for my daughter

Jocelyn Darnell | McCoy | Treadway Mother. Teacher. Divorcee. { Ind. Sel. } ~ As close as we'd been when we were together, we were closer in our unraveling, telling each other everything at last, words that seemed to us might never have been spoken between two human beings before, so deep we went, saying everything that was beautiful and ugly and true. x

[rpmusings-galore]

                                       We fell hard, and we fell fast,                                          but, somewhere deep down…

                                             we knew it wouldn’t last.

[i-suffer-from-aviophobia-deacti]

I'm Coming Home

[tooktheplanet]

Leonard shook his head slowly. “Well…” he started off. “It’s understandable why they need you to stay if they’re lacking teachers. Maybe it’d be best if you stayed for now.” He admitted, his eyes glanced to Joanna who was eating quietly with her head down.

“It’s alright for now.” He stated. “Besides… it not really that bad.”

Yet. He added mentally.

Leonard set his gaze somewhere in the middle of the kitchen table. He didn’t want Jocelyn to lose her job because of him. He didn’t want to hinder her from what she’d started herself. This was good for her… it was good for Joanna to see her mother working hard to provide for them. Len didn’t want to cause that to change.

“Everything will be okay.” He stated, more or less to himself. Leonard stood, moving to kiss the top of Joanna’s head as he put a hand on Jocelyn’s shoulder before moving slowly out of the kitchen and towards the stairs to go back up towards the bedroom.

His plate remained, seeming to look as if he hadn’t even began to put a dent in it.

   She sat quietly as Leonard walked off, leaving most of his breakfast on the table. Jocelyn didn’t have the energy to fight the man about it. It was just food, she told herself. He’ll eat if he wants to.

She didn’t agree with him. It’s really was that bad -- or at least, it would be soon. The man was DYING and there was little she could do -- even less if she was to spend seven hours a day at work, leaving Len at home, alone, with no friends or family for company. What if something happened to him when she wasn’t there? A heart attack, a seizure, a stroke... There wasn’t an excess of information available about xenopolycythemia; Jocelyn had no idea how the disease could affect him, what complications could occur.

    No. Jocelyn wasn’t going to sit around and let this happen. She was going to be by his side whenever she could, even if it meant giving up her job; if the board was so desperate for teaching staff, then there shouldn’t be a massive amount of difficulty in regaining her former position once everything was settled. Always responsible with her money, she had plenty of credits in savings that would easily support the three of them for a couple of months, longer if she was careful with her expenditure. It wouldn’t be easy, but Joce couldn’t remember the last time her life had truly been easy.

Finishing breakfast with a sigh, she cleared the table and left the dishes on the bench. Joanna was ready for school, and the pair left without further bothering Leonard, the slam of the front door the only goodbye she was willing to give.

[tooktheplanet]

“Well, if they’re anything like how I was, they will.” Jo shot back. After all, she spent almost a full year avoiding her daddy once. The situation with her sisters was different, but it still hurt and made her fearful.

“Your father and I... We put you through a lot when we divorced, but any animosity between the two of you was my fault, not yours. Looking back, I didn’t do enough to keep my feelings about Leonard from influencing your perceptions of your father --- something I know you struggled to deal with when it was all over.”

         “Your sisters, on the other hand, have only ever heard positive things about your work on the Enterprise. And up until they heard you were coming home for a little while, they were completely fine with the whole thing. Excited, even.” A hesitant pause. “Have you considered that they might just be... scared? You’ve gone out and done so much. Maybe they’re afraid that you don’t think they’re enough for you.”

[hellfitebound]

                                                                    Be that beast,                                                    be that monster in their nightmares,                                                            don’t let anyone stop you.                                                                  not even yourself.

[i-suffer-from-aviophobia-deacti]

I'm Coming Home

[tooktheplanet]

‘Mad?’

Why would he get mad? What had Jocelyn done? If she’d never had his full attention in their whole lives she had it now.

’…I asked about taking some leave from work until you recover.’

