless hours of several weeks creating a perfect masterpiece to decorate your finger with his love, now chipped and bruised like his heart when it hit the cold, wet pavement.
And then you turned.
And walked away.
This time, he didn’t follow.
He stood in the rain, fists clenched at his sides, staring at the spot where you’d disappeared. He didn’t cry. Katsuki Bakugou didn’t cry. He almost, but he held it in. His red iris color spread throughout his entire eyes as they were red from pain and tears that he fought incredibly hard to keep from falling, with the drops of rain that cascaded down his cheeks that acted as his tears for him. His chest hurt so badly that it felt like his lungs were collapsing. Like the rain wasn’t outside but inside him, flooding everything.
And for the first time in a long time, he felt alone.
Completely, devastatingly alone. And his fiery, burning spark of light from his flame burnt out...
He tried everything that night and the day after. Called. Texted. Showed up at your apartment once—never again after that. You slammed the door in his face with eyes swollen from crying. And he couldn’t blame you.
But he never cheated, you had to know that. You needed to know that.
It was a misunderstanding. Ochako had been going through it with Deku and needed a friend. Katsuki was that friend. Nothing more. But to you, it had looked like everything you were insecure about. He couldn’t believe he let it get this bad. Let the relationship, more specifically, you get so insecure within it, to honestly believe he was lying with another woman in such an intimate setting. The kind he only wished to be in with you. So he let you go. Because not only did you no longer want him, but you now hated him. Hated how horrible he’s treated you and expected you to be okay with it—hated how insecure and pathetic he’s made you feel. Hated how much he’s neglected you to make you think and believe he’s been with another woman.
The mere thought makes vile crawl up his throat and threaten to spill from his lips, the same way those awful words he spat at you did. He regrets it all so much. He cared about Ochako and Izuku more than he likes to admit, but he wonders why he’s put so much of his time and effort into their relationship over his. He knew. He knew deep down that he was only trying to make it up to Izuku for all he’d done in their youth. He thought that if he did Izuku an excellent service by saving something as important as a relationship, he could put his past behind him. All his guilt from his past actions could truly be forgiven, for he knew how amazing and precious a relationship with a person you truly loved was. If only he prioritized his savings over someone else’s. Maybe he could’ve saved yours. He’d give anything to rekindle the sparks...
For a year, he watched you from a distance. Silently watched out for you and protected you on missions, which you repaid him with an angry scowl, with painful reminders of betrayal flickering in those beautiful irises he adored. One time, you yelled at him. Badly. That caused him to calm down from being on missions with you.
“What the fuck is your problem?” You shouted with a heavy exhale of breath from your exhaustion. The battle had been an easy one.
It would’ve been so simple to take this ambitious villain with no skill or talent, just a big dreamer down, but he just had to complicate things, not by his presence but his actions. You were sent to stop this villain alone with Mt.Lady, you as her partner. It was supposed to be just you both; you two were more than enough, but the second word got out that you were there, he blew everything off to go. He got there quickly and was quick to put himself in front of you and put you out of harm's way. Instead, he worsened the situation by going beyond, trying to have you avoid the fighting and instead ended up putting you even more in harm's way.
You took a knife to the thigh when the villain managed to get behind you and slip past Katsuki, and when you knocked the villain out, you stormed at Katsuki, angry. Katsuki was taken aback; all he wanted was to protect you. It was his job, was..was his job. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t use this as an excuse to be near you. Pathetic right. Everything he criticized you for, being an overbearing, beyond clingy, attention whore, he was acting the same way, even worse, honestly. He caused you to be stabbed unnecessarily because he wanted to see you, beyond pathetic and hypocritical. He couldn’t respond to you. He was too lost in his thoughts, overwhelmed by all that was going on, so you spoke before him.
“I told you to stay away from me, and I meant it. I don’t need your fucking help, and I certainly don’t need you around me.”
“Y/n, please. I just wanted to help you-“ His hands came up as he walked to you, aiming to help hold you up by your arms.
“I didn’t need you or your help!” You seethed through angry teeth as you shoved him away from you with a hand and a limp leg. All neighboring eyes were on both of you.
“I don’t need you. I don’t want your fucking help. I want you to stay away from me. What I need is for you to stay out of my life.” You seethed a final sentence you’d ever say to him, before turning on your heels and limply walking to Mount Lady and a medic. Katsuki stood there. Unable to move. And he stayed there for a while before Kirishima came to snap him out of it.
Since then, he’s resorted to sending anonymous coffee orders to the agency you worked for when he knew you were overworking yourself. He resorted to watching you from afar, silently, carefully, yearningly.
You had been his everything. Still are.
Katsuki hadn’t been the same since that night. He didn’t sleep—couldn’t sleep. Not when every time he shut his eyes, he saw your face crumbling in front of him, heard your voice breaking into pieces, the words “I hate you” or “stay away from me, I meant what I said,” playing on a loop like a curse he couldn’t shake.
No calls. No messages. No sign of Y/n.
He kept his distance, just like you asked. More so demanded. But gods, it was killing him.
He stared at his phone every night until the numbers blurred and the background light burned his retinas. He typed out messages only to delete them seconds later. Pathetic. That’s what he was.
“Just give her time,” Kirishima had said. His palm rested firmly on Katsuki’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze of reassurance. Not that it gave Katsuki any, but he silently appreciated the support over a twenty-minute lecture, Pinky or Dunce face given as if they knew everything.
But time didn’t fix the hollowness in his chest.
The boys in his friend group began forcing him to go out more after work or whenever they could—anything to help Katsuki get his depressive mind off of you. But whenever Katsuki went, all it did was make it worse. He saw you everywhere. In a woman holding hands with her lover. In a woman petting a dog. In a woman getting coffee or tea. In a cat that refused to get down from a tree branch. To a bird flying over his head. His mind no longer belonged to him, just you. Whenever he went to clubs or bars, he blocked out every other woman who tried to come close. Every place he went to reminded him of you—the coffee shop you both used to sneak off to between patrols. The one where you last had your conversation as an engaged couple outside of. The stupid claw machine you always won at. His apartment—still filled with traces of you. You’re favorite hoodie here. A hair tie still on the bathroom counter that he refused to throw away. Your ghost lingered in everything.
He tried to train it out. Fought harder, longer, meaner. But even battle scars couldn’t mask heartbreak.
He thought back to the way you looked when you left him. The rain was soaking through your clothes, and the anger and betrayal that was swimming in your eyes. He hated that he was the reason you looked like that. Hated that even when he screamed, he hadn’t cheated, it didn’t matter.
Because he still broke you. Aside from the cheating allegation, he still couldn’t deny his other actions. He remembered the way you flinched when he said he still loved you. Like it was the cruelest thing he could’ve said.
“Damn it!” he shouted, hurling something that was glass against the wall of his apartment. It shattered. So did he, just like you. Bakugou slid down the wall and buried his face in his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to no one. “I’m so damn sorry.”
But you weren’t there to hear it.
And he was sure you never would be again.
The anniversary of their breakup hit harder than he expected.
It had been a year since that night. One whole year of silence.
He came home to a cold and empty apartment, per usual. Exhausted, grimy, and smelly. He limped to his bathroom to take a warm shower after a long day of hero work. After he took care of himself, he plopped down onto his messy bed and stared at the ceiling. He knew what day it was. He dreaded it. Still, he couldn’t get you out of his mind a whole year later. Pathetic, yet-
He cracked. Called her.
She didn’t answer. Half expected, but he was ever so hopeful.
He doom scrolled on Instagram before pausing on a story. It was a story on Pinky’s page—a repost of your post. You posted a layout of multiple pictures, one of which was taken that night with some guy in it. His arm around your shoulders. His head is too close to yours; if you both turned, your lips would touch the others. Smiling. Arms around each other. Happy. Katsuki stared at it until his vision blurred. Then he threw his phone across the room and screamed into the empty apartment for the hundredth time in a year.
Six months have passed since.
Y/n and the new guy broke up. Katsuki found out accidentally through a blabbering Mina when she came to Kirishima’s apartment and he was there visiting. Although the news would've been something to be celebrated from a yearning man, he didn’t. Just felt the crushing weight of guilt and regret all over again. He was pained hearing how heartbroken you were. Still under clouds and the mystery of why the breakup was initiated, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was you. Your health. You. So he tried again. Slower this time. Less pushy and ten times more careful.
He saw you at Japan’s annual hero gala. It was the Hero Gala that every professional hero and citizen looked forward to. It was the gala where rising heroes and veterans were honored for their achievements and recognized by the world for their tireless efforts. He knew you’d be here. You always showed up. But what he loved about you was how you didn’t care whether you got an award or not. All you cared about was the actual work of the job, not like some of these B-listers who do the job for the money and fame. You were the rare ones, much like his friends, who genuinely valued the work of a pro-hero and not the outcome. But you came to these events to appreciate your friends' rewards and yours. Additionally, PR always encourages every hero to pursue good publicity, as the gala will be aired on TV.
He approached you cautiously.
"Y/n." He called you softly.
You looked at him like he was the dirt beneath your boots. That was the start of change. "Don’t." You sounded tired. Exhausted even. But you didn’t walk away. That was something.
“You look beautiful.” He whispered. Your head lowered at his words. He assumed you were shutting down; instead, he was surprised by your reply. “Thank you.” Before focusing your attention back on the stage. You didn’t give him any more of your time. But that was more than he’s gotten in years, and that’s all he needed to move forward.
You got transferred to the agency he was working for when yours was under construction. He started with small interactions throughout your everyday lives. It started so small. He wouldn’t say a word to you, just nod in acknowledgement whenever your paths crossed. Silently giving you your paperwork, coffee, or tea, or lunch, or anything without uttering a word. Then he started to grow. Offering help during missions. Letting you take over battle plans and have a say in things. Letting you have the last word in work-related arguments. And for once, not bothering with fighting back. He didn’t want to give you any more reason to ignore him and completely shut him out. He just got his foot in the tiniest crack in the door. He wasn’t gonna budge out for anything.
You didn’t smile, you never smiled at him anymore, but you didn’t curse him out either, not in anger.
Progress.
Over the months of working at the same agency, you began to fall back into old habits. You let him inch closer into your life again. You started to acknowledge his presence. You must admit, it took a lot of Mount Lady practically forcing you to be cordial with Bakugou strictly for work reasons, which was understandable. You needed to put your grudge behind you out in the field. So you did. What you didn’t mean to do was lose that grudge entirely and become cordial outside of work. Your work phone had Katsuki’s phone work number, and one night, you had to text Katsuki for the meet-up location and time for a stakeout opp. You didn’t mean for it to lead to a friendly conversation. Nor did you mean for the messaging to continue for days after. A message here. A sarcastic comment there. But you never forgot to mention, "Don’t think this makes us friends."
"Didn’t say it did. Just saying your aim’s still shit."
You flipped him off with your back turned as you walked down the hallway of his agency.
He smiled. For the first time in years, he actually smiled.
Eventually, you both started talking more. About missions. About everything. About nothing. One thing he never did was bring up the past. Thankfully. But he always thought about it. Thought about how different this felt. Different from your days in high school. Different from a few years ago. Just different, but a significant difference. A difference you both needed. A change. A do-over. Your talks were as if you were both strangers just becoming friends. And maybe that was the truth because you’ve both grown in different ways from a few years ago. Both of you have grown into people for the better, for yourselves, for others.
One night, you actually called him for something other than work.
"You up?"
And his heart stopped.
You talked for two hours. Then three. Then, every night after. Talked about work, about everything, about nothing.
It was a Monday night. A Friday night for you and Katsuki, as you both had two days off from work. You both sat on your couch. A movie playing with snacks and alcoholic drinks on your living room table. Your favorite horror movie playing that neither of you were paying attention to, just mindlessly watching as you both were too into your thoughts. You, worrying if that once vanished spark has rekindled, and Katsuki is fighting hard to bite his tongue from saying something he might regret. Might scare you away with. The air was heavy with unspoken tension. You both could feel it. Practically taste it. Katsuki’s fingers twitch with the feral human need to touch the skin of your hand with his. To revel in the warmth your hand emits into his sweaty palms.
The very feeling he’s been deprived of for years. So, he very carefully and slowly reached for your hand. And you let him. He tested the waters at first. A finger lay atop yours, unmoving for a few minutes, before it traveled atop your hand and slowly intertwined with yours. Your heart began beating incredibly fast, just like it had when you first started dating Katsuki. Your mind was racing with an angel and devil on your shoulders, one telling you this felt so right, perfect, you needed this, the other telling you this wasn’t right. Too quick, too soon, too wrong. But it was too late. The sin of greed and lust took over your senses, and the desires became too grand to control. The hunger for sins outweighed the saint.
Your gaze shifted to Katsuki’s slowly, almost fearfully. When you turned, you were met with Katsuki’s gaze already on yours. His eyes shone not just with the illuminating light of the television, but with something more, more profound, lighter.
Yearning.
A primal need to relish in you. All of you. The entirety of you. To dive deep and far with the hope of absolutely drowning in you if you let him. He’d never come up for air.
His gaze shifted from your eyes to your nose, to your lips, and back up again. Analyzing and memorizing you. The way your nose expanded when you took a deep breath. The new faint pigment you developed on your face from your travels. Your lashes are more curled, and your eyes are less puffy from aging. Your lips have a deeper natural shade and are slightly bigger. You’ve both grown, but he could never forget the smallest features you adorned.
You saw it. His mind is working to study your face. It had your heart palpitating. Your belly is on fire, rumbling with desire. A particular need you haven’t felt in years. The kind of hunger you thought to have quenched years ago. It all came back. Hitting with such ferocity, it was untameable now. Curse this beautiful man. Curse his long, straight lashes. His deep carmine eyes shine bright under the luminary light. His fair lips and that tip of his nose that bumped your when you kissed. Kissed—his soft lips. The feeling, it’ll never go away. There will never be a world where you don’t remember how soft his lips were. How could you? A rough, sharp-edged man with the world's most gentle lips. God damn this perfect-looking man. God damn those perfect lips. His heart raced as he watched your eyes focus on his lips.
Your lips were on his. Hungry. Desperate. Familiar.
A yearning kiss between lost lovers is not just the meeting of lips—it is the collision of everything you’ve carried in silence, all the ache and longing that has swelled between you over the distance of time apart. It begins with hesitation, that trembling pause where your breaths mingle, as though both are afraid the moment might shatter if you move too quickly. When your mouths finally meet, it is not gentle in the way of new love, but desperate in the way of something nearly lost forever. The kiss tastes of tears unshed, of apologies unspoken, of promises that once fractured but still refuse to die.
It is a kiss that clings, that lingers, as if each press of your lips could bridge the chasm carved by absence. Your hands clutch at one another, searching not just for warmth but for proof—proof that the other is real, present, still theirs to hold. Every breath drawn between kisses feels ragged, as though you're relearning how to breathe in the same rhythm. It is fire and ache at once: fire, because your bodies remember too well; ache, because your hearts recall the emptiness of separation. In that kiss, there is both grief and healing, both punishment and forgiveness. It feels like drowning and being saved in the same heartbeat—a moment where love, loss, and desperate hope all crash together into something neither of you can let go.
The need for air, a living essential, suddenly hits you both as if you've forgotten breathing was something you needed. You pulled your head towards yourself, your forehead resting on Katsuki’s as you panted heavily, your lungs desperate for air. Katsuki tried chasing your lips but decided to chase his own need for air in his lungs as well. The night pressed heavily around you both, the silence broken only by the faint hum of the city in the distance. He rested his forehead against yours, eyes searching your beautiful pools desperately for something, needing an understanding of whether you’re burning for him as he is for you. His sharp eyes, so usually filled with fire and pride, now held something fractured—something raw.
“Damn it, Y/n,” he rasped, his voice roughened with the weight of years spent apart. “You have no idea how much I fucking missed you.”
Your lips trembled, though you bit down to steady them. “You think I didn’t? Every day felt like I was trying to breathe underwater. You left me with pieces I couldn’t put back together.”
The words hung between you, heavier than the air itself. Katsuki shifted a bit closer until he was close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off him. His hands clenched at your sides, as if he were afraid that if he let go of you and you pulled away, it would wreck him.
“Tell me to back off,” he whispered, his breath brushing against your lips. “Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll walk away for good.” He nosed your cheek and slowly moved down to your neck.
But you didn’t speak. Couldn’t. Every part of you screamed with the desperate need to touch him, to hold onto him, to taste the pieces of yourself you’d lost when he was gone.
So you reached for him again.
The kiss wasn’t soft—it was desperate, aching, the kind of kiss that burned with every second of longing they had endured apart. His lips crashed against yours with a deeper force than before. That was almost painful, yet it felt like oxygen flooding your lungs after too long without air. Your hands gripped his shirt, clinging as if letting go would mean losing him all over again. Katsuki’s fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you impossibly closer, as though he could anchor himself in your presence.
Tears welled in your eyes, spilling down your cheeks and mingling with the kiss. He kissed them away without words, his mouth moving against yours with a hunger that carried both apology and promise. Every press of his lips said what neither had dared to say aloud: I’m sorry. I need you. Don’t let this end again.
When you finally broke apart, both were gasping, foreheads pressed together, breaths mixing in the fragile space between. Katsuki’s voice was low, almost broken as he begged.
“Tell me.” He couldn’t finish, his words failing him from numb lips, but he didn’t need to. You knew him better than anyone, and he, you. So with one look up into his carmine eyes, that was all he needed to know.
He moved quickly. Arms reaching around you, pressing you close to him from under your thighs, and hoisting you up with him as he stood from the couch. His lips instantly attached themselves to yours. He moved to your bedroom. Kicking your door open without a care and dropping you down onto your bed. Your hair falls beautifully behind you, framing you like an intimate painting. He was on you quickly. His hands explored every inch of you as his lips did the same. Your mouths were dancing together as you tugged your blouse up your body to tear off. His hands immediately found home on your bare hot skin, but as his hands traced the outline of your waist, the memory hit you.
The rain. Your heartbeat. Ochako’s laugh. That goddamn café.
You pulled away quickly with a gasp. Scrambling away and tugging your cover over yourself like a shield. He saw the look in your eyes, crazy with doubt, pain, trauma, insecurity, heartbreak. He reached to comfort you before you spat.
"Get out."
"Y/n—"
"Just—go. Please." You let out in a broken whisper. Fresh tears, once filled with joyful remembrance, now filled with fearful heartbreak. He promised he’d never hurt you again.
So he left. Again…
No contact.
Again.
He was spiraling. Worse than the first time. Constantly on edge. His phone glued to his hand or body, continually checking for messages or calls. He was always returning home drunk and late. Izuku noticed before Kirishima brought it up to him. Green eyes scanned his old friend with worrisome eyes. Enough was enough; he wouldn’t let his friend suffer. Part of this was his fault. If he hadn’t filled his own head with overwhelming pressure and insecurity, he’d never have pushed Ochako and Katsuki’s alleged affair onto you. You wouldn’t have left him. You would’ve been happy and probably married, like he and Ochako are. And Katsuki still helped him and Ochako work it out even after your split. He owed him and you this and more.
"Come on, man," Midoriya said over lunch. "You look like hell." He joked, aiming to lighten the mood, but Katsuki didn’t respond. He forked some of his chicken salad and shoved it in his mouth with such a saddened expression that hadn’t left his face since the almost rekindling night. Izuku swallowed his drink before resorting to Katsuki’s usual strategy, going straight to the point.
"You still love her. I know. But she doesn’t know the truth, does she? About the Ochako thing, does she?" Midoriya asked carefully.
“ ‘Doesn’t matter,” Katsuki grumbled.
“It does-” Izuku started before Katsuki exploded.
"She wouldn’t believe me." He snarled with a nasty, aggressive tone.
"Then let us tell her." Ochako placed a hand on Izuku’s shoulder, as the green-haired male instantly reached a hand up to hold his wife’s on his shoulder.
Izuku agreed as he nodded and kept his gaze on Katsuki with a warm, closed-lipped smile.
You opened your door to Midoriya and Ochako with a confused frown. Great, right when you were about to head out to buy some alcohol, you were met with Izuku and her. You turned your gaze to Izuku with a serious and agitated expression.
“What’dya want?” If Izuku didn’t know already, he would’ve thought he was talking to Kacchan. These two were surely meant for each other; it was sad they didn’t see it. How much in love they are with each other, they’ve adapted each other's mannerisms.
"This is about Katsuki," Ochako said gently. "There’s something you need to know."
“I don’t wanna hear anything about-”
“Please, Y/n,” Ochako urged, releasing her hold on her husband's arm as her hands came to reach for yours, making you stumble back, not wanting to be touched. Izuku may have forgiven them, but you couldn’t.
“Y/n,” Izuku called, “I really think we should sit down.”
Your eyes shifted between the married couple before deciding with a sigh to give in. You stepped aside and pulled your door back to open wider to allow them both entry to your apartment. You all talked for hours while you sat silently, processing and listening without uttering a word. They told you everything. About the rough patch Ochako and Izuku had been in. About their fights. How bad did they get that theirs were even worse than the ones you had with Katsuki? About how Izuku pushed the affair onto you because he was so insecure, it made him feel better if he wasn’t going through it alone.
About the café. About what happened after the cafe. About their rekindling when Ochako told Izuku about your breakup. About Katsuki, truly just being a friend for both the couple and helping both of them get through it. About how Katsuki explained to them how he’d been too distant with you, you truly believed he was cheating. He never came home anymore, and when he did, he never acknowledged you. How you told him the lust in the relationship was absent, and he didn’t help the affair rumors by cumming in his boxers after rubbing one out because of how late he came home and not being able to indulge in sweet love with you. How stressed and frustrated he was, but he kept away from you. How you found Ochako’s makeup on his collar from the nights she hugged him for dear life after venting about her fight with Izuku. And all you could do was sit with a fearful realization in your eyes.
"He never cheated, Y/n. Neither of them did." Midoriya finished.
Tears welled up in your eyes. Your heart constricts painfully at the realization of your mistakes.
"Why didn’t he say something?" Your voice cracked as your eyes glazed heavily with tears.
