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@tomose
[what-if] (Chapter 1)
Yuzuru Kise - 2nd Anniversary SSR Card Translation (featuring Kosaka and Okiya)
Thank you aca for providing the raws!
CHAPTER 1
AI KOSAKA: “The company extended the job offer to you? That’s great news. Congratulations.”
YUZURU KISE: Thank you.
You were always ready to lend a sympathetic ear whenever I confided in you; for that, you have my boundless gratitude. I owe this to you.
AI KOSAKA: “That was just me being a busybody. Don’t mention it.”
“And let me correct you there: you’ve earned this job in your own right. Be proud of yourself.”
YUZURU KISE: I will.
AI KOSAKA: “Sorry, I have something scheduled after this. I’d better get going.”
“Yuzuru, if anything comes up… No, what I meant to say was, feel free to reach out whenever you wish.”
YUZURU KISE: Of course. I’ll get in touch again once everything settles down. …Thank you for your time.
After hanging up the phone call that left me feeling warm and comforted inside, I let my gaze linger to the paperwork spread out on my desk.
There's my Withholding Tax Slip, Employment Insurance Card, and Pension Handbook, among other things… I thoroughly checked each document to make sure I hadn’t missed anything.
YUZURU KISE: Great. All that’s left is to get a medical certificate, then I’m all set.
I glanced at the clock as I did some light stretching. The second hand seemed to be moving awfully slower than it’s supposed to.
YUZURU KISE: (…I’m not used to having this much time on my hands.)
I couldn't help but let out a wry smile at myself for being taken aback by how polarly different time seemed to flow now in contrast to the fast-paced career and life I’ve left behind.
YUZURU KISE: Oh, I know. Now’s the perfect opportunity to cross off everything I have on my bucket list.
I took out my phone and opened the travel agency website I’ve had bookmarked for so long.
YUZURU KISE: (It’s always been a dream of mine to embark on a nationwide foodie tour.)
I could think of a couple more things to add to my plans.
I felt blessed that my heart flutters with excitement at all these little things to look forward to.
***
A few days passed.
SEI OKIYA: Dear me. Is that you, Yuzuru?
YUZURU KISE: Mr. Sei! Hi. Fancy seeing you here.
Oh, let me guess: Did you come here for a physical exam, too?
SEI OKIYA: No, I was here to visit an acquaintance admitted to this hospital.
And you had a physical exam appointment, you say? My oh my, what impeccable timing.
YUZURU KISE: Huh?
SEI OKIYA: Given that physical exams require a patient to fast prior, I imagine you must be famished by now, no?
YUZURU KISE: You got me there. As much as I’m embarrassed to admit, I am feeling ravenous.
SEI OKIYA: That's what I'd like to hear. Would you care to join me for dinner, then?
As luck would have it, the restaurant I had mentioned previously happens to be open today. What do you say?
YUZURU KISE: Gosh, of course I’d love to take you up on your offer. The pleasure is all mine.
CHAPTER 2
To follow.
CHAPTER 3
To follow.
HOME SCREEN VOICE LINES
① - ② - ③ -
2ND ANNIVERSARY VOICE LINE
[what-if]
Yu Nina - 2nd Anniversary SSR Card Translation (implied Onda cameo)
CHAPTER 1
A poet once said, “To live is to encounter. A life without one is a life that has yet to truly begin.”[1]
If those words hold true, then one thing I can say for sure is that mine will come to an end without ever having begun.
YUHANG: (An hour and a half left until the appointed time.)
This business hotel was arranged by one of our affiliates. The room that had been assigned to me as a stand-by spot was located on the lowest guest floor, right next to the emergency exit.
Dispose of the traitor who fled to Japan.
That is the sole reason I have crossed the seas and am standing at this spot.
YUHANG: (The target will show up at the designated point tonight.)
(Taking the train is not an option. I’ll have to leave the hotel on the early side.)
