Another tired dreamer

me & life & johnlock

[mingisongs]

does the sherlock fandom still exist?

[mundancheemudomo]

I think yes.

[simplyclockwork]

I mean. We’re caught in a cycle of endless reichenbach and season 4 suffering, but ya

[oziraphale]

And yet the fandom still attracts new victims people.

[cumber-porn]

& old ones returning

[hpswl-cumbercookie]

Yeeee

[shiplocks-of-love]

This fandom is alive and kicking!

[the-signs-of-two]

We came, we saw and we stayed in the hope of conquering.

[fallen-finn]

Yes

[beesandwatsons]

Another victim here.

[toobusytofunction-blog]

We are as immortal as the gays we are worshipping

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Don’t hide.

Sometimes, a lot of times actually, I wish I could be invisible. Or it’s more like I don’t want my body to be seen but to still be noticed as a person. (Well this might sound like something an overly beautiful person would say, but trust me, I am just the opposite of that.) When I am not focussing on my exterior, I am happy. And then it destroys me even more after a fun night out or something like that when I have to look at the photos the next morning. In comparison to every other person, I lose. I feel miserable even though I spend an awesome evening only a few hours before. As long as I don’t have to see myself and remind me of how unattractive I am, I can forget about it. I don’t know. I guess this would go away if I finally accepted myself as who I am but emotionally, I am not at this point... not yet. So today’s lesson for me is not to hide because - you know what? It’s today’s lesson because I think this would be the healthy first step any emotional stable person would recommend me on my way to self-love. I can literally hear them say this to me. Urgh.

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Jep I just wrote what I felt ;)

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Don’t function all the time.

I literally forgot that I was allowed to take a break, to get some rest beyond my 6 hours of sleep. The last time I had an hour to myself was Monday evening... because my volleyball training had been cancelled. Today is Thursday.

What am I even doing? Why can’t I just say ‘no’ to anyone? This is not healthy. And yet I still have so much to do and I literally can’t think of one thing on my list that isn’t super important. Great. Time to get some self preservation instincts, otherwise there is a nice burnout waiting for me at the end of that road. Don’t feel guilty for having some free time. You need to rest. Oh and you deserve it, too.

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Sherlock: Stay away! It's too dangerous!

John: Sherlock, love, you are literally trying to open a bottle of sparkling whine. Let me-

Lestrade, hiding behind the kitchen counter: Listen to him. He told me the number of people killed by champagne corks earlier.

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Don’t be sorry.

So, obviously, I don’t mean that you shouldn’t apologize for your mistakes and wrongdoings, but if anyone ever tries to make you feel guilty about something you did for your own wellbeing - Don’t. Be. Sorry. I cannot emphasize this enough. Your own health is always more important than literally anything else. I had to learn this the hard way today. I woke up and my body just didn’t work. I had been doing stuff non-stop for sixteen hours the day before, just because I didn’t want to let anyone down. Maybe some of my chores could have been done later but - I don’t know. I just felt like I had to do them to not disappoint anyone. Geeez, I really need to get my priorities straight.

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Don’t hesitate.

I recently realized that life is short. Yes, thats what every old person keeps telling you every time you meet them, but I think for understanding this fact entirely and with all its consequences, you need to experience dead. Like, one moment a young person is full of life and hopes and dreams and plans and one second later - everything gone. Disappeared. Whiped out. And all the money you saved and all the hours you spent studying instead of doing something you love mean nothing. So naturally my first act was to buy plane tickets to the United States to visit my friend. It just felt right and I didn’t want to deny myself nice things like I am doing so often lately. I am not saying we should live in the moment exclusively, but we should think about finding a balance where we take every opportunity we get both at work and in our freetime. As a very often quoted commercial is saying: Just do it. Everything will turn out fine, I promise.

[toobusytofunction-blog]

The scent

Imagine how one day, John has to borrow one of his colleague’s deodorant because he ran out of his own. Sherlock comes home way after midnight and stops right in the doorframe, noticing the unknown smell in an instant. But this time, it’s not a women’s scent, no, this time, John apparently brought home another MAN. And Sherlock just rushes into his room and starts crying bitterly because it`s even worse to know that the love of his life is not only refusing him because John is straight. Sherlock is not wanted even though he belongs to John’s potential choice of partners. And it hurts. It hurts so much having the final proof that he, Sherlock, as a person is not good enough for John Watson. And all his insecurities and self-consciousness come up again because he lost his most beautiful daydream: that John, if he weren’t into women, would choose him without hesitating.

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Sherlock: I'm the bad guy

John: Duh

[toobusytofunction-blog]

Don’t be confused.

At least not as much as I am. Yes, this blog is going to be some kind of self-cure thing where I’ll talk about what goes on in my head, but I will also upload some of my very short stories, mostly Johnlock. So yeah, welcome to everyone who stumbled across this blog and you will get used to the strange mixture...I think.