Ochako smiled sadly. "Because he thought you wouldn’t listen."
“He thought it no longer mattered. It was too late,” Izuku added as he took his wife’s hand in his.
You abruptly got up from your seat, rushed to the console table behind her couch, picked up your phone, and rushed to your bedroom. The married couple smiled at each other before giving a quick peck on the lips, before they got up to let themselves out of your home.
Katsuki didn’t even let the first ring finish. He clicked the accept call button a little too harshly as he shot up from his bed.
"Y/n?" His voice was desperate and vulnerable.
You hesitated. "Can we talk?" Voice broken within the words.
‘ Of course, what-umm- are you okay?” He asked nervously, unsure of the need for your sudden phone call.
“I just- I needa talk to you..” You bit your lip to hold in your cries as your eyes welled with more tears.
“Okay, I’m here,” He responded.
“No,” You rushed your response before taking a deep breath, continuing.
“In person, I need to talk to you.” Your voice grew more petite, more vulnerable, and smaller after every word.
“ ‘Course,” He shot out of bed as he rushed to dress into something more decent than his pjs.
“Can- can you meet me at the park?”
“In five."
Rain again. Ironic.
He stepped out of his car and began his search. He didn’t really search because he knew where you’d be in the park's secret garden. You were already there. Standing silent.
"You should’ve told me." You started the moment he got close enough to hear.
“I tried, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“I know, I’m sorry, it just felt so unfair at the time.”
"Unfair…?" Katsuki’s voice is barely a whisper at first, hoarse like he’s been shouting at ghosts.
"You think I don’t know it’s unfair? You think I don’t replay that night over and over — the way you looked at me like I was a stranger, like I was the one who stabbed you in the back?" His voice rose with every word.
His eyes shone, red-rimmed and tired, and his hands trembled as he tried to keep them at his sides. "I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t do anything but wonder if you were safe, if you were hurting as badly as I was. I wanted to call. God, I wanted to. But I thought… I thought you hated me. I thought if you heard my voice, it’d just make it worse for you. And when you came to my agency for the first time, you proved me right, and I couldn’t be mad at you. I probably would’ve felt the same if our roles were reversed. But then, then we got closer. Started over just for you to shit on me again!" He swallows hard, voice breaking.
"You say you were the victim, but Y/n, I was already on my knees begging every fucking night. I was drowning. Every fucking rumor, every side glance from our friends — it was like everyone was screaming that I’d lost you and it was all my fault."A single tear slips down his cheek, and he doesn’t bother to wipe it away.
"I didn’t cheat. I’d never do that. But when you saw us together, the look on your face… it broke me. Because I knew you’d already decided what kind of man I was. And nothing I said could change it."He moves closer, almost reaching for you before pulling back like he’s afraid you’ll shatter if he touches you.
"I was never asking you to say sorry. I just… I just needed you to know I love you more than anything, and I’ve been losing my mind without you. And if you still think I’m the villain in this… then I’ll go. But don’t ever think I didn’t fucking care. Don’t ever think I wasn’t fucking trying, Y/n. Because I never stopped trying."
"Trying? Katsuki, you think I didn’t see that? You think I didn’t know you were hurting too?" Your voice cracks, thick with tears you've been holding back for too long.
"But every second I waited for you to come for me after that night of our first real argument, the one where you left for days, it felt like proof you didn’t care enough to fight. I kept hoping I’d wake up to a message, a call, something. But there was nothing—just… silence. And I spiraled. I told myself you’d moved on, that the rumors were true, because at least that made the pain make sense." You let out a shaky breath, tears streaming now, unstoppable.
"I ran because I was scared, Katsuki. Scared that I wasn’t enough, that you’d found someone who made you happier, someone easier to love. And when you told me all those horrible but true things about myself, when I saw you with her, it was like every nightmare I had about losing you was playing out right in front of me." Your hands ball into fists at your sides as you try to keep your voice steady, but it’s hopeless.
"And you — you were so desperate to explain, but all I heard was the sound of my heart breaking. Because what if you were lying? What if I let myself believe you, and I got hurt even worse? I couldn’t risk it, Katsuki. I couldn’t." You step closer, breathless, eyes searching his like they’re the only thing tethering you to the world.
"You think I don’t trust you, but it’s not that simple. I want to. God, I want to. But I don’t know how to come back from this. How do I pretend I didn’t see what I saw? How do I un-hear all those venomous words and those rumors that ate me alive?" You cried.
You finally reach out, fingers brushing his shirt like you're afraid he’ll disappear. "I don’t hate you. I never did. I just… I’ve been so lost without you. So lost in my self-plaguing thoughts that I wasn’t good enough for you. That I was dragging you into that rabbit hole of toxicity and despair, I had to give up on us, even if I didn’t want to, even when my very soul was breaking. But if there’s even a chance you still haven’t given up on us… I don’t know if I can let you go a second time." Your eyes were filled with hopefulness.
The sky above is an endless stretch of black with grey clouds heavy with unshed rain — like the world itself is holding its breath. You stand in the middle of your old meeting spot, the park where you’d once shared secrets and laughter under the stars. Now, everything feels cold. Hollow.
"Y/n," he breathes, voice softer than you've ever heard it. The sight of him — tired eyes, clenched jaw, the desperate vulnerability in his expression — makes your heart twist painfully.
"Why does it feel like we’re standing at the edge of the world?" You whisper, voice breaking. "Like if I take one more step, I’ll lose you forever?"
He steps closer, hands reaching for yours, fingers brushing like they’re trying to memorize the shape of them one last time. "Because we are," he says hoarsely.
"I don’t want this. I swear to god, Y/n, I don’t want this. But we’re tearing each other apart. Every fight, every doubt… It’s killing us."
Your lips quiver as memories flood in — the way he’d pull you into his lap after a rough day, how his laugh could fill a room, the way he’d whisper I love you when he thought you were asleep.
"I don’t know how to stop loving you," You choke out, tears slipping free.
"I don’t think I’ll ever stop," he admits, voice raw. His thumb brushes a tear from your cheek, lingering like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to touch you.
"Then why can’t we fix this?" You plead, voice cracking. "Why does loving you hurt so much, but not having you hurts more?"
His eyes shimmer, bright with unshed tears. "Because love isn’t always enough," he whispers. "Not when we don’t trust each other. Not when every word we shout feels like it could shatter us when we fight."
The wind picks up, rustling the leaves overhead. For a moment, you both just stand there. His head came down to press his forehead against yours. Neither wants to move. Neither wants to let go.
"I wish things were different," You murmur, voice barely audible.
"Me too," He breathes. His hand drops from your face, but his fingers linger on your sleeves like they don’t want to leave. "You’ll always be my what-if, Y/n. My almost. My everything."
A sob rips from your chest. You clutch his shirt, desperate to pull him close — but instead, force yourself to step back, each inch of distance feeling like tearing open a wound.
"Goodbye, Katsuki," You whisper, voice breaking completely.
He stands frozen, breathing hard, eyes locked onto yours like he’s memorizing every line of your face.
"Goodbye, Y/n," he says raggedly, voice barely holding together. He forces his lungs to stop breathing because if he takes one more breath, he’ll let all his cries out. So he lets his eyes water and reden from his tears.
You turn and walk away, every step heavier than the last. Behind you, you hear a strangled sound escape him — and when you risk a glance over your shoulder, he’s still standing there, eyes wide and shattered, like his whole world just walked away. Because it was.
The rain finally starts to fall, soft and cold, masking the tears on both of your faces as you part ways — two hearts still in love, but too broken to stay together.
The rain soaks your hair as you walk away, each step feeling like a betrayal to your own heart. You don’t dare look back again — because if you do, you know you’ll crumble, and you need to stay strong. The path feels endless, every footfall echoing along with the words goodbye in your head.
Behind you, Katsuki stands frozen, the cold rain dripping from his hair, mixing with the tears he refuses to wipe away. He watches your shrinking figure until it blurs into the mist of rain. He wants to scream, to chase you, to do anything — but his feet are rooted, heavy with heartbreak.
"You’re really going to let her walk away?" a voice cuts through the storm behind him.
He whirls around to see Ochako, umbrella forgotten at her side, her eyes fierce despite the rain pelting her face. "You think you’re sparing her by letting her go? You think you’re protecting her? Katsuki, she doesn’t want protection — she wants you. She was begging for you." Ochako let out her own sob, her heart broken for you both.
He clenches his jaw, chest heaving, eyes broken. "She deserves better. She deserves someone who doesn’t make her doubt herself, someone who doesn’t mess everything up—"
"She deserves someone who fights for her," Ochako snaps, stepping closer, voice shaking with urgency.
"Do you really think she’ll stop loving you just because you let her go? Do you really think either of you will ever be whole again if you don’t at least try? News flash, idiot," She stepped before him, fire in her eyes. “You both tried that, and where did it lead you? Here, back to each other, and you finally get her back just to turn her away?!” She practically shouted beyond confused and angry for him. For years, he's moped and gone about his life, being sad and depressed about losing you, and he finally gets you back just to reject you?
"Are you trying to be petty?"
"The fuck? No-"
"Then what could you possibly have aimed for by turning her away?" She shouted through the rain. He stood quite, unable to answer because he didn't even know why he did what he did.
"Do you not love her?"
"What?" His eyes got dark with something new. Something different than sadness.
"Do you hate her?" He was back. His eyes flared with rage as he crowded her.
"Don't you ever say some bullshit like that again to me." He snarled like she'd personally offended him and his entire bloodline.
"Then that's enough, Bakugou." She reasoned, to which his interest peaked at her words, not fully understanding her yet, so she pressed on.
"Loving someone is more than a reason to stay." She paused before continuing. "That's like the whole fucking point to loving someone you moron!" She finished, loud and proud as she spoke with her own experience in her mind and heart.
Katsuki’s eyes widened, his breath catching painfully in his throat. Ochako’s words hit him like a blast, rattling the fear that’s kept him paralyzed. Images flood his mind: Your smile, your sleepy voice murmuring his name, the way your hand always found his even in a crowd. The time when you were broken up. The sleepless nights. Seeing that precious smile for another man. The nights he lay awake, wishing he could hold you. Crying and begging anyone at the darkest of nights to bless him with getting you back in his arms.
"Fuck," he whispers, eyes darting in the direction you left. "Fuck, fuck, fuck—"
"Go!" Ochako shouts, her voice fierce even through the storm.
He bolts, sprinting down the path you took, water splashing up around his feet as he tears through the rain. His lungs burn, but he pushes harder, heart pounding with a single desperate thought. I can’t lose her.
He catches sight of you up ahead — a lonely figure in the downpour, head bowed, shoulders trembling. His voice rips from his chest, ragged and raw.
"Y/N!"
You freeze. Turning around, eyes wide with disbelief, tears already blending with the rain. Katsuki skids to a stop in front of you, breathless, soaked, eyes blazing.
"I was wrong," he gasps, voice cracking. "I thought letting you go would protect you, but it’s killing me. I can’t live like this — I can’t live without you. Please, Y/n, I’ll do anything. I’ll prove every day that I’m worth your trust. Just… don’t walk away from me again."
You stare at him, eyes shining with fear and hope, chest heaving like you can’t catch your breath. "Katsuki… You’re right. I don’t know if we can fix this," you whimper.
He steps closer, cupping your face with trembling hands. "I was wrong!” He cried before continuing desperately. “Let’s try. Let’s mess up together. Let’s learn together. Just don’t leave. I love you too damn much to let you go again." He begged as he allowed his tears to fall. Only ever for you will he let them.
For a heartbeat, the world is silent except for the rain — then you throw your arms around him, burying your face in his neck. He holds you so tightly like he’ll never let go.
"I love you," You sobbed. "I love you, Katsuki."
"I love you more," he chokes out, pressing his forehead to yours, the storm raging around them — but in their arms, they’ve found shelter again. Katsuki pulls you in for a kiss—deep, passionate, yearning. Years of suffrage and pure yearning were extinguished and instead replaced by the sparks of their returning love.
Tears welled in your eyes, spilling down your cheeks and mingling with the kiss. He kissed them away without words, his mouth moving against yours with a hunger that carried both apology and promise. Every press of his lips said what neither had dared to speak aloud.
I’m sorry. I need you. Don’t let this end.
When they finally broke apart, both were gasping, foreheads pressed together, their breaths mixing in the fragile space between them. Katsuki’s voice was low, almost broken.
“I thought losing you was something I could handle, something that we needed,” he admitted, thumb brushing your jaw. “But I was wrong. So very fuckin’ wrong. I can’t—I don’t want to live without you.” He finished with a hand moving wet strands of your hair out of your face before resting it to cradle it with his giant palm. Your heart ached, but in that ache was the fierce relief of finally being seen. Your voice was soft, trembling.
“Then don’t let go this time. If you stay, Katsuki… if you really stay… I’ll forgive everything.”
“I don’t want you to forgive everything. I'd like us to start fresh. Start over. Let’s forget everything and build something new. I want to grow with you. I want to build something better with you, only you.” He whispered breathlessly just above your lips. You smiled with true love and adoration before speaking.
“I’d love that.” You nodded your head in agreement, and with those words, he kissed you again—gentler now, reverent, as if you were the only thing left in the world worth holding onto. Because You were.
It wasn’t perfect. Their relationship. They still argued. Still had their baggage. Still hurt, sometimes.
But they faced it together now. Never turning or running away, just running to each other.
No more misunderstandings, and if there were, they sat down and honestly talked to one another.
No more silence.
Only love.
And the fire that never really went out with the Sparks That Stayed…
╔════════════════ 𓆩 ♱ 𓆪 ════════════════╗
{A/n} Thank you all for reading this fic! To those who've been waiting since Spring, I'm so sorry it took me wayyyy longer than I promised to get this one out. I took a break from writing as life has gotten the better of me. I hope I delivered this fic beautifully, and I hope you all enjoyed it! I wanted to experiment and try something
a little different, and have a very long argument, as I felt it was
more realistic than something short. I also wanted this to be more angst than fluff, as the whole point of this fic was yearning angst with the slowest of slow burn of exs to lovers. If you loved this story and haven’t already, feel free to check out my master list to read some others!! Tysm for reading, and please come again!!🥰🫶🏼💕
╚═════════════════ 𓆩 ♱ 𓆪 ════════════════╝
CW: aged-up characters, heavy cussing language, and ANGST
Happy Reading!! \^>^/
Sequel out now! Something to be Done
Silence. For being in a place surrounded by clattering noise with people chattering and dishes rattling, it’s so loud. The silence. The thoughts rearing in your head. It’s frustratingly loud.
“Excuse me miss,” The waitress called you timidly. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that you must’ve been stood up. Having waited for an hour for you to order and politely dismissing her stating you were waiting for your partner to arrive and yet the seats around you were empty.
“C- Can I get you anything?”
“Umm,” You nibbled on your bottom lip, trying your best to keep your voice from trembling and the watery glaze in your eyes to keep from trickling down your cheeks.
“The bill. I’ll take the bill for the wine, please.” You spoke softly, lowering your head slightly while keeping your averted gaze from your kind waitress.
“Right away ma’am,” She bowed curtly before she left. You raised your hands that were gripping your beautiful silk maroon dress under the table and planted your elbows on the table sighing into your palms.
“Your bill ma’am,” The timid waitress announced as she placed it gently beside you.
“Thank you,” you responded lowly. You tore your face from your palms and reached to collect your small purse holding your wallet.
“Anything else I can do for you, ma’am?” The girl asked carefully.
“Besides getting my absent boyfriend here for a date we haven’t had in a year, nothing else, thank you,” You murmured as you placed 14,241 yen on the table and slipped an extra 2,800 as a tip as you slipped out of the booth, and walked to the exit with a hand clutching your purse and your head held high.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
The sound of keys jingling in a lock can be heard from inside a neat and clean apartment. The door creaking open revealed you dressed beautifully with a frown on your face entering the home. You placed your keys in the key bowl on top of the rustic white wood sideboard you had by the front door. You looked up and in the mirror, you saw how ruined your makeup looked from crying quitely in the cab you took to get back to the apartment.
Your frown deepened as you rubbed away the run-down mascara before giving up with a sigh. You dropped your purse beside the key bowl and made your way to your bathroom. You set up a nice warm bath with scented candles before you relaxed into the well-deserved warm bath. After some time when the water began to turn cold, you decided it was time to get out. You got out and did your nightly routine before heading to bed. You peeled the covers enough for you to slip into as you turned the TV on and rather quickly, you fell asleep to the low volume of the television.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
With a racing heart, Katsuki rushed out of his office building at 12:56 am. When did it get so fucking late? Most importantly when did he begin to lose track of his relationship? How long had it been since you both went on a date? It’s his fault. This is all his fault. He just hopes it’s not too late. As he raced to his car he thought back to the conversation he just had with Kirishima, his agency partner.
“Hey man, you’re still here?” A rough-pitched voice called to the spiky blonde-headed workaholic who sat in his desk chair in the middle of a large office of a sky-rise building. The city lights of Musutafu blared behind him through the glass panes of his office windows.
“Tch. This shit ain’t gonna do itself,” Katsuki scoffed. His brows creased in annoyance as he glared at the screen before him.
“Yeahhh but, I mean,” The redhead started.
“You gonna spit it out already? ‘Cuz if ya ain’t I got shit to do,” The blonde growled.
“Uhh never mind, guess I got my dates wrong.”
The blonde’s curiosity spiked as his eyebrows creased from frustration to slight curiosity at the man’s words. Kirishima picked up on his, ‘I wanna know more but I ain’t gonna tell you’ look and continued.
“Well, Mina was gushing this morning about how she was gonna spend some of the day getting your girl all dolled up for your anniversary dinner tonight.”
“What? That pinky freak needs ta get ‘er brain checked out. It ain’t today it’s next week.” Katsuki grumbled.
“Hmm, ya sure? She said N/N had told her to go over to yalls place today. I heard the girls talking on FaceTime last night.”
“Ya think I don’t know my own fuckin’ anniversary shitty hair?!”
“Sorry man! You’re right! Don’t shoot the messenger now! See ya tomorrow bro!” Kirishima shouted as he retreated from his partner's office hurriedly and slammed the door behind him as he exited.
Katsuki scoffed as he wore his typical scowl. He returned to reading the reports he had to sign off on before his thoughts drifted elsewhere. Kirishima’s words began to get to him. But what would that dumb-haired idiot know? No one knew his relationship better than himself. Yet the thought kept itching his brain uncomfortably. Katsuki exited the Word document and clicked on his computer calendar. He scrolled around to find today's date and agenda. His eyes searched intently to find any sign of today's plans only to find none. He smirked. Of course, he was right. He scrolled to next week's calendar list and scrolled through the pre-made plans only to notice your anniversary date wasn’t scheduled on the correct date.
“The hell?” The blonde scowled as he inched his face closer to the screen as if it would help him see more clearly.
His carmine eyes scanned closely at the agenda only to keep re-reading the same things. No anniversary. His confusion began to spike. He gave up looking through his computer and reached for his phone in his pocket. He quickly pulled up his calendar and looked through to next week's date again only to find the same thing. No anniversary date. He gulped the nerves that settled in his throat as he began to scroll back to this week. He checked today's date to find nothing. He let out a frustrated groan as he tossed his phone onto his desk which jumbled the messy stack of papers that were laid out. His eyes caught something on his desk that he hadn’t noticed before. A paper with a schedule for the week created by his assistant. He grabbed it and scanned through it noticing something.
No fucking way. How the fuck did he tell his assistant to cancel that?! But then he remembered
why...
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
“D-Dynamight sir, Pro-Hero Grand has publicly announced a collaboration with the Red Riot Dynamight Agency for the big Mysterio Villian Case. Should I schedule a meeting with the PR group?” Bakugou’s assistant asked.
“Tch, yeah schedule that shit.”
“Right away sir,” She began to dabble on her tablet with her stylus pen.
“Fuckin’ annoyin’ piece-a-shit,” He grumbled as he ruffled his spiky locks.
“What day should I make it for sir?”
“Friday, I’m already packed as it is durin’ the week,” He groaned as he sat on his office desk chair.
“Yes sir, ah- s-sir, it seems you’re unavailable Friday afternoon for your-”
“Just move whatever the hell it is,” Bakugou said firmly as he began to look through a stack of files and papers on his desk.
“S-Sir? But it's your-”
“I swear to god if you don’t just do yer job and reschedule whatever the fuckin’ schedule conflict is so fuckin’ help me-”
“Y-Yes Dynamight sir! My apologies! R-Right away, sir!” The woman squeaked as she bowed repeatedly before quickly scurrying out of his office to avoid being scolded harshly further. Bakugou sighed loudly as he laid his head back leaning further into his chair. A few hours later his assistant knocked on his office door, and with a growl, he allowed her entry.
“S-Sorry sir, almost forgot to give you this week's schedule, I’ve already altered it as requested,” Bakugou’s assistant said timidly as she quickly hurried to his desk, neatly placing said schedule before him, and then quickly scurrying back out.
Bakugou sighed, huffing an exhale before glaring at the ceiling. He just wanted the day to be over so he could sleep soundly beside his girl in the safety and comforts of your shared home…
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Katsuki rambled as he rushed through his agencies parking lot to his black Camaro with a giant orange X on the hood that matched the X on his hero suit. Scrambling to find the keys in his joggers and hoodie, he accidentally drops them, letting out another curse as he snatches the keys, unlocks his vehicle, and hops into it. His engine roars to life as he presses the ignition button, and shifts his gear down to reverse, the other hand clutches the steering wheel, and his foot steps on the gas.
The city lights fly past Katsuki’s vision and reflect beautifully against his car’s glossy paint. His mind is solely focused on you as he speeds through the streets of Musutafu. He broke hard at red lights before stomping on the gas at the green lights, trying his hardest to get back to you as quickly as he could while his heart raced with fear.
Katsuki Bakugou was never a religious man, there’s been times when he’s been at death's door yet he still never believed in any higher being, but right now he’s praying to any god or deity who’s willing to listen to his prayers that he can save your relationship from breaking. He knows he’s fucked up. He knows how desperate you’ve been to have one-on-one time with him yet he’s never complied.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
“Katsuki why can’t I just go over to spend five minutes with you during your lunch break?”