I take a sip of water and do a mental review of the course of action to take for this operation.
None of this is new to me; it's a task I’ve executed more than I could count. But I default to this anyway given there’s nothing else to do.
YUHANG: (Seeing to the disposal of targets is the only function I serve.)
(Where I do what I do poses no consequence; sticking to the method ingrained in me is how I do it.)
In other words, business as usual, with no room for unwelcome emotions and needless reflections. Even the weight of the gun in my holster no longer occupied a space in my mind.
YUHANG: …
With the quick review out of the way, idle downtime filled the room once more.
Other than surveying the entire floor – which I’d already taken care of when I arrived – there was nothing else of relevance left for me to do.
I went through the motions of scanning the room. The case of cigarillo left on the table caught my eye.
YUHANG: (I haven’t eaten anything since morning, come to think of it.)
Hit by a hunger pang, I sluggishly reached for the case of cigarillo. I let my thoughts wander back to the details of my mission as I filled my lungs with bluish smoke.
YUHANG: (One hour to go…)
What a meaningless waste of time – like filling a vacuous void with nothingness.
[1] A maxim by Shuji Terayama featured in his posthumous work Words More Than Your Hands Can Hold: A Collection of 413 Aphorisms (両手いっぱいの言葉―413のアフォリズム, Ryoute Ippai no Kotoba―413 no Aphorism)
CHAPTER 2
In some back alley far from the reach of the city’s hustle and bustle, I wrestled the target to the ground and pointed my gun at him. With both legs now crippled, his chances of escaping were no more.
MAN: Don’t… shoot…
YUHANG: I have no reason to follow your demands.
MAN: Spare me, and I’ll introduce you to a business worth your while. For the right price, they’ll forge you a new identity and erase all records of your past.
The best part of the deal… is that you can make a break from “that person’s” sphere of influence.
YUHANG: Mhm.
MAN: Desert the crime family just like I did! You can live a life better than y–
I tightened my finger on the trigger.
???: … YUHANG: !
In the seconds that followed, I sensed distant footsteps and voices growing audible as they inched closer. Only then did I take my finger off the trigger.
Although the footsteps I heard didn’t seem to be headed towards our location, firing now would likely notify whoever those belonged to.
YUHANG: (Let's wait until they pass by.)
MAN: Agh!
I pressed down my weight on this man and let the sole of my shoe drive into his throat, causing his legs to jerk upward. Only the noise of his struggling on the ground and gasping for air lingered.
That should do. They’ll never hear us from the main road.
I bent down to hide in a blind spot and waited for the passersby to leave the area.
YOUNG MAN: *inaudible*
YUHANG: (One young man and a middle-aged couple.)
Stealing a peek, I saw a group of three well-dressed people walking together. The similarities of their facial features told me they must be a family.
When the young man gave a coy smile, his parents beamed in kind – a commonplace kind of scene you’d find anywhere in this country.
YOUNG MAN: …tomorrow…
MIDDLE-AGED MAN: …let’s go–
I strained my ears to catch bits and pieces of their conversation in Japanese. From the way they didn’t seem to question the promise of a tomorrow, I knew my path and theirs were not meant to cross.
The only thought that came to mind was, “They're unlikely to be our foes.”
YUHANG: (They’re gone.)
I stood up while keeping an ear out for the laughter growing gradually distant. Once the profiles of the three passersby disappeared from the corner of my eye, I then directed my gaze to the target still squirming on the ground.
MAN: Hng… Zave… mhge…
To erase your entire past and start life anew: the idea offers no failproof guarantee, to say nothing of how realistically unfeasible and utterly ridiculous it sounds.
What made him think going back was an option still on the table?
YUHANG: (I fail to understand that thought process.)
I pulled the trigger.
CHAPTER 3
Following the orders given to me, I made a phone call to report that my mission had been wrapped up.
It took a couple of rings before the call was picked up, and only then did I start speaking.
