I have a request actually though you are welcome to not do it out of any reason because I don't want to upset anyone but. The request would be for the reader / y/n who battles with severe depression, anxiety, cuts and has cut, suicide attempts in the past and has insomnia but they seem so happy and full of life and have a heart of gold. { it's what, among other things, that I deal with} Once again, don't have to do it if you don't want to
Hi! So this is a really old request BUT i need something to write so i can get back into it. anyway, i did edit this request a little; i myself struggle with depression so i kind of based it more on the aspects i’m familiar with. i made the self harm to be less blatant and shifted the attempts to ideation. but i hope you’ll still be happy with it if you happen to read it :) this is a mainly nikki imagine, btw
tw: depression, subtle self harm, suicidal ideation
She had been tired lately. Really tired. The world seemed to have a blue haze and she was having those thoughts again. She hadn’t gotten out of bed all day and noticed the sun filtering through her shutters took on a more orange hue as the sun began to set, but couldn’t bring herself to care about the time of day. She heard the front door open and close again. That was probably her boyfriend, Nikki. She felt terrible for becoming less and less active in his life. But bless his heart, he still loved her. He tapped softly on her bedroom door.
“Come in,” She murmured, not even sure she spoke loud enough to hear.
But he entered anyway and sat on the other side of her bed, kicking his boots off and laying down beside her.
“Hey, babe,” He spoke softly, motioning her to come closer.
She groaned as she moved herself over to cuddle up against his side. They laid in silence in the dimly lit room for a little while as Nikki stroked her hair and enjoyed the feeling of her warm body against him before he spoke again.
“I thought you were doing better,” He said, barely above a whisper, “I thought you said the pills from that shrink were working. I know they were. You were so happy for so long. Did something happen I didn’t know about? Are the pills not working anymore? You gotta let me know, baby. You’re scaring the hell out of me and the boys.”
She opened her mouth to reply, but all that came out was a choked sob as tears began to drip down her cheeks. She buried her face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her to squeeze tighter.
“I thought— I thought I was better,” Her shoulders shook as she sobbed, “I thought I was better. Like, permanently, you know? I didn’t think I needed the meds anymore. But… it’s getting bad again I didn’t think it would get bad again. And— And now I’m sleeping all the time, I don’t remember the last time I ate, I don’t remember the last time I showered. It’s probably really gross to be laying with me right now. And the worst part is I’m having those thoughts again and it’s really scaring me, Nikki, I— I feel so shitty. All the time. I’ve been such a bad girlfriend to you, I don’t deserve you, maybe I deserve this, maybe I—”
“No,” Nikki cut her off abruptly as she began to spiral. “I love you so much. I don’t tell you often enough. You don’t deserve to feel like this. Where are those pills? You still have them, right?”
He kissed all over her face until she stopped crying.
“Somewhere… in the bathroom, I think?” She murmured.
Nikki moved her off of him gently and gave her a quick kiss. “I’ll be right back.”
He got up from the bed and strode quickly into the bathroom and turned on the light. Fuck, this was a mess. But it’s not her fault, she couldn’t help it. He thought to himself that he might straighten up her apartment later. He didn’t give a fuck if his own apartment was a mess, but he knew she was happier when her space was clean. He sorted through the pill bottles on the counter and in the cabinet, noticing some heavy shit she probably shouldn’t have access to right now. He made a mental note to hide those later… and maybe take a few for himself. Eventually he found a bottle that sounded right.
Nikki went back to the bedroom and presented the bottle to her. “Is this the stuff?”
“Take one. And then keep taking them every day. Some people need this kind of stuff, it’s fine, it’s not a big deal. What is a big deal is when I don’t hear from my girlfriend all day because her brain is telling her she doesn’t deserve to be alive. Then it becomes my problem because I am not going to allow that. Do you have water? I’ll get you water. And some food, while I’m at it. And then I am dragging your little ass out of this bed, getting you out of those clothes, and we are taking a bath and you are brushing your god damn teeth; I will never not kiss you, but I know for a fact you haven’t in a few days. And we are getting you in some clean clothes— hell, I’ll even do your laundry— and changing the bed sheets. If you can’t take care of yourself, I’m gonna force you to take care of yourself, got it?”
She looked at him wide eyed and nodded. He was angry, she could tell, but not at her, and she was correct. He was mad that he hadn’t noticed sooner, and he didn’t want to think about what could have happened if he hadn’t gotten the gut feeling to go to her place today.
“I love you,” She gave him a slight smile.
“And I love you,” Nikki smirked, “Now get the fuck up.”
stormborns
2087
gracieabrams
romaincrisis