“Because Y/n I’m busy,” He growled as he brushed his teeth.
“You can’t even spare five minutes? Or what about leaving to work later in the mornings so we can eat breakfast together?”
“Woman, would you drop it? I’m a busy man, you know this. Don’t ya got yer own hero shit ta work on?” He argued.
“I mean yeah but-”
“Then drop it Y/n,” He growled before throwing some water into his mouth and gurgling to spit out.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
Katsuki’s brows furrowed as a whine crept up his throat. His hands clutched the steering wheel tighter as his foot pressed on the gas pedal harder. He was almost home but it felt like he’d never get there. The 20-minute drive to your shared apartment felt like hours when he practically made it in five minutes. He sped into the driveway of the parking structure, smashed the pin code into the machine, and waited impatiently to be let in by the auto-mated closed gates of the apartment complex. Once the gates opened just enough for his car to drive through he sped into the parking lot, parking quickly with a harsh screeching of his tires breaking as he put his Camaro into park.
He quickly grabbed his duffel bag stuffed with his dirty hero outfit, grabbed his keys and water bottle, and got out, locking his car before booking it to the parking garage elevator. Katsuki's furrowed brows and creases of his skin were etched with worry and nervousness. What will await the hero once he enters his shared home with you? Are you mad? Are you upset? Are you angry waiting for him with a knife in hand? Okay, that last one was a stretch but Katsuki’s just stressed.
For a year or more he’s carelessly thrown his relationship with you to the side, blinded by his hero upcoming to realize that just loving someone isn’t enough to make a relationship healthy. God, he’d fucked up. He fucked up so bad. He’s just secretly praying to whoever will listen that he hasn’t messed up too badly. He needs you, his rock, his anchor, his breath of fresh air, his love, and hopefully his future wife, that is, if you even want to still be with him.
The sound of the elevator bell rings brings the ash blonde out of his trance. He quickly steps out of the elevator and rushes down the hall to your home. His hands were shaking slightly as his head began to get slightly fuzzy. His chest heaved quickly as his thoughts were overrunning with insecurity and fear. After a few moments of doing his breathing exercises his therapist, whom he was forced to see once a week, taught him to do, he exhaled with shut eyes before opening them and standing taller with confidence.
He unlocks the door and goes inside the apartment. His movements match the sound echoing throughout the apartment, quiet. He sets his duffel bag down in front of the sideboard and sets his keys in the key bowl before turning around and closing the door, making sure to lock it. His eyes scan the dark home looking for any sign of disorderliness throughout it. He quietly makes his way into the home and heads straight to your shared bedroom. He opens it with caution, careful not to disturb you.
It’s dark, the lights in the room are off yet the only thing that allows him to see you is the illuminating light from the TV reflecting onto your figure. He was cautious entering the room and getting closer to you with careful footing as he tip-toed closer to the bed. Your curled-up figure seemed so small and vulnerable to him as he approached your sleeping figure and sat down at the foot of the bed, careful not to wake you.
He sighed as he carefully laid a palm on your calf that was covered up by a blanket he hadn’t recognized. Fuck, just how absent has he been. A soft movement of bed sheets shifting catches Katsuki’s attention. His head and eyes follow the source of the noise as his carmine eyes meet yours. You had sat up, you're awake. Katsuki's tough focade falters slightly as his gaze catches with yours. He gulps, making mental preparations for the important conversation to come. He chooses to go with a small icebreaker, trying to gain an understanding of what you’re currently feeling.
Katsuki secretly prided on how well he could read you and made mental notes of how he was doing a good job as a first-time boyfriend. But right now he couldn’t read you and that scared him. You’re pulling away, that much is obvious, but how long have you been pulling away from him? Can he stop you? Does he still have time to reel you back in? He hopes he still has time to prevent you from distancing yourself further. Please let there be time.
“Sorry to wake you, angel,” He whispered as he scooted closer, enough to be able to lean down to kiss your forehead, to which you leaned away from the action, causing Katsuki’s throat and heart to constrict painfully.
His palms begin to sweat, he can feel the watery sensation begin to release out of his skin. He leaned back away to get a better view of your face. Just what was going on inside that pretty head of yours? He had to know. He needs to know how to fix this.
“Angel?” He called lowly, in a careful way to not tip you off.
“Where were you?” You finally spoke. Katsuki could feel his throat dry so he cleared his throat and wet his lips, before swallowing the lump in his throat and speaking.
“Workin’...” He responded, his head low showing slight vulnerability to you.
“Working?” You repeated his statement with slight venom on your tongue.
Katsuki didn’t know what else to respond with besides just nodding his head as an answer. His lack of acknowledgment and speaking starts to get you bothered. Does he not care? Has he not have anything else to say? Probably because he doesn’t even realize why you're upset. Hell, he most likely forgot, it's the most obvious answer you didn’t want to acknowledge. Denying such a ridiculous thing because you know your Katsuki wouldn’t forget. He’s a very organized man, he would’ve put it in his calendar that he checks hourly, unless he just didn’t care enough to put it down.
Obviously… he didn’t mark it down. It wasn’t a special enough day for him to put on his calendar. How stupid were you? A year without a date or properly seeing him isn’t a sign enough to show you that he just doesn’t give a fuck? Missing your anniversary isn’t a sign enough? You’re a pathetic girl in love with a man who’s in love with his job and nothing more. The answer to your question has always been in front of you yet you always dismiss it because of “faith” and “hope” that bonded you to your love for Katsuki.
Now those ropes have snapped from him with the realization. Your last hope of salvaging this relationship, this love has snapped. He saw it. He saw a change in your eyes. A slight sliver of your love vanished. His heart was crumbling. His pulse was quickening and his palms were growing sweatier at the second. He was losing you. He felt it, he knew it. He has to do something, there has to be something to be done to fix this. He has to, he can’t lose you.
“H-How was your day?” He choked lowly. Was he fucking serious?
“How was my day? Are you fucking kidding me?” You hissed. How stupid is he to ask that? Could he not tell? Of course not, because he doesn’t love you.
Fuck. Was that wrong to ask? Obviously, what does he do now?
“Is it wrong to ask my girl how her fuckin day was?” He growled.
“Don’t you fuckin go turning this around on me,” You raised your voice. At that, Katsuki gets defensive and raises his voice back.
“Turning this on you? All I did was ask how your day went or do you not want me to care?”
“Fuck you Katsuki Bakugou. Seriously fuck you.” You seethed.
“What’s gotten yer panties in a twist huh?” He spat.
“Okay Bakugou, just throw everything on me because I’m a shitty girlfriend, okay,” You scoffed as you rolled your eyes and rose out of bed, making your way to the closet.
With angry eyes, Katsuki watches you as he gets up from the bed and drinks in your every move.
“Did I fucking say you were? No, so don’t go putting words in my fuckin’ mouth when ‘m tryna talk to you,” He growled as his brows furrowed.
This was going wrong, so, so wrong.
“Well, how you're talking to me is telling me that!” You spat as you begin to rummage through the closet for something.
“Will you just fuckin’ stop actin’ like this, how do you expect to have civil conversations if yer actin’ like a bitch?” He spat.
Your movements came to a stop. Halting looking for whatever it was you were looking for. Your eyes widened as you stared blankly at the hanging clothes in front of you. Katsuki’s face mimicked yours as your back that was turned to him stiffened at his comment. It took Katsuki a moment before realizing what he said. His anger began to dissipate and regret, guilt and nervousness began to wrack through his mind and body.
“Y/n I didn’t mean-” Katsuki started as he reached an arm out to you.
“I hate you.”
His breath caught in his throat. His outstretched arm halted its movement as he stiffened and his body froze in place. His heart stopped and his body felt as if he was falling. Falling fast and hard to the ground, similar to the time he realized he was in love with you. Only this time it felt like he was dying. His heart constricted with pain it felt as if his heart stopped beating, like he stopped being able to breathe. His skull felt as if it were crushing down his brain.
‘I hate you.’ Not the sweet ‘I love you’s’ he loves to hear from you. Not the ‘love you’ that he craves you to whisper in the crack of dawn as he tries to swiftly untangle your sleepy limbs from his. Not the ‘I love you so much’ he needs to hear when he wakes you up at night accidentally because he was a tad bit loud trying to sneak into the shower without waking you, just to fail miserably and go over to kiss your forehead and you whisper those sweet words after he’s had a long shit day at work. Not the ‘I’m in love with you’ you first said after your twentieth date before he asked you to be his. Not an ‘I love you’ but an ‘I hate you’. You hate him. Not love, hate. Hate. You, his only weakness when it comes to anything, sweet you who he adores although he hardly shows it. You, who he needs although he hardly proves it.
You who he loves more than anything in the world, although he’s never said it. Is that why you hate him? He’s been an asshole, he can see it now. Is it selfish of him, to want to keep you when all he’s done is hurt you? Probably, but does he care? No, because Katsuki Bakugou is a selfish bastard but he’s going to change that with you. He wants to change that for you. He has to because he loves you. Even if you hate him he’ll follow you to the pits of hell because he loves you so much. He hopes it's not too late, he hopes there’s still something to be done to fix this.
“I love you.” He whispers through a broken whine. He hears the soft hitch caught in your throat.
He sees how the muscles and limbs of your body tense at his words. His eyes drink in every little thing you do to come up with his thoughts of what you must be thinking. From what he’s observed, what he said did nothing to help the situation.
“What?” You whispered.
“I-I umm. I said-”
“No. I heard what you said.”
He doesn’t respond, just stands cautiously waiting for you to speak. He feels it coming, the outburst.
“Why?” You murmured.
He wouldn’t have caught it if he hadn’t mentally tuned everything else in the world out just so he could focus on you. He was good at doing that. Being a hero forced him to learn these things regarding the human senses. He trained himself to be a hound dog with his eyes, ears, and smell for the job. With that experience, he could always hear the slightest change of your breath whenever he was around you. He heard your response, now he has to figure out what you mean by why and come up with a good response to save this relationship.
“What do you mean why? Because yer my girlfriend that’s why,” He scoffed. God his cursed fucking mouth.
“Just because I’m your girlfriend?” You repeated lowly.
Katsuki’s guard keeps going on higher and higher alert which he didn’t know was possible. It worried him. He didn’t respond, didn’t know what to respond with, so he waited for you to speak.
“You say you love me but you only love me because I’m your girlfriend?” You snapped as you turned around to face him, causing his body to snap straight up at your sudden outburst.
“You don’t love me because I’m hard-headed yet so calming. Because I’m rude but so loving. Or because I’m ruthless but so caring, or emotionally unavailable yet so emotional, or rough and tough yet so soft and gentle or scary looking yet so soft looking, or rough around the edges yet mushy in the center, or a bully yet sincere or mean yet kind or cocky yet insecure or brave yet fearful or clever but stupid or clean yet dirty or organized yet unorganized or active yet lazy or hygienic yet sometimes unhygienic or strong yet soft or ambitious yet negative or because you set goals so high the world can’t see them yet you go above and beyond to reach them, or because you inspire those around you without meaning to or because you strive for something so great and you work so hard to achieve it or because you don’t let anything stand in the way to get what you want or because you’re so beautiful and I don’t mean from the outside but the inside because Katsuki you are incredibly beautiful inside and out and that’s why I love you…I love you for all of those reasons because it makes you, you, and I love that, I love you. But if you can’t give me one simple fucking reason why you love me besides the fact that I’m your girlfriend then I don’t want to be anymore… because that just proves this relationship has been one-sided this whole time. I’m tired Katsuki… I’m tired of the late nights with no contact from you. I’m tired of always coming second and putting all the effort into this relationship to keep it from tearing but it’s already been torn. I am tired Katsuki. I’m done being tired.” Your broken voice broke him.
He tried and tried and tried so hard to keep himself strong but with everything you said, explaining every detail of him down to the bone broke him. For the first time in a very long time, Katsuki Bakugou broke down. His face instantly contorted to anguish as hot fat tears spouted down his soft cheeks. His arm quickly came up to cover his eyes from you as his unoccupied hand gripped at his shirt where his heart was. His knees buckled as he fell to the ground still sobbing. His emotions were running wild with absolute adoration for you yet he was heartbroken. You love him. A complete asshole who’s done nothing but hurt you, you love him, but he couldn’t love you as you deserved and now he’s going to lose you forever.
“I’m sorry!” He howled through choked sobs.
As he peered up to look at you, you weren’t there. He quickly got up and wiped his tears away as he scanned the room. His ears caught the sound of a heavy plop sound coming from the living room. He hurried to the noise source as he saw you stuffing a sweater into a duffel bag. The alarms in his head stopped as his mind came to a realization. You were leaving. He quickly went to you.
“What the hell are you doing?” He asked with a demanding tone. You didn’t respond, just continued to stuff some things you had laid out on the couch.
“Y/n I’m talking to you!” He called for you louder as he reached to snatch your wrist to prevent you from packing your things further.
“Let go of me!”
“Not until you talk to me!”
“I did talk!”
“Well yeah but-”
“No Bakugou, you forced me to talk earlier so I did and now I’m leaving. I spoke my peace, I got nothing more to say to you.”
“Well, I got way more to say to you, but I need you here to say it.” He growled, yet his eyes showed panic.
The slight shaking of his arm and hand, which kept you firmly in place from leaving, caught your attention as you looked into his eyes and down at his hand that gripped your wrist. You nodded slightly, causing Bakugou to loosen his grip. You took that slight change to snatch your wrist back. Katsuki stared down at you with a vulnerability you’ve never seen before.
“What Bakugou?” You asked with a tiredness to your tone.
Your shoulders slumped and your eyes drooped. You're tired. He can see it. The slight black dusting your eye bags. Your eyebrows creased to show your exhaustion. He sees it, your love dissipating. It makes him tremble. He doesn’t miss the name you address him as. His last name. No loving nickname. No first name. Just Bakugou. His last name. Something strangers address him as. The last name he wanted to share with you. Was it too late? Is it too late to still give it to you?
He wanted to propose to you. He wanted you to carry his last name. Wanted to share a deeper bond through marriage. Wanted to share new experiences as a bonded pair through golden rings. He had everything planned for your fifth anniversary. He fucked it up. Katsuki didn’t believe in love until he met you. The love that is now one-sided. He knew he’d been unfair these last few months. No, it’s been longer than that. He knew it, he just didn’t want to believe how shitty he’s been. As a very prideful and cocky man who prides himself on being the best in every aspect, he didn’t want to believe he failed. No, that’s not what’s eating at him. It’s that the one good thing he had in his life was leaving. Fleeting and he’s scared of the unknown.
In the hero industry, he excelled at foresight. He always had plans to be one step ahead, and always had an idea of what would happen next. Now he’s got no clue what’s going to happen and that scares him because it’s about you. He wants you more than anything and he knows that now. He doesn’t want to lose you. He’s known that but he didn’t show it and now you’ve reached your breaking point and he’s so fucking scared of a life without himself by your side.
“Please. Y/n I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for everything.” He said lowly with a break to his words.
You stood there watching your- watching Bakugou break. You did this. The great Dynamight who’s notorious for his strength and unvulnerability is broken before you. Some twisted part of you isn’t even empathetic towards him. You’re glad he’s hurting as you have been for the past year. Yet the part that loves him is aching. The inner battle of turmoil is clouding your judgment.
“I’ve been an asshole. I know that- I see that now-”
“So what? Did it have to take you losing me to see that?” Bakugou’s lips pursed tight and wobbled slightly. Loose you? Was this truly it? Did he really lose you?
“Please. Please, I’m sorry Y/n. I’m sorry for everything-!”
“And what exactly are you sorry for? Do you even have the slightest understanding of why you’re even sorry?” You shouted with tears brimming your eyes.
“For being an asshole! For being a horrible shitty fucking boyfriend! For being negligent and absent and expecting everything from you and giving you nothing from me! I see now how I’ve treated you and I know now how horrible of me that is and I’m sorry!” Bakugou rasped with tears.
Tears he’s vowed he’d never shed but are now sprouting from his eyes. Falling to his knees he sinks into himself as he crumbles. His world seemed to crumble down to ash. This is what he was good at. Destruction. Destroying anything and everything he touches. His quirk that he prides himself with, the quirk of explosion that makes Bakugou Katsuki, Bakugou Katsuki, was now seeming to feel like a curse rather than a blessing.
Katsuki flinches as his senses reel him back into reality from the soft touch of your fingers against his cheeks. His eyes drink in your face, the crease of your brows furrowed into an expression of sadness and worry. The puffy redness around your eyes hints at you crying. The tip of your nose is red and your lashes are slightly damp. God, you were truly beautiful. A gorgeous woman he had the liberty to call his at one point. At least he got that. Though his heart will never be satisfied with that.
“Thank you for the apology.” You said so softly.
The soothing tone he loved to hear. Lately, it was the only tone of voice you’d speak since he would only return home to you at ungodly late hours. The tone you called his name with when you were half asleep. So melodic.
“I love you,” He rasped as his body moved to hold yours, but you stopped him.
Your hands reached out to keep him at a distance by his shoulders. His gaze fell to your hands that pressed on his shoulders and back up to your face in confusion.
“I can’t,” you whispered. Katsuki felt his heart twist painfully again.
“You, can’t?”
“Oh, Katsuki. It’s not that easy anymore. We can’t just fix everything with a simple apology and an “I love you” and expect everything to be perfect.” You sighed as you returned your hands to your side and avoided his gaze in defeat.
“I know that. I do. That’s why I’m willing to do whatever I have to to fix this. Us. For us.” He announced as he slowly reached for your hand to hold in his. You noticed and quickly moved your hand away from his.
“No Katsuki you don’t get it. It’s not simple at all. This situation. Our relationship. It’s non-existent. I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Then, then tell me what to do. Tell me what I can do to fix it and I will. I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Please.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You can baby. Anything you need from me, just tell me so I can fix this. I can’t lose you Y/n, please. He whined.
“I can’t Katsuki.”
“Yes, you can! Please! Please Y/n. Just-just tell me what I can do to fix us. To save us! C’mon Y/n, please! Just tell me what I can do! There has to be something I can still do to save us! Please!”
“I can’t!”
“Why?! Why can’t you?! There has to be something to be done still please baby!”
“I can’t because there’s nothing to be done Katsuki!”
There it was. The final tether of the string that tied your hearts together, it snapped.
“Nothing?” You didn’t respond. Just kept avoiding eye contact. Trying to focus on anything but him.
“Is this really it?” He murmured, although he was more so speaking to himself.
The disbelief. The refusal to accept it. The denial. His heart can’t. It’s refusing to accept the loss of you. It’s crying, screaming, threatening to rip out of his chest and rush to yours. To hug and hold your heart and beat warmly once again. But Katsuki has to resist, to hold it back and keep it in its ribcage, locked up. Forever in solitude as it deserves, as he deserves. He can’t blame you. He’s been so fucking awful to you. He can’t blame you, judge you, not even think about hating you, but it doesn’t mean he has to be okay with it. He’s not sure if he’d ever be.
“I’m sorry. There’s just nothing else to be done anymore. It’s over.” You said softly with a crack at the end of your sentence.
Katsuki knows you love him. But the damage he’s made has been done and he’s pushed past your limit. He understands. But even with knowing his heart can’t stop it’s yearning for you.
“I’m sorry.” He said, just merely above a whisper.
Loud enough for you to just catch it. You finally decide to look up at him and you see just how disheveled he looks, how broken he seems, and he is. It’s felt like hours. Perhaps it has been. It’s been hours since you left. Left him here, alone. Hours since he’s moved from the floor. He’s still sitting on the cold wood floor since the argument. He can’t find the energy to move. How long has it been? He doesn’t know and doesn’t care to find out. His gaze drifts to the windows of the apartment and notices the dark sky. Fuck, it’s late. It’s been a whole day yet all he can think about was what happened hours prior. His eyes move to look for his phone.
Finally having some sort of motivation drives his body to get up and search for his phone. He finds it on the kitchen counter. He turns his phone over and the first thing he’s greeted with is his lock screen picture of you and him, smiling like idiots in love. He fights so hard to keep the dam he worked hard to build over the past hours to stay up. With a hard deep breath, he wills himself to unlock his phone and takes off the Do Not Disturb. His phone instantly floods with notifications, messages, and missed calls, none of which were from you. His eyes scanned to see most texts were about his whereabouts from work employees such as his PR team, assistant, weird hair, and the nerd.
Instead of reapplying the Do Not Disturb, Katsuki just shuts his phone off completely. He has no use for it. He also wouldn’t like to see the reminder of what he once had on it either. He tosses his phone back onto the kitchen counter and takes a good, hard look around the place. It’s the same as it has been for years. It’s changed since you and him first bought it. Aside from all the hard work you put into decorating it, it’s still the same. Only now it feels emptier than it had been the day you both first moved in.
Katsuki takes the time to actually take in his surroundings and notices just how much the space has changed. His entire home looked more feminine yet empty. As if only one person lived here. Slowly his shared home with you began to look like just a home for you. Slowly things that made the home for you both began to disappear. The little decorations that he added for slight touches of his personality to blend with yours were now gone and all he could see was you. You surrounded this space and it frightened him because he’s now realizing he had been pushed out of your heart and mind completely for far longer than he’s realized. You drew all thoughts of him away by removing everything that made the home him and you to just you. Maybe in doing so it dulled the ace of him being a dead-beat boyfriend.
He wouldn’t blame you if that were the reason, it just doesn’t dull the ache within. Katsuki heads to the bedroom and slowly opens the door. As he enters the room he notices the changes that had been made. The silk black sheets he bought years ago now changed to white silk ones. The bed frame is new, and the mirror in the corner of the room is new as well. The tv is larger than the previous one and the blankets are a different color as well. God fucking dammit, he’s been sleeping here for five years, sharing a home with you was the best thing to experience but even though he’s been here he wasn’t truly here. Absent-minded living has driven you away and he can see why. He’s not noticed a thing that’s been going on under his roof. Even under his fucking nose for crying out loud.