YUHANG: Done.
???: Okay. Is that it?
YUHANG: Yeah.
???: Mhm. In that case, get ready to fly back. I’ll brief you about the other mission I mentioned previously.
As I see it, only you can execute it without dying. Everyone else won’t make the cut.
YUHANG: Copy that.
The call ended.
When I put away my phone, my fingertips brushed a familiar texture. It was the stick of cigarillo I stuffed in my pocket before leaving the hotel.
YUHANG: (Let’s see, smoking area…)
I raised my head to look around for one, but there doesn’t seem to be any within the vicinity. Not an issue. I figured I'd eventually find one after walking around.
Just when I was about to take a step—
???: ?
I heard somebody try to strike up a conversation with me. Keeping my wits about me as I turned around, what greeted my gaze was a child – who I’m guessing couldn’t be any older than ten – standing behind me.
I didn't understand a lick of what the kid just said. He’s speaking in Japanese, I assume.
Seeing no reason to give him the time of day, I opted to ignore him and make my leave. But then, as if he realized something, the kid began to muster up what little English he knew in an attempt to get his message across.
CHILD: “You maybe hungry.”
YUHANG: What?
CHILD: “White…? …, for you!”
I'd been offered what appears to be an individually wrapped piece of chocolate and the kid’s ear-to-ear grin.
His words, paired with his hand gestures, reminded me of how pale I‘d looked in my hotel room’s mirror.
YUHANG: (I look as white as a sheet, so he’s giving me that?)
(Or perhaps he meant something different. Either way, I don’t need it.)
CHILD: ?
YUHANG: I'm good.
CHILD: …?
YUHANG: No. Keep it.
I couldn’t understand the reason behind the kid’s smile and why he kept offering me the chocolate. I decided to accept it to get this irresolvable and incomprehensible back-and-forth over with.
YUHANG: Now scram.
CHILD: —!
He probably has no idea he’d been chased away. Without seeing off the kid who sped to run satisfied, I turned my gaze to the snack I held in my hand.
YUHANG: (I could say the same about myself.)
(The smile he showed, why the kid did what he did, and everything about this whole interaction were lost on me. Even if I did understand—)
YOUNG MAN: …tomorrow…
MIDDLE-AGED MAN: …let’s go–
CHILD: “You maybe hungry.”
CHILD: “White…? …, for you!”
MAN: Desert the crime family just like I did! You can live a life better than y–
YUHANG: …
I stared down at the wrapped piece of chocolate in my hand. It stayed solid, as if unaffected by my absent warmth.
Me, leave the mafia? Talk about unfeasible and ridiculous. It’s not even up for debate.
YUHANG: (Let’s go find that smoking area.)
I tossed it in the nearest bin, all while planning steps for my next mission.
Aimlessly, I walked into the night—
HOME SCREEN VOICE LINES
① - Your addition to the company posed no disruption to our operations. I’d say it speaks to how well you fit in the team.
② - Two years, huh? If you want to look back on the past every time you reach a milestone, that’s up to you. Better yet, it would be in your best interest to do so with the intent of applying what you've learned in the future. Am I wrong?
③ - There is no shortage of events to celebrate at this company as it is, but this occasion must be special in a league of its own. No objections from me. Let yourself have a good time.
2ND ANNIVERSARY VOICE LINE
Your tenure at a company doesn't matter as much as what you've learned during your time there. You should be proud of what you've worked to build up.
[what-if]
Haruhi Ichikawa - 2nd Anniversary SSR Card Translation (featuring Shinkai)
CHAPTER 1
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (…Yeah, should’ve sat this one out and stayed at home.)
Here I am at a class reunion I chose to attend for the sole reason that I just kinda felt like it.
While my former classmates were having a blast reliving the nostalgia of our middle school days, I stood near the walls eating by myself.