Leonard let out a slow breath he’d been holding, he was-… relieved actually. He hadn’t outright admitted it, but he hated the thought of her and Joanna leaving for hours at a day’s time, only coming home to Leonard who had more than likely spent the day waiting for them since he’d realized and knew that he didn’t have the strength to do anything while the were gone.

“I’m not mad.” He stated simply, looking to Jocelyn.

'Actually, I’m relieved.’ He thought to himself.

He sat back in his chair.

“Did the board approve?” He asked.

Once more Leonard defied her expectations, an indication of how little she really knew him and a testament to how much space and Starfleet had changed the man seated across from her. She noticed the shift in his demeanor, the slow breath that escaped through his dry lips. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

            It was a shame, then, that her request for leave had been denied on the grounds of a lack of other teachers from the county who were able to take over her classes for an indefinite period of time in addition to balance their own work load.

         “--- No, but I’m going to talk to the superintendent. Try and push the family emergency card.”

              “And if that doesn’t work, I’ll have to resign.” At this point, she didn’t feel like she had any other choice.

[tooktheplanet]

Jo didn’t see how her stepfather played into this. She cared for him of course, but they were far from close. He tried just a little too much, cared just a little too much. Jo did her best to be pleasant and kind, more so when her sisters were around. If they weren’t, Jo didn’t mind too much if they argued.

“You can tell Clay whatever you like.” Jo said with a shrug of her shoulders. Her concern was with her sisters not her stepfather. “I’ll…I’ll tell the girls tonight. I really don’t know how. They’re gonna ask when I’m coming back and I’m not gonna have a good answer.”

          She tries her best to keep herself cool, calm and collected, teeth grinding against each other behind closed lips at Joanna’s disrespect for the man who treated her as if she was one of his own. Clay wasn’t perfect -- a fact that Joce was not hesitant to admit -- but she had thought Joanna would at least have the courtesy to tell her stepfather in person, rather than have Jocelyn pass the message along. 

               “The best answer you can give them is the truth. If you don’t know when you’re coming back, don’t give them a timeframe. Just reassure them that you will be back.” 

[tooktheplanet]

“Yes, it is!” Jo sniffed, turning to look at her mom. “I left! And…and now they won’t even look at me.”

       “They’re stubborn, there’s no doubt about that, but they love you too much to hold it against you for long.” It was true that Jamie and Jenessa had been avoiding Joanna, but they would realise soon enough that avoiding their older sister was a waste of time, or so Jocelyn hoped. 

[about-usa]

Atlanta - Georgia - USA (by b k) 

[tooktheplanet]

'jesus fucking christ.'

@spacehated | three word starters meme; accepting 

       “– Leonard?” An arm reaches out to grip the edge of the door frame as she stumbles forward slightly, swaying on her feet. It’s after two in the morning and the scent of wine is no doubt thick on Jocelyn’s breath after hours spent in the company of a bottle of a sweet red – or maybe two. But she’s not here without cause, drunken determination leading her to throw reason out the window in favor of regrettable actions that somehow seem justifiable to her intoxicated mind. 

              “… It’s our anniversary.” Jocelyn mumbles, looking up to meet her ex-husband’s eyes. 

[tooktheplanet]

“i ruined everything.”

@joannaxmccoy​ | three word starters meme; accepting

          “Oh baby, this wasn’t your fault. Not in the slightest.” Joce wraps an arm around her daughters shoulders, resting her cheek on top of Joanna’s hair. “Everything is going to work out just fine. You’ve just gotta give it some time.”

[rpmusings-galore]

      ——— I’м noт USED тo people ѕтιcĸιng aroυnd wнen тнιngѕ go  B A D.

[tooktheplanet]

“Because you fell in love. People do crazy things when they’re in love.”  He admitted. Perhaps she was right. What if she was right about everything.. That this was a mistake? That this was not supposed to happen? …At the same time, perhaps this WAS supposed to happen? Perhaps this hello wasn’t going to end in goodbye, but in a beginning to a future? Know one knows… No one ever knows.

Ocean eyes watched the blonde in front of him take off her coat and sit back down at the table. The motions made his heart relax in his chest , causing him to shift in his seat.