He’s angry. All his emotions are building up. Fueling the giant pit of fire in his belly. The surging flames explode up the tubes of his veins, flowing into his brain. The flaming bursts of emotions kept fueling into his mind until it overflowed to be too much and then, he exploded. Crackling and thundering echoed throughout the walls of the apartment. Loud booming and thudding hallowing like a storm. Red. Nothing but red is all he can see. Red is all he sees as he grabs and throws anything he can grab a hold of. Red is all he sees as he blows up anything and everything in his path. Red is all he sees as he repeatedly pounds his fist against the wall.
Blue is all he sees when images of you pop up in his head. Blue is all he sees when he blinks his tears away. Blue is all he sees when he closes his eyes and slides his slumped body down against the wall that is bloody and charred. Black is all he sees when his exhausted body succumbs to the sleep he so desperately needs. When he sleeps, he can dream.
When he dreams, he can dream of a world where something could be done to keep your love for him...
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
.*☆ﾟ.* Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you for reading my story and if you liked it please let me know! The sequel is out now! Something to be Done
I also have a few other stories on my masterlist so feel free to read those as well! Thank you and please come again! .*☆ﾟ.*
TW: Misogyny, Arranged Marriage, Large Age Gap (Not between reader and Bakugou), Descriptions of Drowning, Character Death
Author’s Note: First chapter done! I’m ngl I feel pretty good about it! I tried to pace myself while writing it, considering how it might be written in an episodic format. Let me know what you think in the comments!
When you were younger, your nanny always knew when it was going to storm. She would make it a game for the two of you, pointing out the signs. Dark blue skies, an unmistakable moisture in the air, the “smell” of rain itself. While the game sounds ridiculous now, a younger, more naive version of you would go about her days looking for the signs, if only to point them out to anyone who would listen. It’s incredible how these same signs are reflected here, now, thousands of miles away from your home. While storms used to excite you, today they only reflect the immense amount of anxiety you feel, and being on a rocking ship isn’t making it any better.
“Ceren, don’t you think it wise that we find somewhere to dock the ship? Surely we won’t be able to make it in this weather,” you implore your lady-in-waiting, biting at your knuckles in worry. She rolls her eyes, placing her hand on your shoulder. No doubt she thinks you’re trying to delay the inevitable. “Nonsense, your highness. We only have about two day’s left of travel, then we will be there. Besides, the captain is a smart man, he’d have stopped if we needed to.”
The sky blazes with another strike of lighting, illuminating the entire deck for just a second. To steel yourself, you try to imagine you’re anywhere else but where you are now: On a ship to marry a man three times your age, who you’ve never met.
Unfortunately, your brain decides to conjure up one of the worst memories it possibly could in the moment: the argument you had with your parents before you left. Flashes of your father’s exasperated face and your brothers’ apathy stain your memory, and your eyes almost start to well with tears.
You breathe in deeply, facing out towards the sea. “Are you sure, Ceren? The sky is awfully dark, and the waves are getting bigger…” Another crack of lighting and the ship lurches forward, nearly knocking you both off of your feet.
“It’s going to be okay, Princess. Besides, it would be foolish to dock anywhere near here, we’re only a few miles from Barbarian territory.”
Her words make your breath hitch in your throat. You can remember the word “Barbarian” from years of eavesdropping on your father’s diplomatic discussions.
The last you’d heard, they were headed by Mitsuki Bakugou, a fierce and powerful woman who successfully took over all of the islands surrounding her own. She had amassed so much land that many said she would joke about retiring early, having accomplished in a decade what many kingdoms couldn’t accomplish across hundreds of years. She had an army that even your own kingdom didn’t dare to mess with, especially because of the culture of the Barbarians themselves. From whispers across countries, they’re known to be violent, ruthless people with a culture that completely shuns society as a whole. The thought of running into them, especially as unprepared as your ship undoubtedly is, makes a chill go down your spine.
“You don’t think we’d actually ever end up having to land there, do you?”
Ceren barks out something between a gasp and a laugh, clasping her hands together. “Of course not, your highness! Besides, I’m sure they’d eat us alive the second we reach their shores!”
As much as the sentiment frightens you, you can’t help but laugh at your lady’s words. “Ceren, that’s insane. They’d simply send us back where we came from.” Ceren laughs.
“Oh no, my lady. They’re quite an uncivilized type of people. How else do you think they’ve gotten half of the world terrified of them?” She leans in, as if sharing a secret. “You know, I hear that Chief Mitsuki has a son she’s raised to take her place. If we did end up docking there, he’d be quite the eligible bachelor for you wouldn’t he?”
You gasp, covering your mouth with your hands. “Ceren! Imagine if my mother heard you say that!” Her giggles are admittedly infectious, although you try to muffle yours with your hand.
You sigh, “Although, anything would be better than the old troll I’m being forced to wed in three days. Do you know, Ceren, that he supposedly wants eight sons?!”
“No!”
“Yes! And he already has so many bastard children, from what I’ve heard. God, why couldn’t he pick one of them? I can’t imagine being forced to have his hideous babies.”
Ceren looks at you in pity, pulling you into a hug. “It will not all be bad. You will have me, alright? And I will be sure to draw plenty of baths.” Her joke gets a chuckle out of you, but your bitterness remains.
A drop of rain lands on your nose as if the sky is expressing your own misery.
“Well then, let’s go back to our rooms, shall we? I don’t want to be caught out here when it rains,” you acquiesce, pointing to your hair that had taken hours to style. Ceren smiles, happy to see you slightly more at ease. “Of course, perhaps you could take a nap? I can put rollers in your hair so it keeps its shape, princess.” As you walk down the stairs and into your chambers, you nod. “That would be perfect, thank you.”
“Of course, after all you must look your absolute best when we land! That means lots of sleep for you, young lady!”
────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────
You awake to the sound of screaming and the feeling of water invading your nostrils. Forcing yourself upright, you’re horrified to see the room filled with water. People are shouting at you, rushing past you, and yet the only thing you can think is where is Ceren?!
There is chaos all around you as you rush through the madness, screaming your friend’s name. When you finally make it to her quarters, dread seeps through you as you see water pouring from under the door of the room. Ignoring the orders of your guards, you push at the door until it finally bursts open, sending a torrent of water rushing towards you. When it finally clears, there she is. Lying still, quiet, almost like she’s sleeping, there she is. You rush to her side, screaming her name. You shake her, try to breathe life into her, but it is no use. Her lifeless eyes stare back at you, and she is gone.
You have no time to process it, as you are pulled out of the room and pushed further up towards the part of the ship that isn’t sinking. Your cries fall on deaf ears as grief overtakes you, and you find yourself only clinging to the ship out of pure instinct. However, to your horror, the ship itself breaks in two, and everything goes black after that.
────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────────
“I’m just saying Kacchan, if we fished near the east more, there’d be more diversity in our diet. And Momo did say that’s important.” Bakugou rolls his eyes, snatching his fishing spear out of the water. The animals writhe on the blade, and Bakugou grimaces as he chucks them into his basket. “Yeah, yeah Deku. I’ll talk to the hunters about it tomorrow.” Taking hold of his basket, Bakugou prepares to head back inland. However, just out of the corner of his eye, he catches the sight of something pink floating in the water.
“The hell….?”
Deku hums in question, but Bakugou is already wading in the water, mumbling all the way. When he finally makes it to the object, he flips it over to find that the pink is silk, and the silk clings onto the unconscious body of a woman. “Fuck! Deku, go strike a fire at my fireplace!” Although confused, Midoriya hurries inland, while Bakugou races towards the shore with the woman in his arms.
Once on land he lays her down and does his best to breathe oxygen into her lungs, pumping her chest several times. When she doesn’t wake up, Bakugou swears. “Fuck…Don’t want you to die on me, woman, but I don’t wanna break your ribs either.”
With several more chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth breathing techniques, the woman finally startles awake…vomiting directly into his lap.
Bakugou can only pat her back and hold her curls away from her face as she continues. When she finally finishes coughing, she finally pulls away from him, wiping her mouth delicately. They seem to stare at each other for a few moments in complete silence… before she’s suddenly sprinting off into the forest.
“What the—?! Stop woman, you still need a doctor!”
Bakugou takes off after her and it isn’t long before he’s tackled her and the both of them go rolling in the sand. She’s screeching at him now, “Stay away! I have no money to give you! My father will send for me!” Bakugou nearly covers his ears at the sound, but instead he simply hauls her over his shoulder, ignoring her beating on his shoulder. She’s obviously not all there in the head…maybe she just needs to sleep.
As he walks in the direction of his home, Bakugou can’t help but wonder what the hell he’s gotten himself into.
today’s the day— the six year reunion for all the graduated u.a students. the day bakugou was internally dreading.
he didn’t want to attend, but because of shitty hair, he basically had no other choice. he thought it was stupid, annoying even considering the fact he still works with some of his old classmates.
plus, bakugou was never the type to attend gatherings. he hated the loud noise, busy moving bodies, and the useless small talk people had just to be respectful. none of it was apart of bakugou’s persona, not even his pr managers could change that.
but, he also knows the slight possibility of you being there. he knows someone extended the invite to you, back then every single classmate loved you.
since the night he rudely brushed you off, you haven’t been in contact with him once. his messages still delivered green, and you unable to show on any of his social media. for him, you only existed as a fragment of his memory other than the times you appear on television or the news.
you seemed to be thriving in america. the first year you went, he remembers seeing an article online on how you quickly climbed the ranks in america, the americans instantly adoring everything about you. despite your hero name and quirk, fans began to relate you to a siren, claiming how you were too captivating and powerful to be true. soon, citizens also began to recognize you as the star-spangled siren.
no doubt, bakugou thought it was hilarious. it was something so incredibly stupid. but it was also a reminder that you accomplished your dream. you were a great hero. all of your fears from six years ago were disregarded, and you proved to yourself that you built yourself up by yourself with no support system.
he always knew you were the strongest within the class. maybe that’s why he always felt so weak in front of you. he didn’t stand a chance against you, especially when he finds your figure standing by the bar.
you were messing with your drink, engaging in conversation with mina and ochako. those were the girls always attached at your hip back then.
at first he questions himself whether to squeeze himself in the conversation, or to leave you be. he figured that if you wanted to talk to him then you would’ve reached out years ago.
but before he could act on anything, your gaze meets his. it feels like time on every clock comes to a halt.
he takes in your new differences from the last time he saw you. you grew an inch or two taller, which he found hilarious since you used to pray to be taller. you’re a little more tan; bakugou remembering somewhere in a textbook that the states received more hours of sunlight than japan. you’ve matured more in your face; you were always the girl he found cute. but now, your gazing eyes were more fierce, your pouting lips that he often found himself sneaking glances at were parted, and your newly developed body; your arms were more toned, your body a tad more curvaceous.
enamored wasn’t even the right word to describe bakugou. an understatement even.
it’s all too strange how he felt a pulsation in his chest, his heart hammering from the small moment of eye-contact. he believed that he got over you, coming to terms that there’d never be a chance that you’d talk to him with dancing eyes and a grin on your face like before. but, oh boy, was he wrong.
guilt immersed him. he was angry with himself for treating you like you didn’t matter. everything you said that day, you were right. he didn’t tell you anything related to his emotions, he was avoiding you for weeks, and he was a dick for simply letting you go. he knew all of this, even years ago he realized. bakugou wasn’t the type to go back on his word nor apologize.
but in order for you to talk to him with even a fake smile on your face, he would have to do just that. though, it was you— he wouldn’t mind getting down on both knees, begging for you to forgive him if he had to.
pathetic, bakugou would say, who in their right mind would do something like that? but he would. because six years later, bakugou was still pathetically in love with you.
mina noticed your shift in eye, so she peered over her shoulder, searching the area for what grabbed your attention. it was quick the way she noticed it was him that snatched your breath. her eyes widened for a small moment before turning her head once again.
mina was probably talking shit about him, that was no surprise. even though he and mina got together well, you and mina were attached at the hip; she valued you more than him. he easily read mina’s body language, you must’ve told mina the situation long ago from the way she placed her palm on your arm and rubbed it gently.
unfortunately, he didn’t care if you or mina would be frustrated with his audacity. if anything, everything he was going to do from this point on was because he cared so much about you. so fuckin’ much he’d drain the ocean dry to prove his love to you.
bakugou had only fallen in love twice. once with you and once with a mirror. one, a destructive on-going path without a clear result. one, someone so far-fetched yet still warm and beautiful. someone that eventually in time becomes part of the oxygen he needs to breathe.
the mirror was the first-choice. becoming the number one hero was his only objective, no matter the opportunity cost, he was going to do anything to reach his goal. halfway through, he realized he chose wrong.
there was no point in reaching the goal without you. you were his hands and feet, so why did he expect himself to be okay with the situation he caused?
bakugou hated defeat, he already knows that. but he’d be damned if he allowed you to slip through his fingers once more.
and just like that, his legs are moving towards you and mina. his mind consisted of nothing; he had no words ready for you, no apology prepared. he just sees you and, like always, he needs to be in your vicinity.
as he marches towards you, he realizes that it’s always been like this, him chasing you to his hearts desire. at the beginning, it was a light jog nothing that would cause him to break a sweat. soon it turned into a full-blown sprint, the gap between you and him seeming to increase every day.
before he could muster anything to say, he makes it to you. he keeps his distance from you so you don’t run away, but enough that he can see the pores on your face.
you ogle at him, your face twisted a bit. mostly likely from the surprise of him trudging towards you as if nothing happened. mina rolled her eyes at him as she folded her arms.
“bakugou, don’t be one of those.” mina started.
“one of what?!”
she scoffed. “one of those obsessive guys when they realized they’ve lost a gem because they were stupid as fuck.” mina him a ‘that’s you’ look. “don’t come crawling back now.”
bakugou opened his mouth to object mina, prepared to go off on her. just a week ago, she was chatting it up with him, kirishima, and denki, no animosity found in any of her statements. but since you were here, she supposed she had to play the part as the protective best-friend.
but before he could say anything, you beat him to it.
“it’s fine, mina.”
your voice was still the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard. so gentle and euphonious. he wanted to thank the heavens on the earth for allowing him this opportunity again even when he’s a shitty guy. he didn’t deserve you, he knew that, but he couldn’t bypass the overwhelming feeling of yearning you.
he shifted in his position, clearly shocked that you didn’t seem to hate the fact he was standing within your vicinity.
mina also shocked, raised a brow at her best-friend. “you sure babes?” you nodded in response. the pink colored woman leaned into her ear, whispering god-knows what, before walking away with ochako to leave you and him alone.
you faced bakugou fully now, your eyes taking in the subtle distinctions he’s made over the years. bakugou always was one of the strongest in the class, but even now, he developed into a rigorous man. you can tell he’s shaved recently, the small hairs on his chin slowly starting to form. his eyes are more relaxed, seeming more generous.
alike him, you too kept post on bakugou in japan. you’d frequently find yourself searching him on the internet to wonder how he’s doing. just like he told you and everyone else at u.a, he was now the number one hero of japan. he proved to all his doubters that he could do it.
you were proud of him, internally rooting him on from 6,303 miles away. however, externally, you masked a look of resentment for him.
he broke your heart when he pushed you away. you didn’t understand why it was so difficult for him to come clean about things, especially when it came to you.
you had enough of it.
or at least that’s what you kept telling yourself, hoping for your heart to believe it as your mind did.
“hi,” you said. he could tell you were nervous from the way your hand slightly trembled. “long time no see.”
bakugou anxiously chuckled, “yeah.” he instinctively ran his fingers through his hair as he swallowed nothing. “look, i’m not even going to waste any time with this. y/n, i am so fuckin’ sorry.” his tone softened, coming from the deepest part of him. you can’t recall a time where his voice ever sounded so tender like this.
“kat—” you started, but he didn’t let you finish.
“no, i mean it. i am sorry for being a coward. i was a fool for treating you like you didn’t matter to me when that wasn’t the case, it was never the case. you were too good for me and that scared me. i’m rough on the outside, i couldn’t imagine savoring someone so mellow. i’m a pathetic asshole, a bitch, a cunt.”
you reached forward to place your hand on his wrist. “don’t say such things about yourself, katsuki. you are not any of those things.”
“don’t be good with me. i don’t deserve to be treated this way. give me the punishment i deserve for causing you anguish.” he begged. unknowingly, his hands slipped into yours. you could feel his sweat accumulate, his shaky hands.
all of this just for you to forgive him. how could you ever despise him when he’s an emotional wreck in the palm of your hands?
“it’s okay, katsuki. i’ve come to forget about it years ago. you’re one of the best things to happen to me during my adolescence. we were young and we both said things we didn’t mean back then.” bakugou looks at you with a pout. “i forgive you.”
you pull bakugou into a hug, wrapping your arms around him. you almost had forgotten how much bigger his figure was compared to yours until he bear-hugs you.
“how long are you staying until you leave for america?” he asks.
“i was going to wait till the end of the night to share this, but i was never one to hold secrets from you.” you released bakugou from the hug, a smile tugging your lips. “i’m coming back to japan.”
“what? but america… why?” he scrambled for words.
you lightly shrugged, “not my kind of place. i also really missed my home.”
“fuckin’ hell,” his words trailed off. bakugou couldn’t imagine the happiness that was coming from him right now. in his mind, he thanked kirishima for dragging him here. “i’m so relieved.”
you laughed, one that bakugou could tell wasn’t fake. he couldn’t help but to smile. he was finally talking to you, the woman he loved, after six long years. he was unsure if he could survive another minute of you ignoring him.
“so, back then, did you?”
“did i what?”
“back then, did you like me? did i really mean something to you?”
bakugou tried to remember if you were ever this dense? what a stupid fuckin’ question, bakugou thinks.
“you were the first person ever to tell me to have desires and to not hold back.” he explains. “did i like you? y/n, i loved you. every part of you, i loved. hell, i still do.” it seemed easier for him to confess, maybe it was from the adrenaline he was feeling in this moment.
but he didn’t care, if anything he was glad. you needed to hear it just as much he needed to admit it to himself.
“then, let’s start over, katsuki. let’s ditch this place, i know you’re not a big fan of parties anyway.”
bakugou knows all too well, he loves it how you remember the smallest parts of him. he loves your consideration and emotional warmth that you’re always quick to offer. even though, the gates were open for you to leave, you stayed.
he knew that his love for you would last a lifetime and would always welcome you with sweet grace and a humble gratitude.
all he can do is nod in response, hoping to suppress his racing heartbeat.
bakugou takes your hand to lead you to the exit of the party. “my job here is done anyway.”
[Disclaimer] As always with this character, heavy cursing, swearing, inappropriate language, HEAVY angst, and SEXUAL THEMES MENTIONED. Mentions of cheating and alcohol use. Every character is aged up to their mid-twenties! MDNI!!
“I’m heading to work.”
The gruff voice of your fiancé startled you, his words slowly causing your brain to signal your body to get rid of the sleep and get up. Slowly, your body got up to sit against the headrest of the bedframe to look at your fiancé better. He stood in the doorway wearing sweats and a hoodie, his hero suitcase in hand. He stared at you with his original scowling expression. Usually, you could read his expressions like a children’s book, but lately it’s been feeling like the highest level of philosophy in a foreign language of the dinosaur age to read. Foreign, strange, and unknown.
“Is this how it’s gonna be?” You asked lowly, eyes cascading down to your hands gripping your bedsheets tightly in your palms.
“What?” His gruff voice strikes your heart and mind, aggravating and upsetting your mood.
“Is this how our marriage is going to be? You running away from our problems and straight to work instead of fighting?”
“I don’t wanna bother with this,” Katsuki sneered as he scoffed and turned away to the hut of your shared apartment. You quickly sprang out of bed, grabbing a robe that lay on the bed bench in front of your bed. You quickly scurried after your fiancé while slipping on your robe, blood boiling.
“Are you serious? You’re gonna run? Avoid confrontation, that’s vital for our relationship. Do you even care, Katsuki?” Your voice grew with each word you spat. Katsuki stopped in his tracks and spun around to give you what you wanted.
“God fucking dammit, Y/n, I don’t wanna fight with you!”
“I’m fighting with you! I want to fight with you, fight with me, fight for me, for fucks sake!”
“What else do you want me to do?! I said my peace last fuckin’ night Y/n, I have nothing else to fuckin’ spat at you!”
“You barely said shit last night-”
“Because there’s no reason to fuckin’ defend myself! You want me to fight you over a fucking allegation?! You’re fuckin’ serious?!”
“Is it so unreasonable?! You didn’t think the grandest suspicion of that allegation was the open threat you gave Midoriya that you’d beat him at everything? In every aspect of your lives, especially relationships?” You quoted.
“Are you fuckin’ serious? Does that not mean exactly what it sounds like?! That I’d have a better relationship with you than that nerd does with Ochako?!”
“Ochako?”
“ ‘s that not her fuckin’ name?”
“Since when did you call people by their first names, Katsuki?” You asked in a stern and demanding tone. Eyes narrowed fiercely with growing rage.
“What? Come on, Y/n, I can’t say fuckin’ shit without you shitting on me!”
“WHEN do you call anyone by their first name, Katsuki?! Or even last name?! When do you ever even adress me that way?!” She screamed.
“It’s not a big fuckin’ deal, Y/n! It slipped because I’m fuckin’ overwhelmed with all this bitchin’ you’re givin’ me!”
“Tell me, Katsuki, when were you going to stop seeing her?”
“What?” Katsuki’s eyes widened as his face paled with offense and shock. He was shocked because he couldn’t believe his ears. Couldn’t fathom those words spilling from those perfect lips, let alone fathom the thought itself.
“When were you gonna plan to stop seeing her?” You held a stern expression, yet your eyebrows creasing gave away your hurt.
“Are you serious?” Katsuki genuinely asked, not believing you could actually believe those filthy lies the news and journalists spat about him.
“Answer Katsuki.” You spoke through your teeth. Your jaw was tense and firm while your body echoed with pain. Pain of the thought of your beloved with another.
“You’re fuckin’ serious, Y/n?”
“Answer the fucking question, Katsuki!” You cried more angrily from the frustration of his avoidance of answering your question. That one answer to that one question every girl dreads asking and hearing.