Is loneliness creeping in? You’d think so, but not in my case. Though I can’t say I have the nerves of steel to ignore this awkwardness.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Me and a room full of strangers… I feel like a total outsider.)
I nibbled on some mentai-flavored chips served on a plate. These were probably prepared to pair with drinks, but they’re plenty tasty as is.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (…All this standing around has me exhausted.)
Even standing cocktail parties like this come with a designated rest area. I took a seat on a counter stool in the least conspicuous corner.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Cocktail party etiquette: don’t stay seated for too long, was it?)
(Okay, but let the chair serve its purpose. Nobody gives a hoot whether I stand up or sit down, anyway.)
Between staying on other people’s radars in a half-assed way or being invisible, I’d take the latter any day. But then…
(BLANK): Is that you, Ichikawa?
A giant shadow appeared out of nowhere. When I looked up, this giant dude standing entered my view.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: …Yep.
(I knew I recognized the giant figure I saw by the entrance.)
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Do you remember me?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Yeah, I do. Shinkai, right?
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Good to see you again.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Same.
I replied as I tried to get up from my seat, but Shinkai waved his hand to gently gesture me not to.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: It’s fine, stay where you are.
Then, he grabbed a seat close to mine.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Don’t mind me, really.)
SOYOGU SHINKAI: You good?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Yeah. Just giving myself a break after having one drink too many.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Give me a heads up if it ever gets worse. I can find you a place to lie down.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Yeah, no, it’s all good. I’ll sober up in no time.
I haven’t had any drinks today, not even a sip. Explaining the real reason just felt like too much effort. Not worth the hassle.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: … HARUHI ICHIKAWA: …
(Ugh, now what? You sitting next to me made conversation between us unavoidable.)
SOYOGU SHINKAI: So? How are things lately?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Aaand he drops a vague question.)
Not much. I work as a run-of-the-mill illustrator at your run-of-the-mill company.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: That’s impressive.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: How so? It’s nothing to write home about.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: My point is that you’re capitalizing your talents. You’ve always been good at art, right?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Not by my standards.)
SOYOGU SHINKAI: …Work keeping you busy?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Typical stuff. Could be worse.
Our conversation continued, sprinkled with pauses here and there. The sporadic periods of silence offered peace and were far from awkward.
CHAPTER 2
BOSS: Ichikawa, how’s your workload looking today?
My boss brought up while confirming my project deadlines at our morning meeting. Immediately, I thought, “Great. This is gonna be a colossal pain.”
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Well… I guess I can squeeze in a few extra tasks.
I answered with an emphasis on “a few”.
BOSS: Perfect. One of our clients happened to request additional assets for their order, so I’d like you to lend a hand.
You know how we don’t have enough designers around, right?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Copy that. I’ll reach out from my end and give you a heads-up via ChaTask once I’m done.
(She’s asking for something that would be impossible to finish by the end of the day. I just know it.)
My arms feel heavy, accompanied by a dull, throbbing pain. It's my tendonitis acting up again.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Putting a strain on it every single day will never give it time to heal.
I kept my hands moving, trying to ignore the soreness. As a cold, unfeeling robot would.
EMPLOYEE A: Ichikawa, did you catch yesterday’s episode of Paw Planet?
A carefree voice coming from the desk next to mine greets my ears, to which I gave a noncommittal reply without pausing what I’m doing.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Nah, didn’t get to. I kinda passed out last night.
EMPLOYEE A: Bummer. Well, try catching it on stream, at least! You just missed the legendary episode of Tortoiseshell Cat the Mage just being cute.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Mhm.
EMPLOYEE A: By the way, did you check the mirror this morning? You’ve got dark circles under your eyes.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: I guess.
EMPLOYEE A: Hahaha! With the hours of overtime you pull, I’m not surprised!
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Let’s be real – it’s nothing to laugh about.)
For the record, I don’t have a bone to pick with this guy – my coworker who’s two years younger than me – but once he starts chatting, he never knows when to stop. Which does nothing to help with my focus.
