how do i leave my abuser?
obviously for everyone its going to be different but here are some tips that worked for me! it might not work for everyone, and everyones situation is completely different, and were all different people.
I also want to point out, if you dont leave your abuser or you go back, you did not fail and that it is okay, its so hard to leave them.
so heres some tips i have from my exp
1) write down everything they do to you ( it doesnt matter if you think its stupid, if it hurts you, write it down, u can add dates if you want) i find writing down helped me when i would assume he was going to be good again, but that would be my rock to remember he was awful.
2) I feel like this ads onto step 1 but try to understand about trauma bonding, and how it affects your brain. Its basically like stockholm syndrome
3) try to learn their schedule, know when they will be gone ( i know this isnt always possible) but this can help you. if you can make a break for it then, do it.
4) i suggest if you can, reach out to a friend, support group system, family, etc and tell them whats happening. using code works can help too, so if you are in danger you can text or call someone and use the word but this doesnt always help or work.
5) another thing is to get all your important papers if you have them: bank cards, ID cards, SIN cards, birth certificate. Anything that has value that cant really be replaced, try to get them all together and have them in safe place.
6) try to leave as quickly, as you can. it really depends on you, and what you think you can handle. if you're able to just leave your house/apartment/etc, do it. But sometimes you need to contact people for an escape plan.
7)stay somewhere where they wont know you are. You dont want them to come find you, and its better to find a place where they cant find you, or wont know where you are but obvs i know this isnt always the case and not everyone has a place to go to. There should be local domestic violence or shelters that you can stay at (although this may be different depending on location)
8) block them, and dont respond. you have to cut contact with them, its like a drug and it will hurt like a fucking bitch, but i promise you, it will be so fucking worth it. there will be a day, where you will realize what truly happened, and its goings to hurt, but it will be so much better than them hurting you.
if they hit you, they will try to kill you one day. <-- i remember a detective saying this, and it stuck with me.
-everyones story is different, everyones abuse is different, and this is just as general as I can get because I don't know your story.
-if you can, get police involved but just know this can add to a whole lot more stuff, and can be scary.
-dont listen to their sob story. it doesnt matter, your safety matters
-getting a secondary phone or a new phone is a great way to stay safe, and i also suggest changing your social media to all private, and maybe going by an alias.
-change passwords. I remember my ex hacked into my facebook to find where i was.
-try to not disclose any info where you are, if youre afraid for your life/
-making a google drive account and uploading proof is also a good thing to do! or keeping on an usb
-also if you drive, check for gps tracker on your car, i know some abusers do this.
also have grace for urself. you arent a bad person, you arent what they said you are, it wasnt your fault.
if no one believes you, you must believe yourself.
omg okay that was a long ass answer, and i know it was generic! but i hope this helps you, or anyone else!
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