“Never! Never because I’d never do that to you!” His tone was desperate and genuine as he approached you with long strides.
“Tch, yeah right! Midoriya suspects it, too! You’re not fucking slick, Katsuki!” You emphasized with your hands.
“Y/n, stop! It’s not true. Those accusations are just accusations. I’d never do that-”
“That’s such bullshit! Why are you lying to me?!”
“I’m not, I’m telling you the truth, Y/n!” He whined as he desperately reached for your hands and grasped them tightly in his.
“You really think I’m stupid?! Who does your laundry, Katsuki?” You tugged your hands roughly away from his grasp as he desperately tried to follow them to hold them again. Desperate to feel your touch to ground him.
“What-”
“You don’t think I see the makeup on your shirts? Or the fuckin’ cum stains in your boxers when you know damn well we haven’t come close to having sex, let alone kissing, for nearly a year now! Don’t fucking play with me, Katsuki! Just say it!”
“Y-You’ve got it wrong!” He begs desperately.
You throw you’re arms up in the air, frustration of the deceit and refusal to admit the betrayal is upsetting you to no end. Your hand reached up to firmly grasp your face as it slid down to rub some of the tension off your face before you turned abruptly to speak again.
“Bakugou, please, just tell me the truth.” You sighed exasperatedly.
“I am Y/n! I wouldn’t do that to you!” He cried from his frustration and desperation.
“Do you really think I’m that stupid?! Midoriya suspects it, too!”
“That fuckin’ nerd doesn’t know shit!” He yelled, angry upon hearing his name.
“Again, that’s all you fuckin’ care about! Beating him! Being better than him! Having what he does and more!”
“No! That’s bullshit! I don’t care about that shit!”
“Why are you lying?!” You cried out.
“Tch. I can’t fuckin’ do this with you.” He scoffed, frustrated and tired of sounding like a broken record. His hand came up to his forehead and rubbed it soothingly to dull his upcoming headache.
“Seriously?” You scoffed in disbelief.
“Yes! I told ya earlier I don’t wanna fight over a minor fuckin’ allegation, Y/n!” Katsuki cried in exasperation.
“Well, I want to fight you!” Your hand repeatedly stabbed against your chest to emphasize your point as you yelled.
“What’s the fuckin’ point?! What are you gonna fuckin’ gain?!”
“I don’t know, maybe a feeling that you actually care! All you do is come home, eat the cold portions of food I've made for you, shower, and sleep. You never talk to me anymore, and whenever I do anything with you, you ignore me! You’re never home anymore! You barely even sleep here and choose to sleep at your fucking office. What is this, Katsuki? Is this even living? Are we even engaged? Is this what our marriage will be like?” You cried angrily.
“What? I’m always here, what are you on about?!”
“No, you’re not! You’re only home late into the night, and if you're home, you’re on your phone texting God knows who, or you choose to be on call 24/7! And let’s not forget the ungodly hours of the night you slip out of our place to go do lord knows what with whom!” You shouted as you gave a little stomp to the ground at the end of your sentence. Your frustration, your anger, your pain, all your emotions that have been bottled up are rising to the tip of the bottle, threatening to explode.
“You really think I’d waste my fuckin’ time with you and choose to cheat on you?! You reckon I’d do that?!”
“I don’t know what to think of you anymore.” You shook your head slightly in your disappointment.
“Y/n, I would never do that to you. You know that.”
The sound of a phone ringing brings you both out of your frenzy. Katsuki reaches for his back pocket and pulls his phone out. His eyes scan it before looking back at you. His lips parting, throat feeling dry, causing him to gulp a fresh batch of saliva to wet and lubricate his throat. His Adam's apple bobbed before his lips parted again to speak.
“I gotta go,” He says as he reaches for his hero suitcase again and begins to head for the front door.
“Katsuki! We aren’t done here!”
“That’s enough, Y/n!” He screamed.
You flinched back slightly at his loud and angry tone.
“That’s enough! I don’t wanna hear anymore of this fuckin’ shit!” His loud, aggressive tone has you still. "You want a fight? You want me to open up and bleed all over the floor so that you can feel something for once?" He seethed angrily. Pupils blown to slits with pure, fiery rage.
"I want the truth! Not this… emotionally neutered version of you. If you're angry, then be angry!" You cried desperately. Bakugou laughs bitterly.
"Fine! You wanna know why I stopped trying? Because you're a goddamn black hole, Y/n. Everything I give, you swallow up and come back starving for more. It's never fuckin’ enough for you!"
You responded quietly.
"That's not fair..."
"No, what's not fair is me walking on eggshells because your insecurities need a fuckin’ escape! You cry over every little thing I do, invent villains, stories, and call it your love, like what the fuck!" He ranted as he paced back and forth. His body language is pouring with frustration. He’s charging up with his anger, and you can almost taste it.
"I just wanted—" You began as you trembled with tears brimming in the waterline of her eyes, her irises shaking when Katsuki cut her off.
"You wanted drama! You wanted a villain so you could be the tragic heroine! Well, congratu-fucking-lations Y/n! You made me one!" Bakugou seethed with boiling skin. His body was on fire, which couldn’t be put out.
You stumbled back, tears flooding your eyes. You sink to the floor, a broken sob escaping your lips. Your hands tremble as you try to catch your breath. Bakugou pauses. Something soft flickers in his irises, regret? But he kills it instantly, like he always does.
Katsuki is loud. He’s always been loud. He screams and shouts at anything and everything, yet he’s never yelled at you like this before. No. This was laced with true venom. His eyes were red like the hatred poured out from the depths of his burning belly. His face contorted to one of pure anger. With all you’re emotions you’ve been storing in a tiny jar, and now this, you’re overflowing with emotion, and now the bottle exploded into a million sharp, broken glass pieces.
A hoarse sob broke first as your eyes glazed with tears before more small sobs began erupting from your soul. You always tried your best not to crumble, but you’ve reached your capacity to let things boil over. Feeling too used to letting things slide, and you just couldn’t do it anymore. You cracked in every way possible, which now has you sobbing on the floor.
Katsuki’s heart tore painfully in his chest. He hated seeing you upset with a passion. He’s always wanted to protect you from everything in your lives. He just never thought he’d have to protect you from himself. He’s done this to you. The thought fills him with so much more anger. The one thing Katsuki excels at is being angry and not controlling it like a wildfire.
“For fucks sake, Y/n, why the fuck are you crying?! Isn’t this what you wanted?! A fucking fight?! Grow up!” Katsuki has always had two sides to himself that no one knew of.
His front, which is his protective front of aggression and coldness, and on his inside, his child self, full of insecurities. That’s your Katsuki. The real him. His true self only he’s let you see. Had. Was. He had let you see it, but it wasn’t easy. It took him years to finally fully open up to you. It took a great deal of work, but he eventually did. Then, somewhere down the line, he shut off again. When did it happen? Sometime after Uravity came back to Japan. Sometime after she and Deku announced their relationship, his condition worsened, especially with you, and that’s when you lost him. You just didn’t realize it.
Your Katsuki hadn’t been yours for a long time. The sudden realization hits you like a freight train. But what hurts more is him. His words are filled with vile and venom, injecting themselves into your fragile and vulnerable body. Infecting your limbs and organs, turning them into a lifeless body. That’s what it felt like to love Katsuki Bakugou—sweet, addictive, toxic, venomous, numbingly vile, love. As Katsuki spits his venom, his inner turmoil stirs. It’s like he’s looking through the eyes of someone else. Watching through someone else's angry eyes as he sees you crumble before him. Watches as this stranger screams vile things at you. Stop. Stop, what are you doing to her? Leave her alone! Stop this, please!
“Look at you! Pathetic! Crying like that’s going to fix anything! You always do this! Collapse like a fucking weakling the second shit gets real!” He doesn’t mean that. He doesn’t know why he’s saying that.
You looked up at him, shattered.
Bakugou then speaks in the coldest tone he’s ever spoken in.
"You asked for this. This is what it looks like when someone finally tells you you’re not worth the fairytale you’ve built in your head." Why is he saying that? He wants that fairytale you dream of. He wants it with you and only you. It’s why he asked for your hand. Why’s his mouth spitting such bullshit?
You remained on the floor, curled in on yourself. Your sobs have quieted to shaky breaths. Bakugou stands over you, fists balled at his side, jaw tight, pacing now like he can’t decide whether to walk away or twist the knife deeper. Bakugou has this sick, twisted idea that every time he sees you in pain, it kills him, angers him, but he can never find where to aim it at. Unfortunately, it is always aimed back at you.
"You think tears are some kind of magic quirk, don’t you? Like if you cry hard enough, I’ll suddenly forget how exhausting it is to love you." That’s not true, he loves you like he’s loved nothing before. You’re his air that he breathes, why can’t he say what he really feels for fucks sake?!
You speak softly, barely audible. "Why are you doing this?"
Bakugou crouches to your level, his voice a cold whisper.
"Because you begged for it. You practically dragged this out of me. You said you wanted a fight, so now you’ll sit in it. Drown in it even." He wants to hold you. Hold you tight for dear life for forever, not this…
"Stop… stop it..."
"You think you’re the only one who hurts? You think you're some delicate porcelain doll that shatters when I raise my voice? I carry you, Y/n. I carry your moods, your spirals, your goddamn silence. And the moment I crack, you act like I’m a fucking monster."
You stood up before speaking hoarsely. "You are a monster."
Silence. The air shifts into something eerie.
"Say that again." He seethed. Eyes narrowing to thin, angry slits.
"A monster. You twist everything. You break me and then blame me for the mess!"
Bakugou approaches you slowly. Deadly. Like a predator does with its prey.
"And yet you’re still here. Still begging for me to see you. Still craving this chaos you pretend to hate. You want me to tell you I’ve been cheating on you. You want to be a victim, Y/n. Beggin’ me to tell you what fuckin’ delusional fantasy you’ve cooked up in that fucked up head of yers! That’s not fuckin’ fair when I’ve done nothing!"
"I’m not begging for that… Or at all… I-" Your voice trembled.
"Your tears are."
You flinch, and his smile fades into a sneer.
"You’re addicted to this. To me. The pain, the drama, the validation when I choose to stay. You don’t want love. You want a cage you can fuckin’ rattle with me in it."
“Why’re you so angry all of a sudden? So defensive. Suddenly willing to fight only when I mention your betrayal?!”
“Oh fuck off! Would you be sane if yer boyfriend berates you for an accusation you never fuckin’ committed!” He screamed.
“Why can’t you just admit it to me, Katsuki? Just say it! Tell me the truth, just talk to me!”
“Because I didn’t fuckin do shit with her ever, Y/n! Not one thing!”
“Then convince me! Talk to me! Tell me what you’ve been doing! Just talk! Not this heartless piece of shit you’re playing!”
“Why do I have to tell you my entire fuckin’ business when I clearly don’t wanna talk about it just because you’re fuckin’ insecure! How’s that my fuckin’ fault?”
“I can’t believe you…”
“I can’t believe you! You’re fucking mental!”
Through clenched teeth, you speak, "Then leave. Just leave."
Towering above you, he seethes back. "I should’ve. I should’ve left a while ago, but you just kept fuckin’ pushing me, Y/n. Turning nothin’ into this whole fuckin’ thing. I’m tired of your outbursts of insecurities and putting’ shit on me. Makin’ me feel like shit because you don’t fuckin’ love yerself!"
“Get the fuck out!” You screamed angrily. Saliva flaring out of your mouth at the force of your words, and crying as you stood up.
“No, no fuck you! This is what you wanted, Y/n! You don’t get to change your mind now! We are far too into this shit now to take it back! This is what you fuckin’ wanted, so let’s fuckin’ go!”
“All I wanted was you!” You shouted at the top of your lungs. Throat red and hoarse from the screaming match and sobs. Your words froze Katsuki in place.
Bakugou’s heart stammered. He was still in there. Crying actually. Internally panicking as he watched through a scope of his body, committing these heinous acts towards you. Everything he was saying, everything he was shouting, lies, all lies, he just wanted to hold you and beg for your love, not this fighting. Yes, you asked for this, but you didn’t ask for this. Not him going beyond what you wanted. He knew, he’s not stupid. He’s mother fuckin’ Dynamight, he’s far from stupid, but lately he has been. That’s all he’s been with you. You asked for a fight, not just an argument, but a fight for you, not with you. Here he was screwing it up because he was cursed with failing at the one thing he desperately wanted more than anything. A love life with you.
“Y-You have me Y/n!”
“No, I don’t! I haven’t for a while…Just go, Katsuki.”
“Y/n-” He croaked a sob.
“Go, please!" You sobbed.
“No-”
“I’m not asking you-”
“No, Y/n! I’m not, I need you to-”
“I’m done!” You shouted, and the room fell eerily quiet. All that could be heard was the heavy breathing from both your and Katsuki’s bodies.
“I’m tired! I’m over this! I need you out!” You croaked with rushed words as you pointed a harsh finger at the door.
“Y/n please just fuckin’ listen-”
“I’m done, Katsuki! I’m fuckin’ done!” You repeated angrily as you turned your hands to point at yourself, animating your pain and exhaustion towards the relationship.
Air. Air, breathe. Breath, it’s gone. Disappeared from his lungs like he sees the flame of your love in your eyes dissipate. The burning flame, in desperate need of oxygen, was extinguished due to a lack of it. More so, the suffocation of no air. Nothing to pump it alive, that was his job. What it was supposed to be, though he never put effort into completing his everlasting mission, to keep the burning embers of your love for him alive by reciprocating your passion, instead, he proved the one-sided-ness of the effort to you. Now the flames are put out. That fire of love is now lost to the lack of oxygen he carelessly didn’t tend to. A love, now lost. It terrified him. This whole fucked up situation. Where he is now.
“Y/-” He started, voice soft, broken, desperate, before you interrupted.
“Get the fuck out!” Your voice leaked with strain and exhaustion. Pain and heartbreak laced within the words you cried.
His heart tore, but of course, his cursed fuckin’ mouth just has a mind of its own.
“About time I fuckin’ leave this shitty ass relationship,” He grumbled, low, cold, and heartless, all the while he was crumbling.
An explosion waiting to burst open. His footsteps felt heavy, his head pounding, and his heart constricting painfully as he grabbed his keys, hero suit, and headed towards the door. He walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him. You stare at it, the door, too stunned to cry, your chest hollow — the aftermath worse than the storm. The sparks of love you once had died down, barely crackling alive until it just vanished..
It had been two days since the argument on that gloomy, cold, and rainy day, such as this one. You were in your apartment, once shared, still shared technically, but it’s been two horrible days since you and Katsuki last talked. You considered this a break. You were heated, thoughts spiraling, and feeling nauseous when you were fighting with him. After a few days cooling off, you were able to think more clearly about everything. Both of your tempers got the best of you, and maybe you pushed too hard for something you couldn’t handle.
You were just worried about your wedding schedule for five months down the road; you weren’t getting cold feet, just horrified that you were walking straight into a divorce, knowing it in the back of your mind. Izuku called you one night a few months ago, right before the argument, asking if you knew the whereabouts of his fiancée. She was supposed to work late, but not till 2:12 AM. The same was going on with your Katsuki, yet he never gives you exact times when he tells you he’ll be home late. He just shows up when he does.
When he came home that night, you found him smelling of something smelly, with the tiniest hint of floral, which was odd, because your scents are all naturally fresh or citrusy. The next morning, you were doing laundry and saw a bizarre color on his black shirt. A different color foundation than yours was smudged lightly near the collar of his shirt. You thumbed it out of curiosity as you analyzed the makeup smudge. You huffed in denial and refusal as you threw the shirt in the washer and bent down to grab the following item, which was his boxers. You flipped them inside out, and before tossing them inside, a slight shine on them caught your attention. You looked closely before you realized what it was. You’re heart sank.
You and Katsuki haven’t been intimate like that for a very long time. To see this right after the makeup stain is fucking with your head, especially with all the distance being put between you both lately. But to see that he’s been getting off doing god knows what, with whom. It started worsening your insecurities. Thinking on it presently, it caused you to bite your lower lip in anxiety as you sat cross-legged on your couch. You huffed before getting up to change into casual clothes. You then rushed to your front door, but not before stopping to collect your purse and keys, then heading out and slamming the door behind you. You had to find Katsuki and apologize for the fight and talk like mature adults.
Rain soaked your hair as you stood under the overhang at the café, clutching a bag of Katsuki’s favorite takeout, smiling like a fool. You hadn’t meant to show up unannounced—you just missed him. You needed to see him and talk to him. You had been the one to push him over the edge during your last argument, and this was your attempt at mending things. A quiet apology, a surprise meal, and hopefully a fresh start. You knew he’d be here because you texted Kirishima if he knew where Katsuki was, and he told you he was at your favorite cafe.
You pushed the glass door open, heart fluttering with nervous excitement. The chimes above the door echoed throughout the cafe as you walked in.
And there they were.
Katsuki and Ochako. Sitting close. On the same seat of the booth. Laughing.
Ochako’s hand lingered on his. His eyes—god, his eyes—were soft in a way you hadn’t seen in weeks. Hell, months. He looks comfortable. Relaxed. As if the weight of your relationship had been lifted the moment he left.
You froze.
The bag of his favorite dish slipped from your fingers and hit the floor with a dull thud, the food inside forgotten.
Katsuki’s head whipped around. His eyes widened in shock and dread the moment he saw you.
"Y/n—" He called in an out-of-breath tone.
You turned and stormed out into the rain, bumping into a woman on your way out, but not caring. All you cared about was getting out of there.
He chased after you without a second thought.
"Wait! Please, wait! It’s not what it looks like!" He shouted behind you desperately as he ran after you.
You spun around, soaked, mascara streaking your cheeks as it ran down from the mix of the raindrops and your tears. Your umbrella is long forgotten. Your voice cracked as you spoke.
"Not what it looks like? Her hand was on yours, Katsuki! You looked happy! Happier than you ever were with me!" Your voice broke painfully.
"She needed someone to talk to—she and Deku have been fighting and—"
"And that’s your excuse? That she needed a shoulder to cry on, so you gave her your hands, your eyes, your smile? The ones that used to be mine? The ones I desperately needed?" You shouted with a break at the end of your words.
His voice rose. "It didn’t mean anything! I didn’t cheat on you! I didn’t before, and I didn’t now!"
"But you could have! And maybe not physically, but emotionally! You were already gone, weren’t you? You left me weeks ago, months ago, fuck, maybe even a year ago, Katsuki, and I was too stupid to see it." Your voice lowered as you finished your sentence. The realization is hitting you harder now. He could see it—your thoughts stirring in your head.
"That’s not fair," he growled. "You’ve been pushing me away for months. I didn’t even know where we stood!"
“Me?” You shouted in disbelief at his words. “Me, Katsuki? I pushed you away? That’s bullshit and you know it!”
“You were the one always pushing me and my boundaries! Never accepting, I was too tired from work to deal with you!”
“Oh yeah, let’s not forget how you deal with your problems by running away from them, right?” You spat.
“That’s not fuckin’ fair-”
“Ya know what’s not fair, you running out on me and not once checking in on me since you left. Then I have to put in effort to go out and find you, and be the bigger person, apologizing when I’m completely justified in this, and I find you with the woman you’re rumored to have had an affair with, and you gaslight me to think I’m overreacting and it’s my fault, and you think I’m being fucking unfair?” You shouted your ramble. You’re voice is breaking with exhaustion and crumbling with pain.
Katsuki shouted back with equal desperation, "I never cheated on you! I never even thought about it! But if you really believe I could hurt you like that, then maybe the problem isn’t what I did! Maybe it’s that you never really trusted me in the first place!"
"So your answer was to move on before you even walked out the door?" You shouted, your voice sharp with betrayal. "You knew I was trying, and you still let me try and fight for us, and you let me walk in and see that!" You exclaimed as you thrust your hands in the direction of the cafe.
He stepped forward, rain dripping from his hair, his hand reaching for yours. "Y/n, I swear to you—nothing happened! I love you. I love you still." His face was etched with pain and desperation as he spoke.
You yanked your hand away. "No. Don’t say that. Don’t you dare. You don’t get to say that after everything. You don’t get to love me now."
His voice broke. "I never stopped."
"Well, I did." You replied. Your voice is cold, painfully cold and stern, straight to the point and straight to his heart.
“W-What the hell are you sayin’?” He whimpered as he stepped forward, and you answered with a step back and away from him. His eyes pleading with yours.
The silence between you both was deafening, punctuated only by the sound of the downpour.
You took a trembling breath, your eyes red, chest heaving. "We’re done, Katsuki. I’m done. I don’t want to see you anymore, or ever again! I don’t want to hear from you or about you! I don’t want anything to do with you ever again!"
His lips parted, his throat tightened, and his lips wobbled. Voice dangerously close to that of a desperate cry. "Y/n—"
"I hate you," she whispered, barely audible but venomous. "I hate you so much for what you did to me." Your trembling fingers reached for the other that bore your engagement ring. In a swift motion, you pulled it off and let it fall to the ground.
Clink. A light, sharp sound echoed throughout Katsuki’s ears as he watched with slow eyes the engagement ring he spent countless hours of several weeks creating a perfect masterpiece to decorate your finger with his love, now chipped and bruised like his heart when it hit the cold, wet pavement.
And then you turned.
And walked away.
This time, he didn’t follow.
He stood in the rain, fists clenched at his sides, staring at the spot where you’d disappeared. He didn’t cry. Katsuki Bakugou didn’t cry. He almost, but he held it in. His red iris color spread throughout his entire eyes as they were red from pain and tears that he fought incredibly hard to keep from falling, with the drops of rain that cascaded down his cheeks that acted as his tears for him. His chest hurt so badly that it felt like his lungs were collapsing. Like the rain wasn’t outside but inside him, flooding everything.
And for the first time in a long time, he felt alone.
Completely, devastatingly alone. And his fiery, burning spark of light from his flame burnt out...
He tried everything that night and the day after. Called. Texted. Showed up at your apartment once—never again after that. You slammed the door in his face with eyes swollen from crying. And he couldn’t blame you.
But he never cheated, you had to know that. You needed to know that.