I cut him off to mention work.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: How’s your progress with that one project? The merchandising team followed up to expedite, didn't they?
EMPLOYEE A: Oh, tell me about it. There’s no end in sight.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Uh-huh. So why aren’t you picking up the pace?
EMPLOYEE A: Oh, right. I’m sorry…!
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Look, I wasn’t asking for an apology.
Listening in on our conversation, my senior colleague who sits diagonally from me chimed in:
EMPLOYEE B: Come on, Ichikawa. Would it hurt to tone down your harsh words~? Be nice to your junior, m’kay?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Excuse me? Says the guy whose projects have exceeded the delivery date. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you leave your desk at every turn just to farm your mobages.)
Oh, no. I’m sorry.
I threw a half-hearted apology then kept my hands moving.
All I want is to draw flowers with a mellow, gentle palette. But the one on my screen looks muted and dull.
****
At our office now practically deserted, I stuck around to continue with my tasks.
I bought myself an energy drink from the vending machine. When I pulled the tab to take a sip, I felt a sudden wave of discomfort hit me.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: This will make me throw up. Not today, I guess.
(…I feel sluggish and sleepy. I’d rather just head home. I hope this sick, exploitative company goes bankrupt soon.)
Throwing curses on the inside, I let out a heavy sigh and stare at my screen.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (This background could use more detail…)
(Never mind. This’ll do. I won’t make the deadline if I spend more time on this.)
Work is no different from grinding video games. Tasks are quests. Approval means Stage Clear.
It’s more common for your dedication to detail or attempts at ingenuity to go unnoticed. So why bother? Just make short work of submitting something “passable” and claim your rewards.
Let’s be clear on this: You’re the one who didn’t double down until it led to results you can be satisfied with. You and not me, right? So why are you passing the blame on me?
The words I threw at someone a long time ago return to sting me back.
Look at me: I’m the one who keeps producing subpar, unsatisfactory art. Day in, day out.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (…What was my art style used to be like?)
I can’t seem to recall anymore.
CHAPTER 3
The following day, I made my way to work in unsteady steps, enduring the nausea I feel.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (I hit the sack at like, what? 4AM at dawn? And now I have to clock in at 9? If this isn’t ridiculously unreasonable, then what is?)
I start walking again, dealing with a headache and arm pain. I could see myself collapsing on the streets if anyone ever so much as bumps into me right now.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (I’m at my limit. I’d better call in sick… Wait, can’t, I’ve got a deadline today.)
(The fact that this mess of a project had been thrown at me to deal with meant we’ve already overrun the timeline. We’ll be in hot water if I missed submission today.)
Thoughts spin in my head as I drag my body with each step. Sucks for me when I’d rather just shut down my brain.
(BLANK): Hey.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (Who in their right mind would strike up a conversation with a guy who clearly might drop dead any minute?)
When I glanced back, Shinkai was there, looking at me straight.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Dude, you look worse for wear.
You’re staggering with your steps, too. What’s going on?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Nothing you should worry about. I’m just exhausted. Anyway, I gotta go.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Can’t you ring in sick?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: There's something I have to finish by the end of the day. Non-negotiable. Plus, well, other stuff on my plate.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: I see, I see. They’re counting on you, huh?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Nah. It doesn’t have to be me, really.
I’m being put to good use ‘cause I’m around. That’s all.
Self-deprecating comments gush out of my mouth. What’s the point in mentioning all this? The dirty tips of my shoes entered my view and did nothing but amplify my misery.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Negative much?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: …
Work calls, I said. As I resumed my steps, a resonant voice came in pursuit.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: I won’t stop you if you say so. Raining on someone’s parade – especially someone who’s steeled his resolve – would be a tactless thing to do. Not my style.
There was no reason for me to look back anymore.
Because Shinkai followed me with brisk steps and stopped before me.
