Things I wish they told you about Depressionâą
Sometimes it is not a black cloud. Sometimes it is a white veil. A veil that makes everything too bright, that separates you from everything else, that muffles everything around you until your personality is nothing. Sometimes it doesnât feel like darknessâŠ.it feels like cotton.
Sometimes itâs not about sadness. Or irritability, or moodiness, or emptiness. (Of course, sometimes it is about all of those things). Sometimes all itâs about is energy. As in, the lack of. Like you moved through a pit of tar that is now coating your limbs, your eyes, your mind. Even if you have the will to do things, you canât summon enough energy to move your big toe, let alone go out with your friends.
Depression doesnât care about your background, personality type, attitude or beliefs. âBut youâre so happy!â âBut youâre so outgoing!â âBut youâve had the perfect life!â Depression doesnât care about any of those things. All of them can be true or none of them can be true and you will still have depression. Also, yes, I HAVE tried exercising (and vitamins, and positive thinking, and all the other shit that works for you and your perfectly chemically-balanced brain), but itâs a little hard to drag myself to the gym when I canât even scrape up enough energy to feed myself once a day.
When your friends tell you that theyâre scared for you, listen to them. When they tell you they want to help, let them. When your mind tries to tell you that they donât care, that they donât love you, talk to them. Too many people go through things alone. Donât go through it alone if you donât have to.
Your depression will look completely different than anyone elseâs. Even if youâve seen it a thousand times on a thousand different people, yours will be unique. You will think âIâm not depressed. I know what depression is and thatâs not what Iâm feeling.â You will not see it. There is no right or wrong way to have depression.
You. Are. Not. Lazy. You are not stupid. You are not broken. You are not tragic or beyond help or alone or shameful.There is a chemical imbalance in your brain. Do not mistake this for a flaw in your character.
Medication is 100% necessary, but it will not be a miracle fix. You will not wake up one morning and dance around your apartment and sing with the birds. The first medication may not work. The second medication may not work. Lucky for you, there are hundreds of them. Try them until one does work. You will still have bad days. You will still sleep until 3. Your life will not change. Except it will.Â
Appreciate the victories. You will look around one day and notice that you did laundry for the first time in months. That you finally went grocery shopping. That you got through a whole day of work without wishing you could crawl under your desk and take a nap. That you made plans with your friends and didnât cancel. These are the good things. See them, smile, and know more victories are coming.
Depression is an asshole. It turns your own mind against you. It lies. There is nowhere you can hide from it. But luckily for you and me, itâs an illness that can be fought against. Fight against it. Enlist an army to help you. Youâre worth it. You deserve it.Â
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