It was a misunderstanding. Ochako had been going through it with Deku and needed a friend. Katsuki was that friend. Nothing more. But to you, it had looked like everything you were insecure about. He couldn’t believe he let it get this bad. Let the relationship, more specifically, you get so insecure within it, to honestly believe he was lying with another woman in such an intimate setting. The kind he only wished to be in with you. So he let you go. Because not only did you no longer want him, but you now hated him. Hated how horrible he’s treated you and expected you to be okay with it—hated how insecure and pathetic he’s made you feel. Hated how much he’s neglected you to make you think and believe he’s been with another woman.
The mere thought makes vile crawl up his throat and threaten to spill from his lips, the same way those awful words he spat at you did. He regrets it all so much. He cared about Ochako and Izuku more than he likes to admit, but he wonders why he’s put so much of his time and effort into their relationship over his. He knew. He knew deep down that he was only trying to make it up to Izuku for all he’d done in their youth. He thought that if he did Izuku an excellent service by saving something as important as a relationship, he could put his past behind him. All his guilt from his past actions could truly be forgiven, for he knew how amazing and precious a relationship with a person you truly loved was. If only he prioritized his savings over someone else’s. Maybe he could’ve saved yours. He’d give anything to rekindle the sparks...
For a year, he watched you from a distance. Silently watched out for you and protected you on missions, which you repaid him with an angry scowl, with painful reminders of betrayal flickering in those beautiful irises he adored. One time, you yelled at him. Badly. That caused him to calm down from being on missions with you.
“What the fuck is your problem?” You shouted with a heavy exhale of breath from your exhaustion. The battle had been an easy one.
It would’ve been so simple to take this ambitious villain with no skill or talent, just a big dreamer down, but he just had to complicate things, not by his presence but his actions. You were sent to stop this villain alone with Mt.Lady, you as her partner. It was supposed to be just you both; you two were more than enough, but the second word got out that you were there, he blew everything off to go. He got there quickly and was quick to put himself in front of you and put you out of harm's way. Instead, he worsened the situation by going beyond, trying to have you avoid the fighting and instead ended up putting you even more in harm's way.
You took a knife to the thigh when the villain managed to get behind you and slip past Katsuki, and when you knocked the villain out, you stormed at Katsuki, angry. Katsuki was taken aback; all he wanted was to protect you. It was his job, was..was his job. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t use this as an excuse to be near you. Pathetic right. Everything he criticized you for, being an overbearing, beyond clingy, attention whore, he was acting the same way, even worse, honestly. He caused you to be stabbed unnecessarily because he wanted to see you, beyond pathetic and hypocritical. He couldn’t respond to you. He was too lost in his thoughts, overwhelmed by all that was going on, so you spoke before him.
“I told you to stay away from me, and I meant it. I don’t need your fucking help, and I certainly don’t need you around me.”
“Y/n, please. I just wanted to help you-“ His hands came up as he walked to you, aiming to help hold you up by your arms.
“I didn’t need you or your help!” You seethed through angry teeth as you shoved him away from you with a hand and a limp leg. All neighboring eyes were on both of you.
“I don’t need you. I don’t want your fucking help. I want you to stay away from me. What I need is for you to stay out of my life.” You seethed a final sentence you’d ever say to him, before turning on your heels and limply walking to Mount Lady and a medic. Katsuki stood there. Unable to move. And he stayed there for a while before Kirishima came to snap him out of it.
Since then, he’s resorted to sending anonymous coffee orders to the agency you worked for when he knew you were overworking yourself. He resorted to watching you from afar, silently, carefully, yearningly.
You had been his everything. Still are.
Katsuki hadn’t been the same since that night. He didn’t sleep—couldn’t sleep. Not when every time he shut his eyes, he saw your face crumbling in front of him, heard your voice breaking into pieces, the words “I hate you” or “stay away from me, I meant what I said,” playing on a loop like a curse he couldn’t shake.
No calls. No messages. No sign of Y/n.
He kept his distance, just like you asked. More so demanded. But gods, it was killing him.
He stared at his phone every night until the numbers blurred and the background light burned his retinas. He typed out messages only to delete them seconds later. Pathetic. That’s what he was.
“Just give her time,” Kirishima had said. His palm rested firmly on Katsuki’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze of reassurance. Not that it gave Katsuki any, but he silently appreciated the support over a twenty-minute lecture, Pinky or Dunce face given as if they knew everything.
But time didn’t fix the hollowness in his chest.
The boys in his friend group began forcing him to go out more after work or whenever they could—anything to help Katsuki get his depressive mind off of you. But whenever Katsuki went, all it did was make it worse. He saw you everywhere. In a woman holding hands with her lover. In a woman petting a dog. In a woman getting coffee or tea. In a cat that refused to get down from a tree branch. To a bird flying over his head. His mind no longer belonged to him, just you. Whenever he went to clubs or bars, he blocked out every other woman who tried to come close. Every place he went to reminded him of you—the coffee shop you both used to sneak off to between patrols. The one where you last had your conversation as an engaged couple outside of. The stupid claw machine you always won at. His apartment—still filled with traces of you. You’re favorite hoodie here. A hair tie still on the bathroom counter that he refused to throw away. Your ghost lingered in everything.
He tried to train it out. Fought harder, longer, meaner. But even battle scars couldn’t mask heartbreak.
He thought back to the way you looked when you left him. The rain was soaking through your clothes, and the anger and betrayal that was swimming in your eyes. He hated that he was the reason you looked like that. Hated that even when he screamed, he hadn’t cheated, it didn’t matter.
Because he still broke you. Aside from the cheating allegation, he still couldn’t deny his other actions. He remembered the way you flinched when he said he still loved you. Like it was the cruelest thing he could’ve said.
“Damn it!” he shouted, hurling something that was glass against the wall of his apartment. It shattered. So did he, just like you. Bakugou slid down the wall and buried his face in his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to no one. “I’m so damn sorry.”
But you weren’t there to hear it.
And he was sure you never would be again.
The anniversary of their breakup hit harder than he expected.
It had been a year since that night. One whole year of silence.
He came home to a cold and empty apartment, per usual. Exhausted, grimy, and smelly. He limped to his bathroom to take a warm shower after a long day of hero work. After he took care of himself, he plopped down onto his messy bed and stared at the ceiling. He knew what day it was. He dreaded it. Still, he couldn’t get you out of his mind a whole year later. Pathetic, yet-
He cracked. Called her.
She didn’t answer. Half expected, but he was ever so hopeful.
He doom scrolled on Instagram before pausing on a story. It was a story on Pinky’s page—a repost of your post. You posted a layout of multiple pictures, one of which was taken that night with some guy in it. His arm around your shoulders. His head is too close to yours; if you both turned, your lips would touch the others. Smiling. Arms around each other. Happy. Katsuki stared at it until his vision blurred. Then he threw his phone across the room and screamed into the empty apartment for the hundredth time in a year.
Six months have passed since.
Y/n and the new guy broke up. Katsuki found out accidentally through a blabbering Mina when she came to Kirishima’s apartment and he was there visiting. Although the news would've been something to be celebrated from a yearning man, he didn’t. Just felt the crushing weight of guilt and regret all over again. He was pained hearing how heartbroken you were. Still under clouds and the mystery of why the breakup was initiated, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was you. Your health. You. So he tried again. Slower this time. Less pushy and ten times more careful.
He saw you at Japan’s annual hero gala. It was the Hero Gala that every professional hero and citizen looked forward to. It was the gala where rising heroes and veterans were honored for their achievements and recognized by the world for their tireless efforts. He knew you’d be here. You always showed up. But what he loved about you was how you didn’t care whether you got an award or not. All you cared about was the actual work of the job, not like some of these B-listers who do the job for the money and fame. You were the rare ones, much like his friends, who genuinely valued the work of a pro-hero and not the outcome. But you came to these events to appreciate your friends' rewards and yours. Additionally, PR always encourages every hero to pursue good publicity, as the gala will be aired on TV.
He approached you cautiously.
"Y/n." He called you softly.
You looked at him like he was the dirt beneath your boots. That was the start of change. "Don’t." You sounded tired. Exhausted even. But you didn’t walk away. That was something.
“You look beautiful.” He whispered. Your head lowered at his words. He assumed you were shutting down; instead, he was surprised by your reply. “Thank you.” Before focusing your attention back on the stage. You didn’t give him any more of your time. But that was more than he’s gotten in years, and that’s all he needed to move forward.
You got transferred to the agency he was working for when yours was under construction. He started with small interactions throughout your everyday lives. It started so small. He wouldn’t say a word to you, just nod in acknowledgement whenever your paths crossed. Silently giving you your paperwork, coffee, or tea, or lunch, or anything without uttering a word. Then he started to grow. Offering help during missions. Letting you take over battle plans and have a say in things. Letting you have the last word in work-related arguments. And for once, not bothering with fighting back. He didn’t want to give you any more reason to ignore him and completely shut him out. He just got his foot in the tiniest crack in the door. He wasn’t gonna budge out for anything.
You didn’t smile, you never smiled at him anymore, but you didn’t curse him out either, not in anger.
Progress.
Over the months of working at the same agency, you began to fall back into old habits. You let him inch closer into your life again. You started to acknowledge his presence. You must admit, it took a lot of Mount Lady practically forcing you to be cordial with Bakugou strictly for work reasons, which was understandable. You needed to put your grudge behind you out in the field. So you did. What you didn’t mean to do was lose that grudge entirely and become cordial outside of work. Your work phone had Katsuki’s phone work number, and one night, you had to text Katsuki for the meet-up location and time for a stakeout opp. You didn’t mean for it to lead to a friendly conversation. Nor did you mean for the messaging to continue for days after. A message here. A sarcastic comment there. But you never forgot to mention, "Don’t think this makes us friends."
"Didn’t say it did. Just saying your aim’s still shit."
You flipped him off with your back turned as you walked down the hallway of his agency.
He smiled. For the first time in years, he actually smiled.
Eventually, you both started talking more. About missions. About everything. About nothing. One thing he never did was bring up the past. Thankfully. But he always thought about it. Thought about how different this felt. Different from your days in high school. Different from a few years ago. Just different, but a significant difference. A difference you both needed. A change. A do-over. Your talks were as if you were both strangers just becoming friends. And maybe that was the truth because you’ve both grown in different ways from a few years ago. Both of you have grown into people for the better, for yourselves, for others.
One night, you actually called him for something other than work.
"You up?"
And his heart stopped.
You talked for two hours. Then three. Then, every night after. Talked about work, about everything, about nothing.
It was a Monday night. A Friday night for you and Katsuki, as you both had two days off from work. You both sat on your couch. A movie playing with snacks and alcoholic drinks on your living room table. Your favorite horror movie playing that neither of you were paying attention to, just mindlessly watching as you both were too into your thoughts. You, worrying if that once vanished spark has rekindled, and Katsuki is fighting hard to bite his tongue from saying something he might regret. Might scare you away with. The air was heavy with unspoken tension. You both could feel it. Practically taste it. Katsuki’s fingers twitch with the feral human need to touch the skin of your hand with his. To revel in the warmth your hand emits into his sweaty palms.
The very feeling he’s been deprived of for years. So, he very carefully and slowly reached for your hand. And you let him. He tested the waters at first. A finger lay atop yours, unmoving for a few minutes, before it traveled atop your hand and slowly intertwined with yours. Your heart began beating incredibly fast, just like it had when you first started dating Katsuki. Your mind was racing with an angel and devil on your shoulders, one telling you this felt so right, perfect, you needed this, the other telling you this wasn’t right. Too quick, too soon, too wrong. But it was too late. The sin of greed and lust took over your senses, and the desires became too grand to control. The hunger for sins outweighed the saint.
Your gaze shifted to Katsuki’s slowly, almost fearfully. When you turned, you were met with Katsuki’s gaze already on yours. His eyes shone not just with the illuminating light of the television, but with something more, more profound, lighter.
Yearning.
A primal need to relish in you. All of you. The entirety of you. To dive deep and far with the hope of absolutely drowning in you if you let him. He’d never come up for air.
His gaze shifted from your eyes to your nose, to your lips, and back up again. Analyzing and memorizing you. The way your nose expanded when you took a deep breath. The new faint pigment you developed on your face from your travels. Your lashes are more curled, and your eyes are less puffy from aging. Your lips have a deeper natural shade and are slightly bigger. You’ve both grown, but he could never forget the smallest features you adorned.
You saw it. His mind is working to study your face. It had your heart palpitating. Your belly is on fire, rumbling with desire. A particular need you haven’t felt in years. The kind of hunger you thought to have quenched years ago. It all came back. Hitting with such ferocity, it was untameable now. Curse this beautiful man. Curse his long, straight lashes. His deep carmine eyes shine bright under the luminary light. His fair lips and that tip of his nose that bumped your when you kissed. Kissed—his soft lips. The feeling, it’ll never go away. There will never be a world where you don’t remember how soft his lips were. How could you? A rough, sharp-edged man with the world's most gentle lips. God damn this perfect-looking man. God damn those perfect lips. His heart raced as he watched your eyes focus on his lips.
Your lips were on his. Hungry. Desperate. Familiar.
A yearning kiss between lost lovers is not just the meeting of lips—it is the collision of everything you’ve carried in silence, all the ache and longing that has swelled between you over the distance of time apart. It begins with hesitation, that trembling pause where your breaths mingle, as though both are afraid the moment might shatter if you move too quickly. When your mouths finally meet, it is not gentle in the way of new love, but desperate in the way of something nearly lost forever. The kiss tastes of tears unshed, of apologies unspoken, of promises that once fractured but still refuse to die.
It is a kiss that clings, that lingers, as if each press of your lips could bridge the chasm carved by absence. Your hands clutch at one another, searching not just for warmth but for proof—proof that the other is real, present, still theirs to hold. Every breath drawn between kisses feels ragged, as though you're relearning how to breathe in the same rhythm. It is fire and ache at once: fire, because your bodies remember too well; ache, because your hearts recall the emptiness of separation. In that kiss, there is both grief and healing, both punishment and forgiveness. It feels like drowning and being saved in the same heartbeat—a moment where love, loss, and desperate hope all crash together into something neither of you can let go.
The need for air, a living essential, suddenly hits you both as if you've forgotten breathing was something you needed. You pulled your head towards yourself, your forehead resting on Katsuki’s as you panted heavily, your lungs desperate for air. Katsuki tried chasing your lips but decided to chase his own need for air in his lungs as well. The night pressed heavily around you both, the silence broken only by the faint hum of the city in the distance. He rested his forehead against yours, eyes searching your beautiful pools desperately for something, needing an understanding of whether you’re burning for him as he is for you. His sharp eyes, so usually filled with fire and pride, now held something fractured—something raw.
“Damn it, Y/n,” he rasped, his voice roughened with the weight of years spent apart. “You have no idea how much I fucking missed you.”
Your lips trembled, though you bit down to steady them. “You think I didn’t? Every day felt like I was trying to breathe underwater. You left me with pieces I couldn’t put back together.”
The words hung between you, heavier than the air itself. Katsuki shifted a bit closer until he was close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off him. His hands clenched at your sides, as if he were afraid that if he let go of you and you pulled away, it would wreck him.
“Tell me to back off,” he whispered, his breath brushing against your lips. “Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll walk away for good.” He nosed your cheek and slowly moved down to your neck.
But you didn’t speak. Couldn’t. Every part of you screamed with the desperate need to touch him, to hold onto him, to taste the pieces of yourself you’d lost when he was gone.
So you reached for him again.
The kiss wasn’t soft—it was desperate, aching, the kind of kiss that burned with every second of longing they had endured apart. His lips crashed against yours with a deeper force than before. That was almost painful, yet it felt like oxygen flooding your lungs after too long without air. Your hands gripped his shirt, clinging as if letting go would mean losing him all over again. Katsuki’s fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you impossibly closer, as though he could anchor himself in your presence.
Tears welled in your eyes, spilling down your cheeks and mingling with the kiss. He kissed them away without words, his mouth moving against yours with a hunger that carried both apology and promise. Every press of his lips said what neither had dared to say aloud: I’m sorry. I need you. Don’t let this end again.
When you finally broke apart, both were gasping, foreheads pressed together, breaths mixing in the fragile space between. Katsuki’s voice was low, almost broken as he begged.
“Tell me.” He couldn’t finish, his words failing him from numb lips, but he didn’t need to. You knew him better than anyone, and he, you. So with one look up into his carmine eyes, that was all he needed to know.
He moved quickly. Arms reaching around you, pressing you close to him from under your thighs, and hoisting you up with him as he stood from the couch. His lips instantly attached themselves to yours. He moved to your bedroom. Kicking your door open without a care and dropping you down onto your bed. Your hair falls beautifully behind you, framing you like an intimate painting. He was on you quickly. His hands explored every inch of you as his lips did the same. Your mouths were dancing together as you tugged your blouse up your body to tear off. His hands immediately found home on your bare hot skin, but as his hands traced the outline of your waist, the memory hit you.
The rain. Your heartbeat. Ochako’s laugh. That goddamn café.
You pulled away quickly with a gasp. Scrambling away and tugging your cover over yourself like a shield. He saw the look in your eyes, crazy with doubt, pain, trauma, insecurity, heartbreak. He reached to comfort you before you spat.
"Get out."
"Y/n—"
"Just—go. Please." You let out in a broken whisper. Fresh tears, once filled with joyful remembrance, now filled with fearful heartbreak. He promised he’d never hurt you again.
So he left. Again…
No contact.
Again.
He was spiraling. Worse than the first time. Constantly on edge. His phone glued to his hand or body, continually checking for messages or calls. He was always returning home drunk and late. Izuku noticed before Kirishima brought it up to him. Green eyes scanned his old friend with worrisome eyes. Enough was enough; he wouldn’t let his friend suffer. Part of this was his fault. If he hadn’t filled his own head with overwhelming pressure and insecurity, he’d never have pushed Ochako and Katsuki’s alleged affair onto you. You wouldn’t have left him. You would’ve been happy and probably married, like he and Ochako are. And Katsuki still helped him and Ochako work it out even after your split. He owed him and you this and more.
"Come on, man," Midoriya said over lunch. "You look like hell." He joked, aiming to lighten the mood, but Katsuki didn’t respond. He forked some of his chicken salad and shoved it in his mouth with such a saddened expression that hadn’t left his face since the almost rekindling night. Izuku swallowed his drink before resorting to Katsuki’s usual strategy, going straight to the point.
"You still love her. I know. But she doesn’t know the truth, does she? About the Ochako thing, does she?" Midoriya asked carefully.
“ ‘Doesn’t matter,” Katsuki grumbled.
“It does-” Izuku started before Katsuki exploded.
"She wouldn’t believe me." He snarled with a nasty, aggressive tone.
"Then let us tell her." Ochako placed a hand on Izuku’s shoulder, as the green-haired male instantly reached a hand up to hold his wife’s on his shoulder.
Izuku agreed as he nodded and kept his gaze on Katsuki with a warm, closed-lipped smile.
You opened your door to Midoriya and Ochako with a confused frown. Great, right when you were about to head out to buy some alcohol, you were met with Izuku and her. You turned your gaze to Izuku with a serious and agitated expression.
“What’dya want?” If Izuku didn’t know already, he would’ve thought he was talking to Kacchan. These two were surely meant for each other; it was sad they didn’t see it. How much in love they are with each other, they’ve adapted each other's mannerisms.
"This is about Katsuki," Ochako said gently. "There’s something you need to know."
“I don’t wanna hear anything about-”
“Please, Y/n,” Ochako urged, releasing her hold on her husband's arm as her hands came to reach for yours, making you stumble back, not wanting to be touched. Izuku may have forgiven them, but you couldn’t.
“Y/n,” Izuku called, “I really think we should sit down.”
Your eyes shifted between the married couple before deciding with a sigh to give in. You stepped aside and pulled your door back to open wider to allow them both entry to your apartment. You all talked for hours while you sat silently, processing and listening without uttering a word. They told you everything. About the rough patch Ochako and Izuku had been in. About their fights. How bad did they get that theirs were even worse than the ones you had with Katsuki? About how Izuku pushed the affair onto you because he was so insecure, it made him feel better if he wasn’t going through it alone.
About the café. About what happened after the cafe. About their rekindling when Ochako told Izuku about your breakup. About Katsuki, truly just being a friend for both the couple and helping both of them get through it. About how Katsuki explained to them how he’d been too distant with you, you truly believed he was cheating. He never came home anymore, and when he did, he never acknowledged you. How you told him the lust in the relationship was absent, and he didn’t help the affair rumors by cumming in his boxers after rubbing one out because of how late he came home and not being able to indulge in sweet love with you. How stressed and frustrated he was, but he kept away from you. How you found Ochako’s makeup on his collar from the nights she hugged him for dear life after venting about her fight with Izuku. And all you could do was sit with a fearful realization in your eyes.
"He never cheated, Y/n. Neither of them did." Midoriya finished.
Tears welled up in your eyes. Your heart constricts painfully at the realization of your mistakes.
"Why didn’t he say something?" Your voice cracked as your eyes glazed heavily with tears.
Ochako smiled sadly. "Because he thought you wouldn’t listen."
“He thought it no longer mattered. It was too late,” Izuku added as he took his wife’s hand in his.
You abruptly got up from your seat, rushed to the console table behind her couch, picked up your phone, and rushed to your bedroom. The married couple smiled at each other before giving a quick peck on the lips, before they got up to let themselves out of your home.
Katsuki didn’t even let the first ring finish. He clicked the accept call button a little too harshly as he shot up from his bed.
"Y/n?" His voice was desperate and vulnerable.
You hesitated. "Can we talk?" Voice broken within the words.
‘ Of course, what-umm- are you okay?” He asked nervously, unsure of the need for your sudden phone call.
“I just- I needa talk to you..” You bit your lip to hold in your cries as your eyes welled with more tears.
“Okay, I’m here,” He responded.
“No,” You rushed your response before taking a deep breath, continuing.
“In person, I need to talk to you.” Your voice grew more petite, more vulnerable, and smaller after every word.
“ ‘Course,” He shot out of bed as he rushed to dress into something more decent than his pjs.
