Too old Artist

I’m a 35-year-old want-to-be artist whose low self-esteem keeps stopping from creating things and living an interesting life. I’ve decided to create a blog where I can share my thoughts and work without being scared of negative comments. Maybe this will help me finally become an artist and live a more colorful life.

[toooldartist]

Central Museum of Textiles in Łódź

Another week completely without creative drive. I’m lacking inspiration, I’m lacking everything. Maybe I should finally understand the fact that I will never be an artist? I don’t know how to break this impasse.

I’ve always been drawn to textiles. As a child, I wanted to make carpets. After university, I took a sewing course. For the past few years, I’ve been doing embroidery — I’m self-taught, so in search of inspiration I went with G. to Łódź to visit the Textile Museum. It was wonderful, both the historical section and the temporary exhibition featuring works by contemporary artists. There is so much inspiration, so many interesting people in the world, and I have a corporate life and corporate friends. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to break out of the circle of work-related conversations.

A few photos from the museum:

[toooldartist]

Poor February

I haven’t created much in the past few weeks. Lately it’s been hard for me to create at all—to exercise, think about food, clean the house, read, anything really. And of course the worst part is work, which brings a lot of stressful situations. Many days I work overtime, and afterward I’m not in the mood to do anything. The best I can manage is going for a walk. Will I ever be able to find another job?

Today I finished embroidering a leaf. I don’t like the shading, though. I’ll need to fix it, but first I have to buy the right color of thread. Hopefully it can look better.

On Saturday we went to the National Museum in Warsaw because I wanted to see Olga Boznańska’s paintings. I felt a bit disappointed—there weren’t many of them. Still, I bought a notebook with one of her paintings, so at least I took something nice home.

Some paintings that catched my eye:

Władysław Podkowiński

Jan Stanisławski

Ferdynard Ruszczyc "Soil"

I love this painting. The sky is stunning.

A brooch inspired by Polish folkolre

Winter doesn’t seem to want to leave Poland. I did see goldfinches, though! My camera isn’t very good, but at least I have a keepsake.

To cheer myself up, I bought the first jonquils of the year.

Fingers crossed that next week will be more creative.

[toooldartist]

Starting 2026

The last two weeks weren’t full of art, unfortunately. I had horrible and stressful days at work and many doctor’s visits, but I still managed to create something.

Just for inspiration, I went to an antique market that was very far from where I live. It was –15°C outside, and the trip took about two hours one way by bus and on foot. I was really cold, but once I arrived, I understood it was worth it. So many beautiful objects, so much inspiration. I wonder whether living in a home surrounded by beautiful furniture and décor with a “soul” influences our well-being.

I bought six stunning glasses. I love their leaf-like stems!

For the past few months, I’ve been thinking that I’d love to become an artist who creates pieces inspired by Polish folklore and Polish wildflowers. I started working on a necklace that combines silversmithing and embroidery. At first, I wanted to make a flat embroidered bird, but now I’m considering 3D stumpwork instead. The silversmithing part is almost finished, but I haven’t started the embroidery yet.

I also started my first embroidered flower (out of three planned). I decided to try the Water Lilies from Trish Burr’s book. It’s progressing very slowly, but I’m satisfied so far. I’ve completed only the stems and one bud.

[toooldartist]

Year 2025 seen through my attempts to create artistic things. Eight embroidery projects, including my very first 3d project. My first experiences with watercolors and acrylic markers resulted in a few not-so-pretty paintings - hope I won’t get discouraged and that, with time, they will keep getting better. This year was meant to be full of completed jewelry projects, but I only managed to finish four. Despite the small number of attempts at improving my skills, I’m glad I tried new things. I wish myself and all unfulfilled artists that 2026 will be a year full of inspiration, growing creativity, beautiful places, and inspiring people.

[toooldartist]

I finally completed a set of jewelry I’ve been working on for months. I don’t remember the last time I finished something else. My low self-esteem has been stopping me from creating anything—jewelry, paintings, embroidery, etc. In 2026, I want to create more, spend time around nature and art, and meet interesting people. I’m 35, and the feeling that I’m wasting my life is happening more and more often.