“Did I join Starfleet on a gut feeling? No…” He chuckled softly, looking down into his water glass. “No.. I joined on a dare. My Dad was a Captain for less than twelve minutes and saved hundreds of lives, including mine and my mother’s. “He looked up from his glass to meet her gaze, “I was dared to do better. “

    Jim was right; Jocelyn had married Leonard because she was in love. They had a child together because Jocelyn loved her husband enough to put her body through nine months of hell to bring Joanna into the world. But it had also been so easy to fall out of love the moment things started to become difficult. The thought irks her, a feeling of uneasiness rising in her chest and she takes a sip of wine from the glass in front of her in an attempt to quash it. 

She listens intently as he talks about his father’s legacy. Joce was only a little girl when the USS Kelvin had been destroyed, and she very vaguely remembered hearing of the fate of its captain, George Kirk. A starship being destroyed wasn’t an overly uncommon occurrence, but the heroic sacrifice made by the captain of the Kelvin had not been forgotten by history -- though she had always assumed some of it had been sensationalized for the tabloids.  

Jocelyn carefully returns her wine glass to its former position next to her empty dinner plate, her lips forming a soft smile at his last remark.

                “That’s quite the standard to live up to, but it seems like you’re up for the challenge.”

[tooktheplanet]

“Yes, Jocelyn. I’m his boss. Right now, though… Right now, I’m just Jim Kirk. Someone who would rather not think about work when he’s on Shore Leave. But you’re right, okay? You’re right.. It’s a little weird… “ Leave it to him to have a dinner go south because natural chemistry got in the way… Dammit, Jim can’t you do anything right?

“You don’t know if you’ll regret something if you don’t take the chance to regret it. Jocelyn, haven’t you ever just done something because it’s not based on logic but based on a gut feeling?”

         "--- How do you think I ended up married at 20 and pregnant at 22?” Jocelyn doesn’t regret her marriage, or her daughter, but--- maybe if she and Leonard hadn’t rushed into things, she wouldn’t have been a divorced single mom by the time she was in her mid-twenties. He’s right, though. How can she be sure that she’ll have regrets unless she takes the risk? For all she knows, she could be missing out on the best night of her life. Besides, Jim’s attractive, and if it doesn’t work out, she won’t have to worry about things being awkward; the man spends most of his time in deep space, for one.

Making her decision, she takes off her coat and sits back down at the table across from him with a small sigh. 

          “Is that why you joined Starfleet? A gut feeling?”

[tooktheplanet]

“It may have been a mistake, but sometimes in life we make mistakes.” He said, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t leave… Please..?”

    “--- You’re my ex-husbands boss. I was married to your medical officer. Isn’t that--- weird?” She shrugs his hand from her shoulder, uncomfortable with where things are leading. This was just supposed to be a friendly dinner, a conversation over a meal and a couple of drinks to sate the man’s curiosity. 

   “Jim, you seem like a great guy, but I really don’t want either of us to do anything we might regret.”

[tooktheplanet]

"Don't you dare" // :')

@nonnoceree | three word starters meme; accepting

“— Daren’t I?”

          “You can’t tell me what to do, Leonard; I’m not your wife anymore.”

[tooktheplanet]

"Please don't go."

@ducitstella | three word starters meme; accepting

      “— I don’t know why you invited me here in the first place. This was— a mistake.”

[musingmemes]

three word starters pt. 2

“don’t you dare.”

“look at me.”

“just forget it.”

“i’m not mad.”

“you’re being mean.”

“what a mess.”

“you are perfect.”

“jesus fucking christ.”

“you’ll be okay.”

“take a seat.”

“don’t let go.”

“oh my god.”

“you’re the worst.”

“you’re my favorite.”

“i ruined everything.”

“you ruined everything.”

“just trust me.”

“i’m not drunk.”

“i feel lost.”

“i’m so alone.”

“you’re not alone.”

“hold onto me.”

“just come here.”

“stay the night.”

“please just go.”

“please don’t go.”