“Can- can you meet me at the park?”
“In five."
Rain again. Ironic.
He stepped out of his car and began his search. He didn’t really search because he knew where you’d be in the park's secret garden. You were already there. Standing silent.
"You should’ve told me." You started the moment he got close enough to hear.
“I tried, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“I know, I’m sorry, it just felt so unfair at the time.”
"Unfair…?" Katsuki’s voice is barely a whisper at first, hoarse like he’s been shouting at ghosts.
"You think I don’t know it’s unfair? You think I don’t replay that night over and over — the way you looked at me like I was a stranger, like I was the one who stabbed you in the back?" His voice rose with every word.
His eyes shone, red-rimmed and tired, and his hands trembled as he tried to keep them at his sides. "I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t do anything but wonder if you were safe, if you were hurting as badly as I was. I wanted to call. God, I wanted to. But I thought… I thought you hated me. I thought if you heard my voice, it’d just make it worse for you. And when you came to my agency for the first time, you proved me right, and I couldn’t be mad at you. I probably would’ve felt the same if our roles were reversed. But then, then we got closer. Started over just for you to shit on me again!" He swallows hard, voice breaking.
"You say you were the victim, but Y/n, I was already on my knees begging every fucking night. I was drowning. Every fucking rumor, every side glance from our friends — it was like everyone was screaming that I’d lost you and it was all my fault."A single tear slips down his cheek, and he doesn’t bother to wipe it away.
"I didn’t cheat. I’d never do that. But when you saw us together, the look on your face… it broke me. Because I knew you’d already decided what kind of man I was. And nothing I said could change it."He moves closer, almost reaching for you before pulling back like he’s afraid you’ll shatter if he touches you.
"I was never asking you to say sorry. I just… I just needed you to know I love you more than anything, and I’ve been losing my mind without you. And if you still think I’m the villain in this… then I’ll go. But don’t ever think I didn’t fucking care. Don’t ever think I wasn’t fucking trying, Y/n. Because I never stopped trying."
"Trying? Katsuki, you think I didn’t see that? You think I didn’t know you were hurting too?" Your voice cracks, thick with tears you've been holding back for too long.
"But every second I waited for you to come for me after that night of our first real argument, the one where you left for days, it felt like proof you didn’t care enough to fight. I kept hoping I’d wake up to a message, a call, something. But there was nothing—just… silence. And I spiraled. I told myself you’d moved on, that the rumors were true, because at least that made the pain make sense." You let out a shaky breath, tears streaming now, unstoppable.
"I ran because I was scared, Katsuki. Scared that I wasn’t enough, that you’d found someone who made you happier, someone easier to love. And when you told me all those horrible but true things about myself, when I saw you with her, it was like every nightmare I had about losing you was playing out right in front of me." Your hands ball into fists at your sides as you try to keep your voice steady, but it’s hopeless.
"And you — you were so desperate to explain, but all I heard was the sound of my heart breaking. Because what if you were lying? What if I let myself believe you, and I got hurt even worse? I couldn’t risk it, Katsuki. I couldn’t." You step closer, breathless, eyes searching his like they’re the only thing tethering you to the world.
"You think I don’t trust you, but it’s not that simple. I want to. God, I want to. But I don’t know how to come back from this. How do I pretend I didn’t see what I saw? How do I un-hear all those venomous words and those rumors that ate me alive?" You cried.
You finally reach out, fingers brushing his shirt like you're afraid he’ll disappear. "I don’t hate you. I never did. I just… I’ve been so lost without you. So lost in my self-plaguing thoughts that I wasn’t good enough for you. That I was dragging you into that rabbit hole of toxicity and despair, I had to give up on us, even if I didn’t want to, even when my very soul was breaking. But if there’s even a chance you still haven’t given up on us… I don’t know if I can let you go a second time." Your eyes were filled with hopefulness.
The sky above is an endless stretch of black with grey clouds heavy with unshed rain — like the world itself is holding its breath. You stand in the middle of your old meeting spot, the park where you’d once shared secrets and laughter under the stars. Now, everything feels cold. Hollow.
"Y/n," he breathes, voice softer than you've ever heard it. The sight of him — tired eyes, clenched jaw, the desperate vulnerability in his expression — makes your heart twist painfully.
"Why does it feel like we’re standing at the edge of the world?" You whisper, voice breaking. "Like if I take one more step, I’ll lose you forever?"
He steps closer, hands reaching for yours, fingers brushing like they’re trying to memorize the shape of them one last time. "Because we are," he says hoarsely.
"I don’t want this. I swear to god, Y/n, I don’t want this. But we’re tearing each other apart. Every fight, every doubt… It’s killing us."
Your lips quiver as memories flood in — the way he’d pull you into his lap after a rough day, how his laugh could fill a room, the way he’d whisper I love you when he thought you were asleep.
"I don’t know how to stop loving you," You choke out, tears slipping free.
"I don’t think I’ll ever stop," he admits, voice raw. His thumb brushes a tear from your cheek, lingering like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to touch you.
"Then why can’t we fix this?" You plead, voice cracking. "Why does loving you hurt so much, but not having you hurts more?"
His eyes shimmer, bright with unshed tears. "Because love isn’t always enough," he whispers. "Not when we don’t trust each other. Not when every word we shout feels like it could shatter us when we fight."
The wind picks up, rustling the leaves overhead. For a moment, you both just stand there. His head came down to press his forehead against yours. Neither wants to move. Neither wants to let go.
"I wish things were different," You murmur, voice barely audible.
"Me too," He breathes. His hand drops from your face, but his fingers linger on your sleeves like they don’t want to leave. "You’ll always be my what-if, Y/n. My almost. My everything."
A sob rips from your chest. You clutch his shirt, desperate to pull him close — but instead, force yourself to step back, each inch of distance feeling like tearing open a wound.
"Goodbye, Katsuki," You whisper, voice breaking completely.
He stands frozen, breathing hard, eyes locked onto yours like he’s memorizing every line of your face.
"Goodbye, Y/n," he says raggedly, voice barely holding together. He forces his lungs to stop breathing because if he takes one more breath, he’ll let all his cries out. So he lets his eyes water and reden from his tears.
You turn and walk away, every step heavier than the last. Behind you, you hear a strangled sound escape him — and when you risk a glance over your shoulder, he’s still standing there, eyes wide and shattered, like his whole world just walked away. Because it was.
The rain finally starts to fall, soft and cold, masking the tears on both of your faces as you part ways — two hearts still in love, but too broken to stay together.
The rain soaks your hair as you walk away, each step feeling like a betrayal to your own heart. You don’t dare look back again — because if you do, you know you’ll crumble, and you need to stay strong. The path feels endless, every footfall echoing along with the words goodbye in your head.
Behind you, Katsuki stands frozen, the cold rain dripping from his hair, mixing with the tears he refuses to wipe away. He watches your shrinking figure until it blurs into the mist of rain. He wants to scream, to chase you, to do anything — but his feet are rooted, heavy with heartbreak.
"You’re really going to let her walk away?" a voice cuts through the storm behind him.
He whirls around to see Ochako, umbrella forgotten at her side, her eyes fierce despite the rain pelting her face. "You think you’re sparing her by letting her go? You think you’re protecting her? Katsuki, she doesn’t want protection — she wants you. She was begging for you." Ochako let out her own sob, her heart broken for you both.
He clenches his jaw, chest heaving, eyes broken. "She deserves better. She deserves someone who doesn’t make her doubt herself, someone who doesn’t mess everything up—"
"She deserves someone who fights for her," Ochako snaps, stepping closer, voice shaking with urgency.
"Do you really think she’ll stop loving you just because you let her go? Do you really think either of you will ever be whole again if you don’t at least try? News flash, idiot," She stepped before him, fire in her eyes. “You both tried that, and where did it lead you? Here, back to each other, and you finally get her back just to turn her away?!” She practically shouted beyond confused and angry for him. For years, he's moped and gone about his life, being sad and depressed about losing you, and he finally gets you back just to reject you?
"Are you trying to be petty?"
"The fuck? No-"
"Then what could you possibly have aimed for by turning her away?" She shouted through the rain. He stood quite, unable to answer because he didn't even know why he did what he did.
"Do you not love her?"
"What?" His eyes got dark with something new. Something different than sadness.
"Do you hate her?" He was back. His eyes flared with rage as he crowded her.
"Don't you ever say some bullshit like that again to me." He snarled like she'd personally offended him and his entire bloodline.
"Then that's enough, Bakugou." She reasoned, to which his interest peaked at her words, not fully understanding her yet, so she pressed on.
"Loving someone is more than a reason to stay." She paused before continuing. "That's like the whole fucking point to loving someone you moron!" She finished, loud and proud as she spoke with her own experience in her mind and heart.
Katsuki’s eyes widened, his breath catching painfully in his throat. Ochako’s words hit him like a blast, rattling the fear that’s kept him paralyzed. Images flood his mind: Your smile, your sleepy voice murmuring his name, the way your hand always found his even in a crowd. The time when you were broken up. The sleepless nights. Seeing that precious smile for another man. The nights he lay awake, wishing he could hold you. Crying and begging anyone at the darkest of nights to bless him with getting you back in his arms.
"Fuck," he whispers, eyes darting in the direction you left. "Fuck, fuck, fuck—"
"Go!" Ochako shouts, her voice fierce even through the storm.
He bolts, sprinting down the path you took, water splashing up around his feet as he tears through the rain. His lungs burn, but he pushes harder, heart pounding with a single desperate thought. I can’t lose her.
He catches sight of you up ahead — a lonely figure in the downpour, head bowed, shoulders trembling. His voice rips from his chest, ragged and raw.
"Y/N!"
You freeze. Turning around, eyes wide with disbelief, tears already blending with the rain. Katsuki skids to a stop in front of you, breathless, soaked, eyes blazing.
"I was wrong," he gasps, voice cracking. "I thought letting you go would protect you, but it’s killing me. I can’t live like this — I can’t live without you. Please, Y/n, I’ll do anything. I’ll prove every day that I’m worth your trust. Just… don’t walk away from me again."
You stare at him, eyes shining with fear and hope, chest heaving like you can’t catch your breath. "Katsuki… You’re right. I don’t know if we can fix this," you whimper.
He steps closer, cupping your face with trembling hands. "I was wrong!” He cried before continuing desperately. “Let’s try. Let’s mess up together. Let’s learn together. Just don’t leave. I love you too damn much to let you go again." He begged as he allowed his tears to fall. Only ever for you will he let them.
For a heartbeat, the world is silent except for the rain — then you throw your arms around him, burying your face in his neck. He holds you so tightly like he’ll never let go.
"I love you," You sobbed. "I love you, Katsuki."
"I love you more," he chokes out, pressing his forehead to yours, the storm raging around them — but in their arms, they’ve found shelter again. Katsuki pulls you in for a kiss—deep, passionate, yearning. Years of suffrage and pure yearning were extinguished and instead replaced by the sparks of their returning love.
Tears welled in your eyes, spilling down your cheeks and mingling with the kiss. He kissed them away without words, his mouth moving against yours with a hunger that carried both apology and promise. Every press of his lips said what neither had dared to speak aloud.
I’m sorry. I need you. Don’t let this end.
When they finally broke apart, both were gasping, foreheads pressed together, their breaths mixing in the fragile space between them. Katsuki’s voice was low, almost broken.
“I thought losing you was something I could handle, something that we needed,” he admitted, thumb brushing your jaw. “But I was wrong. So very fuckin’ wrong. I can’t—I don’t want to live without you.” He finished with a hand moving wet strands of your hair out of your face before resting it to cradle it with his giant palm. Your heart ached, but in that ache was the fierce relief of finally being seen. Your voice was soft, trembling.
“Then don’t let go this time. If you stay, Katsuki… if you really stay… I’ll forgive everything.”
“I don’t want you to forgive everything. I'd like us to start fresh. Start over. Let’s forget everything and build something new. I want to grow with you. I want to build something better with you, only you.” He whispered breathlessly just above your lips. You smiled with true love and adoration before speaking.
“I’d love that.” You nodded your head in agreement, and with those words, he kissed you again—gentler now, reverent, as if you were the only thing left in the world worth holding onto. Because You were.
It wasn’t perfect. Their relationship. They still argued. Still had their baggage. Still hurt, sometimes.
But they faced it together now. Never turning or running away, just running to each other.
No more misunderstandings, and if there were, they sat down and honestly talked to one another.
No more silence.
Only love.
And the fire that never really went out with the Sparks That Stayed…
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{A/n} Thank you all for reading this fic! To those who've been waiting since Spring, I'm so sorry it took me wayyyy longer than I promised to get this one out. I took a break from writing as life has gotten the better of me. I hope I delivered this fic beautifully, and I hope you all enjoyed it! I wanted to experiment and try something
a little different, and have a very long argument, as I felt it was
more realistic than something short. I also wanted this to be more angst than fluff, as the whole point of this fic was yearning angst with the slowest of slow burn of exs to lovers. If you loved this story and haven’t already, feel free to check out my master list to read some others!! Tysm for reading, and please come again!!🥰🫶🏼💕
╚═════════════════ 𓆩 ♱ 𓆪 ════════════════╝
CW: aged-up characters, heavy cussing language, and ANGST
Happy Reading!! \^>^/
Sequel out now! Something to be Done
Silence. For being in a place surrounded by clattering noise with people chattering and dishes rattling, it’s so loud. The silence. The thoughts rearing in your head. It’s frustratingly loud.
“Excuse me miss,” The waitress called you timidly. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that you must’ve been stood up. Having waited for an hour for you to order and politely dismissing her stating you were waiting for your partner to arrive and yet the seats around you were empty.
“C- Can I get you anything?”
“Umm,” You nibbled on your bottom lip, trying your best to keep your voice from trembling and the watery glaze in your eyes to keep from trickling down your cheeks.
“The bill. I’ll take the bill for the wine, please.” You spoke softly, lowering your head slightly while keeping your averted gaze from your kind waitress.
“Right away ma’am,” She bowed curtly before she left. You raised your hands that were gripping your beautiful silk maroon dress under the table and planted your elbows on the table sighing into your palms.
“Your bill ma’am,” The timid waitress announced as she placed it gently beside you.
“Thank you,” you responded lowly. You tore your face from your palms and reached to collect your small purse holding your wallet.
“Anything else I can do for you, ma’am?” The girl asked carefully.
“Besides getting my absent boyfriend here for a date we haven’t had in a year, nothing else, thank you,” You murmured as you placed 14,241 yen on the table and slipped an extra 2,800 as a tip as you slipped out of the booth, and walked to the exit with a hand clutching your purse and your head held high.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
The sound of keys jingling in a lock can be heard from inside a neat and clean apartment. The door creaking open revealed you dressed beautifully with a frown on your face entering the home. You placed your keys in the key bowl on top of the rustic white wood sideboard you had by the front door. You looked up and in the mirror, you saw how ruined your makeup looked from crying quitely in the cab you took to get back to the apartment.
Your frown deepened as you rubbed away the run-down mascara before giving up with a sigh. You dropped your purse beside the key bowl and made your way to your bathroom. You set up a nice warm bath with scented candles before you relaxed into the well-deserved warm bath. After some time when the water began to turn cold, you decided it was time to get out. You got out and did your nightly routine before heading to bed. You peeled the covers enough for you to slip into as you turned the TV on and rather quickly, you fell asleep to the low volume of the television.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
With a racing heart, Katsuki rushed out of his office building at 12:56 am. When did it get so fucking late? Most importantly when did he begin to lose track of his relationship? How long had it been since you both went on a date? It’s his fault. This is all his fault. He just hopes it’s not too late. As he raced to his car he thought back to the conversation he just had with Kirishima, his agency partner.
“Hey man, you’re still here?” A rough-pitched voice called to the spiky blonde-headed workaholic who sat in his desk chair in the middle of a large office of a sky-rise building. The city lights of Musutafu blared behind him through the glass panes of his office windows.
“Tch. This shit ain’t gonna do itself,” Katsuki scoffed. His brows creased in annoyance as he glared at the screen before him.
“Yeahhh but, I mean,” The redhead started.
“You gonna spit it out already? ‘Cuz if ya ain’t I got shit to do,” The blonde growled.
“Uhh never mind, guess I got my dates wrong.”
The blonde’s curiosity spiked as his eyebrows creased from frustration to slight curiosity at the man’s words. Kirishima picked up on his, ‘I wanna know more but I ain’t gonna tell you’ look and continued.
“Well, Mina was gushing this morning about how she was gonna spend some of the day getting your girl all dolled up for your anniversary dinner tonight.”
“What? That pinky freak needs ta get ‘er brain checked out. It ain’t today it’s next week.” Katsuki grumbled.
“Hmm, ya sure? She said N/N had told her to go over to yalls place today. I heard the girls talking on FaceTime last night.”
“Ya think I don’t know my own fuckin’ anniversary shitty hair?!”
“Sorry man! You’re right! Don’t shoot the messenger now! See ya tomorrow bro!” Kirishima shouted as he retreated from his partner's office hurriedly and slammed the door behind him as he exited.
Katsuki scoffed as he wore his typical scowl. He returned to reading the reports he had to sign off on before his thoughts drifted elsewhere. Kirishima’s words began to get to him. But what would that dumb-haired idiot know? No one knew his relationship better than himself. Yet the thought kept itching his brain uncomfortably. Katsuki exited the Word document and clicked on his computer calendar. He scrolled around to find today's date and agenda. His eyes searched intently to find any sign of today's plans only to find none. He smirked. Of course, he was right. He scrolled to next week's calendar list and scrolled through the pre-made plans only to notice your anniversary date wasn’t scheduled on the correct date.
“The hell?” The blonde scowled as he inched his face closer to the screen as if it would help him see more clearly.
His carmine eyes scanned closely at the agenda only to keep re-reading the same things. No anniversary. His confusion began to spike. He gave up looking through his computer and reached for his phone in his pocket. He quickly pulled up his calendar and looked through to next week's date again only to find the same thing. No anniversary date. He gulped the nerves that settled in his throat as he began to scroll back to this week. He checked today's date to find nothing. He let out a frustrated groan as he tossed his phone onto his desk which jumbled the messy stack of papers that were laid out. His eyes caught something on his desk that he hadn’t noticed before. A paper with a schedule for the week created by his assistant. He grabbed it and scanned through it noticing something.
No fucking way. How the fuck did he tell his assistant to cancel that?! But then he remembered
why...
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
“D-Dynamight sir, Pro-Hero Grand has publicly announced a collaboration with the Red Riot Dynamight Agency for the big Mysterio Villian Case. Should I schedule a meeting with the PR group?” Bakugou’s assistant asked.
“Tch, yeah schedule that shit.”
“Right away sir,” She began to dabble on her tablet with her stylus pen.
“Fuckin’ annoyin’ piece-a-shit,” He grumbled as he ruffled his spiky locks.
“What day should I make it for sir?”
“Friday, I’m already packed as it is durin’ the week,” He groaned as he sat on his office desk chair.
“Yes sir, ah- s-sir, it seems you’re unavailable Friday afternoon for your-”
“Just move whatever the hell it is,” Bakugou said firmly as he began to look through a stack of files and papers on his desk.
“S-Sir? But it's your-”
“I swear to god if you don’t just do yer job and reschedule whatever the fuckin’ schedule conflict is so fuckin’ help me-”
“Y-Yes Dynamight sir! My apologies! R-Right away, sir!” The woman squeaked as she bowed repeatedly before quickly scurrying out of his office to avoid being scolded harshly further. Bakugou sighed loudly as he laid his head back leaning further into his chair. A few hours later his assistant knocked on his office door, and with a growl, he allowed her entry.
“S-Sorry sir, almost forgot to give you this week's schedule, I’ve already altered it as requested,” Bakugou’s assistant said timidly as she quickly hurried to his desk, neatly placing said schedule before him, and then quickly scurrying back out.
Bakugou sighed, huffing an exhale before glaring at the ceiling. He just wanted the day to be over so he could sleep soundly beside his girl in the safety and comforts of your shared home…
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Katsuki rambled as he rushed through his agencies parking lot to his black Camaro with a giant orange X on the hood that matched the X on his hero suit. Scrambling to find the keys in his joggers and hoodie, he accidentally drops them, letting out another curse as he snatches the keys, unlocks his vehicle, and hops into it. His engine roars to life as he presses the ignition button, and shifts his gear down to reverse, the other hand clutches the steering wheel, and his foot steps on the gas.
The city lights fly past Katsuki’s vision and reflect beautifully against his car’s glossy paint. His mind is solely focused on you as he speeds through the streets of Musutafu. He broke hard at red lights before stomping on the gas at the green lights, trying his hardest to get back to you as quickly as he could while his heart raced with fear.
Katsuki Bakugou was never a religious man, there’s been times when he’s been at death's door yet he still never believed in any higher being, but right now he’s praying to any god or deity who’s willing to listen to his prayers that he can save your relationship from breaking. He knows he’s fucked up. He knows how desperate you’ve been to have one-on-one time with him yet he’s never complied.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
“Katsuki why can’t I just go over to spend five minutes with you during your lunch break?”
“Because Y/n I’m busy,” He growled as he brushed his teeth.
“You can’t even spare five minutes? Or what about leaving to work later in the mornings so we can eat breakfast together?”
“Woman, would you drop it? I’m a busy man, you know this. Don’t ya got yer own hero shit ta work on?” He argued.
“I mean yeah but-”
“Then drop it Y/n,” He growled before throwing some water into his mouth and gurgling to spit out.
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
Katsuki’s brows furrowed as a whine crept up his throat. His hands clutched the steering wheel tighter as his foot pressed on the gas pedal harder. He was almost home but it felt like he’d never get there. The 20-minute drive to your shared apartment felt like hours when he practically made it in five minutes. He sped into the driveway of the parking structure, smashed the pin code into the machine, and waited impatiently to be let in by the auto-mated closed gates of the apartment complex. Once the gates opened just enough for his car to drive through he sped into the parking lot, parking quickly with a harsh screeching of his tires breaking as he put his Camaro into park.