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Do you live alone?
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Yeah. Why do you ask?
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Good to know. Give me your number and I’ll give you mine.
Call me if you ever collapse. You don’t strike me as someone with a lot of friends to rely on.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: How am I supposed to call you if I collapsed?
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Five minutes before you do, then.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: You think I was born with precognition abilities or what?
Pfft. A faint smile graced my lips. Which was good for a change, considering I’ve heaved nothing but sighs lately.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: Why worry about me?
SOYOGU SHINKAI: Look how drained and exhausted you are. You were no better last time I saw you, either.
HARUHI ICHIKAWA: (…Right. This is Shinkai we’re talking about. It’s what he does.)
No matter what kind of flowers he draws, I’m sure they’ll turn out vividly hued.
The bright blue skies serving as a backdrop behind Shinkai made me want to crawl under my sheets and sleep in the dark of the night.
HOME SCREEN VOICE LINES
① - Do you realize how much of an oddball you are? You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that. If you’re ever in a bind, just say the word. Help will come your way. ...And by that, I mean Taiga. ② - Okoge spilled two kibbles from his bowl this morning, like he just knew what the special occasion was about. Lemme present this as an offering~. …Yo, I’m just kidding. I prepared an actual decent gift for you. ③ - 2nd Anni Cheers~ Got any goals for the year ahead? …Me? Oh, the usual: to relax and take life easy.
2ND ANNIVERSARY VOICE LINE
Is it just me, or does it feel like time flows by more quickly with each passing year? How many days are in a year now? Like, 200? Anyhoo, Happy Anniversary.
[Self-Introduction: Murr]
Murr Hart - N Card Translation (featuring Akira)
MURR:
Murr the Western wizard – that’s me! Let’s get to know each other, Master Sage, starting with what we love.
Me? I love all things sparkly ‘n shimmery!
Like butterflies and gem shards and all that jazz. Oh! That includes you, of course! You’re sparkly and pretty, all of you!
But if I had to choose what I love most, I could give you a definite answer: the magnificent Moon hanging in the sky! You see it, right?
The Moon is peerless in its sparkliness – the cold, solitary kind that sends my heart racing!
Whenever it drifts away, I find myself yearning to close the distance between us. Yet whenever it approaches closer, I feel the urge to distance myself from it. The Moon holds a special place in my heart like no other.
The world may have labeled it the “Great Calamity”, but if you ask me, nothing spells disaster quite like humans and wizards and their knack for sowing chaos!
I definitely have a knack for it! Deep down, I bet you do, too!
I mean, don’t you consider yourself your worst calamity?
It takes as little as the flick of a finger to throw the world into chaos, even without the involvement of the Great Calamity.
By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask… Do you like sparkly things, too?
Is that a yes? I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s go treat ourselves to “sparkly” gazing!
What exactly will we be gazing at? The Moon, obviously! The sparkliest of them all!
I’m sure you’d wanna see it up close, yeah? Yeah? Great, ‘cause I saved a seat on my broom just for you!
We have an extraordinary night ahead of us!
promises:
oz - with akira (april fools SSR) arthur - with vincent (MS2) cain - with owen (pararoid) riquet - with multiple cult members (prior to MS1), attempted with mitile (anniv2)
snow - white - mithra - with tiletta (prior to MS1, before mitile's birth) owen - bradley - with the twins & figaro (prior to MS1, ~100 years ago)
faust - shino - with heathcliff (prior to MS1) heathcliff - with shino (prior to MS1) nero - attempted with bradley (MS2)
shylock - murr - chloe - rustica - with chloe (MS1.5)
figaro - attempted with faust (sunflower etude) rutile - lennox - with akira (affection) mitile -
akira - with oz (tanabata 24) hwylryn - with akira (anniv4) dietfried - with shino (prior to MS1, mentioned in anniv5) melissa - with murr (prior to MS1, mentioned in anniv4)