He quickly grabbed his duffel bag stuffed with his dirty hero outfit, grabbed his keys and water bottle, and got out, locking his car before booking it to the parking garage elevator. Katsuki's furrowed brows and creases of his skin were etched with worry and nervousness. What will await the hero once he enters his shared home with you? Are you mad? Are you upset? Are you angry waiting for him with a knife in hand? Okay, that last one was a stretch but Katsuki’s just stressed.
For a year or more he’s carelessly thrown his relationship with you to the side, blinded by his hero upcoming to realize that just loving someone isn’t enough to make a relationship healthy. God, he’d fucked up. He fucked up so bad. He’s just secretly praying to whoever will listen that he hasn’t messed up too badly. He needs you, his rock, his anchor, his breath of fresh air, his love, and hopefully his future wife, that is, if you even want to still be with him.
The sound of the elevator bell rings brings the ash blonde out of his trance. He quickly steps out of the elevator and rushes down the hall to your home. His hands were shaking slightly as his head began to get slightly fuzzy. His chest heaved quickly as his thoughts were overrunning with insecurity and fear. After a few moments of doing his breathing exercises his therapist, whom he was forced to see once a week, taught him to do, he exhaled with shut eyes before opening them and standing taller with confidence.
He unlocks the door and goes inside the apartment. His movements match the sound echoing throughout the apartment, quiet. He sets his duffel bag down in front of the sideboard and sets his keys in the key bowl before turning around and closing the door, making sure to lock it. His eyes scan the dark home looking for any sign of disorderliness throughout it. He quietly makes his way into the home and heads straight to your shared bedroom. He opens it with caution, careful not to disturb you.
It’s dark, the lights in the room are off yet the only thing that allows him to see you is the illuminating light from the TV reflecting onto your figure. He was cautious entering the room and getting closer to you with careful footing as he tip-toed closer to the bed. Your curled-up figure seemed so small and vulnerable to him as he approached your sleeping figure and sat down at the foot of the bed, careful not to wake you.
He sighed as he carefully laid a palm on your calf that was covered up by a blanket he hadn’t recognized. Fuck, just how absent has he been. A soft movement of bed sheets shifting catches Katsuki’s attention. His head and eyes follow the source of the noise as his carmine eyes meet yours. You had sat up, you're awake. Katsuki's tough focade falters slightly as his gaze catches with yours. He gulps, making mental preparations for the important conversation to come. He chooses to go with a small icebreaker, trying to gain an understanding of what you’re currently feeling.
Katsuki secretly prided on how well he could read you and made mental notes of how he was doing a good job as a first-time boyfriend. But right now he couldn’t read you and that scared him. You’re pulling away, that much is obvious, but how long have you been pulling away from him? Can he stop you? Does he still have time to reel you back in? He hopes he still has time to prevent you from distancing yourself further. Please let there be time.
“Sorry to wake you, angel,” He whispered as he scooted closer, enough to be able to lean down to kiss your forehead, to which you leaned away from the action, causing Katsuki’s throat and heart to constrict painfully.
His palms begin to sweat, he can feel the watery sensation begin to release out of his skin. He leaned back away to get a better view of your face. Just what was going on inside that pretty head of yours? He had to know. He needs to know how to fix this.
“Angel?” He called lowly, in a careful way to not tip you off.
“Where were you?” You finally spoke. Katsuki could feel his throat dry so he cleared his throat and wet his lips, before swallowing the lump in his throat and speaking.
“Workin’...” He responded, his head low showing slight vulnerability to you.
“Working?” You repeated his statement with slight venom on your tongue.
Katsuki didn’t know what else to respond with besides just nodding his head as an answer. His lack of acknowledgment and speaking starts to get you bothered. Does he not care? Has he not have anything else to say? Probably because he doesn’t even realize why you're upset. Hell, he most likely forgot, it's the most obvious answer you didn’t want to acknowledge. Denying such a ridiculous thing because you know your Katsuki wouldn’t forget. He’s a very organized man, he would’ve put it in his calendar that he checks hourly, unless he just didn’t care enough to put it down.
Obviously… he didn’t mark it down. It wasn’t a special enough day for him to put on his calendar. How stupid were you? A year without a date or properly seeing him isn’t a sign enough to show you that he just doesn’t give a fuck? Missing your anniversary isn’t a sign enough? You’re a pathetic girl in love with a man who’s in love with his job and nothing more. The answer to your question has always been in front of you yet you always dismiss it because of “faith” and “hope” that bonded you to your love for Katsuki.
Now those ropes have snapped from him with the realization. Your last hope of salvaging this relationship, this love has snapped. He saw it. He saw a change in your eyes. A slight sliver of your love vanished. His heart was crumbling. His pulse was quickening and his palms were growing sweatier at the second. He was losing you. He felt it, he knew it. He has to do something, there has to be something to be done to fix this. He has to, he can’t lose you.
“H-How was your day?” He choked lowly. Was he fucking serious?
“How was my day? Are you fucking kidding me?” You hissed. How stupid is he to ask that? Could he not tell? Of course not, because he doesn’t love you.
Fuck. Was that wrong to ask? Obviously, what does he do now?
“Is it wrong to ask my girl how her fuckin day was?” He growled.
“Don’t you fuckin go turning this around on me,” You raised your voice. At that, Katsuki gets defensive and raises his voice back.
“Turning this on you? All I did was ask how your day went or do you not want me to care?”
“Fuck you Katsuki Bakugou. Seriously fuck you.” You seethed.
“What’s gotten yer panties in a twist huh?” He spat.
“Okay Bakugou, just throw everything on me because I’m a shitty girlfriend, okay,” You scoffed as you rolled your eyes and rose out of bed, making your way to the closet.
With angry eyes, Katsuki watches you as he gets up from the bed and drinks in your every move.
“Did I fucking say you were? No, so don’t go putting words in my fuckin’ mouth when ‘m tryna talk to you,” He growled as his brows furrowed.
This was going wrong, so, so wrong.
“Well, how you're talking to me is telling me that!” You spat as you begin to rummage through the closet for something.
“Will you just fuckin’ stop actin’ like this, how do you expect to have civil conversations if yer actin’ like a bitch?” He spat.
Your movements came to a stop. Halting looking for whatever it was you were looking for. Your eyes widened as you stared blankly at the hanging clothes in front of you. Katsuki’s face mimicked yours as your back that was turned to him stiffened at his comment. It took Katsuki a moment before realizing what he said. His anger began to dissipate and regret, guilt and nervousness began to wrack through his mind and body.
“Y/n I didn’t mean-” Katsuki started as he reached an arm out to you.
“I hate you.”
His breath caught in his throat. His outstretched arm halted its movement as he stiffened and his body froze in place. His heart stopped and his body felt as if he was falling. Falling fast and hard to the ground, similar to the time he realized he was in love with you. Only this time it felt like he was dying. His heart constricted with pain it felt as if his heart stopped beating, like he stopped being able to breathe. His skull felt as if it were crushing down his brain.
‘I hate you.’ Not the sweet ‘I love you’s’ he loves to hear from you. Not the ‘love you’ that he craves you to whisper in the crack of dawn as he tries to swiftly untangle your sleepy limbs from his. Not the ‘I love you so much’ he needs to hear when he wakes you up at night accidentally because he was a tad bit loud trying to sneak into the shower without waking you, just to fail miserably and go over to kiss your forehead and you whisper those sweet words after he’s had a long shit day at work. Not the ‘I’m in love with you’ you first said after your twentieth date before he asked you to be his. Not an ‘I love you’ but an ‘I hate you’. You hate him. Not love, hate. Hate. You, his only weakness when it comes to anything, sweet you who he adores although he hardly shows it. You, who he needs although he hardly proves it.
You who he loves more than anything in the world, although he’s never said it. Is that why you hate him? He’s been an asshole, he can see it now. Is it selfish of him, to want to keep you when all he’s done is hurt you? Probably, but does he care? No, because Katsuki Bakugou is a selfish bastard but he’s going to change that with you. He wants to change that for you. He has to because he loves you. Even if you hate him he’ll follow you to the pits of hell because he loves you so much. He hopes it's not too late, he hopes there’s still something to be done to fix this.
“I love you.” He whispers through a broken whine. He hears the soft hitch caught in your throat.
He sees how the muscles and limbs of your body tense at his words. His eyes drink in every little thing you do to come up with his thoughts of what you must be thinking. From what he’s observed, what he said did nothing to help the situation.
“What?” You whispered.
“I-I umm. I said-”
“No. I heard what you said.”
He doesn’t respond, just stands cautiously waiting for you to speak. He feels it coming, the outburst.
“Why?” You murmured.
He wouldn’t have caught it if he hadn’t mentally tuned everything else in the world out just so he could focus on you. He was good at doing that. Being a hero forced him to learn these things regarding the human senses. He trained himself to be a hound dog with his eyes, ears, and smell for the job. With that experience, he could always hear the slightest change of your breath whenever he was around you. He heard your response, now he has to figure out what you mean by why and come up with a good response to save this relationship.
“What do you mean why? Because yer my girlfriend that’s why,” He scoffed. God his cursed fucking mouth.
“Just because I’m your girlfriend?” You repeated lowly.
Katsuki’s guard keeps going on higher and higher alert which he didn’t know was possible. It worried him. He didn’t respond, didn’t know what to respond with, so he waited for you to speak.
“You say you love me but you only love me because I’m your girlfriend?” You snapped as you turned around to face him, causing his body to snap straight up at your sudden outburst.
“You don’t love me because I’m hard-headed yet so calming. Because I’m rude but so loving. Or because I’m ruthless but so caring, or emotionally unavailable yet so emotional, or rough and tough yet so soft and gentle or scary looking yet so soft looking, or rough around the edges yet mushy in the center, or a bully yet sincere or mean yet kind or cocky yet insecure or brave yet fearful or clever but stupid or clean yet dirty or organized yet unorganized or active yet lazy or hygienic yet sometimes unhygienic or strong yet soft or ambitious yet negative or because you set goals so high the world can’t see them yet you go above and beyond to reach them, or because you inspire those around you without meaning to or because you strive for something so great and you work so hard to achieve it or because you don’t let anything stand in the way to get what you want or because you’re so beautiful and I don’t mean from the outside but the inside because Katsuki you are incredibly beautiful inside and out and that’s why I love you…I love you for all of those reasons because it makes you, you, and I love that, I love you. But if you can’t give me one simple fucking reason why you love me besides the fact that I’m your girlfriend then I don’t want to be anymore… because that just proves this relationship has been one-sided this whole time. I’m tired Katsuki… I’m tired of the late nights with no contact from you. I’m tired of always coming second and putting all the effort into this relationship to keep it from tearing but it’s already been torn. I am tired Katsuki. I’m done being tired.” Your broken voice broke him.
He tried and tried and tried so hard to keep himself strong but with everything you said, explaining every detail of him down to the bone broke him. For the first time in a very long time, Katsuki Bakugou broke down. His face instantly contorted to anguish as hot fat tears spouted down his soft cheeks. His arm quickly came up to cover his eyes from you as his unoccupied hand gripped at his shirt where his heart was. His knees buckled as he fell to the ground still sobbing. His emotions were running wild with absolute adoration for you yet he was heartbroken. You love him. A complete asshole who’s done nothing but hurt you, you love him, but he couldn’t love you as you deserved and now he’s going to lose you forever.
“I’m sorry!” He howled through choked sobs.
As he peered up to look at you, you weren’t there. He quickly got up and wiped his tears away as he scanned the room. His ears caught the sound of a heavy plop sound coming from the living room. He hurried to the noise source as he saw you stuffing a sweater into a duffel bag. The alarms in his head stopped as his mind came to a realization. You were leaving. He quickly went to you.
“What the hell are you doing?” He asked with a demanding tone. You didn’t respond, just continued to stuff some things you had laid out on the couch.
“Y/n I’m talking to you!” He called for you louder as he reached to snatch your wrist to prevent you from packing your things further.
“Let go of me!”
“Not until you talk to me!”
“I did talk!”
“Well yeah but-”
“No Bakugou, you forced me to talk earlier so I did and now I’m leaving. I spoke my peace, I got nothing more to say to you.”
“Well, I got way more to say to you, but I need you here to say it.” He growled, yet his eyes showed panic.
The slight shaking of his arm and hand, which kept you firmly in place from leaving, caught your attention as you looked into his eyes and down at his hand that gripped your wrist. You nodded slightly, causing Bakugou to loosen his grip. You took that slight change to snatch your wrist back. Katsuki stared down at you with a vulnerability you’ve never seen before.
“What Bakugou?” You asked with a tiredness to your tone.
Your shoulders slumped and your eyes drooped. You're tired. He can see it. The slight black dusting your eye bags. Your eyebrows creased to show your exhaustion. He sees it, your love dissipating. It makes him tremble. He doesn’t miss the name you address him as. His last name. No loving nickname. No first name. Just Bakugou. His last name. Something strangers address him as. The last name he wanted to share with you. Was it too late? Is it too late to still give it to you?
He wanted to propose to you. He wanted you to carry his last name. Wanted to share a deeper bond through marriage. Wanted to share new experiences as a bonded pair through golden rings. He had everything planned for your fifth anniversary. He fucked it up. Katsuki didn’t believe in love until he met you. The love that is now one-sided. He knew he’d been unfair these last few months. No, it’s been longer than that. He knew it, he just didn’t want to believe how shitty he’s been. As a very prideful and cocky man who prides himself on being the best in every aspect, he didn’t want to believe he failed. No, that’s not what’s eating at him. It’s that the one good thing he had in his life was leaving. Fleeting and he’s scared of the unknown.
In the hero industry, he excelled at foresight. He always had plans to be one step ahead, and always had an idea of what would happen next. Now he’s got no clue what’s going to happen and that scares him because it’s about you. He wants you more than anything and he knows that now. He doesn’t want to lose you. He’s known that but he didn’t show it and now you’ve reached your breaking point and he’s so fucking scared of a life without himself by your side.
“Please. Y/n I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for everything.” He said lowly with a break to his words.
You stood there watching your- watching Bakugou break. You did this. The great Dynamight who’s notorious for his strength and unvulnerability is broken before you. Some twisted part of you isn’t even empathetic towards him. You’re glad he’s hurting as you have been for the past year. Yet the part that loves him is aching. The inner battle of turmoil is clouding your judgment.
“I’ve been an asshole. I know that- I see that now-”
“So what? Did it have to take you losing me to see that?” Bakugou’s lips pursed tight and wobbled slightly. Loose you? Was this truly it? Did he really lose you?
“Please. Please, I’m sorry Y/n. I’m sorry for everything-!”
“And what exactly are you sorry for? Do you even have the slightest understanding of why you’re even sorry?” You shouted with tears brimming your eyes.
“For being an asshole! For being a horrible shitty fucking boyfriend! For being negligent and absent and expecting everything from you and giving you nothing from me! I see now how I’ve treated you and I know now how horrible of me that is and I’m sorry!” Bakugou rasped with tears.
Tears he’s vowed he’d never shed but are now sprouting from his eyes. Falling to his knees he sinks into himself as he crumbles. His world seemed to crumble down to ash. This is what he was good at. Destruction. Destroying anything and everything he touches. His quirk that he prides himself with, the quirk of explosion that makes Bakugou Katsuki, Bakugou Katsuki, was now seeming to feel like a curse rather than a blessing.
Katsuki flinches as his senses reel him back into reality from the soft touch of your fingers against his cheeks. His eyes drink in your face, the crease of your brows furrowed into an expression of sadness and worry. The puffy redness around your eyes hints at you crying. The tip of your nose is red and your lashes are slightly damp. God, you were truly beautiful. A gorgeous woman he had the liberty to call his at one point. At least he got that. Though his heart will never be satisfied with that.
“Thank you for the apology.” You said so softly.
The soothing tone he loved to hear. Lately, it was the only tone of voice you’d speak since he would only return home to you at ungodly late hours. The tone you called his name with when you were half asleep. So melodic.
“I love you,” He rasped as his body moved to hold yours, but you stopped him.
Your hands reached out to keep him at a distance by his shoulders. His gaze fell to your hands that pressed on his shoulders and back up to your face in confusion.
“I can’t,” you whispered. Katsuki felt his heart twist painfully again.
“You, can’t?”
“Oh, Katsuki. It’s not that easy anymore. We can’t just fix everything with a simple apology and an “I love you” and expect everything to be perfect.” You sighed as you returned your hands to your side and avoided his gaze in defeat.
“I know that. I do. That’s why I’m willing to do whatever I have to to fix this. Us. For us.” He announced as he slowly reached for your hand to hold in his. You noticed and quickly moved your hand away from his.
“No Katsuki you don’t get it. It’s not simple at all. This situation. Our relationship. It’s non-existent. I can’t live like this anymore.”
“Then, then tell me what to do. Tell me what I can do to fix it and I will. I’ll do it in a heartbeat. Please.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. You can baby. Anything you need from me, just tell me so I can fix this. I can’t lose you Y/n, please. He whined.
“I can’t Katsuki.”
“Yes, you can! Please! Please Y/n. Just-just tell me what I can do to fix us. To save us! C’mon Y/n, please! Just tell me what I can do! There has to be something I can still do to save us! Please!”
“I can’t!”
“Why?! Why can’t you?! There has to be something to be done still please baby!”
“I can’t because there’s nothing to be done Katsuki!”
There it was. The final tether of the string that tied your hearts together, it snapped.
“Nothing?” You didn’t respond. Just kept avoiding eye contact. Trying to focus on anything but him.
“Is this really it?” He murmured, although he was more so speaking to himself.
The disbelief. The refusal to accept it. The denial. His heart can’t. It’s refusing to accept the loss of you. It’s crying, screaming, threatening to rip out of his chest and rush to yours. To hug and hold your heart and beat warmly once again. But Katsuki has to resist, to hold it back and keep it in its ribcage, locked up. Forever in solitude as it deserves, as he deserves. He can’t blame you. He’s been so fucking awful to you. He can’t blame you, judge you, not even think about hating you, but it doesn’t mean he has to be okay with it. He’s not sure if he’d ever be.
“I’m sorry. There’s just nothing else to be done anymore. It’s over.” You said softly with a crack at the end of your sentence.
Katsuki knows you love him. But the damage he’s made has been done and he’s pushed past your limit. He understands. But even with knowing his heart can’t stop it’s yearning for you.
“I’m sorry.” He said, just merely above a whisper.
Loud enough for you to just catch it. You finally decide to look up at him and you see just how disheveled he looks, how broken he seems, and he is. It’s felt like hours. Perhaps it has been. It’s been hours since you left. Left him here, alone. Hours since he’s moved from the floor. He’s still sitting on the cold wood floor since the argument. He can’t find the energy to move. How long has it been? He doesn’t know and doesn’t care to find out. His gaze drifts to the windows of the apartment and notices the dark sky. Fuck, it’s late. It’s been a whole day yet all he can think about was what happened hours prior. His eyes move to look for his phone.
Finally having some sort of motivation drives his body to get up and search for his phone. He finds it on the kitchen counter. He turns his phone over and the first thing he’s greeted with is his lock screen picture of you and him, smiling like idiots in love. He fights so hard to keep the dam he worked hard to build over the past hours to stay up. With a hard deep breath, he wills himself to unlock his phone and takes off the Do Not Disturb. His phone instantly floods with notifications, messages, and missed calls, none of which were from you. His eyes scanned to see most texts were about his whereabouts from work employees such as his PR team, assistant, weird hair, and the nerd.
Instead of reapplying the Do Not Disturb, Katsuki just shuts his phone off completely. He has no use for it. He also wouldn’t like to see the reminder of what he once had on it either. He tosses his phone back onto the kitchen counter and takes a good, hard look around the place. It’s the same as it has been for years. It’s changed since you and him first bought it. Aside from all the hard work you put into decorating it, it’s still the same. Only now it feels emptier than it had been the day you both first moved in.
Katsuki takes the time to actually take in his surroundings and notices just how much the space has changed. His entire home looked more feminine yet empty. As if only one person lived here. Slowly his shared home with you began to look like just a home for you. Slowly things that made the home for you both began to disappear. The little decorations that he added for slight touches of his personality to blend with yours were now gone and all he could see was you. You surrounded this space and it frightened him because he’s now realizing he had been pushed out of your heart and mind completely for far longer than he’s realized. You drew all thoughts of him away by removing everything that made the home him and you to just you. Maybe in doing so it dulled the ace of him being a dead-beat boyfriend.
He wouldn’t blame you if that were the reason, it just doesn’t dull the ache within. Katsuki heads to the bedroom and slowly opens the door. As he enters the room he notices the changes that had been made. The silk black sheets he bought years ago now changed to white silk ones. The bed frame is new, and the mirror in the corner of the room is new as well. The tv is larger than the previous one and the blankets are a different color as well. God fucking dammit, he’s been sleeping here for five years, sharing a home with you was the best thing to experience but even though he’s been here he wasn’t truly here. Absent-minded living has driven you away and he can see why. He’s not noticed a thing that’s been going on under his roof. Even under his fucking nose for crying out loud.
He’s angry. All his emotions are building up. Fueling the giant pit of fire in his belly. The surging flames explode up the tubes of his veins, flowing into his brain. The flaming bursts of emotions kept fueling into his mind until it overflowed to be too much and then, he exploded. Crackling and thundering echoed throughout the walls of the apartment. Loud booming and thudding hallowing like a storm. Red. Nothing but red is all he can see. Red is all he sees as he grabs and throws anything he can grab a hold of. Red is all he sees as he blows up anything and everything in his path. Red is all he sees as he repeatedly pounds his fist against the wall.
Blue is all he sees when images of you pop up in his head. Blue is all he sees when he blinks his tears away. Blue is all he sees when he closes his eyes and slides his slumped body down against the wall that is bloody and charred. Black is all he sees when his exhausted body succumbs to the sleep he so desperately needs. When he sleeps, he can dream.
When he dreams, he can dream of a world where something could be done to keep your love for him...
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
.*☆ﾟ.* Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you for reading my story and if you liked it please let me know! The sequel is out now! Something to be Done
I also have a few other stories on my masterlist so feel free to read those as well! Thank you and please come again! .*☆ﾟ.*
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